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Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Oct 31 2008, 02:49 AM

Dedicated to anyone who has ever faked a smile:




I'll be like this forever.
You say " Change", and I say "Never"
Rather be alone,
Then sit here begging at your throne.

I see the dissapointment,
Falling of your shoulders,
"Im sorry Mom, Your kid's growing older"

Wish you were here,
When I needed you.
Its said to say,
That music is the only one,
Who understands who Ive become.


I sleep on a bed of nails.
Your criticisms cut me in a time of rest.
When I awake in the moring,
I feel theres nothing left.

So let me bleed out,
Let me become something less.
Just keep playing your games.

Appearences mean everything,
I know I look happy,
But inside,
Im the only one who knows how I feel,
With a broken heart that still hasnt healed.



©John Minoia 2008

Posted by: The Uncreator Nov 2 2008, 02:24 PM

Very good man, Reads a lot like a poem, And I can relate to the song quite a bit. Good job.

Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Nov 3 2008, 02:49 AM

QUOTE (The Uncreator @ Nov 2 2008, 05:24 AM)

Posted by: Paiva Nov 5 2008, 09:44 PM

Whoa!! I read some of your lyrics today I've to say I really really like them! I like this one a LOT.

I've a question. Can you sing this?

And if yes in what key? This is just crying for some chords! ( I'm thinking something simple like the album Grace by Jeff Buckley)

Keep working men!

Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Nov 6 2008, 02:40 PM

I appreciate the nice response Paiva. I dont really sing them , ( only a couple) and Im not good enough to know what key the song would be sung in ( Not very good at theory ).

Feel free to mess around with it and maybe even upload a recording if you wish

Also, the lyrics board could always do for more Uploaders. Feel free to upload some of your lyrics if you have any

Take Care-John

Posted by: Dejan Farkas Nov 6 2008, 03:12 PM

Nice poem, I like the way you developed the topic

One small remark, the rhythm of the lyrics.. you have different rhythms in one poem, like you compose a song in diferrent time signatures, you start in 4/4 then move to 3/4, then to 5/4.. it would sound confusing.. words shall flow like a river

Otherwise, it's really good

Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Nov 6 2008, 11:10 PM

QUOTE (Dejan Farkas @ Nov 6 2008, 06:12 AM)

Nice poem, I like the way you developed the topic

One small remark, the rhythm of the lyrics.. you have different rhythms in one poem, like you compose a song in diferrent time signatures, you start in 4/4 then move to 3/4, then to 5/4.. it would sound confusing.. words shall flow like a river

Otherwise, it's really good

Posted by: berko Nov 6 2008, 11:19 PM

Hi!

I very much liked the first stanza - ít's just perfect with the rhymes and all.

This really could be a song - either an acoustic one, or if you create a nice chorus (one which smashes the listener as much as the very first verse) then i would go woooww But otherwise I really like how it builds up gradually (really important aspect of lyrics I guess...)

Btw: is it copyrighted because it has been published somewhere else earlier or just to be more cautious about it?

cheers

Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Nov 7 2008, 12:04 AM

QUOTE (berko @ Nov 6 2008, 02:19 PM)

Hi!

I very much liked the first stanza - ít's just perfect with the rhymes and all.

This really could be a song - either an acoustic one, or if you create a nice chorus (one which smashes the listener as much as the very first verse) then i would go woooww But otherwise I really like how it builds up gradually (really important aspect of lyrics I guess...)

Btw: is it copyrighted because it has been published somewhere else earlier or just to be more cautious about it?

cheers