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Posted by: Rated Htr Apr 12 2009, 03:06 AM

Bow before the stories untold
For the faithful lords
Growl for the majestic wolfs
And summon all the burning scars

My soul is like a puppet
Awaiting the strings to move
Carelessly...Obey thy master
I'll deny my emotions for you
Crying endless rivers of blood

The undead may seem paralized
They only suffer discomfort
Erase the living from our cell
Blinded Fools that created hell

I need their blood
Taste for flesh, smell the pain
Nobody sees life as I've spoken

My friend close that chapter
And stop this senseless trip
"I command all the desert beasts
Awake for the price of my offered soul"

I want to be unique as a God
And show the true beauty
"This world isn't made to see
That greatness of whom you speak
Not a God, just a justice seeker
Afraid to die, along the passing time
A creature that will fail"

Tired of repetitions, and will overcome again
The dwelling objects of my empty bed
Sometimes we die, sometimes we fail
Forever and ever, we will never...

Die of boredom...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't care about the structure or anything...

Just writing what comes from the heart...

Copyrights
@ FILIPE ROCHA 2009

Posted by: Eat-Sleep-andJam Apr 14 2009, 11:26 PM

QUOTE (Rated Htr @ Apr 11 2009, 07:06 PM)

Bow before the stories untold
For the faithful lords
Growl for the majestic wolfs
And summon all the burning scars

I like the last metaphor here, im not crazy about mentioning about lords and wolfs in lyrics, Im not really a Nightwish fan but its apparent you are. And I admire that you can write in this style.

My soul is like a puppet
Awaiting the strings to move
Carelessly...Obey thy master
I'll deny my emotions for you
Crying endless rivers of blood

I liked this part alot, I think you could get away with just having the word "Carlessly" in line 3 and not the other part.


The undead may seem paralized
They only suffer discomfort
Erase the living from our cell
Blinded Fools that created hell

This makes me think of the world in general. It is a very good verse.
Im a sucker for rhyming as you know all to well.

I need their blood
Taste for flesh, smell the pain
Nobody sees life as I've spoken

Hmm... I dont like how you structured this part. I would have done something like. I need their blood, Crave their flesh, A sniff of pain, or something abstract. This part really shows how you were writing this. Alot of parts different in lines, structure, some appear that they might fit better in front of others. But you keep this consistant concept in this one, and its cool.

My friend close that chapter
And stop this senseless trip
"I command all the desert beasts
Awake for the price of my offered soul"

Im not crazy about this style, but I know for a fact this verse fits so well in it.

I want to be unique as a God
And show the true beauty
"This world isn't made to see
That greatness of whom you speak
Not a God, just a justice seeker
Afraid to die, along the passing time
A creature that will fail"

Reminded me a bit of Protest the Hero's Lyrics here ^ One of my favorite bands. If I could offer a suggestion it would be to try not to fall back to much on having someone talk, or overusing the " Speaking Sections", they have a much greater affect if you place one or two randomly in a song to create a display of power in the song.
Tired of repetitions, and will overcome again
The dwelling objects of my empty bed
Sometimes we die, sometimes we fail
Forever and ever, we will never...

Die of boredom...

Wasnt crazy about the last part, but at the same time I can relate to what its saying.
Makes me think of when Im just lying in bed thinking about random stuff.


And Also:
Knowing that you didnt care about the structure should probably be placed at the top,
If someone was reading that and they knew that ahead of time we could just admire each verse for what it is, rather then try to interpret the whole song, just a suggestion
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't care about the structure or anything...

Just writing what comes from the heart...

Copyrights
@ FILIPE ROCHA 2009