New Song, New Approach Options

[The Uncreator]

I got a new finished song here, And with this one I did a bit different style than my usual stuff, No real lyrical structure to it, Besides it just being a series of verses I guess, And the beginning reminded of a bit of an Agalloch atmosphere in some ways.

Anyway, Let me know what you think of it.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


The sky is blue and breathing
The air is pure with the rising sun
Horizon seems to cradle the clouds
And not a single soul was in pain

I stand alone wondering why I'm here
I don't belong to this world
Shadows and afterimages
A bad dream that I cannot awake from

The sky is grey with bated breath
The air is exhaled to create a vaccuum
Horizon is blocked
By an incoming rain

Silver drops hit my skin
Like falling mercury
Every soul stops in time
Halted by an unseen facade

Bodies fall all at once
A thunderous roar
Yet I remain standing here all alone
An ungodly silence

The atmosphere is reduced to a britlle shell
And eyes perceive a world of grey
Raindrops that have fallen from heaven
Have come with the wrath of hell

This silver rain falls like knives
Stripping the bones of flesh
This silver rain falls like an acide
Dissolving the monuments of man

This silver rain falls like a fire
Leaving a charred footprint
This silver rain falls....
This silver rain falls on all but...

Me.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Somehwere in 4:00 - 4:10 there are some volume swells. I dont get them on my computer or MP3 player, but I get them in my car and on my sisters computer, So im trying to work that out.

Let me know your thoughts.

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[Ivan Milenkovic]

First I gotta tell you that the lyrics are really awesome. They do require some work on them to be perfect tho, for example I didn't liked to use of a word "vacuum". But other than that there are some great rhymes, and stylistic figures. Excellent!

Second, about the song: I cannot comment it that much cause I'm at laptop atm, but judging from what I hear, the vocals could be more defined in sound. It's OK to scream/growl if this is what you want, I just had a feeling as a listener that the sound of them was a bit muddy in relation to the music. I like the intro as well.


cheers mate, really nice work.

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[The Uncreator]

I'm still struggling to produce a better vocal sound, Any input or tips for that is much appreciated.
As for the use of the word vacuum, Its really the only word that fits to me, The air is compleltely taken off the planet, and leaves it in a vacuum, Or atleast thats what the person in this song feels like, A loss of breath that she feels is shared by everyone.

Anyway im rambling, thanks for the advice once again, Hopefully next time I'll have some more improved stuff

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