Hey Ivan And Other Blues Fans...

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Hey Ivan And Other Blues Fans...

Praetorian View Member Profile	Aug 6 2008, 02:19 AM
Aug 6 2008, 02:19 AM	Learning Apprentice Player & Challenge Star Posts: 1.995 Joined: 10-March 08 From: Albany NY USA	I found this "Blues Criteria" on the internet and though it was pretty funny! HOW TO SING THE BLUES (attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky) 1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning." 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. I got a good woman-- with the meanest dog in town. 3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of. Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds. 4. The blues are not about limitless choice. 5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin'plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. 6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. 7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues. 8. The following colors do not belong in the blues: a. violet b. beige c. mauve 9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting is wrong. 10. Good places for the Blues: a. the highway b. the jailhouse c. the empty bed Bad places: a. Ashrams b. Gallery openings c. weekend in the Hamptons 11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man. 12. Do you have the right to sing the blues? Yes, if: a. your first name is a southern state -- like Georgia b. you're blind c. you shot a man in Memphis. d. you can't be satisfied. No, if: a. you were once blind but now can see. b. you're deaf c. you have a trust fund. 13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues. 14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are: a. wine b. Irish whiskey c. muddy water Blues beverages are NOT: a. Any mixed drink b. Any wine kosher for Passover c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors) 15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment. 16. Some Blues names for Women a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie 17. Some Blues Names for Men a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Lightning Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. 17B. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit) a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic) b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi) c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) Mix and Match My favorite one is the last one...I think I would be "Blind Lemon Johnson"!! You are at GuitarMasterClass.net Don't miss today's free lick. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! Don't miss today's free blues, jazz & country licks. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! This post has been edited by Praetorian: Aug 6 2008, 02:20 AM -------------------- Ben ___________________________________________ "PLAY YOUR DAMN GUITAR!!" - Kirk Hammett Fender American Standard Stratocaster Ibanez RG4EXQM1

Velvet Roger View Member Profile	Aug 6 2008, 07:44 AM
Aug 6 2008, 07:44 AM	Learning Tone Seeker Posts: 2.093 Joined: 5-August 08 From: Amsterdam, The Netherlands	Cripple Lime Filmore forr me You are at GuitarMasterClass.net Don't miss today's free lick. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! Don't miss today's free blues, jazz & country licks. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! -------------------- "Don't practice until you get it right. Practice until you can't get it wrong." Guitars & Amps Brian Moore DC-1 Custom Shop (Cherry Sunburst, mahogany/rosewood) Eric Johnson Signature Strat (2-tone Sunburst, alder/maple) Ibanez RG770 (Black, basswood/rosewood) Peerless Journeyman (solid spruce/maple) Sixt Bov-105C (Ovation-like acoustic) - Ibanez SGT-130 (Jumbo acoustic) London City VS-1 (Precision bass) - Baton Rouge U3S (Ukelele) Fender HotRod Deluxe 40W combo - Fender Princeton Reverb Reissue 5W combo - Marshall JCM 900 50W Hi-Gain combo Effects & Other stuff POD Studio UX2 audio interface - Edirol MA-15D monitors EH Double Muff - Fulltone GT-500 - Fulltone Fulldrive 2 Mosfet - Guitarsystems TrebleTool Junior - Guitarsystems FuzzTool Junior Korg Pitchblack Tuner - MXR Carbon Copy Analog Delay - TC Electronics Nova Modulator - Morley Bad Horsie 2 Wah Shure SM58 - Roland PCR-500 midi controller/keyboard & Yamaha Clavinova CL-910 piano My Website My MySpace Page My YouTube Channel My Twitter Account My Band 'Gonzo!'

MickeM View Member Profile	Aug 6 2008, 08:04 AM
Aug 6 2008, 08:04 AM	Born of NWOBHM, Moderation Team Leader Posts: 8.562 Joined: 9-January 07 From: Stockholm, Sweden	funny list I'm Limpin' Lemon-Mike Truman You are at GuitarMasterClass.net Don't miss today's free lick. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! Don't miss today's free blues, jazz & country licks. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! -------------------- My bands homepage All time favourites: B. Streisand - Woman in Love, M. Hopkin - Those were the days, L. Richie - Hello

Ivan Milenkovic View Member Profile	Aug 6 2008, 12:56 PM
Aug 6 2008, 12:56 PM	Instructor Posts: 25.396 Joined: 20-November 07 From: Belgrade, Serbia	haha, nice jokes Some of that stuff is often true as well You are at GuitarMasterClass.net Don't miss today's free lick. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! Don't miss today's free blues, jazz & country licks. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! -------------------- - Ivan's Video Chat Lesson Notes HERE - Check out my GMC Profile and Lessons - (Please subscribe to my) YouTube Official Channel - Let's be connected through ! Facebook! :)

fatb0t View Member Profile	Aug 6 2008, 02:14 PM
Aug 6 2008, 02:14 PM	GMC:er Posts: 1.202 Joined: 25-November 07	Hahah,that's pretty funny You are at GuitarMasterClass.net Don't miss today's free lick. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! Don't miss today's free blues, jazz & country licks. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content!

kyldeee View Member Profile	Aug 6 2008, 02:19 PM
Aug 6 2008, 02:19 PM	GMC:er Posts: 1.602 Joined: 15-July 07 From: Naantali, Finland	Haha Funny as hell You are at GuitarMasterClass.net Don't miss today's free lick. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! Don't miss today's free blues, jazz & country licks. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! -------------------- Music really is a way to reach out and hold on to each other in a healthy way. - Stevie Ray Vaughan

Storm Linnebjerg View Member Profile	Aug 6 2008, 02:21 PM
Aug 6 2008, 02:21 PM	Learning Rock Star Posts: 7.676 Joined: 14-June 08 From: Odense, Denmark	That was pretty funny! You are at GuitarMasterClass.net Don't miss today's free lick. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! Don't miss today's free blues, jazz & country licks. Plus all our lessons are packed with free content! -------------------- Check out my TikTok! - or check out my GMC video comments on YouTube

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