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Posted by: Staffy Dec 17 2009, 01:54 AM

As we had a very long (and interesting) discussion about the music business the other day, I was thinking of cheering things up a little bit.
We all sure know what to do to be a famous rock star, but do we know what NOT to do??
To get things going, I will take some examples - since I never had any success at all.....

Don't...... try to do the same things like Ozzy, it will probably kill you unless you can get a wife like his and even more luck.

Don't...... ever touch a Record Companys manager's wife, daughter or even mother-in-law. You will be banned forever!

Don't ..... tell your hairdresser to get a similar haircut as Michael Bolton 1986.

Don't ..... try to understand what your manager does with all the money - he might take it all and go for the Bermudas.

Don't ..... ever do a Beatles-cover. Paul McCartney has enough money already and you might be arrested for murder, since all studio engineers has recorded at least some 50 versions already and another one will make them jump out of the window!

//Staffay

Posted by: Ivan Milenkovic Dec 17 2009, 02:00 AM

If you want to be a rock star, don't try to use more than 2 chords in a song!

Posted by: Andrew Cockburn Dec 17 2009, 04:06 AM

Don't ........ learn all that stupid theory - it will only get in the way of your true creativity!

Posted by: JamesT Dec 17 2009, 06:47 AM

Don't... trade your 1979 Gibson Les Paul KM cherry sunburst like Jimmy Pages in exchange for a DRV2000 reverb unit that will only be worth 20 bucks five years from now.

Don't... do the same with your 1984 Mesa Boogie Mark II combo in exchange for a Korg Drum Machine and some midi cables and some other junk.

Don't.... audition for a band named "James Blonde" without bleaching your hair first!
oh yeah... and don't leave your metronome running with your headphones on while you're typing a long post for GMC.

Posted by: Staffy Dec 17 2009, 08:27 AM

You must be kidding, thats far too many, I've built my whole reportoire on 2 chords. E and A !!!

//Staffay

Posted by: Daniel Realpe Dec 19 2009, 03:24 AM

Also, don't----------experiment with form in a song. Stick to the "intro verse chorus verse chorus bridge chorus chorus chorus chorus" formula

Posted by: jdriver Dec 19 2009, 08:23 AM

James Blonde, haha, that's a pretty cool name!

Posted by: NoSkill Dec 19 2009, 08:52 AM

Don't ACTUALLY play with oven mitts on!

Posted by: Wabba Dec 19 2009, 09:52 AM

Yeah, btw, NoSkill, was that oven mitts video of your real?

Posted by: Staffy Dec 19 2009, 10:04 AM

Are'nt You a little old-fashioned here Daniel, it sounds complicated.... The songs I hear at Radio nowadays is more like: chorus,chorus,chorus,chorus,chorus,chorus,chorus with some guy speaking something on top of it, that can be understandable only if You have a masters degree in bad words or read the album cover. (which in fact is a reason to buy it, I think its therefore it sells.... )

Posted by: Sensible Jones Dec 19 2009, 02:20 PM

Don't.......... Mime to backing tracks, grow 'trendy' dreads and have a stupid name like....Milli Vanilli!!

Posted by: Adrian Figallo Dec 19 2009, 03:56 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHA, that was too much.

Posted by: Ivan Milenkovic Dec 20 2009, 04:09 AM

if you want to be famous rock star don't get fender combo, get marshall double stack.

Posted by: intemperateControl Dec 20 2009, 05:06 AM

And I thought I was nuts. Ha! Great post guys...

Posted by: Staffy Dec 20 2009, 08:53 AM

Nuts? We are deadly serious here.... and Im from Sweden!!!

And one more Dont:

Don't ever try to imitate Your favourite artist when You haven't learn English and grew up in Northern Sweden.

The clip below illustrates this: (btw. I cried when I first heard this guy - of laughter, we used to have his records in our touring bus in the old days to cheer things up a little, btw. he made a christmas album that is the most horrible I ever heard.... )

Posted by: zen Dec 20 2009, 10:07 AM

LMAO !!!!

Posted by: Fran Dec 20 2009, 12:35 PM

enehonalooonnn lesss rook!

Posted by: Staffy Dec 20 2009, 12:45 PM

The story bout this guy is as following:
When he woke up after having a stroke, he saw that as his mission to continue to spread Elvis music, even that he wasn't a musician before. When I first heard I thought, this must be a joke. But since several musicians who have played with him confirms that he really IS that bad, I'm now convinced. The funny thing here is that he is really a local hero in Sweden and sells his record and makes a living out of it... He even was in some commercials some years ago.... So the bottom line here is:

Don't get talented!!!!