I've been "away" for about a month now, but am back and ready to get my chops back up.
Unfortunately, on Oct 15th my father, who was suffering from severe cluster headaches (more severe than migranes), took his own life to escape the pain. He had tried everything, and had been going to doctors for decades in an attempt to ditch the headaches.
I got to see him this August for my wedding. My father and I were VERY close. He was my best friend, my mentor, and my introduction to music. At his house, you'd never catch the TV just "on", but he was always playing music. From Bob Marley, to Jimi Hendrix, and Zappa to Jazz.....he loved it all. His cd collection is up to 1000+.
When I was about 5, I would teach myself the melody lines to songs like "frosty the snowman", and wait until he got home to play them for him. He was astounded that I could teach myself melody lines by ear, and memorize and play them back to him. That's when he got me my first guitar, and put me in (crappy) lessons to get me started.
My dad ALWAYS loved me, and ALWAYS told me how proud he was of me. I tried not to take that for granted, but it was hard because he always supported me. He would give me "advice", rather than tell me what to do, and he would trust me enough to let me make my own mistakes.
When I was getting bullied in kindergarted, he taught me how to fight. Then, he taught me how and when to use it. He told me that he trusted my judgment, but warned me NEVER to get caught BEING the bully. With his advice, the next day, I warned my big bully not to touch me anymore "or else"..... he kept at it, and I dropped that big guy with one punch!!! "What'd you do THAT for?!" he asked, through tears, as I looked at my own clenched fist with a new-found respect for the man that taught me how to defend myself.
He taught me to respect women, and fight for what is good. He taught me the importance of a firm handshake, and being on-time.
He was always there for others. Giving, even when he had little, he would help those in need within his community. His selflessness was a reminder to others. Though I am not religious, he "walked the walk" while many around him simply "talked the talk".
I cannot describe the shock. The emptiness. Sometimes I'm "ok" and I think everything will be alright....other times, I just want to cry until my eyes explode and burn everything and everyone down around me. Regardless, I can't change a thing.... and that's probably good, because if it were up to me I would give damn near anything to have him back.
And, not surprisingly, I haven't practiced much this month. Just enough to keep up with my projects, really. I could tell that my hand strength "backslid" quite a bit, when I played a show with EMULATOR this last saturday. Luckily, I still played an excellent show despite being a bit less "technically apt" at this point. In fact, it seems as if the only time my spirit lifts completely, is when I'm playing music. Almost all other times, it feels "awkward" to smile anymore....but being on stage (in a Mario costume, with finger mounted led light beams) really gave me a chance to transcend my current reality for a bit.
![Attached Image](https://www.guitarmasterclass.net/guitar_forum/uploads/monthly_10_2012/post-14316-1351715734.jpg)
To the man who gave me music, and my first Nintendo!! Alfredo Rodriguez Jr. (far left, Lucy Rodriguez my stepmother, Claire my wife, and myself Gabriel/"Derper") I will never forget you. But now, it's time for me to move on and get my chops up again......because this weak hand of mine is starting to frustrate me!