Poem, Does it rhyme? O_ô
Tolek
Nov 3 2008, 10:35 PM
Learning Rock Star
 Posts: 2.888
Joined: 23-March 07
From: Brighton
Hey guys,
a friend of mine wrote a poem, but it doesn´t rhyme at some places. I gave my opinion, but she doesn´t agree. Here it is:

QUOTE
You claim to be a father
The one who rears me
You think to be a fighter
The one who solaces me

You pretend to give me everything
And I just want to explain
That I’m actually suffering
From fright, confusion and pain

For me, you’re not a man
You’re not the hero of my storybooks
And I can’t understand
Why you’re acting like a crook

You smash me
You hit me
And I have to hush up
But father look at me and simply give up

Because I’m not your scapegoat
Because I’m your daughter


Could you leave some critics, please? smile.gif

Cheers,
Tolek

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Rated Htr
Nov 3 2008, 11:37 PM
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 Posts: 2.119
Joined: 15-October 07
From: Leiria, Portugal
It's actually a Rhyme and not a rhyme at the same time...Don't know the name of these kinds of words in english but these words have "Simmilar Sounds...Not Identical Sounds"...So it does rhyme, but it doesn't...It's not homophony wink.gif

Except the first one...Father and Fighter have no similiar nor any identical sound

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This post has been edited by Rated Htr: Nov 3 2008, 11:38 PM


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Tolek
Nov 4 2008, 09:54 AM
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Ok, thanks. Rated Htr. I´ll tell her. smile.gif

I also have to write a poem about violence for my English lesson. sleep.gif I never wrote a poem, so keep your fingers crossed for me. biggrin.gif

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berko
Nov 4 2008, 10:02 AM
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 Posts: 1.771
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From: Budapest, Hungary
If you finished yours

maybe we could have a glance at that too ? rolleyes.gif

And not a bad one in the original post. Actually, a poem doesn't even have to rhyme if its not necessary.

cheers smile.gif

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Tolek
Nov 4 2008, 10:04 AM
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Sure I´ll post it. biggrin.gif It would be better if it rhymes I think.

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berko
Nov 4 2008, 10:10 AM
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QUOTE (Tolek @ Nov 4 2008, 10:04 AM) *
Sure I´ll post it. biggrin.gif It would be better if it rhymes I think.


Ofc it's more effective. Though its a bit tricky to create good rhymes in English...



Off topic, I've read you're visiting PG... haha i've been to it in october biggrin.gif What I can say is that its a must... a MUST. Loads of inspiration cool.gif

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Tolek
Nov 4 2008, 10:18 AM
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Joined: 23-March 07
From: Brighton
QUOTE (berko @ Nov 4 2008, 10:10 AM) *
Ofc it's more effective. Though its a bit tricky to create good rhymes in English...

And that´s the real challenge. smile.gif Especially when I am not a native speaker and don´t have such a huge vocabulary.

QUOTE (berko @ Nov 4 2008, 10:10 AM) *
Off topic, I've read you're visiting PG... haha i've been to it in october biggrin.gif What I can say is that its a must... a MUST. Loads of inspiration cool.gif

Hehe. smile.gif I believe. This will be awesome. Have you got some pics of your experience? Have you been a VIP? I am one!! Hahaha! laugh.gif

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Tolek
Nov 6 2008, 11:48 AM
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 Posts: 2.888
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I just finished mine. It is very bad actually, but it doesn´t matter... I am lucky that I did it! biggrin.gif

QUOTE
Violence has no end
while peace is suspend´d
A slap, a kick and similar
are the most familiar
but a shot and a stab with a knife
take very easily a life.

Bear in mind, my dear,
even if it is not very clear
that our world´s face
is becoming less ace.

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