Confidence In Your Abilities?, WTH does it come from? Options

[Sabbz]

Here's my biggest problem: Lack of confidence when playing

I've been playing off and on for 20+ years. Back when I was a kid, confidence wasn't an issue. I never played lead and as a benefit, I drank a lot of booze and everyone knows after a few shots of -Insert choice cocktail or alcoholic beverage here- you feel 10 ft tall and bulletproof, so the confidence was never lacking. Well, I guess it wasn't so much confidence as it was simply not giving a sh**. Then, I quit playing for a fairly long time and along the way, I did a little bit of growing up and as such, I don't drink that much anymore.

Now, when I first started playing somewhat seriously again, I noticed that whenever I attempted to play in front of anyone else, especially another guitarist or musician, I'm a nervous friggin' wreck. But, the real kick in the nards is, I have no reason to be nervous. I'm not a bad guitarist, in fact, I'm a lot better than I really thought after checking out the lessons here, I just really needed to concentrate on a few techniques and learn some new licks. Everyone I know tells me that I'm a very good guitarist, but I still feel very intimidated and kind of vulnerable when I play in front of people. Is there any way to get over this? Outside of drinking a pint of 100 proof Southern Comfort?

It really is a pain in the a** and it really hurts me when auditioning or just jamming with friends. I'd really, REALLY like to get over this.

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[Goliath]

I have the same problem, I used to be terrified to plug in at a music store to test drive a guitar.

But that's how I eventually overcame it, I put the guitar on my lap and said "I'm going to see how this guitar responds to these different techniques, and I am not going to care what anyone else thinks". Low and behold, I got a couple young kids with their dads to stop and watch me play briefly but I ignored them just focusing on how the guitar reacted to me playing it. A couple "atta boys" and "so that's how they make them squeal like that". After about an hour of this KNOWINGLY playing in front of salesmen and other musicians, I became comfortable. It still bothers me initially, but I don't get tense in the wrist like I used to.

It worked for me, might give it a shot.

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[David Wallimann]

I have the same problem, I used to be terrified to plug in at a music store to test drive a guitar.

But that's how I eventually overcame it, I put the guitar on my lap and said "I'm going to see how this guitar responds to these different techniques, and I am not going to care what anyone else thinks". Low and behold, I got a couple young kids with their dads to stop and watch me play briefly but I ignored them just focusing on how the guitar reacted to me playing it. A couple "atta boys" and "so that's how they make them squeal like that". After about an hour of this KNOWINGLY playing in front of salesmen and other musicians, I became comfortable. It still bothers me initially, but I don't get tense in the wrist like I used to.

It worked for me, might give it a shot.

I have the same exact experience!

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[The Uncreator]

Well i dont think you should rely on having to drink for one thing, thats never a good thing, and for 90% of people, it inhibits there abilities (And you dont want that! )

So i suggest to play in front of people when you get a chance, but dont think about the people, just concentrate on the awesome tune your playing, get lost in it, and soon, you wont even care who heres it its so much fun.

Or you could do the cliche thing and imagine every one in there underwear

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[PlayAllDay]

I have the same exact experience!

I can't believe it David!
I also suffer from this and it's a real pain - in fact - it's one of the reasons I decided to join GMC.
It took me a while to work up the courage to do a collaboration but I'm going to keep doing them and keep doing this till I get over it.
I've been performing various kinds of music all my life (and still do) and I never thought I would ever suffer lack of confidence, but it has had its hooks in me a couple of years no and my only defence is to practise meditation and mind control so that I can focus only on my playing.

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[shellshock1911]

I had to play Enter Sandman, Freebird, and Canon Rock in front of like 70 people on Thanksgiving, and it was my first time even playing in front of more than 2-3 people! I just stared at the fretboard the entire time and never looked at the audience, not once. I know it is good to make eye contact, but it was my first time, so they had sympathy I guess.

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[MickeM]

Or you could do the cliche thing and imagine every one in there underwear

Oh... I never got over my nervosity and I felt stupid up there on stage but now I see why, I got it all wrong and imagined myself in underwaer...

No seriously, I was nervous the first few times I performed infront of an audience but now I'm over it. It's simply because I've rehearsed the songs I know them so well so I'm not scared I will mess up. Everyone in the audience are there to listen to your music, noone will judge you - sure they can compare but knowing myself I can feel happy if I sence I'm a better player, that's proof of hard work paying off, I can also be happy if the guitarist on stage is better than me because that's rather inspiring. So I don't see a situation where MY presence in the audience would make anyone on stage feel bad or nervous.
Knowing all of that, I don't feel nervous either since there's nothing to be nervous about.
If someone dislikes what you do, that rather says more about him than about your playing.

So it could be as simple as a bit of insight in that people are there to enjoy music, not judge you. And a bit of confidence in that you know the songs so well you won't fail.

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[Sabbz]

Thanks for the replies and advice guys! I really appreciate it!

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[Chris Evans]

For me I`m nervous as anything before a gig, doesnt matter whos there, friends, family, total strangers etc, I find about half way through the first song, I might catch someones eye thats digging the music the bands playing, or some come down the front and start headbanging then thats it, nerves gone and I`m into enjoyment overdrive

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[MickeM]

For me I`m nervous as anything before a gig, doesnt matter whos there, friends, family, total strangers etc, I find about half way through the first song, I might catch someones eye thats digging the music the bands playing, or some come down the front and start headbanging then thats it, nerves gone and I`m into enjoyment overdrive

And about the first song. We always put a very easy song first, when we're done playing it everyone in the band (and audience too hopefully) is warmed up. The rest of the songs and sets come more easy after that.

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[Chris Evans]

And about the first song. We always put a very easy song first, when we're done playing it everyone in the band (and audience too hopefully) is warmed up. The rest of the songs and sets come more easy after that.

yes, thats a good point actually, we do that too, worth it to get warmed up, one you can play standing on your head, so theres almost no chance that its gunna go wrong.

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[Muris Varajic]

Luckily I must say that I don't have similar issue,at least when it's about playing.

I AM bit of confused person in some matters,to much things on my mind,
many times I was driving home while thinking of something and ending up
in totally different part of the city,really

But when I'm playing I'm 100% concentrated and focused on what I'm doing,
no matter how many people are in front of me.

Hope it'll be that way for few more years until old age starts to take its due

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[Man0waR]

I doubt anyone will have given you ThIs advice, but all the more reason for me to show you my point of view -> don't give up getting drunk it's human and if it makes you feel good , it's always a plus.

Now to add the touch of decency to my last few lines -> Everything should be done in decent amounts , especially drinkin' booze and since you obviousely are not going to get drunk everytime you play so you'll have to see if you are a potential monster-focuser [like Muris said he's 100% focused no matter the number of ppl] and you just have to spend more time with more and more people to get used to it the hard and brutal way , or you could be the other kind that's [innevitably] a sloppier player at times , but that likes to watch the public , make gestures and such.
I don't think it's THAT BIG of an issue but for the purpose of simply RELAXING and chilling a bit more , ask someone like a psychologist - for the sake of getting advice from someone who deals with obviousely much more serious problems.

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[Muris Varajic]

Now my 2 cents about drinking

It IS good way to get more relaxed for sure but also dangerous tool to break the line,
too many shred and someone is gonna throw a carrot on you.

I used to drink,not that much tho but yeah,few beers per night...
It didn't affect my playing at all but I quited anyhow,
so,I would suggest NOT to drink.

Do I sound like somebody's parents?

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[RobM]

I have the same problem, I used to be terrified to plug in at a music store to test drive a guitar.

But that's how I eventually overcame it, I put the guitar on my lap and said "I'm going to see how this guitar responds to these different techniques, and I am not going to care what anyone else thinks". Low and behold, I got a couple young kids with their dads to stop and watch me play briefly but I ignored them just focusing on how the guitar reacted to me playing it. A couple "atta boys" and "so that's how they make them squeal like that". After about an hour of this KNOWINGLY playing in front of salesmen and other musicians, I became comfortable. It still bothers me initially, but I don't get tense in the wrist like I used to.

It worked for me, might give it a shot.

I'm that way now, I never play anything I may see that I'm interested in because I'm too worried about what the people who see me play might think. Thats funny to because I'm the type of person in everything else that I could give a sh*t what anyone else thinks. My guitar teacher calls me his favorite student because I actually practice what he teaches me and use the metronome like I should to not only learn but really nail whatever it was that we went over in the previous weeks lesson.

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[mattacuk]

The problem with booze is that the more you do it, the more you will tell yourself that you need it to perform! The same can be applied to people who drink heavily everytime they go out - they see it as mandatory to have fun.

I used to drink alot in my teens but by the age of twenty i started getting used to going out sober. I felt a bit silly at first but after a while I just got used to going out sober. My confidence in my social skills grew and today I am a much better person for it.

If you can get used to playing sober and rely on your much practiced skills you will be in a much better place

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[Sabbz]

I doubt anyone will have given you ThIs advice, but all the more reason for me to show you my point of view -> don't give up getting drunk it's human and if it makes you feel good , it's always a plus.

Now to add the touch of decency to my last few lines -> Everything should be done in decent amounts , especially drinkin' booze and since you obviousely are not going to get drunk everytime you play so you'll have to see if you are a potential monster-focuser [like Muris said he's 100% focused no matter the number of ppl] and you just have to spend more time with more and more people to get used to it the hard and brutal way , or you could be the other kind that's [innevitably] a sloppier player at times , but that likes to watch the public , make gestures and such.
I don't think it's THAT BIG of an issue but for the purpose of simply RELAXING and chilling a bit more , ask someone like a psychologist - for the sake of getting advice from someone who deals with obviousely much more serious problems.

Oh I haven't given it up. It's just not habitual like it used to be, when I was younger. lol

Now my 2 cents about drinking

It IS good way to get more relaxed for sure but also dangerous tool to break the line,
too many shred and someone is gonna throw a carrot on you.

I used to drink,not that much tho but yeah,few beers per night...
It didn't affect my playing at all but I quited anyhow,
so,I would suggest NOT to drink.

Do I sound like somebody's parents?

You're absolutely right dude. There's a fine line between getting loose and getting ridiculously sloppy because of the alcohol.

I'm that way now, I never play anything I may see that I'm interested in because I'm too worried about what the people who see me play might think. Thats funny to because I'm the type of person in everything else that I could give a sh*t what anyone else thinks. My guitar teacher calls me his favorite student because I actually practice what he teaches me and use the metronome like I should to not only learn but really nail whatever it was that we went over in the previous weeks lesson.

EXACTLY! I normally don't give a sweet fat rat's a** about anything anyone thinks regarding me, except when it comes to playing the damned guitar. Why is that? lol

The problem with booze is that the more you do it, the more you will tell yourself that you need it to perform! The same can be applied to people who drink heavily everytime they go out - they see it as mandatory to have fun.

I used to drink alot in my teens but by the age of twenty i started getting used to going out sober. I felt a bit silly at first but after a while I just got used to going out sober. My confidence in my social skills grew and today I am a much better person for it.

If you can get used to playing sober and rely on your much practiced skills you will be in a much better place

Man, when I was 17, it used to take a couple of shots of tequila just to roll out of the bed at noon. I DO NOT miss those days at all.

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This post has been edited by Sabbz: Jan 8 2008, 02:25 PM

[Ivan Milenkovic]

You musn't drink too much man. It will affect both your playing and your personal life. You can get addictive to alcohol and this is not something you should do. I suggest you stop drinking, and limit yourself for two beers per month for starters. Also play in front of people often, and you'll get the hang of it. You're not the only one with the problem - lots of people (including myself) are nervous in some form when the play in front of other people.
When I drink too much before gigging it affects my ability to be cautious about my playing, so errors can occur. Bogdan can confirm this I don't drink that much anymore on gigs, maybe a beer or two occasionally, no more.

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