Printable Version of Topic

Posted by: Nihilist1 Jan 12 2012, 11:42 AM

Can I get some criticism on a song I recently wrote? I may expand on it a bit, as I really like the main chord progression. Be as harsh as necessary! I know the quality isn't the best, I recorded it with my iPhone 4S, but it is just a demo.

Thanks!

-Nihil

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgJKJt8yS7Y&feature=channel_video_title

Posted by: mad Jan 12 2012, 11:58 AM

Like it very much!
The intro chords remind me of 'Pendelous Skin' by Mastodon.

Posted by: Nihilist1 Jan 12 2012, 12:44 PM

I have never listened to Pendelous Skin before. I have not been exposed to a lot of Mastodon. I am playing in dropped Db(Eb standard with the low Eb dropped down a whole step) if that matters. Believe it or not, but the opening melody was inspired by, Enslaved-Ruun.

Posted by: Ben Higgins Jan 12 2012, 01:03 PM

That's a beautiful tone on that guitar man, especially considering it was from a phone. I really like the arpeggiated chords.. I felt the second half, where it started strumming, was almost too 'normal' ? The chords changed exactly where you expected them to, so maybe introducing some odd meter might work ?

Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi Jan 12 2012, 03:34 PM

Nice tune man! I love the intro arpeggios. It sounds so unique. I like the rhythm that you used in the strumming section but after some round I start to feel bored of the same rhythm all the time. I would change it in any part of at least make the section shorter. Also as Ben said, maybe the progression could be a bit less obvious for that sections.

Posted by: Ivan Milenkovic Jan 12 2012, 04:17 PM

Very nice atmosphere with the arpeggios! Have you tried playing them with the click? Will the song be as it is (only acoustic)? I think it sounds very good. The arpeggio intro is great, but perhaps it's a bit too long, so you should definitely insert something in the second part. Don't be afraid to record another guitar or something, like a simple line, that already means a lot you know.

THe chord progression is great, and nice tone I think it sounds pretty good, but as the guys said a bit repetitive and too obvious. Try using unusual chord up the neck or something, or just record another layer of some reverb/delay two note licks that will top the chords, it can sound cool.

Keep working on it, it's great so far. It's a very good idea that is worth experimenting with more

Posted by: Daniel Realpe Jan 12 2012, 08:35 PM

I like the vibe it starts with, pretty dark,

I'd love to hear with a backing of drums and bass,

do you plan on doing that?

Posted by: Alex Feather Jan 12 2012, 09:14 PM

Sounds very good! I like it a lot!

Posted by: SirJamsalot Jan 12 2012, 09:47 PM

Ditto on the above - I would add as a personal preference, the intro is too long - if you are not going to introduce new elements as the intro goes into the third or fourth bar, by the time you reach the 8th bar, I've given up as a listener and reach for the dial. Perhaps you intend to add drums and bass, perhaps a complimenting guitar or some other instrument, but unless you do, I start to lose interest.

you need to add something after the first few bars to let me (the listener) know that the song is building into something as ominous as the chord suggests, so I should stay tuned to hear it! Even if it's only a single bell 'ting'! or the introduction of the sound of wind blowing or something to denote slow change.

It's awesome you're posting videos of your early work. Something I need to find time to do myself! Keep posting - lots of potential there.

Awesome!

Posted by: Nihilist1 Jan 12 2012, 09:54 PM

Believe it or not, that acoustic is my first guitar! Just some $80 USD starter guitar from a company named Montana. When I first started(at the ripe age of 14) I didn't want it because I had never heard of the brand name. It was dumb of me. I think I was 17 when I realised that it had such a great tone. The only acoustic guitar I have ever preferred was a Martin OMC1-E.



I will definitely keep working on it. I think I am going to have to search for some other musicians to help me on this one, however. I can't write riffs all that well. I will let this develop more, as I had hardly worked on it at this point. I had only done enough to get these thoughts down, then I recorded it all.



I would have to have someone else do the drums. I can't play/write them at all. I don't have a bass either. I used to be such a control freak with my music that I would not allow others to work with me. That really just stemmed from my jealousy and feelings of inadequacy I am just getting over. I think I am at a point where I can finally start working with other musicians. The longer I take, the less I progress, right? I actually do not have enough gear to record with my electric either, but I will definitely finish the acoustic part in the future. A friend of mine has a microphone and I stand I can use to record this properly. I have had a lot of positive feedback on what has already been written, so it will definitely turn into an entire song.

I know that it is quite repetitive, I plan on sort of keeping it that way. I am a big fan of Opeth and I would be lying if I were to say that they didn't influence me in this at all. There will be a few modifications left, but I personally like the chord changes. I know exactly which section to shorten, but I do happen to believe that I can write a great riff over that with an electric and some distortion.

When it comes to writing, I am a lot better at creating atmosphere than anything else. I guess that kind of naturally happened since all I did before I picked up an instrument was read and write poetry.

Thanks for the feedback! If there is more I would greatly appreciate it!