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Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 02:22 AM

Firstly, if you don't wanna read emotional stuff, don't bother reading from this point...Secondly, there's no need for response, I just feel like writing somewhere where people actually read, or atleast enter and see that a frustrated kid needs to write something...

For years, I've lived unhappy, lived without a single purpose to smile, and still, I fought believing it would change. Never been proud of myself in any way, brothers uber genious and than, there's me, the stupid average kid. I've always been mature and wise, so I've been told so it isn't my own words, dedicated my life to helping others and what I got was betrayal, stabbed in the back multiples times by the people that I helped. There are two kinds of people in my life, the puppeters, the ones that use me and dump me when they finish playing with me, that being, when they don't need me to give them advices on how to live and face pain or, the people that keep telling me cliches, keeping feeding stupid hope that "someday" it will all change, "someday" I will find love, "Someday" this, and that and that...SICK OF CLICHES! Sick of listening to people pretending to be my friends. Sick of working, studying every day and getting lousy notes and just hearing "OMG, How can you have those grades? You're a genious!, I just don't get it". Sick of working hard for things I'll never have, sick of dreaming about uthopies, Tired of everything, tired of living...Sick of the fake faces, the fake smiles that wish for my services in their time of pain and leave me in pain when I need someone, tired of feeling jealousy consume me, of imprisoning hatred in me and not letting it all, I just can't take anymore, I'm about to explode...

Just can't take it anymore...

Posted by: Ajmurrell Jan 31 2009, 02:33 AM

I won't patronise you but I CAN empathise. I've been there, and I know that may not help you with where you are at personally at this time in your life. I can tell you a little about my story.

I had the same feelings, the same fears, the same feelings towards people.

I don't believe in giving people false hope, telling everyone "It's going to be alright" without just reason, but I HAVE been there and I HAVE got passed it so I honestly, hand on heart, can say that everything can change and you're outlook on life and pleasure gained can be changed.

It sounds like you need help, and I can imagine it might be difficult to ask for it.

The best advice I can give you is to see your doctor, GP, or friend, family member - anyone you trust, and talk to them about how you're feeling.

If you can realise it's Ok to have these feelings, and want them to change, then thats the first step man.

I do hope this helps in some way, but if you don't agree with what I've said, please do consider finding someone to talk to, preferably your family and your doctor.

All the best mate,

Hope you're ok.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 02:37 AM

My family doesn't know me...

All people I trusted prooved me unworthy of such privledge

What's a doctor gonna do different?

Words can't help anymore...

Posted by: Outlaw2112 Jan 31 2009, 03:06 AM

These failures could not stop him, he kept moving forward. The following is a short list of his ups and downs and ups.

*1831 – Failed in business
1832 – Defeated for legislature
1833 – Again failed in business
1834 – Elected to legislature
1835 – Sweetheart died
1836 – Had a nervous breakdown
1838 – Defeated for speaker
1840 – Defeated for elector
1843 – Defeated for Congress
1846 – Elected for Congress
1848 – Defeated for Congress
1855 – Defeated for Senate
1856 – Defeated for Vice-President
1858 – Defeated for Senate
1860 – ELECTED PRESIDENT

this was abraham lincoln

bottom line is never give up, good things are gonna happen

He was defeated more times than he won, but that did not mean he was a failure. Remember, that failures are only permanent if we stop trying. I believe the only real failure is the failure not to move on.

Posted by: skennington Jan 31 2009, 03:09 AM

I've been there too bro. I know you feel no one can help and this is the exact time you have to get your chin off your chest and help yourself. If you walk around feeling like nothing is going to change, it won't! You decided to learn to play guitar, and you have done so. You have got to start thinking about what YOU want out of life and focus on how to get there. Sure, we all run into those that want to betray, batter, beat, bruise and any other things you can think of to us, you just have to realize that's not the kind of the people you want to associate yourself with and move on.


I'm not trying to lecture you but life goes by too fast and is too precious to have to constantly be worrying about the negative side of it. Sure, we will have our good and bad days, but try to keep a positive mindset on the future and what you want out of it!

As far as parent's go, well I never really had any that were their either. My dad was killed when I was 12 and that really sent me into a spiral, I want get into that ,but the thing is, I recovered not by any doctor, but by realizing what I wanted and focusing on how to get it..

If you need to talk anytime man, feel free to pm me..


Cheers,
Steve

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 03:12 AM

Heard it before but you're forgetting the part that, he failed in something for the people, not for himself, he didn't have to be president in order to live, he never had to have any of those achievements, in order to be happy, I just keep failing at criticals areas that prevent me from being happy...The problem is not stopping, I'll never stop trying, the problem is now, where the limit has been achieved and the mind and body just can't take anymore...

Posted by: Sircraigery Jan 31 2009, 03:13 AM

Sounds to me that you hang out with pricks and that ain't you man. Believe it or not there are cool people still, but they are kinda hard to find when your in school. Just gotta look for them bud.

Don't worry about competing with your bro either. I'm sure you can kick ass at guitar


Edited for language/skennington

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 03:14 AM

What I want in life, majorly, doesn't depend on me...It isn't decided by my hands...

Posted by: Outlaw2112 Jan 31 2009, 03:19 AM

It is decided by your hands... you can do anything you want to, just gotta put your mind to it and do it..

as far as friends go, they will come and go and you will find out who your true friends are... keep your head up, and keep a positive attitude, good things will happen

and for the people who did you wrong, karma is true and things will come back on them

Posted by: OrganisedConfusion Jan 31 2009, 03:23 AM

I cant help you im afraid but everything you feel is how i feel in my life. I am so completely empty. Im miserable beyond believe. I could never hurt myself but i do pray all the time that i will be stabbed to death or you never know find a life. I wish you all the best and try and do something that you always dreamed of doing this year. It will help.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 03:26 AM

I could tell you a few things and you'd see why I say that...

@OC
I remember you doing a similar topic, and the difference is, people support you, you take value away from yourself because of the facts that happen in your life, it's like your anoretic and don't see your own value, and even if your life sucks, you've seen that GMC is a place you can call home, that speaking in your case.

Posted by: Outlaw2112 Jan 31 2009, 03:28 AM

why would you pray that you will be stabbed to death?

Life is a gift, and you guys are soo young... enjoy life and get the most out of it you can.

Posted by: skennington Jan 31 2009, 03:30 AM

WHAT!!! It entirely depends on you and is decided by your hands! I don't know your situation man, but I have seen your forum presence, and heard your playing, so I know you are not locked down and being controlled. If you let negative influence into your life, and allow it to dictate your decisions, it will burn you up!

Sometimes we have to just go against the grain and take what we think is the right path for our future. You should only compete against yourself, If you do your best and loose, then so be it, take some satisfaction in that and work on what it will take to make you better.

Like others have said, friends come and go, if they are true friends, then they will be there for you. If not, you didn't need them anyway!

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 03:34 AM

The problem is not the people that stay, nor the people that go...The problem is all people, what they represent, what they defend, the hipocrisy level is so huge...I can't take satisfaction in my playing, atleast not anymore...

And it can't be in my hands...you can't decide your fate, your trip, the roads you choose, you can't decide what people tell you, what you are to people, what you mean, what you're worth...

Posted by: Outlaw2112 Jan 31 2009, 03:35 AM

Doesnt matter what you tell me, everyone has been through rough times in their lives... they only make you stronger
learn from them and keep a positive attitude

Im 40, and i could tell you all kinds of stories about things that have happened to me, i used to not care if i lived or died, used to jam a straw up my nose for years just partying my life away, but its just something you work through and in the end makes you a stronger person... trust me


just remember to keep a positive attitude and things will get better

Posted by: OrganisedConfusion Jan 31 2009, 03:39 AM

Because i could never commit suicide and i have no purpose in life. I live for nothing. I have severe depression and i cant get through it.

Posted by: Ajmurrell Jan 31 2009, 03:41 AM

A doctor can determine whether or not what you're feeling is normal.

It sounds to me like you could be depressed.

Some people would recommend that just getting on with it yourself might be a good idea, thats fine if you want to do it that way but there IS always help available.

Take a look at these symptoms:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/disorders_depression.shtml

See if they meet what you're feeling.

Help is available man, have you been to your GP?

Posted by: OrganisedConfusion Jan 31 2009, 03:45 AM

My doctor doesnt help. He just prescribes pills after pills. Im a complete mess and have been for 6 or 7 years.

Posted by: skennington Jan 31 2009, 03:45 AM

So I see here that you feel your "fate" is predetermined.....Yes you can decide your trip, the roads you choose, what you are to people and what your worth. And NO, you can not decide what people tell you, but you can choose how you interpret it. If it's negative, let it roll off like a drop of rain. If you feel like it's positive, then take some of it in, you have that choice man!

Don't look at life from a fate standpoint but more from a destiny point of view. We are not predisposed to our future, it's all in what we make of it bro and I know you want the best for yourself. Don't let outside influence decide for you when you have all the power in the world to choose your own path!

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 03:50 AM

My feelings match more a bypolar diagnostic, readh those things lots of times, did many tests, not the first time...

Sorry man but don't even know what a GP is...

@Sken
You don't get it...It's not like, people influencing me to choose a path, it's like making a path to somewhere that doesn't exist, the path I wanna make, any path I wanna make, leads to uthopies...

Posted by: dogman Jan 31 2009, 04:10 AM

Well, I know that nothing anyone says isnt going to change the feelings

But as a semi old guy who's been around the block I can say that you wouldnt be a normal human being if you didnt feel that way at some point of your life.

I can speak from personal experience feeling like everyone's whipping boy and always got the short end of the stick at everything and was going nowhere with my life.

One day, I was lying in bed thinking how miserable my life is then it dawned on me that it is because I let it be that way and I let the things I couldnt control, control things I could.

I went to bed that night with a new outlook on how I was going to look at my life from that day foward and I still live by it today 20 years later.

I do the best I can with everything I do and that's all I can do. I treat people the way I would like to be treated. If I want something bad enough, I do what ever I need to do to work on getting it. If I have something to say I will say it (as tastefully as possible and well thought be before speaking) even if it is not what someone wants to hear as long as it's the truth or how I feel. No one is going to tell me I cant or hold me back from getting and doing the things that I want out of life. If I can help them along the way good deal. If not, I did the best I can and that's all I can do.

I finally realized that there will be people that just dont care or give a rats a** and there will be people that do. There will be mean people that suck and there will be people that honestly are decent people.

When you realize that you wont always be able to control everything that happens in your life then you can deal with them as they come and start taking control of the things you can change. Take 2 steps back and think then move 1 step forward, 1 day at a time.

The way you look at life and what you make of it is all that counts. Life is too short not to make the best of it and stress is not good for you.

Just my rant with my 2 cents

Dont give up bro. If you want to change it, YOU have to change it

Posted by: skennington Jan 31 2009, 04:20 AM

So what you are saying is, you choose a path you want to take and you hit a wall at the end of that path? If you choose a nonexistent path, then that is where you need to rethink things a bit. You need to figure out a direction that is going to take you somewhere....

If you choose your path based on that, and it still leads to nowhere, then it's time for a new direction to get you where you want to go. We change direction every day, and need to evaluate what works and what don't.


What I want out of life, should be the ultimate question to yourself. Then decide on how to get it. If you find that one "path" is not working, then change directions but never give up on what you want! Keep pushing and trying different ways to succeed, but never ever give up!

Posted by: Enucleation Jan 31 2009, 04:22 AM

I don't know what to say really but there is always someone who is worse than you.

I'll be praying for you guys (Rated and OC) but I don't have a lot of advice, but I refuse to believe that depression s permanent or that there is no answer for problems, I absolutely refuse so I know that you will get through if you really try (not saying you havent tried.)

Posted by: TreyDeschamp Jan 31 2009, 05:18 AM

I know you guys might not believe me because I'm only just a kid who is about to turn 14. Depression I know for a fact can hurt. About a year ago I noticed that I developed a habbit of worrying about what people think and getting way to attacked to people and then when someone walked out of my life it was hard. Last night for instance wasnt the best for me. I sat in my room for a while.....thinking......but then I realized.....life is worth living. No matter how good or how bad. I talked to my sister who in actuality had the same problem. Talking to someone you can trust really does help. Dont do anything stupid is really what I'm getting at guys. For myself at least talking on the forums seems like you get a sense of knowing who you are talking to. My sense is that you are two great guys that would seriously be missed around here.

Posted by: Pedja Simovic Jan 31 2009, 05:29 AM

Guys try to find joy and happiness in life as much as you can. Life is too short to go trough it depressed. I mean reality is we all have to die someday sooner or later , the real question is how do you choose to live your life ?
I choose to be happy as much as possible, to do things I like and enjoy every day and to make people I care about feel happy and good.
At the end its all your choice - I choose to be happy

Posted by: fkalich Jan 31 2009, 05:44 AM

Actually, he was pretty successful for the most part. He always took on a new challenge that was out of his immediate reach.

A better example would be U.S. Grant of the same period. Who at the beginning of 1861 was a drunk with a failed military career barely supporting his wife and kids, working in his father in law's horse harness shop. 3 Years later he was in command of the worlds greatest Army, and 4 years after that went on to be one of the worst presidents in our history. Then again he lost all his money in speculation, and got terminal cancer. BUT he managed to stay alive for long enough to write his memoirs, writing in pain most of the time, unable to talk towards the end. Finished a week before he died, and it sold about a million copies, so his family was taken care of. I really admire Grant, as much as Lincoln. He just was a great at command of an Army, and not very good at much else, other than having a great relationship with his wife and family. But that is not all bad. Sometimes a person has great talent, but needs the opportunity.

Oh, if you are not getting good aerobic exercise workouts, I suggest that. Most you age do not. It really keeps you feeling pretty good. Go at high tilt for at least a half hour, on a tread mill, or an exercise bike, keeping you heart rate up the whole time. It hurts, but at your age, well I do it at my age, and If I can do it, as I say to my dog when he wants to drag on our walks, you can do it.

On a related note, there is evidence that high intensity exercise like this is great for the brain. There is an epidemic of people now losing mental faculties, even early senility. I just had a physical, and my good cholesterol is very high in the 80's. It has always been like that. 60 is considered good. And I read where there is evidence that this may serve to keep your brain function going well. So that may be the link. I am just pointing out that your issues may be no more than getting good exercise. I do it most days, never miss more than one day.

We all have problems. The issue is, are you going to let them get you down. I just believe physical activity really helps more than a lot of people realize. I mean aerobic. Take up Triathlon. That is a lot of fun, and a challenge.

Posted by: Marek Rojewski Jan 31 2009, 08:19 AM

You seem not to like clichés, and all these are clichés. The situation is dire, but You accept it that way, as this is what You are thinking about it, what You have expected, this is the image of the world You see.

I was the same. I had no strive for living for two years in a row, than meet my love and forgot about all the pain. As I lost her, my "sorrowful exalted world" returned. All is in Your hands, that is the most painful thing.... Living in constant pain and darkness is a way of being safe, what can hurt You if You don't care about anything and accept as much pain as You will get? I know that anyone can change it, You "just" need to find the willingness to do it - I never found it.

But I know that it is unmature and won't lead anywhere. Once I almost died under a tram. I was looking at the tram going straight on me and thinking should I just stay there and die. At the last moment my body reacted on its own, and I was just touched by the edge of the tram, that didn't inflict any dire damage. Lesson - it isn't so easy to die, so better learn to live...


PS: sorry if it sounded too rude or harsh, I wanted to write it, and had no time to edit it for better "mood"...

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 12:28 PM

If it was a choice, I'd make it, but it's no on my hands to make that choice...

@Steve
It's no unhexistent...And It's not just a wall in the means of an obstacle you can pass, it's an obstacle you can't pass, not even with hard work, so I've learned in this life, it's like, it has a key to open it, and the key is given to two types of people: the ones who don't need it and the ones who, at my judgement, don't deserve it

Posted by: Muris Varajic Jan 31 2009, 12:34 PM

Seems like you've been bit depressed
and that's in human nature I would say,
we all get into similar situation once in a while,
not matter what causes it.
Take a walk in the park, have a fresh air,
clear your mind, there are always good things in life.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 12:35 PM

Never said that there aren't good things in life, only said I can't get them...

Posted by: Muris Varajic Jan 31 2009, 12:38 PM

You have and you will, chin up.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 12:39 PM

Tired of trying to see the best of the situation, forcing a smile and acting like it can improve...

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 12:39 PM

Nothing to do but chin up mate:D Get a girlfriend:D

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 12:40 PM

Cliche...Talking like it's just like that...

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 12:46 PM

Its all you can do, cliche or not.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 12:52 PM

I don't want everything that I want to happen, I want one thing...ONE THING...Is that to much to ask?

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 12:54 PM

Really, calm down. Karma will get it's way!

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 12:56 PM

Been there, heard that...

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 12:58 PM

So whats your idea of what your gonna do? You have to start over sometime, you can be "depressed "all you want but its not gonna fix things.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 01:02 PM

Trying something or getting up will only result back to this...

Posted by: javari Jan 31 2009, 01:10 PM

Your thoughts about yourself and about the world are going around in circles.
Because you expect to fail, you will see only failure.

I.ve been down that road.
In that sense goning to a doctor and get some medicens can really help.
It will help you to get out of that thoughtpattern.

Just do it, if you don't, there will be a moment that your body and mind will give you a strong warning. At that time it will be much harder.

Get some help to get you out of that negative spiral in your thinking. (this is experience speaking)

good luck...

Posted by: dogman Jan 31 2009, 01:30 PM

I dont know what that is that you're asking for but if you want it bad enough then do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If it is something that is out of your control. then accept what you can not change and do the best you can with what you have to find another way to acheive that goal.

If you've done the best you can, that makes you the best person you can be and be damn proud of that. No one can take that away.

Posted by: SonofDestiny Jan 31 2009, 02:07 PM

Rated Htr... I'm feeling you man. I know what it's like to be in your situation.

Look, one thing you gotta stop, is thinking about the 'someday'. You're living right now man. You gotta be in the moment to enjoy life to the full extent. This isn't a cliché.

Another thing you definately have to change is that attitude of 'everyone is fake'. Dude, if you think like that, the odds of everyone being fake in your world are enormous, because you WANT to see it.

The stuff on this site has helped me a lot in becoming more positive. Check it out: www.brainsync.com

One last thing... chill out man You're going to be just fine. You're only 17 and are experiencing a lot of changes physically and mentally. And I know, because I've been there and I'm still going through it. When I feel really bad I just consider my mood fluctuations as hormonal changes... works for me... but it may be a bit too rational to you.

Anyway, I hope this helps. It's probably an incoherent piece of writing here, but I'm tired and exploding as well

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 02:13 PM

@Javari
I see logical patterns in everything, I only expect to fail if I see such pattern...
Going to a doctor isn't an option...

@Dogman
People need to live knowing they have something good in their lives, that's what I'm asking, a reason to think living is good...

@SoD
I don't think everyone is fake, but most people end up being fakes but I don't generate that, it's just how I feel.
I don't think about that "someday" anymore, that's what people keep saying, I've learned to accept that t won't change

Posted by: MickeM Jan 31 2009, 02:49 PM

Going to a doctor may help in the sense of putting a name to whatever makes you feel alienated. ADHD, Asperger or whatever four letter diagnosis there is.
Saying a doctor isn't an option sounds to me like a rather defensive position.
If something is wrong you would want to know, right?
And if there's something that can be medicated you would want to know, right?

There are plenty of people with social disturbances that have no idea, and they can feel they don't fit in, they don't get the social interaction that goes on between people and they can find it meaningless.
This in turn can make it difficult to find and aid these people, since they often think the world around them is impossible to understand and it's not them but it's all the people and their purposes that are meaningless - it's not for them.

Seeing that you repeadely say "no" and "it's no use" tells me it maybe is no use or very difficult to reach through. It has to come from within yourself and you have to take the initiative.

Just read this and see if anything makes sense http://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%C3%ADndrome_de_Asperger

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 03:07 PM

for me to go to a doctor I would have to tell my parents, and I don't wanna dissapoint them anymore, that's the only reason.

As for the androme, I don't have difficulties in expressing myself, nor do I have difficulties in envolving socially nor many of the things that it's saying on wikipedia, but most of it makes sense and could easily be describing my state

Posted by: MickeM Jan 31 2009, 03:21 PM

As a parent myself I'd be happy to get involved and be supportive to my kids.
Something I didn't realize when I was a kid, of course. Instead I tried to solved all my problems myself, maybe feeling a bit ashamed. Not so much about disappointing but it was more about I didn't want to worry them.

The fact that you feel bad can't be a disappointment to your parents. I have a very hard time to belive that.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 03:26 PM

Even if you're right, I just can't tell them...

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 03:35 PM

STOP thinking negative, just take the jump, never shot is always a miss!

Posted by: Kizaze Jan 31 2009, 03:38 PM

Rated,

This thread makes me sad. Like many of us, I've been there more than once. Life is a rollercoaster. Only you can climb back up top, but it takes effort.

btw - here's a positive - you've got a hell of a way with words. Do you write songs? Poems? Stories? (I'm in the entertainment business - got a nose for talented people - you've got something there.)

Fight your way out of this thing!

-Kiz

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 03:39 PM

Would make a great blues track.

Posted by: Fsgdjv Jan 31 2009, 04:22 PM

You keep talking about you wanting nothing but something impossible, what is that? What is it that you want but doesn't depend on you? Unless it's getting wings or winning the lottery, I'm pretty sure you can do something about it. It might be hard, but I don't want to believe that it is something you can't do, but it's hard to tell seeing as you never tell what it is you want to much and seems to be the only thing you care about.

And yes, a lot of people are "fake" at least as long as you see them like that. I've been there, then I actually took time to talk a lot to people, first just for the sake of my own entertainment, but then I realised that EVERYBODY have a history and they are who they are because of something, something real, something that isn't fake. I don't think there's a single person in this world who is "fake".

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 04:37 PM

Yeah I do, have lots of blogs and some lyrics are in the lyrical board



I want to be happy, I want to arrive home one day and say: I'm proud of myself because I can do this or I am this...That depends on me, true, but people recgonizing that, people's love, you can't control that, even if you work hard.

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 04:58 PM

Maybe if you tell us, what really it is what you want, we could help you better. Or, write a letter to Dr.Phil . Seems like a Dr.Phil case to me !

Posted by: Fsgdjv Jan 31 2009, 05:00 PM

This is a cliché, but it's still true.

You have to learn to love yourself if you want others to love you. Even if some people love you you won't really feel it untill you love yourself. Even if all you want is other people's respect or what I can call it, start respecting yourself. When you do that (for real, it's easy to say you do, but to really do it is a different thing) you won't really be bothered by the people who are to busy with themselves to recognise you. I think you have to work on how you see things, try to frame things differently by your thoughts.

It's not easy I know, it's one of the hardest things one can do. That's the harsh truth, but it can be done. But it can't be done as long as you think it can't, but when you think that, you have to realise that you made that choise, not someone else.

Ugh, this sounds pretty agressive and I don't mean it that way, but that's the insights I've gotten in my 19 year old life, can't say I'm very experienced but I feel I know a bit on reframing the way of thinking, as I've been working on doing that myself quite a bit. The most amazing part is that it works.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 05:06 PM

I'm very experienced myself and heard stuff like than and said stuff like that before, so I'm ready to counter it.
All you said is true IMO, but the problem is, in my mind, I can only do all those things, respect myself, love myself, by the logic of the horse...Can't do it without others thinking the same ,acting for the reason, not just saying...

Posted by: Marek Rojewski Jan 31 2009, 05:11 PM

I pretty much agree with Fsgdjv. It really depends on Your own thinking, no one will be able to help You if You don't try to help Yourself and let other people to help... There is nothing as hard as changing the ways of thinking, especially when You think You are "right".

This is the biggest problem in "deep depression" - You close any way of solving the situation, all of them are bad/wrong/unworthy/not working. I actually never had the strength to do it, but I know it works... But I had to take a long trip without anyone else to calm down, have the time to think about everything and had no other thing that could distract me...

EDIT after seeing another post:
I'm very experienced myself and heard stuff like than and said stuff like that before, so I'm ready to counter it.
All you said is true IMO, but the problem is, in my mind, I can only do all those things, respect myself, love myself, by the logic of the horse...Can't do it without others thinking the same ,acting for the reason, not just saying...

Well You can, just have to try harder than hard.... I don't like psychologists ( they know to much and tell You thing You don't want to hear:P ) but there are some of them that You could visit, without saying anything to your parents, in Poland there are many youth-centers where You can get such help for free. If Poland has such, I am sure Portugal will have these also.

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 05:17 PM

Try harder? What can I do More? Act like people's dogs?
I already searched...no use, nothing of the kind, atleast not in my city...

Posted by: Fsgdjv Jan 31 2009, 05:35 PM

I'm not sure if I understand what you mean, since I don't know what the logic of the horse is, but I suppose you mean you can't love and respect yourself unless somebody else does it.

And if that's the case, I still think it's a matter of framing. I don't have many people that "love and respect me" in an obvious way, other than the fact that I can be eternally happy that I have great parents who do, and I can imagine if you can't talk about everything with your parents it definetly gets a lot harder. But you still have to find those little things. Just getting a lot of replies to a topic like this in this forum is a sign that people care, start with that as some sign of respect and try to find it everywhere.

For example, just someone saying hello is something I take as a sign of approval, even respect. Often it's just a shallow thing people do, but if I can take it as something good that improves my self image, then I'm going to do that, at least it doesn't hurt. You won't hear that "you are an amazing person" or something like that very often, but you can try to find sings of that everywhere. Just somebody you don't know holding up a door for you can be taken as something like that, you just have to be creative. If you tell me no things like this ever happen, then you jsut need to find a new way to frame your thinking.

For one, I can say that I respect anyone who has the guts to write a topic about problems like this on a message board, I've been thinking about doing things like this many times but always chickened out, I really respect that, and admire everyone who are able to do that. First of all it's definetly a sign of someone trying hard to improve, and that is definetly something most people don't do. I had a friend who had a depression for many years, but nobody could see that. Showing it is a sign of strength, not weakness. This may not be much, but it's something, and take the fact that somebody respects and approves of some part of you, even if it's just some random person on an internet forum, and try to find these signs everywhere.


I don't know if I'm any help or not, but I just wanted to write down my thoughts, and I mean everything I wrote here from the bottom of my heart. Seriously, this stuff works.

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 05:37 PM

The way you are acting now, is not really helping. And if you keep being defensive towards help from others people will stop trying to help you, You should wake up tomorrow, and think, Ok clean sheet, lets start positive, and just conquer the world as best as you can. Might sound hard but its true. JUST DO IT.... get a Nike bag. Hang it in your room, and everytime you wake up you see it and reminds you to "Just do it!"

Posted by: Fsgdjv Jan 31 2009, 05:42 PM

I don't want to come off as rude or anything, but acting like things like this is super easy doesn't help either. Rome wasn't built in a day, and changing a life like this will require blood, toil, tears and sweat, but it can be done. But pretending like something is a lot easier than it is never helps either.

Posted by: crazytrain101 Jan 31 2009, 05:44 PM

I really don't know if this is a cliche or not but, screw the other people in your life, live your life for yourself. If you can just worry about yourself and just "find" yourself in your mind you can find some happiness. I went through a really hard time between 6-9 years old where i couldn't stand to live but then i found myself. That is the only thing you can do. do anything that makes you happy. If others don't like it then it their problem. Another thing is it seems you are annoyed by alot of things. Just let it all go and you can do it.

Posted by: Jesse Jan 31 2009, 05:47 PM

I know. I dont act like its super easy. Ive spoken alot to him, and tried many things. I feel like he, reached a point where he's just got to say. Ok "screw" this. I mean were no psychologists. I don't say its easy, but you got to start ... sooner or later. What else would you try?!

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 07:38 PM

@Fsgdjv
The problem isn't people saying it...People say good things all the time, the problem is it being only speach. It's like, I tell you you're an excelent person and we should go out lots of times but I prefer to go out with bad people than you, what's the logic of that?

@Jesse
Jesse, I'm not trying to blow everyone away, I appreciate all the responses because people are trying to help but, the fact is, you can't just say cheer up, make this and this, if you do this it will be fine because, you just don't know...I've reached a point, where my strength to do that is just not enough anymore.

@crazytrain101
Yup, it's a cliche to me. "Live your life, not other people's lives". The only thing that kept me alive, was being able to help, most of my friendships were made by my advices on life, the problem is, I don't want a life where all my friendships are based on me being a shrink to people, and only being needed in bad times.

Posted by: Marek Rojewski Jan 31 2009, 08:17 PM

Well this is a problem, but well that is the way it is... Most people will spend time with a sad person when they are also sad, because of understanding and feeling alike. You are the helping kind, always understand all the bad things and because of relatively big experience with them You have some advices how to overcome the odds. I was like that also few years ago...
Than You help those people, they feel better.. They most probably try to help You, but again most people wont be able to stand Your mood for to long. I had friends like that.. They just couldn't spend more time with me, as they wanted to play, to enjoy their time, and I was a bottomless pit of grumbling. So maybe a good advice is to not show Your sad feelings so much, I know it feels bit "wrong" but people will not want to spend time with a really depressed person...

Hope it makes sense:/

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 08:32 PM

Like I said before: Easier said than done...

Posted by: Rated Htr Jan 31 2009, 09:16 PM

The one in portuguese differs alot from the one in english...

The english one is frightenly simmiliar to me, I'm getting afraid o.o

Posted by: MickeM Jan 31 2009, 11:54 PM

I thought the Portuguese was almost the same, sorry, good thing you found the english one then.

All stages doesn't have to be fully developed but it also counts in degrees of the full thing.
There was a documentary on the TV some time ago about this man who grew up feeling all alienated, he couldn't socialize - he saw his smaller brothers get friends while he didn't understand the play. He had to learn everything and make acts to fit in.
F.ex (made up by me, not in the documentary) if a stranger on the bus had mentioned the weather he could think "just look out the window and see for yourself, it's sunny" but feel very insecure about what to say. But after learning the play of socializing he'd know how to act, be polite and reply something, it's just small talk "Yes, it's a very nice day we're having hope tomorrow will be the same". Not neccessarily because he likes the sun or hope tomorrow will be the same. He might prefer rain so he can spend his time inside without seeing useless people.

But having learned hot to interact and what to say he could function just like any normal person would, spite his Asperger syndrome.
Just by looking at him or talking to him you couldn't tell. Because he was putting on an act and pretending real well.

Just one example of things. Another is to only see things as black or white, friend or foe. Nothing in between.
You read it so you know.
Awareness is key they say. Knowing about it and you're able to deal with it. Not knowing everything just feels wierd. And it's difficult for doctors to makea diagnosis, appearantly it takes quite a long time to determine. So don't be scared or upset, if you want to deal with it (maybe just to rule it out) there are specialists to discuss with.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 03:02 AM

Life just got worst...The person I love went out with me today and I discovered she has a new boyfriend...Life is beautiful ain't it?

Posted by: skennington Feb 1 2009, 03:26 AM

Life is beautiful man! I know it sucks at the moment, but it will open other doors of opportunity! Check out this tune...Nikki Sixx, bass player from an 80's hair band, Motley Crue was a heroin addict. Had everything he could possibly imagine but wasn't happy. He kicked the habit and now is touring with his new band as well as MC. Anything can be overcome Fillepe, keep your chin up bro and don't do anything stupid!

Posted by: fatb0t Feb 1 2009, 05:30 AM

This video almost always grounds me. Changes my perspective... Gets me to stop thinking about myself and realize life is finite and if you don't make the most of it - take responsibility, do it for yourself - it will be totally wasted.

Find what you love, do it as much as possible - happiness will follow.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 11:08 AM

Posted by: ChrisVdS Feb 1 2009, 12:05 PM

I know what it's like most of my life i have decicated myself to other people, helped them when they needed help while they never called to ask how i was doing. In my short life i'm only 24 years old i had to expirience what allot of people expirience at much later ages like my mother died slowly and painfully i watched her fall apart day by day for a year long and i can't explain how anything could be worse then that after that happend my grandfather passed away and latr 4 of my friends it made me believe for a while that i was made just to suffer.

But as i got older i met a few girls and got into a few relationships with ended badly and then i met her the girl i tought to be the one friday she left me for someone else and even tough this hurts i'm not going to let it bring me down to become that boy that never says a word because i know that aint me before my mom died i was happy i told jokes at the table when we were eating etc basically much happier.

Well all i'm trying to say is things will get better for you just never loose hope and believe in what you want to accomplish i live my life knowing that someone took care of me untill her last breath and for that i try to be the best person i can and live a good life because i owe it to her.

Greetz
Chris

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 12:14 PM

The difference between what you say and what I claim is that, you had it and you lost it, and I'm sorry for that, I never had it to begin with...You believe and have hope because you know that, if you haf it once, you can have it again...One who never had nothing, can't believe in nothing...

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 12:52 PM

You have to stop thinking that. This is a downwards spiral, I'd really advice you to get professional help.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 01:01 PM

Would, if I could...

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 01:31 PM

Just tell us why you can't. We might know a solution.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 01:45 PM

Why I can't what?

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 01:53 PM

Why you can't go seek professional advice!

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 01:54 PM

No money, Don't want my parents to know...

Posted by: Marek Rojewski Feb 1 2009, 03:40 PM

It is up to You, You don't WANT to tell Your parents, but it doesn't mean You CAN'T go.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 04:00 PM

True, but, how do you expect me to go? I can't get a job and all that, no money to pay one...

Posted by: Marek Rojewski Feb 1 2009, 04:02 PM

Well You could search for some small part time job, unless You live in a really small place. Or maybe check if there are some "first visit free" offers, You could than at least see if it is anything good for You.

Posted by: ChrisVdS Feb 1 2009, 04:03 PM

Dude i can't understand how you can say this is there nothing you want in your life that you are willing to go for?
If you wanna get somewhere then you have to do something about nothing is going change unless you take the first step...

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 04:09 PM

When you are born, you give the first step by constructing your life, you start a personality, you get along with people that you choose to get along, you try to put your mark on the society, that is the first step...For a person to fall in the ground, he either made the wrong step or the ground wasn't suit for his step. To have nothing, means to fail at everything, I don't agree people should wait for things to happen...

Posted by: Matt23 Feb 1 2009, 04:11 PM

In my experience you've got to put up with the people who betray you and try and be friendly with them and eventually you'll find people you really connect with and can trust. Also, I know this hard when you feel like this, but try not to blow little things out of proportion as this can make you feel even worse. I don't know if you're doing this but I know I did when I felt like you do.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 04:21 PM

Can't...

@Matt23
I just don't care about nothing at the moment, trying to install my keyboard so I can make some backings to pass the time as we speak

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 04:26 PM

WHY CAN'T? If you keep saying that you can't.... it's no use.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 04:29 PM

No time, no job available, I finish school at night, and have music conservatory, I don't have time for a job, and even if I did, my parents don't want me to work

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 04:30 PM

If that's really the case, you''re parents might be part of the problem, with expecting too much, making you stress and stuff. Can't you have a talk with them?

If that's really the case, you''re parents might be part of the problem, with expecting too much, making you stress and stuff. Can't you have a talk with them?

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 04:31 PM

No...

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 04:34 PM

Why not?! And this time, please give a real full on explanation , or we can't help!

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 04:38 PM

Because it's just to late to talk with them, also it's too much for me to say, I wouldn't even know where to start...Any offer of help I'll accept, because I appreciate what you people are trying to do, even SoD already gave me some brainsync that I'm downloading, because I want to solve this, but, talking to my parents, is NOT an option...

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 04:44 PM

You could write them a letter, and if you don't know what to say, just take some of the things you said on here. What the deuce is brainsynch?

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 04:46 PM

I don't know, ask SonOfDestiny, I'm gonna find out...Ok, let me rephrase, my parents knowing or being awared of the situation is NOT an option...

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 04:49 PM

I know you don't want to answer. But WHY? We all can't really understand that, unless you explain it thoroughly. We'd expect them to understand and empathize since they are your parents. If you don't want others to know you could even send an PM.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 04:59 PM

Just don't wanna show them I have a problem...

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 05:03 PM

You got to try to push trough that, try it! They will understand it, I will assure you!

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 05:05 PM

If this is the step you consider to be the solution, that there is none...

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 05:07 PM

Posted by: javari Feb 1 2009, 05:30 PM

Up till now, you had a negative respons to every suggestion that has been made.
That is not an accusation, just a fact. It is also a symptom of the way you feel at the moment.

You are building a wall around you. By denying every suggested possibility you are giving yourself a reason and an excuse not to act. Because you know inside that doing something to change your situation is frightening. For instance because it means having to talk to your parents.

You make some mistakes in your thinking. A lot of us do. Usually we are not aware of it because it doesn't do us any harm. Sometimes on the other hand it will do us harm.
(read the book "your erroneous zones" by Wayne Dyer, it will open your eyes!)

One common mistake in our thinking is that we think we already know what others peoples reaction will be.
You think you already know what your parrents are goning to say. You can't know that for sure (you think you know for sure...)
Being parents they probably alread suspect that something is the matter with you. Maybe they find it just as difficult as you to talk about it.

If you really feel as bad and you can't your parrents for help I suggest that you seek help together. I'm not kidding. You should be able to ask your parrents for help.
(don't forget that there will be a time when it is the other way around. I'm way older than you and my parents both became very ill. At that point I had to help them...)

Also, do not think that seeking help is an option. It is not. If you don't do it now it will come back to you at sometime when your older. I know..

Just talk to your parents. Trust them and trust yourself.
Don't think you already know how they are going to react. They are humans, they might supprise you.
And if they react in a bad way, then at least you don't have to be secretive about it any more and you can seek help with somebody else. (other family, doctor)

I know your first reaction will be to dismiss this suggestion as well.
Don't, think about out and stop giving yourself excuses to do nothing!

Posted by: Jesse Feb 1 2009, 05:36 PM

Your Right ! Alot of people have this too , about asking others out on a date or something!

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 07:00 PM

I don't expect nothing from my parents, I don't even care if they don't care or care if they do, I don't expect any reaction from them, I just don't feel like telling them...

Posted by: javari Feb 1 2009, 07:09 PM

So, another excuse to do nothing...
When people decide to become parents, they do have a responsibility to their childeren you know...

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 08:13 PM

I told you, I'll accept anything, as long as it doesn't envolve my parents knowing and doesn't envolve will of thirds...

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 09:02 PM

Trust me, if it wasn't important, I wouldn't give it this importance, but are you saying not being happy is not a serious matter?

Posted by: fatb0t Feb 1 2009, 09:11 PM

Well if you don't try any alternatives you'll never be happy. Posting on this forum was a waste of your and our time since you refuse to accept any alternatives. Good luck with whatever you find.

Posted by: Rated Htr Feb 1 2009, 09:14 PM

I'm sorry to deny all your sugestions, but appreciate the effort of help, Like I said in the first post, there was no need for a response, I was just "letting it out"

Posted by: MickeM Feb 1 2009, 11:17 PM

These last words bring us back to right where we started. Clearly no more suggestions is really neccessary so we'll just close the thread and like Rathed Htr said, it was just to vent; which has been done.
/Micke on behalf of the moderating team