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Posted by: TreyDeschamp May 27 2008, 01:21 AM

So I wrote these lyrics in religion class after readung revelations or whatever the section is about the apocolypse. Me and my friend started a band and he told me to write some lyrics so I did. I need some posotive and negative critisim
so heres the song

The Second Beast

With horns like a dragons
come out of the ground
everyone screams in a little town
wide awake i sit at night
sitting in horrifyed fright

Chorus:

The Second Beast has risen and has come
we saw it rise from the grave but will gods hand save

The bodies are lying in the streets
we need this one who we hear can difeat
this beast that may be over there
his smell lingers in the air

Chorus:

The Second Beast has risen and has come
we saw it rise from the grave but will gods hand save
________________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading my lyrics

Posted by: Canis May 27 2008, 09:25 AM

Makes me think of pink, fluffy bunnies

Posted by: Hisham Al-Sanea May 27 2008, 10:16 AM

good start TreyDiscahmp i like to read but i havent a talent to write as i can to compose the music

Posted by: Ivan Milenkovic May 27 2008, 11:45 AM

Nice horror lyrics man. I like the gothic feel in it

Posted by: OrganisedConfusion May 27 2008, 11:52 AM

great lyrics for a first time writing My first ever lyrics were really bad although I was 8 . I have ran out of ideas for lyrics lately so just keep writing instrumentals lol And they suck

Keep writing lyrics and you will find each time they will get better until you get to the point where everything you write will be good

Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam May 27 2008, 12:28 PM

Wasnt bad Trey

Upload more of your future lyrics !

Sometimes it seems as if you were trying to force rhymes in your lyrics, and as you can see you dont need to rhyme at all in lyrics if you dont want to ! The Uncreator is a prime example of someone that writes great lyrics but doesnt always rhyme.

Hope to see you on here more

Posted by: TreyDeschamp May 27 2008, 01:08 PM

Your very right on that one I would sorta run out of ideas and then try to make something up that rhymed but latly I have been noticing that while I'm listening to music the singer isn't rhyming at all so I'm gonna take a look at that and try to write some lyrics that dont rhyme at all just to see what come up.

Thanks everyone for your nice words and to Canis-----haha the pink fluffy bunnies were eaten by the beast haha

Posted by: Bogdan Radovic May 27 2008, 02:33 PM

Very good start on writing lyrics..Keep it up!

Posted by: Mark. May 27 2008, 03:52 PM

You should write a book

And join my band "The Beast", this would be a good song for it
If you join then I've got 2 members

Posted by: TreyDeschamp May 27 2008, 08:34 PM

Haha if you were serious thanks for the offer but I have a band at home.

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

Posted by: Pi38 May 27 2008, 08:36 PM

Nice job, man!

Posted by: TreyDeschamp May 27 2008, 08:40 PM

Thank you man I appreciate that!

Posted by: Praetorian May 29 2008, 02:11 PM

Great start...keep at it!