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Posted by: Gitarrero Oct 25 2010, 09:42 AM

Hi guys,
maybe some of you have realised that my activity in the forum has slowed down a lot in the last two weeks.
I was having trouble with my girlfriend, and yesterday she told me that she needs a break and we have to break up, for a while or forever, who can say that now.
I have just moved into her place two months ago and given up everything I had, now I have to live at my mom's place for a while and try to get a decent life. To be honest, I don't know how that is supposed to work...
We have been together for more than 9 years, and I was already making plans to ask her to marry me. And now this...she says she needs some time for herself, to see who she really is as a grown-up person (we got together when we were barely 20).
It hit me so hard, I'll start a psychotherapy and have to take meds at the moment.
I will try to become more active here again, hope it will help me clear my head and cheer up after some time.
Just had to get it off my chest.

Christian

Posted by: MickeM Oct 25 2010, 10:02 AM

Sorry to hear that
Try to cheer up, there's no saying what the future holds for you. Most likely it's something good as soon as you find the strength to go on with your life.

Posted by: Marek Rojewski Oct 25 2010, 10:03 AM

I would advice not to take meds and start psychotherapy yet. Being totally "down" for a week-few weeks isn't something that "unnatural", I think trying to solve the problem/live with it for a while isn't a bad thing. If nothing happens and things are not getting better, than searching for outside help is good, but maybe it isn't that necessary. Sorry if it is offending to You in any way, it definitely isn't my goal.

Posted by: Gitarrero Oct 25 2010, 10:07 AM

Hi Marek,
you're not offending me. I decided to start psychotherapy because I had some psychological problems in the past that were also solved by psychotherapy, plus I am a pretty fragile person with a low self esteem (though nobody would think that about me...), so it is definitely necessary to get a therapy, otherwise things will completely fall apart for me. I see what is going on in my mind, and I really don't like it.

Posted by: Marek Rojewski Oct 25 2010, 10:12 AM

Eh I see. The good thing is that therapy worked for You once, so most probably it will be the same this time. So good luck, and take care!

Posted by: emirb Oct 25 2010, 10:47 AM

That's really nothing I would wish for anyone.. Been there once and I know how it feels(felt for me at least). One thing is for sure, you will go on with your life, and thing will sort out. Bad part is that it takes time..
All the best mate!!

Posted by: Chris Evans Oct 25 2010, 11:07 AM

sad news but chin up mate, some counselling if you feel you need it will certainly help get things into perspective, just in my opinion meds can confuse and cloud issues, better to get things out in your counselling sessions than have them rear up later on.

It all takes time to heal, these things can certainly have a big impact, your guitar is a great avenue to escape and you have friends here that you can always talk to.

good luck and hope you start to feel stronger soon

Posted by: Sollesnes Oct 25 2010, 11:36 AM

I hope things will brighten up for you. Good luck

Posted by: maharzan Oct 25 2010, 11:40 AM

The best med is to learn to let it go. While I haven't been in that long relationship, I was too obsessed with a girl I loved and it felt perfect. But as everything, it came to and end and took me 2 good years to overcome. I still miss the good times we had had in the short time but not everything / everyone can be yours forever. You have to let it go so you can start fresh and continue. Good luck mate. I think everyone goes with that phase and the question is just how fast you can let it go. Concentrating more on other things like (guitar for me) is definitely a plus. Write some songs!

Lifes like that! The more precious one you lose, the harder it gets to let it go. But the truth is if you get someone / something, one day you will lose it, in whatever form it might be.

Posted by: thefireball Oct 25 2010, 12:06 PM

We wish you well. Good luck.

Posted by: Lian Gerbino Oct 25 2010, 02:21 PM

man, I can't believe it. very sad news
as the others said, I would recommend to not take any meds right now.
these things happen, so, don't give up. you are so young and you have a great future. if this relationship came to an end, let it go. I know it hurts, I REALLY know! so, try to spent some time with your friends and family, here, with your guitar, with you.

you have to know that you are not alone.

Be strong!

Posted by: Fran Oct 25 2010, 04:08 PM

That sucks man. Sorry to hear

Life is unpredictable. That's why it sucks so bad, in my opinion. Then again, one out of ten times it brings something good, so stay tuned, something nice ight be around the corner. When things go wrong I like to tell myself that things happen for a reason.

Posted by: Adrian Figallo Oct 25 2010, 05:05 PM

Hey dude, i'm so sorry to hear that man, but dude, you are single again man!!, that's sad and happy at the same time, now it is YOUR time man, no more asking before something, do what you want, and i know the bed might feel empty been myself 8 years in a relationship, i thought i LOVED her, but hey one month after i met my real love and i couldn't be happier.

Please brother, don't take any anti anxiety or something like that, been there too, i'm nervous too, but that wont solve a thing dude, live your depression it wont last forever.

Hear to good music, watch a lot of comedy, for me the office and family guy works perfect! even if you don't feel like doing it, IT HELPS, and mostly, play that guitar.. you are going to go to the shrink just to say whatever you are unable to say right now, you just need a little bit of expression, play that guitar it will do wonders, never underestimate the magic power of the music.

just my two cents here, i know how it's like to loose everything overnight, but thank god or whatever you believe in for having your mother, music, and all your friends, hope to be somewhere in that list!

Posted by: Kristian Hyvarinen Oct 25 2010, 05:14 PM

Man, I know that hurts. I haven't been there, maybe halfway there but not even close, and I know it hurts. If you want to share your feelings (more than you already have), feel free to PM or anything, it's alright for me. The whole GMC's here for you, man.

I'd say, take it easy and let time do the rest. But that's just me, no-one can really be there except you yourself.

Courage, man.

- Kristian

EDIT: About the meds - I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to take them. They can help people through the worst - though sometimes the only way is to go through the worst, sooner or later. Do whatever feels good: if you believe the meds will ease your life even just a bit, it might just be a good idea.

Posted by: Rik Veldhuizen Oct 25 2010, 05:54 PM

Good luck, Christian. Of course things will get better, in hindsight things aren't so bad, etc. But for now, it just sucks... On the other hand, Adrian has a point...

Posted by: Daniel Realpe Oct 25 2010, 05:59 PM

I agree with Adrian. Value your singlehood now. You are free to get to know cool new people and girls. The truth is there are millions of worthy girls out there.

Let go, and even if you get back together that will help a lot in the relation as well.

Posted by: Ben Higgins Oct 25 2010, 07:14 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that Christian. I can only imagine how you feel right now. However, I'm really heartened by how supportive everybody else is here, they've all said some excellent things and at the very least, you know that you don't have to go through it alone.

The only things I can say for sure, from my own experience.. is when life has dealt me change, it's because I was ready to grow in some way. (although it doesn't feel like it at the time !) The important thing you need to do, is to open your self to change and try not to hold onto to what was. I think we are all afraid of change (I know I am) but after we push through the fear and accept things, we are a lot stronger than before. Also, it's not 100% that it is over between you and her. The relationship is shifting in some way, but it remains to be seen yet what it will shift to. Either way, to preserve your sanity and avoid getting stuck in a rut, you have to accept the uncertainty of the future and not hold onto to the past.. because although change is upsetting and scary, it means you are not standing still in the world. It means you're growing as a human being. Please trust me on this, I know it to be true.

I agree with the above posts about meds.. try not to automatically rely on them when you're feeling vulnerable. But I do believe that talking to somebody you can trust (whether a psychiatrist or friend) is incredibly important. And also, don't forget to check in here and let us know how you are, it will give you something to look forward to ! Oh, and of course.. the guitar !!! It's so important for us humans to have purpose - a reason to get up in the morning. Without it, we don't feel there's any point in getting out of bed. Hold onto your purpose and it will carry you through anything !! All our best wishes are with you !!

Posted by: playaxeman Oct 25 2010, 09:00 PM

Hi Christian,

Sad to hear this. If she is the right one for you she will be back.

Me and my wife broke up a couple of times hid me hard also what you win will makes you stronger. And still everything turned on okay. So cheer up and use this time to play a lot and make a song off , this will cheer you up you will see.

Posted by: Mudbone Oct 26 2010, 12:53 AM

Hey Christian, believe it or not, this is actually a blessing in disguise. It is hard to no longer be with someone you've been with for so long, but you will meet someone that will make you totally forget about her. Having your heart broken helps you with your next relationship, because it matures you in a way nothing else can.

Theres plenty of other women out there, I've been to Germany, and theres a lot of good looking women there that are really kind. Just whatever you do, try not to dwell on this, you gain nothing by stressing your self out.

As far as the medications, stay clear of antidepressants, such as Zoloft and Paxil, as they can cause some serious mental disorders. Once you start taking them, they're really hard to come off from. If you forget to take your medication for one day you will have a mental breakdown. Antidepressants effect your natural seratonin levels and not taking your daily dose completely throws everything off.Once you start taking antidepressants, your body depends on it to maintain seratonin levels. Also, heres the real downer, antidepressants, especially Zoloft, diminish your ability to experience an orgasm. I don't know if this is GMC friendly material, but I feel this is something you and everyone has to know.

I wish you the best of luck

Posted by: Adrian Figallo Oct 26 2010, 01:13 AM

QUOTE (Mudbone @ Oct 25 2010, 06:53 PM)

As far as the medications, stay clear of antidepressants, such as Zoloft and Paxil, as they can cause some serious mental disorders. Once you start taking them, they're really hard to come off from. If you forget to take your medication for one day you will have a mental breakdown. Antidepressants effect your natural seratonin levels and not taking your daily dose completely throws everything off.Once you start taking antidepressants, your body depends on it to maintain seratonin levels. Also, heres the real downer, antidepressants, especially Zoloft, diminish your ability to experience an orgasm. I don't know if this is GMC friendly material, but I feel this is something you and everyone has to know.

I wish you the best of luck

Posted by: Ivan Milenkovic Oct 26 2010, 01:59 AM

Take care man, life can be tough I had some hard times a while ago when broke up with girlfriend, and it took me some time to get over it. Now I met great girl, and life has changed for me. But back then, it was very hard for me. Time goes by, and you never know what will come tomorrow. Be strong, be patient, and honest to yourself, everything will be OK. I know it doesn't seem that way know, but just don't be self destructive. Try to live your life as normal as you can, and in time it will be better. Make no mistakes, it WILL be hard every day, but that is life. Just keep on living it, it will be better. Good luck bro.

Posted by: maharzan Oct 26 2010, 06:55 AM

And as Ivan said, a better girl is awaiting you!

Posted by: Gitarrero Oct 26 2010, 10:10 AM

Guys,
I can't thank you enough for your kind words, it really helps me to know there are so many people on this forum who actually care. Thank you for that.
I am still in the phase of thinking "everything will be fine, we'll come back together", and I had a long phone conversation with my girl yesterday. She also said she can't imagine a life without me, but that we both need a break so we can take care of our issues alone. As for me, I will have to work on my self esteem. I know that I have a university degree, I can play the guitar, girls say I look good, and two of my male friends have asked me to become their best man when they got married. But I often overlook that and feel small and insignificant. That is why I want to start a psychotherapy, and hopefully me and my girl will get back together in a couple of months. Still, I see this thought as a danger as well, cause if it doesn't happen these bad feelings I have now will start over again in a couple of months. I think I have to focus in living my life right now, meeting friends, go on with my private lessons with Adrian and write some songs.
As for the meds, I took your advice guys and will not take them for now. I am still able to get up in the morning a be kinda productive, so I will do some counseling first before taking meds.
Thanks again, your support means a lot to me!
Christian

Posted by: Artemus Oct 26 2010, 11:03 AM

Can't add much to what everyone else has said other than I too am sorry to hear about your sad news. It nice to see the support you have from everyone. One day, one moment at a time.. you'll get through it. Trust me, the broken heart can always be mended.

Posted by: maharzan Oct 26 2010, 11:59 AM

"everything will be fine, we'll come back together"

Thats a real bad thinking imho. It will hurt but don't think about it. Try getting over it really. If it didn't work now, this time will again come in future even if you guys are together. Then, it will hurt even more. I know you won't like me but its the truth. One of my friends had a compromise about similar situation and they got married but after a year, they broke up. The chances of getting together as before will be very slim. If you don't want to hurt yourself much, I think you should think ahead.

Common... get back to some jamming and stop looking at this thread.

Posted by: superize Oct 26 2010, 01:51 PM

I am really sorry to hear that man

Posted by: SensE Oct 26 2010, 03:49 PM

9 years is a long time and is not easy to get over with. I've been in to a long distance relationship for more than 5 years now. I'm not good in giving advise and I do not know what's the problem between you and her. Try to listen to her and understand in her stand point and perspective, and you might find the real solution. Don't give up, and win her heart back !

Posted by: Stephane Lucarelli Oct 30 2010, 12:32 PM

Really sad news Christian, take care man and keep the faith. The big wheel keeps on turning...

Posted by: Azzaboi Oct 30 2010, 07:06 PM

I don't know much, but I've heard all relationships will go through a few tough patchs, it's those which can survive through them that makes a relationship and true love stronger.

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours."

People need their space and time to think - don't be too clingly. When your together continuously (even best friends) you can get on each other's nerves and see each others flaws / habits (love or deal with them). Be true to who you are, but still remember that first time you fell in love. Build back on that.

Posted by: Todd Simpson Oct 31 2010, 12:12 PM

QUOTE (Gitarrero @ Oct 25 2010, 04:42 AM)