for years been trying to fix bad habits with alt. pickingand boiled it down to
I pick fine playing rythum-the way i hold the pick is natural looking and in the way it feels
but when i speed up my thumb clenches the side of my index finger very tightly and i end up using the clenched caveman approach to holding the pick instead of the tips my fingers and the pick starts wigglinig loose
nomatter what i try i can not stop myfingers from doing this
i mean i can slow down to 35 bpm halfnotes and it still starts to clench up

any advice i have even put a washer between my fingers to try to train them to use their tips

can you add a pic or a vid showing us what id going on?
have you try another kind of picks?

When changing for slow to fast speed, the picking style should change too I've found.

First ensure your never leaning the pick up or down, it makes it harder to pick in the opposite direction.
Rotate the pick instead so the thumb is downwards (or upwards if perfered) rather than playing on the flat side to get more attack.
Always play with just the tip of the pick - very important!
Use a 'less flexable' thick pick if playing fast.

Slow speeds - play more with your fingers to get emotional flow and control, easiler to throw in harmonics and picking effects. I learnt to play like this first and didn't know any other way - I could never past a point in speed but this isn't a bad habit if done correctly. It's actually harder to learn but gives more feeling to your music, specially for blues/rock.

Faster speed - you almost can never use fingers, it's very hard to control and your find the pick flying all over the place. Instead ridge up the fingers (lock them in place) and play from your wrist to get a huge controlled boost in speed. It's a very slight movement of the wrist and more rotatation 'attack angle' on the pick (almost up to 90%). This sounds more mechinical slow, but at speed that's what your after.

i have never recorded on you tube
i do have a new labtop, how do i go about making a recording

Well can you upload a picture instead? If you want to do youtube, just shoot the video; if you have a youtube account, upload the video there and post the link here.

I think it comes down to observation. Or at least that's how I learned. Observe the way most players you like do stuff and start imitating. If you are doing it any other way just stop doing it that way and RIGHT AWAY get into the new way of playing.

I know it sounds simple and obvious but that's the core of it.