Hi friend! Cool to see you here again!
I think that your playing is better compared with the previous take in which I said that you had to focus on bending's pitches. Now your bending technique is precise regarding pitches which is a very important improvement. Again, your timing is very good on this one as it happened on the previous take.
This means that you already have the basics for this one, now it's time to go deeply with your interpretation and focus on dynamics, articulation and vibrato which are three totally related elements that are tools to give more emotion or feeling to your playing. D. Walliman does a great use of them to give his solo an extra value and at the same time to emulate Gilmour's playing which is full of emotion and beautiful melodies.
In order to work on these things I recommend you to work again on smaller sections. For example take the first two phrases, listen carefully to which notes David add vibrato, which ones note (for example: you are not adding vibrato on bending, and David does). Play the phrases adding vibrato. Then, listen to the two phrases again and pay attention to the different intensities that he gives to the notes getting different accents and intentions. Your playing is very flat dynamically, try to emulate the original lesson's dynamics. Finally, do the time with groove and notes duration. Check how some notes are muted earlier while other's are longer, check the use of silences on phrases and between them.
All these precise analysis is not to become a copy of David's, it's to train the elements, feel them, to be able to apply them later to your own phrasing.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
I hope to see you more often here!
Have a nice day.