Marriage - A Warning To You All Options

[PosterBoy]

Only joking I love being married, I've got a great wife but....

I went through an old hard drive and saw how much I recorded and wrote when I was miserable and single.

Don't waste the opportunities!!!!

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[Spock]

I enjoy being married too - and I enjoyed being single. I've been married twice and my first wife walked out on me after 7 years - that ended up being one of the BEST days of my life.

It was the single years after that marriage that I enjoyed so much. Then when I met my current wife, it wasn't to get married, but she had qualities that reminded me of the women in my family, old fashioned qualities that I really loved - and she isn't high maintenance, we're both introverts, so we can do our own thing without feeling the other is avoiding us - which is awesome. My first wife didn't understand I needed to be alone sometimes to re-energize and clear my mind - she thought it was a character defect - so I endured years of bitching and moaning.

After the first wife I swore I'd never get married again, but I'm glad I was wrong about that.

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This post has been edited by Spock: Nov 27 2014, 10:54 AM

[Kristofer Dahl]

Only joking I love being married, I've got a great wife but....

I went through an old hard drive and saw how much I recorded and wrote when I was miserable and single.

Don't waste the opportunities!!!!

It's hard to deny there is some truth in this.

However, on a brighter note - once marriage ends there will be lots of inspiration for death metal and other aggressive styles..maybe

PS my wife is great as well (I want to survive the day)

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[Monica Gheorghev...]

I'm married but I found a perfect solution to have all the time I want for guitar
Because I really believe that only people which play at an instrument can understand how much time you need to spend for practice, I pushed my husband to start and learn an instrument (he always liked the idea but never tried). Actually it's impossible to not wish to learn this when you have a wife which play all the time and you are surrounded by different instruments. After some attempts he chose drums. Now he love what he's doing and has one of the best drum teachers from our country, very harshly, which puts you to work for reach a very high level

So...with a very crazy wife who forget to sleep or eat because he studying at guitar and with a drum teacher who kick your a** if you not study, you have 2 solution: play or run away as fast as you can Until now he supported the situation as a hero But I check every day the wardrobe to be sure that he still have the clothes there (just kidding....or not )

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[Lester]

I'm married but I found a perfect solution to have all the time I want for guitar
Because I really believe that only people which play at an instrument can understand how much time you need to spend for practice, I pushed my husband to start and learn an instrument (he always liked the idea but never tried). Actually it's impossible to not wish to learn this when you have a wife which play all the time and you are surrounded by different instruments. After some attempts he chose drums. Now he love what he's doing and has one of the best drum teachers from our country, very harshly, which puts you to work for reach a very high level

So...with a very crazy wife who forget to sleep or eat because he studying at guitar and with a drum teacher who kick your a** if you not study, you have 2 solution: play or run away as fast as you can Until now he supported the situation as a hero But I check every day the wardrobe to be sure that he still have the clothes there (just kidding....or not )

Yeah, got that right

Just helped my girlfriend buy a guitar last week, now we discuss guitar stuff when we're together...this one's a keeper

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[Kristofer Dahl]

You guys really have advanced strategies here! Very creative solutions to a common problem I must say.

In my case - my wife got a very good musical start in life and learned to sing, play piano and basic guitar (she is a pretty decent singer). However she is not active with music anymore. We have two small kids, and she says she would like to pick music up again at some point.

She is still very generous and gives me time for my music though, she knows too well I cannot function properly without it... And that is definitely yet a reason to hold on to her!

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[Todd Simpson]

Sounds like a keeper!! I'm sure there is some gal out there who digs Carcass, enjoys playing scales, loves old dorky movies, etc. Still looking though

You guys really have advanced strategies here! Very creative solutions to a common problem I must say.

In my case - my wife got a very good musical start in life and learned to sing, play piano and basic guitar (she is a pretty decent singer). However she is not active with music anymore. We have two small kids, and she says she would like to pick music up again at some point.

She is still very generous and gives me time for my music though, she knows too well I cannot function properly without it... And that is definitely yet a reason to hold on to her!

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[Bogdan Radovic]

I wouldn't say I'm very experienced in this department as I haven't been married for long (pushing two months) ....but I think it is very important to have the right surroundings when it comes to what we do (music). I'm lucky that even though my wife doesn't play an instrument, she is a huge fan of music and always liked what I do and understood it correctly. Her approach is to just stay away. Basically, she would just let me do my thing and don't interrupt or be in the way in any case. She knows how important it is to me.

She got to witness lots of band rehearsals and situations where girlfriends of other band members would interrupt and try to become a part of the process like its some kind of social hangout even though they are "not qualified" hehe
Those are situations (sometimes a bit tense due to time limits etc) where the band would be composing new songs, trying out different ideas etc. I always found such situations very intimate where band members would be fully focused and in those situations if there are 3rd persons giving opinion and trying to influence the tune in making - well that never came out good at least in my experience. Its ok and advisable to get as much 2nd opinion as possible after the song is done and you are happy with it personally but I find it distractive and kinda weird when someones girlfriend would go randomly in the middle of the process "why don't you sing it like this" : [singing something out of tune and random] ....and than we are expected to politely deny it not to hurt her feelings

I'm currently feeling very inspired musically and writing music or just being creative has always driven me. It feels so good to finish a new song you were working on for so long + there is an additional satisfaction when you finally get to record it and set in stone the "final version of it". Also, when you look at it - songs you record and publish will stay out there forever and when you get old you can just put on the tunes and remember "the good ol' days" It also always fascinated me that music nowadays (published digitally for example) basically stays out there forever and all the future generations and generations will be able to listen to it.

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[Kristofer Dahl]

Its ok and advisable to get as much 2nd opinion as possible after the song is done and you are happy with it personally but I find it distractive and kinda weird when someones girlfriend would go randomly in the middle of the process "why don't you sing it like this" : [singing something out of tune and random] ....and than we are expected to politely deny it not to hurt her feelings

Wow yes for sure that sounds like a nightmare thing (Yoko ono - anybody?). That kind of situation would drive me crazy regardless of whose the girlfriend it is.

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[Kristofer Dahl]

Sounds like a keeper!! I'm sure there is some gal out there who digs Carcass, enjoys playing scales, loves old dorky movies, etc. Still looking though

Yes I think there should be a whole bunch of them, especially if you're ready to compromise on any of those points..!

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[jstcrsn]

Sounds like a keeper!! I'm sure there is some gal out there who digs Carcass, enjoys playing scales, loves old dorky movies, etc. Still looking though

I don't think it is so much her liking these things , as mush as, what she is willing put up with/learn to like with what you bring to the table. sounds a little clinical, but when you get down to reason why , they are always there. As with everyone, it is all about "me". like that Janet Jackson song :What have you done for me lately:. We date for purely selfish reasons. How they make me feel/act/ laugh .The funny thing is once you get married ( to make things work well) You have to change on a dime and all of a sudden it has to be about the other person.Now if both people are unselfishly meeting the needs of the others it is bliss, but when one or both fall out of this pattern , the end is usually not far. Well , thats my two cents( cause thats all it is worth)

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[Todd Simpson]

Hehehe, well said

Yes I think there should be a whole bunch of them, especially if you're ready to compromise on any of those points..!

Sounds spot on! It's almost like playing in a band and insisting the other guitar player take the solo each time. It works great until one says, HEY IT"S MY TURN!! Then Chris quits Megadeth.

I don't think it is so much her liking these things , as mush as, what she is willing put up with/learn to like with what you bring to the table. sounds a little clinical, but when you get down to reason why , they are always there. As with everyone, it is all about "me". like that Janet Jackson song :What have you done for me lately:. We date for purely selfish reasons. How they make me feel/act/ laugh .The funny thing is once you get married ( to make things work well) You have to change on a dime and all of a sudden it has to be about the other person.Now if both people are unselfishly meeting the needs of the others it is bliss, but when one or both fall out of this pattern , the end is usually not far. Well , thats my two cents( cause thats all it is worth)

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[Ulrik]

Marriage? I don't think I'll ever get married.

Having one kid or more + getting a house and keeping it clean (with a kid burping and throwing food) is stealing time, and not so much the relationship part.

I just went with 8 other guys to a beach house to eat, play table tennis, eat, play board games, eat and eat some more thursday to sunday, and our girlfriends/wifes all allow this. If not I guess I would be running.
Then in the summer my girl friend gets to spend a week preparing a medieval festival.
Did I mention we met on a dating site more than 6 years ago!

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[klasaine]

I just went with 8 other guys to a beach house to eat, play table tennis, eat, play board games, eat and eat some more thursday to sunday, and our girlfriends/wifes all allow this. If not I guess I would be running.
Then in the summer my girl friend gets to spend a week preparing a medieval festival.

I do that as does my wife sometimes (take time away from the family).
We have a mortgage and a 5 year old. We leave junior with grandma and grandpa for a week every year. Not all kids make a constant mess. Mine's relatively low maintenance as kids go. It all depends on who you pick and how you want to live your life - ?

*I got married 'late', at 44 and had a kid at 47. I got a lot of bullshit out of my system prior.

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This post has been edited by klasaine: Dec 2 2014, 03:44 AM