Yeah well, I never have considered myself as a great lyricist, but anyway I gave it a go after I wrote this pretty simple acoustic song. So basically it's about a man, in first person, who's life pretty much ends at just one autumn day.
Here are the lyrics
Autumn Day
That Autumn day I saw her dying
She got hit by a car on an open highway
She looked at me and took her last breath
on my arms
That Autumn day I lost my Job
They said they needed to make some budget cuts
all I could do was go home
and think of the world
CHORUSx2
Isn't there a some way for a man to survive
A blink of hope for a better tomorrow
Is there no god or justice
I don't know
That Autumn day My house caught fire
I watched it burn all the way to the ground
all the way to ashes
That Autumn day I got diagnosed with a cancer
doctor said it's bad and don't got much to live
Like I had anyway...
Chorusx2
That Autumn day I wrote this song
loaned my friends guitar and
strummed a few chords
Yet that Autumn day was the
last day of my life...
Give as straight feedback as possible, if you think it's rubbish say it... or post it straight to my face, I'm not gonna get offended and hunt you down for it.
Hmm, well the idea comes through, but the lyrics seem to lack a bit of rhythm, try finding a nice easy rhythm to write too and use words that fit it. Do this and i think it will be much better
The idea is there, it just needs some fine tuning.
hmm... I think I know what your talking about. To the rhythm of the song the lyrics..............Somewhat fit, but it could be a LOT better...
As I said I never have considered myself as a talented lyricist, but from now on I will spend more time thinking about them and bettering myself on that subject. Therefore I'm going to start to upload more of my lyrics here hoping to get constructive critic.
I've look at some of your lyrics uncreator, and I must say I'm very impressed with them. So theres one thing that I would like to know...
What makes you tick? how do you come up with them? is it just a matter of inspiration? Would you consider yourself talented, or would you quote kris and say "I have no talent at all, you can beat me with hard work"?
Ah well, my lyrics are a weird thing. I dont think im the best, but im proud of what i write, This is the process i go through.
First, i start with an idea, like the series of songs based on a story i wrote called "The Daughter Of The Universe". I write an outline of the first song, what i want it to contain, the feeling of it, the story, and jot down a few verses or something. Then i ask my self these questions...
How do i want it to start?
Where do i want it to go?
Should there be mood changes?
How do i want it to end?
With these in mind, Start writing down lyrics that come into your head, and if you feel that you are stuck and cant come up with lyrics, do what i do....And this may seem weird, but say you have a line that you want to convey power in, so you think of some lyrics like.....
With all the strength in my hand
Not far from my grasp
The city of troy shall fall
Ok so nothing amazing right, lets rearrange the words using one of my favorite tools, The Thesaurus! Sounds weird but its a great way to see new words that you can use, and produce different rhythmic patterns (Remember, how you pronounce a word greatly affects rhythm and rhyme)
Ok anyway, so i want this set of lyrics to have a bit more rhyme to it, and a standard 4 line verse...With the help of the thesaurus, i can see that another word for 'Fall' is Collapse. So now we have
With all the strength in my hand
Not far from my grasp
The city of troy shall collapse
But i wanted a 4th line, so i need to add one. Well if we rhyme too much, it might sound weird, so we need a rhyme scheme to keep things in order. Im gonna go with the ABAB Rhyme scheme. Each letter in 'ABAB' is a line of lyrics, and the two letters 'A' will rhyme, and the two letters 'B' Will rhyme.
Moving on...So what do we add to the lyrics? Well lets think, Where is Troy located? on a beach....well, whats on a beach? water, sand, a little grass....My point is, think about not only what your singing about, but whats around what your singing about, this adds another level of depth to it.
Like for example, your song takes place in autumn, so you could ask yourself, what are the characteristics of an autumn day? Then use whatever you think of, to describe your location even further, or even just slide in that as a ominous sign, the character in your story sees "Autumn Leaves, dropping dead, falling far from the trees". See where im going?
Anyway, so with the lyrics...
With all the strength in my hand
Not far from my grasp
The city of troy shall collapse
lets add another line, now recall what surrounds troy....Sand, well lets sneak something that describes what the sand would look like outside Troy...and i come up with this...
With all the strength in my hand
Not far from my grasp
Blood will soak, and paint the sand
The city of Troy, Shall collapse
And wa-la!! I think this is a much stronger verse, and it has a rhythm in it you can work with.
I dont know if my rambling has helped, but hopefully out of all of this, you found a little help
I like to write in the same vein as The Uncreator. I like to come up with a topic, make a little story out of it, and then turn it into a song. Works fine for me! And yes, Uncreator does have these bursts where he writes entire songs in one sitting .. haha I dont know how he does that.
I have a totally different way as well - I take notes on various things I see in the world and eventually compile all my ideas into a set of lyrics.
Agree in getting the inspiration from films and music in general, the more ideas you expose yourself to - the better!
Also - read things in your mind, put them to a melody, see if your lyrics flow easily when you read them through, if you get stuck then it can be good to fiddle with a particular phrase until it floooows
Just experiment until you find something you like!
Glad to hear it
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