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GMC Forum _ CHILL OUT _ I Feel Dead And Empty.
Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Jun 5 2010, 06:38 AM
There was always one person that was helping me in my life and being my first and most vivid love. I told this girl some of my deepest darkest secrets and I loved her with all that I was. I wrote almost all my lyrics for her in one way or another. She was my inspiration . Life took its turns and we got in a fight and she picked another guy over me.
Months passed by and we shared a simple friendship, harldly ever talked. Pretty bad considering I shared everything there was to share with her about who I was.
Out of the blue the other I get a text from here and she wanted to hang out. We shared a true bond that night.
I finally thought this was going to be it, with the girl of my dreams.
I find out today that she has stage 3 angiosarcom Cancer of the spine and brain.
I'm lost for words. I don't know what to do or how to do it. Thanks for listening, It feels good to vent.
Posted by: jafomatic Jun 5 2010, 07:06 AM
Well. It sounds like she has a lot of living to get done in a very short time. It also sounds like you truly care for her.
Those two items add up to this: the best thing you can do --for both of you-- is to help her do all that living and/or to help her keep fighting if that's what she wants to do.
Posted by: kiendop Jun 5 2010, 07:49 AM
Sorry to hear this sad news about your friend.
Life isn't fair.
Wish you all the strength.
Posted by: Adrian Figallo Jun 5 2010, 07:55 AM
oh man...
sometimes life is just wrong...
but i also think that sometimes we just can't understand..
be strong dude..
Posted by: Gitarrero Jun 5 2010, 09:06 AM
Oh man, this is terrible news...
Try to be strong, support her and if we at GMC can do anything for you, just let us know.
Posted by: Todd Simpson Jun 5 2010, 09:37 AM
Very sad news. I'm very sorry to hear this. A family member I was really close to recently passed away so the wound is still fresh and I feel your pain. I did take solace in my music. I hope you are able to do the same.
Best Wishes
Todd
Posted by: tonymiro Jun 5 2010, 10:36 AM
Very sorry to hear this ES&J. My thoughts are with you both.
Posted by: Staffy Jun 5 2010, 11:58 AM
Oh, sorry to hear about that, buddy. My father passed away bout a year ago, and he was truly my best friend. He was very sick before he died, and I think I know what You're going through. Anyway, I think the best You can do is to support her the best You can and dont leave anything unspoken. Some tought time awaits You, even if she might get well. But there's some relief in the fact that things like this, seems to make us stronger and appreciate the small things in life a lot more. And as the other guy's already said, we're here for You !!!
/staffay
Posted by: Ivan Milenkovic Jun 5 2010, 01:23 PM
Very sorry to hear that man. Darkness came to her and your life. Important thing is not to let yourself get swallowed by that darkness. Be strong, be patient, be positive as much as possible. More importantly always be sincere and have a clear - real view of your life and situation around you. It will help dealing with hard problems that life always brings us when we least expect it. That's life..
Posted by: Fran Jun 5 2010, 01:29 PM
I'm out of words mate... just want to let you know I'm really sorry to hear that 
Posted by: Karl-ss Jun 5 2010, 01:57 PM
That must be horrible! I am so sorry for you both. I hope she has a good life during the time she has left, stay strong man.. I personally had this friend pass away on me. I still blame myself and those that made me who I am in a way. I don't know what else to say but I can only agree with Staffy that you mustn't leave anything unsaid. And we are here for you. =/
Posted by: Ben Higgins Jun 5 2010, 03:16 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that.... I can only echo the other guys' thoughts and wish you and your friend all the strength in the world right now. Illness can happen to any one of us and is a reminder to make each moment count with those we care for. Our support and thoughts are with you.
Posted by: stratman79 Jun 5 2010, 03:18 PM
man thats really rough, my dad passed away a year a go on wednesday, after battling cancer.
it was without a doubt the hardest time of my life... take each day one at a time stay strong and you will come through it.
Staffy is 110 percent right... don't let anything be unsaid, its so important.
Posted by: maharzan Jun 5 2010, 04:06 PM
Sorry to hear that.. Keep strong and give your best to her. 
Posted by: Praetorian Jun 5 2010, 04:06 PM
Sorry to hear that bro. My mother and uncle are both battling cancer as we speak. It can be a rough road. Hang in there for her...she is going to need you now more than ever!
Posted by: thefireball Jun 5 2010, 04:12 PM
God knows your situation. We will be praying.
Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Jun 5 2010, 04:23 PM
Thank you everyone for all the support. I am taking this time to write an entire albums worth of material based on her and her life. I know people don't live forever but I want to create something that will...in her honor.
Your very right, and im keeping the same optimism. That being said, I don't know much about Angiosarcoma
but this is what one site tells me. "Angiosarcoma is one of the most devastating and lethal types of cancer. It begins as a growth within blood vessels, but can quickly become cancerous and spread to many other systems. Like most forms of cancer, Angiosarcoma is uncontrolled cell replication, but its relation to the circulatory system pose unique threats to the health of any individual.
Any malignant condition that affects the blood is extremely dangerous, for it is quite easy for the cancerous cells to “mestastize,” or spread cancer to other, healthy systems. Because angiosarcoma affects blood vessels, this type of cancer often proves to be aggressive, difficult to treat, and recurs often. It has the potential to occur in any part of the body, often without warning, and is frequently without symptoms until there is a serious medical emergency."
She is debating whether or not to keep using the pills, and to go through kimo again because its so long and painful and her dad died unexpectedly 5 years ago and she basically told me, if she had to choose between staying here and pain, and seeing her father. She would rather see her father.
Posted by: MickeM Jun 5 2010, 05:53 PM
Sorry to hear.
Be strong!
Be there for her!
Posted by: Fusar Jun 5 2010, 08:15 PM
Oh I'm so sorry for you man... I lived for years with my grand-mother, she was the only person who always listened to my stories (and she gave me the opportunity to make music!). Four years ago she felt ill (no cancer, but so much problems and hospital I don‘t want to think about it again) and passed away last year. I‘m almost crying now when I have to think back that I lost the man I loved the most...but it is not only sadness. We knew that we would have some time to spend together, so I did take her at a lots of places, for example Paris, the city she loved the most...I was talking with her about everything I wanted to. I wasn‘t going much out with my friends at that time, but they did understand me. Her death wasn‘t as bad as I expected, because the week before she died, she told me that her life was full of happiness and nice people and that she never had thought that she would receive all the love she‘d given to me...
This is my biggest and saddest experience with death, don‘t know if that helps you to be strong.
I also have a friend with sarcom...he is not a close friend, but I sometimes hear news about him...he had a very difficult time the two past years, but now he‘s feeling strong again and he is able to pass so much nice times with his friends. He even has started to work again (no 40 hours per week, but as long as he feels ok).
I hope you can imagine how important good friends are for ill people. I wish you all the best to keep strong. I‘m very touched by your story, and maybe I could give you a quote by Vaclav Havel, which helped me a lo and of whom I think is so true...“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.“
Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Jun 5 2010, 11:48 PM
This is my biggest and saddest experience with death, don‘t know if that helps you to be strong. I also have a friend with sarcom...he is not a close friend, but I sometimes hear news about him...he had a very difficult time the two past years, but now he‘s feeling strong again and he is able to pass so much nice times with his friends. He even has started to work again (no 40 hours per week, but as long as he feels ok).
I hope you can imagine how important good friends are for ill people. I wish you all the best to keep strong. I‘m very touched by your story, and maybe I could give you a quote by Vaclav Havel, which helped me a lo and of whom I think is so true...“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.“
Thank you so much man. Your post really spoke to me. I can feel the emotion in words . I am just going to continue to make her laugh and be there. This is the girl that was the reason I basically started writing lyrics and wrote my first songs about. I feel all of this so deeply and it gives me strength when I read a story like yours and I find courage in the words you spoke. Thank you.
Posted by: Fusar Jun 6 2010, 12:46 AM
I always thought that sentences like "You don't have time. You have to take your time." "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." etc were cliché. It was for sure a hard time, at the end I sometimes felt like I would be undertaken by everything around me (but music never deceived me). But now I'm glad to have had time to spend with a precious woman. After her death, I felt no longer as a child...
You will feel so weak at times, but believe me, you won't regret any second you spent with the people (or girl) you love.
It makes me kind of happy to read that I can help you to be a little stronger, even though we don't really know each other
Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Jun 6 2010, 12:55 AM
You will feel so weak at times, but believe me, you won't regret any second you spent with the people (or girl) you love.
It makes me kind of happy to read that I can help you to be a little stronger, even though we don't really know each other
It doesn't matter if we don't know each other. You helped me and thats what counts. Know that.
Posted by: Fusar Jun 6 2010, 01:23 AM
I'm very glad to have helped you. If at any time, there is something (disturbing) in your mind, you want to tell somebody / the GMC community, speak or write it out. Otherwise heavy things will become even more heavy.
Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Jun 6 2010, 06:46 AM
Exactly. I felt that very weight before I posted. Its a deep cold sensation that just keeps getting colder. It feels like your always hungry but nothing ever fills it.
Posted by: jstcrsn Jun 6 2010, 02:50 PM
love is not a feeling -but shows itself in actions
it shows itself in selflessness
it in its truest form love requires nothing in return
So if you do love her -Be a Man and stand by her side, even if you gain nothing
you might only have a little while - you might have sixty years
But your actions will prove your true intentions
you did speak of everything you felt - what about what she feels
would it be worth it if all you had was a year?
I mean this all as an encouragement
Posted by: Daniel Realpe Jun 6 2010, 03:30 PM
support her sincerely with no self-boundaries, and live every single day as if it was the last,
she's lucky to have you now
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