 Tiny Arrow, First "complete" poor effort |
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 Jun 20 2008, 05:31 PM
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#1
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 Learning Tone Seeker  Group: Members Posts: 1.543 Joined: 26-May 08 From: Lodz, Poland Member No.: 5.185  |
Tiny arrow
Flash of light, taste of wind Our spirit finally freed Looking forth into the sky we know now it's time to try We're sailing north, our hope is high I can see the land we so much strive Yet suddenly the wind laughs above the dream we seek, flew away like a dove Chorus: I was trying to find home Find a place were we could shone Tiny arrow show the way Show me were I go today We're sailing south, our hope is high Song of joy flickers in the sand What was song is now a storm "You're not welcome, you should go" Chorus: I was trying to find home Find a place were we could shone Tiny arrow show the way Show me were I go today You left me, my friend, alone I stand Not enough words could be spoken The hope, once ours, now broken Moon alone can see the tears Chorus: I was trying to find home Find a place were we could shone Tiny arrow show the way Show me were I go today I see a storm, white spear cuts the azure dome This is the place this is the time My ship struck by it, sights with relief this is the time, this is the place Blueness and nothing else around me I look at the compass in my hand [second voice between the main verses] hope and fear are my eyes the arrow dances, spinning round and round truly a reason to smile, home at last This is one of the three songs by me, that were ever complete. The other two were done earlier, and destroyed because I felt they were not good enough. I am not to comfortable with this one either, but decided to keep it, and share with You, maybe You will give me some clues how to improve. This song is sang slowly, the chorus is twice as fast as the verses, but not fast either. Any comments and criticism is welcome! This post has been edited by Marek Rojewski: Jun 20 2008, 05:33 PM -------------------- |
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Jun 20 2008, 05:33 PM
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#2
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 Singing Instructor  Group: GMC Instructor Posts: 3.391 Joined: 23-January 08 Member No.: 3.960 |
Looks good to me.Nice lyrics.
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Jun 20 2008, 05:45 PM
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#3
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 GMC Admin & Bass Instructor Group: GMC Instructor Posts: 14.039 Joined: 30-November 07 From: Belgrade, Serbia Member No.: 3.410 |
Very nice lyrics man!
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Jun 20 2008, 11:26 PM
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#4
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 Instructor Group: Passive Posts: 4.085 Joined: 19-October 07 From: middle east / lebanon Member No.: 3.084 |
nice and good start
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Jun 21 2008, 05:59 AM
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#5
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 Fire Up The Blades, Moderator  Group: GMC Senior Posts: 8.932 Joined: 6-March 07 From: St. Petersburg, Florida Member No.: 1.304 |
Not bad at all, The verses could use some slight restructuring, The rhyme scheme seems a little forced, And I would use something like "Mighty Arrow" other than Tiny Arrow.
Still for a first song, Its still pretty good. |
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Jun 21 2008, 08:36 AM
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#6
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Learning Tone Seeker Group: Members Posts: 1.543 Joined: 26-May 08 From: Lodz, Poland Member No.: 5.185 |
Thanks for the comment! The title is about the arrow in the compass, thats why it is "tiny"
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Jun 21 2008, 05:06 PM
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#7
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Fire Up The Blades, Moderator Group: GMC Senior Posts: 8.932 Joined: 6-March 07 From: St. Petersburg, Florida Member No.: 1.304 |
Haha, Now I see, Then never mind
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