Frustrations, *warning* Rant ahead... Options

[opeth.db]

Thanks for the talk last night Jer.

I feel I just need to vent. Feel free to dismiss the thread entirely.

I though I'd share my thoughts with everybody....

I was practicing Muris's collab 2 last night and realized I suck. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to anyone here but its so hard for me not to. When you here licks in your head and it can't translate it to your fingers, that sucks.
Its hard to break free from hammer on, pull-off and slide licks. I been practicing with Smells and learning techniques but they are only as good to me as just learning the lesson themselves. To intergrate it into something new that your writing seems like an impossible task.

So the mental person inside of me starts to question why I am even playing guitar?

-Why do I care to learn this instrument so much still?
-Its not like Im in a band and auditioning for any?
-Im 34 with a 2nd kid on the way and do I really have time for it?
-Why am I paying to be a part of a website to learn?
-Why do I have such a drive to become a shredder?
-Why do I look at my guitar and want to play so badly?
-Why do I want to buy more guitars?
-Why do I care so much?

I swear it was like a turning point last night for me. Questioning my abilities as a guitarist when in fact I have none or at least very little. When looking at all the great players here and it just seems second nature to hem to play those licks. I understand it didn't come over night but do I have that time?

I have $5000+ dollars in equipment. Why? Why do I have to go to guitar center when my credit card is paid off to go get me some monitors and a midi controller? Why do I have that urge when Im not really doing anything with it?

All I know is I respect all the players here and what you have a accomplished. It seems so out of grasp to me and to comprehend that I may or may not get to a status that I can play freely troubles me. I have been at a hump that seems like forever and every night I play it seems taht I can't get over it. I feel like a beginer everytime I pick up my guitar lately.

I know that many of you will say just keep at it you will get there. But sometime I wonder if I even have the ability to get where I want to go? IF I truly don't have that ability to get where I want to be, whats the point of keep trying?

Who am I doing this for? ME? Maybe thats my problem, I always do everything for my family and always quit the thing I like to sacrifice for my family. My wife alwys tells me that I do that. The deeper thing she doesn't understand is that I quit the tings I enjoy to make the time for her so she can do the things she wants to do.

Now I have a son on the way and again going to hang up the axe for a bit. I hope when I get back to it I have a renewed interest in playing.

Frustrated,
Dan

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