Help With Lyrics !, Final Sacrifice, please help me with spelling ;) |
GMC Forum > Discussion Boards > VINTAGE GMC > Community Activities and Tutorials > Ask an Instructor > More instructors > Juan M Valero
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Oct 4 2007, 10:26 PM
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FINAL SACRIFICE:
Your time has gone... Verse 1: Long time ago, when I was just young, all was in peace but today I cannot see, my soul seems to prefer blindness That's what you've got Bridge: All the seas now are dry you cannot see the brightness of the light All the trees now are dead it's the end of time Chorus: Your time has gone it's the Final Sacrifice you feel alone, you're gonna die (repeat) time has gone Verse 2: Look around, the world is a crazy land, a dangerous ground it's too late to change this place, it's your gloomy fate that burns you lose all control Repeat bridge and chorus ----- Hey Juan, Looks like a cool set of lyrics - only one spelling mistake I noticed, but I changed a couple of lines a little so that they read better - of course that my harm the timing so take this as suggestions and a first step - hope this is helpful! This post has been edited by Andrew Cockburn: Oct 4 2007, 10:26 PM -------------------- Check out my Instructor profile
Live long and prosper ... My Stuff: Electric Guitars : Ibanez Jem7v, Line6 Variax 700, Fender Plus Strat with 57/62 Pickups, Line6 Variax 705 Bass Acoustic Guitars : Taylor 816ce, Martin D-15, Line6 Variax Acoustic 300 Nylon Effects : Line6 Helix, Keeley Modded Boss DS1, Keeley Modded Boss BD2, Keeley 4 knob compressor, Keeley OxBlood Amps : Epiphone Valve Jnr & Head, Cockburn A.C.1, Cockburn A.C.2, Blackstar Club 50 Head & 4x12 Cab |
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Oct 4 2007, 11:29 PM
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QUOTE (Juan M. Valero @ Oct 4 2007, 06:19 PM)  Thanks Andrew !!! well, I'd like to ask you some questions  Can I change the word positions in a poetry ?? it means if I can change the verb to the first position and the subject to the end of the sentence. For instance: "blind prefer to seem my soul" (or "blind seems to prefer my soul") I ask it because I'd like that the last word in this sentence was "soul" And in "brightness of the light" I think it sounds better "brightness of light" (without "the"), is it correct ? Thanks !!!!  Sure, the first one could be "blindness seems to prefer my soul", and "brightness of light" should work fine - "you cannot see the brightness of light" reads well 
-------------------- Check out my Instructor profile
Live long and prosper ... My Stuff: Electric Guitars : Ibanez Jem7v, Line6 Variax 700, Fender Plus Strat with 57/62 Pickups, Line6 Variax 705 Bass Acoustic Guitars : Taylor 816ce, Martin D-15, Line6 Variax Acoustic 300 Nylon Effects : Line6 Helix, Keeley Modded Boss DS1, Keeley Modded Boss BD2, Keeley 4 knob compressor, Keeley OxBlood Amps : Epiphone Valve Jnr & Head, Cockburn A.C.1, Cockburn A.C.2, Blackstar Club 50 Head & 4x12 Cab |
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Oct 4 2007, 11:54 PM
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If you were putting the words 'blind prefer to seem my soul' out of order to force the verse to rhyme or scan it would be a form of doggerel Juan. TBH I actually like it like that but then I like poetry generally
.Cheers, Tony -------------------- Get your music professionally mastered by anl AES registered Mastering Engineer. Contact me for Audio Mastering Services and Advice and visit our website www.miromastering.com
Be friends on facebook with us here. We use professional, mastering grade hardware in our mastering studo. Our hardware includes: Cranesong Avocet II Monitor Controller, Dangerous Music Liasion Insert Hardware Router, ATC SCM Pro Monitors, Lavry Black DA11, Prism Orpheus ADC/DAC, Gyratec Gyraf XIV Parallel Passive Mastering EQ, Great River MAQ 2NV Mastering EQ, Kush Clariphonic Parallel EQ Shelf, Maselec MLA-2 Mastering Compressor, API 2500 Mastering Compressor, Eventide Eclipse Reverb/Echo. |
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Oct 5 2007, 01:10 AM
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I don't sing so don't know which is easier and what make something easier to sing.
In poetry you generally don't place emphasis on the last word in a line. Changing the order of words can let you put an emphasis that wouldn't otherwise be there: ALL the leaves are green, AND the sky is grey To be or not to be: THAT is the question God in HIS wisdom Created the fly And THEN forgot To tell us why (Ogden Nash) ALL the seas NOW are dry and so on. Nonetheless I haven't a clue if it's singable that way round. So as Davidian says it might be a good idea to try both ways and see which is more comfortable for you to sing Juan. Cheers, Tony -------------------- Get your music professionally mastered by anl AES registered Mastering Engineer. Contact me for Audio Mastering Services and Advice and visit our website www.miromastering.com
Be friends on facebook with us here. We use professional, mastering grade hardware in our mastering studo. Our hardware includes: Cranesong Avocet II Monitor Controller, Dangerous Music Liasion Insert Hardware Router, ATC SCM Pro Monitors, Lavry Black DA11, Prism Orpheus ADC/DAC, Gyratec Gyraf XIV Parallel Passive Mastering EQ, Great River MAQ 2NV Mastering EQ, Kush Clariphonic Parallel EQ Shelf, Maselec MLA-2 Mastering Compressor, API 2500 Mastering Compressor, Eventide Eclipse Reverb/Echo. |
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Oct 5 2007, 02:00 AM
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Well you already have part of the verb tense with 'gonna' (going to) Juan putting in the 'are' just tidies up the progressive. If you miss it out you might need a slight pause between singing the 'All the trees' and 'gonna die' - which to me could sound kind of nice.
Cheers, Tony -------------------- Get your music professionally mastered by anl AES registered Mastering Engineer. Contact me for Audio Mastering Services and Advice and visit our website www.miromastering.com
Be friends on facebook with us here. We use professional, mastering grade hardware in our mastering studo. Our hardware includes: Cranesong Avocet II Monitor Controller, Dangerous Music Liasion Insert Hardware Router, ATC SCM Pro Monitors, Lavry Black DA11, Prism Orpheus ADC/DAC, Gyratec Gyraf XIV Parallel Passive Mastering EQ, Great River MAQ 2NV Mastering EQ, Kush Clariphonic Parallel EQ Shelf, Maselec MLA-2 Mastering Compressor, API 2500 Mastering Compressor, Eventide Eclipse Reverb/Echo. |
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Oct 5 2007, 02:02 AM
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QUOTE (Juan M. Valero @ Oct 4 2007, 08:46 PM) is the rhyme ok ?? and it's correct "all the trees gonna die" or I need to put the verb : "all the trees ARE gonna die" The second is more correct but the first would work if you need it to scan that way, so yes it would be fine IMO -------------------- Check out my Instructor profile
Live long and prosper ... My Stuff: Electric Guitars : Ibanez Jem7v, Line6 Variax 700, Fender Plus Strat with 57/62 Pickups, Line6 Variax 705 Bass Acoustic Guitars : Taylor 816ce, Martin D-15, Line6 Variax Acoustic 300 Nylon Effects : Line6 Helix, Keeley Modded Boss DS1, Keeley Modded Boss BD2, Keeley 4 knob compressor, Keeley OxBlood Amps : Epiphone Valve Jnr & Head, Cockburn A.C.1, Cockburn A.C.2, Blackstar Club 50 Head & 4x12 Cab |
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Dec 10 2007, 10:19 PM
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Oh my God, you have done a great work !!!! I like lot of the changes that you have done, unfortunately other changes don't work in this song, but are great.
Please can you listen the song ?? here is the link: https://www.guitarmasterclass.net/guitar_fo...?showtopic=9292 Yeah, thanks for your explanation, I will write more lyrics, so I like you help me in that work (I know I write veeeery baaad)... and if you like writing please give me some lyrics and I try to do the song =) -------------------- |
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Dec 10 2007, 10:37 PM
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Are you sure ?? I feel more stupid every day !!!
 BTW thanks for your coment hehe
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Dec 11 2007, 02:28 AM
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Your english has improved five fold than your first lesson, you sure have enthusiasm so if you keep at it at the forums, you'll be talking circles around me in no time.
The arrangement was very good, it reminds me of Leaves Eyes somewhat. I keep trying to make suggestions but in the end I keep coming back to "The Final Countdown" by Europe. The one I did come back with was some sort of swell after the solo almost like another verse where everything is kind of brought to a pinnacle before you kick in to the last chorus. If you've not heard of Leaves' Eyes, you should check them out, they have a similar sound to what it sounds like you're going for. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea...iendID=30545763 That is their myspace profile . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXHEKptrweA Farewell Proud Men https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XbctRM2mvg...feature=related Elegy <--- This one is more in the vein of what yours sounds like. I'd be happy to help you write songs if you like. I'm not motivated enough to sit down and really come up with my own concepts for lyrics and stuff, but you're welcome to bounce ideas off me and I'll help you flesh them out. If you even just provide a theme you're going for I'll pen you some lyrics that you can use as you see fit. So feel free to shoot me a PM or something, I just happened across this thread because I got curious what guitar you were using in a video
-------------------- "King V" enthusiast
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