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GMC Forum _ Lyrics _ My First Song Ive Posted
Posted by: Guitarman700 Dec 15 2008, 10:06 PM
Heres i song i wrote A while back, A shorter one, but im pretty happy with it! 
Your Suicide
Tuning: B-F#-B-E-G#-C#
Verse #1:
Your Suicide
You’ve Been Denied
A Terrible thing to waste
Before The Fall
You had it all
You let it go to waste
You didn’t listen to the warnings
Until it was too late
Chorus:
Our Arrogance Consumes Us
We think we know it all
We are so blind, we cannot see
The Writing on the wall
VERSE #2:
We murder for money,
Power and fame,
Ignore the sick and cull the lame
Is this the world we envisioned?
For which we sacrificed?
Our fathers died to give us this?
Something isn’t right.
SOLO [Guitar 1]
SOLO [Harmony]
SOLO [Guitar 2]
OUTRO:
We’ve come so far
From our roots
Can’t turn back time it seems
Looking back on the past
We clearly see our mistakes
And looking to the future
We see our final fate…
[Piano Outro]
All Lyrics Copyright Colin Kauffman 2008
A bit short, yes, But its not really meant to be a "Fast" song.
The first verse is someone Lamenting Human Foolishness after weve destroyed ourselves.
The others are from a present day perspective.
Enjoy!
Colin
Posted by: sigma7 Dec 15 2008, 10:11 PM
im no lyracist but man that is good. i especially see something epic if in the last chorus, you had a choir come in and the lead singer would just improvise at that part...so of like Youth of the Nation by P.O.D. at the end. Very dark but epic lyrics. If i was an english teacher, id give you an A+
one critique:
OUTRO:
We’ve come so far
From our roots
Can’t turn back time it seems
Looking back on the past
We see clearly our mistakes
And looking to the future
We see our final fate…
the bolded line sounds like i can see clearfly now the rain is gone
maybe changed to we clearly see
thats about it man awesome song!
Posted by: Guitarman700 Dec 15 2008, 10:17 PM
one critique:
OUTRO:
We’ve come so far
From our roots
Can’t turn back time it seems
Looking back on the past
We see clearly our mistakes
And looking to the future
We see our final fate…
the bolded line sounds like i can see clearfly now the rain is gone
maybe changed to we clearly see
thats about it man awesome song!
fixed!
thanks, im Really glad you like it, and yes, i did write it with a choir and orchestra in mind, like a Heavier version of Nightwish or Symphony X.
Agian, thanks alot, this is the first song ive been happy with.
Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Dec 15 2008, 11:40 PM
That was * INSERT [AN UNDISCLOSED EXPLETIVE]* GREAT !
Im not usually as excited after reading various things but this got me PUMPED UP !
Can easily be a metal song.
You should keep writing, and I mean it.
Only Critque is Length, but if its a fast song its fine.
Job Well Done.
Almost edited for almost language - Andrew
Posted by: Guitarman700 Dec 15 2008, 11:53 PM
Im not usually as excited after reading various things but this got me PUMPED UP !
Can easily be a metal song.
You should keep writing, and I mean it.
Only Critque is Length, but if its a fast song its fine.
Job Well Done.
WOW. Thanks alot! i mean it, Thats high praise coming from you, you and The uncreator are probably GMC's best lyricists. I tried to avoid the Standard Verse chorus verse chorusr stichk, and im planning on adding another verse tommorow.
Thanks again!
Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Dec 16 2008, 01:18 AM
Thanks again!
No problem, this deserved a Thumbs Up
Do you have more Lyrics ?
Posted by: Guitarman700 Dec 16 2008, 01:34 AM
Do you have more Lyrics ?
Give me a couple days, ive got about 2 more songs in my head, just need to arrange them!
Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Dec 16 2008, 01:40 AM
Godspeed
. Take your time though. I have homework tonight anyway 
Posted by: Marek Rojewski Dec 16 2008, 03:22 PM
I like the way You wrote it, can imagine a rocking melody and these lyrics sang:)
Posted by: The Uncreator Dec 16 2008, 03:33 PM
Lulz
Anyway, I agree with pretty much every one here (I like the tuning too, Im sure with music it would sound even better).
I like the shortness of it, You keep alot of ideas contained in a short structure, without making it seem like you were trying to tell us too much in too little of time. Flowed great, the solo placements seem perfect for how the lyrics that preceded it ended. The rhyme strucutre doesn't seem forced (Which to me, Is a great thing. Makes them feel a lot more natural), And all in all I think this song is just plaing awesome. I don't see anything really wrong with it....at all. Great job.
Posted by: Guitarman700 Dec 16 2008, 03:54 PM
Anyway, I agree with pretty much every one here (I like the tuning too, Im sure with music it would sound even better).
I like the shortness of it, You keep alot of ideas contained in a short structure, without making it seem like you were trying to tell us too much in too little of time. Flowed great, the solo placements seem perfect for how the lyrics that preceded it ended. The rhyme strucutre doesn't seem forced (Which to me, Is a great thing. Makes them feel a lot more natural), And all in all I think this song is just plaing awesome. I don't see anything really wrong with it....at all. Great job.
Again, WOW. thanks so much everyone, your comments really make me fell inspired!
Posted by: Guitarman700 Dec 17 2008, 04:01 PM
UPDATE: Drums are done, Main riff written, Anyone wanna sing on this one in the near future?
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