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Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi May 6 2014, 09:09 PM

When pursuing our dream of playing guitar we sometimes get discouraged by our environment.

This is something that I suffered when I was a teenager and had to decide the direction of my life. With "environment", we can refer to our family, friends and even the people that we meet in different situations. I remember my father in the middle of discussions saying: “you won’t make money from the music”, or some other people saying: ok, you play guitar, but what’s your real job? Or career? What are you planning to make money to live?

Honestly it’s difficult to dedicate to music when everybody says that you won’t be able to do it. In my case, these negative comments give me more strength to dedicate to be very good in what I do. When I was a young teenager I thought that I could work on whatever it appears, but with the pass of time I realized that I wouldn’t be happy if I don’t work doing what I love.

I remember that we could make a deal with my mother. She said: “study something related to music but that has more job possibilities”. After some discussions and research I decided to study Audio Vision Degree with the orientation of Sound & Recording at the University when I left the high school. The other option was to go against my parents opinion and start the conservatory but sincerely I wasn’t very motivated to study in that “classical” oriented music school. There was something inside of me very interesting in new technologies related to music and I suspected that I was going to find that studying that career.

However I remember that once I was ready to start to course, the classes where set at the same hour than my band’s rehearsals so I decided to change the orientation and started “Audio & Video Post-production” (later I also studied the other orientation). This wasn’t something in which I was very interested but I thought that it could have been a good complement for the future. (And it has been! Nowadays I work at an important Guitar lessons site recording filming video lessons ).

I’m happy of the decisions that I’ve made, but the discouraging words definitely affected me in both good and bad way and I suffered some consequences like for example becoming too obsessed which bring me some phobia and antisocial behaviors in the past.

Now I would like to know a bit about you related to this topic.

Has the environment discouraged you to follow your dream? How did you overcome it?

Posted by: Marius Pop May 6 2014, 09:48 PM

you are so right Gabe.Negative comments can affect you..and on a long term.and i think all of us, at some point, encountered this kind of problems.but this has to make us stronger, to prove them wrong
Fortunately, i was a lucky one, because my father is a musician to and i had my family support.But there were a lot of other people that had something negative to say..

Posted by: Monica Gheorghevici May 7 2014, 08:08 AM

I'm not discouraged but I'm more than disappointed from almost all persons around me. A half of my family are familiar with my choice and give me support. My friends are not my friends anymore because they didn't understand why I dedicate all my time for music. I know that was a big and suddenly change for my family and my friends when I said:" I don't want to do anything else, I want to became a good guitarist, I can't be happy without this".
In the last almost 2 years (when I start to play at guitar) the persons which told me: "I believe in what you do" or "I'm proud of you", are not from my country. Sad......but unfortunately in my country too many people has a limited mind and are glued for one single style. If you not play something with a muddy tone you suck. They don't support different players, they act like in a jungle. More people are named musicians and they are not able to read a tab and to appreciate music as an art.
I'm a very ambitious person and all negative comments, gives me force to go on and touch my goal. But I must say that in the last time I have moments when I say that I want to give up. Just to make and keep my music only for me, not to wish more. But the funny thing is that when I think at this, always a good thing happen in my GMC mentoring thread and all my work with Darek start to sounds good and this thing make me happy and gives me more power

Posted by: Cosmin Lupu May 7 2014, 02:10 PM

I have had WONDERFUL support from my mom and dad with music If it wasn't for them, I would never have had the chance to succeed in a lot of the things that I am doing. Aside from the encouragement and resources they have provided when I was a kid and had no money to buy stuff with, now they are the ones I am usually discussing things about, be it music or business related stuff.

It's VERY important to benefit from the right advices and support while you are growing. There were a lot of artists that didn't benefit all these and I admire and respect them for the strength that they have shown in succeeding in a harsh environment!

Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi May 7 2014, 02:28 PM

yeah, this is true. Sites like youtube and twitter are proof of how much many people enjoys saying negative comments of other people. Having a musician who has dedicate to music previously is very helpful in most of the cases.



Hi Monica, it's really nice to know that GMC gives you enough motivation and strength to keep pursuing your dream. Casually I was writing a comment for you regarding the last collab (Gary Moore) in which I was saying that it's awesome to see how much you have improved as a guitarist.

Posted by: klasaine May 7 2014, 03:33 PM

For better or for worse, I've never paid too much attention to what anyone has ever said to me ... about anything.

I personally believe that everyone (including your close family and friends) that is negative about a person doing what they want or doing what they love, is actually jealous or envious that 1) you picked something cool and enjoyable (and a little noble) to do with your life and 2) is jealous (envious) that you actually have the 'balls' to go and try to do it. *Yes I understand that parents can of course be 'nervous' that their daughter or son has chosen a potentially unstable career path (well, they shouldn't have given you guitar lessons )

My family was/is always supportive. My father was a professional musician up through about 1970 and then taught music in public High School until he retired. I started playing relatively young, did all the band stuff in high school, went to college as a music major (never graduated) and started working/teaching at a music store in 1981 as well as getting my first 'real' professional gigs about that time. My point being - most of my close friends are also musicians. The friends I have met through my wife or in my neighborhood only know me as a musician so ...

Posted by: Jim Seekford May 8 2014, 02:27 AM

This is a good post, almost started one a few months ago but didn't feel comfortable. There are a few things that have and still bother me. My home life was a bit broken, didn't know my dad but I knew he played guitar. My mom never showed support for it or put it down but would complain if she heard me practicing. She'd say "play something nice, pretty and turn it down. Don't play that same thing over again." I hated that so I moved out at 18. Then reached out to my dad, he played church tunes and liked that I played but he never practiced and was not much of a teacher or motivational toward teaching. Oblivious to the fact that I was not very good. I'm still a bit pissed that the only thing my dad and I have in common is music but we can't talk or really play together. I've tried but church songs really bore me and I'm not religious. Which brings me back to this topic. Church. Forcing church on a kid is a real bad thing. Needless to say I hated church, I wish someone would have asked me what I wanted to do.

Presently I have some trouble with my wife. Never encorages me and gets mad any time I play or try to. I get so mad sometimes that I can't even play. It seems my only reprieve would be waking up super early and play but I always hit snooze. Anyways I don't play for her, she makes me nervous and if she comes home I'll put my guitar down. This has been going on for about 5 years and in the beginning it was not bad at all but now talking about guitar is like talking about abortion. I have 2 boys who I can't wait to teach if they want. How can I teach when I need taught?

I used to have a little studio with a nice drum kit, amps and I'd spend time everyday working toward the goal of being a good guitarist. That was great as I'd write record and practice a lot. Now it's all in storage and I have one desk of shit that's breaking down. I want to get back into my older practice habits but family and a business take all my time. The rest if the time would be better spent doing something else as my wife would argue.

Beside all of that I have been finding ways to cope with it and not let it bother me much. She gets mad but gets even madder when I just go play and not argue about it. Besides it's not like I'm shooting an 8 ball in my nose.

Posted by: Monica Gheorghevici May 8 2014, 08:24 AM

Thank you Gab and I'm really glad that my playing improvements are visible. Mostly because you know exactly which was my level when I come up in GMC (10 months ago)




I talked about the problems with family and friends in the last 2 years. You guys talked from the start and I guess it’s normal to say my story even if I don't like to talk about some things.

My family was a big support and all members of my family played at different instruments and make music in parallel with a normal job. Me and my brother (bigger than me with 6 years old), we go at musical school. At 5 years old when I said that I want to go at musical school and I want play at piano, my father bought me a very expensive piano and unique model in my country. Money wasn’t a problem then because my father had a great job, he worked in the Ministry of Tourism. What his “princess” dreaming tonight, next day he buys
I loved that school and I had many great results. After 7 years in music school my father died and I was forced to quit because my mother can't afford to keep 2 childrens in an expensive school. No money anymore. I start to know what it means to wish a little and cheap thing and to not have money to buy that. I cried a lot and my piano teacher also cried. She always named me “golden fingers” and after each winning contest, she kissed my fingers. For some years she stood near me and worked with me without any money. But wasn't the same. No new contest because I wasn't in a music school anymore.
So, my brother graduated music school and after that he quit forever at music. He married and his wife was totally disagreed with music. In this way, appear new members of family which hate the music.

Maybe it's hard for you guys to believe but I cried 20 years because I was not had the same chance like my brother and he have an awesome chance and give up at his dream for a girl.
For many years I just played at piano for me and my friends. With each passing year, I felt that I miss a lot to have again a life full of music. Somehow with 4 years ago music reappeared in my life with little opportunities to make some tiny project related with piano. But this thing not affected my program because even if I didn’t touch my piano 1 month in one hour of practice it's all like I was played every day.
Starting again with music I realized how much I want to learn to play at guitar and became a good guitarist. I always liked the guitar sound and I have some gorgeous memories with my father playing at guitar and me at piano. Guitar was the first sound that I heard when I was born. My fathers played for me every day.

That it’s a short stories about how was music in my life until at the moment when I decide to change all my life and dedicate all the time for guitar and music. Also this was the start for problems with family and friends because my program affect all around me. I know that and I see that very clearly but I assume it.
You know when you switch the instrument it's not so easy and this need many hours of practice to became at a good level and I want to reach that level

Posted by: Cosmin Lupu May 8 2014, 09:17 AM

Good point here Surround yourself with the right people and your path will be going upwards a lot more!

Very interesting story here, Monica - I think that you are a walking talking proof of the fact that real dedication can provide real progress It is not easy to walk this path in the times we live in, when everyone is looking for excuses, rather then ways to reach their spiritual elevation through practicing an instrument or any other form of art.

Posted by: Ben Higgins May 8 2014, 10:51 AM

Real support is when people are happy to let you pursue whatever pastime or goal you want to, free of judgement or guilt.

Sometimes people are trying to live out their own unrealised dreams or atone for their own lack of achievement through their offspring. This is where the so called 'pushy parent' appears... this is sometimes disguised as 'support' and may seem like 'support' to outsiders but is, in fact, an unforgivable way of controlling another human being. Another subject, perhaps, but not all support is genuine support.

As long as you are doing whatever you want to be doing for you, then you will always find a way to ignore discouragement or any other negative effects.

Always remember, it's not about what other people want, it's about what you want. That's why it's called your life. You only get one.. it's a massive injustice for anyone else to hijack it to steer it in their direction.

Posted by: Marius Pop May 8 2014, 01:42 PM

Good point, Ben!
It's your life, your choices.
You have to focus on discovering what you really want in life (this is something few people truly master - what you trully wish for and being honest enough to admit that) and work for it.
There are no limits except the limits you place on yourself!

Posted by: Spock May 8 2014, 02:10 PM

Good thread with good input and VERY relevant to me right now.

My wife has always been supportive of whatever I do, and she doesn't mind me practicing/playing around on guitars - she has her hobbies too.

But for the past 3 months (and I don't see an end in sight) one of my good friends has had to move in with me, because he is now officially homeless - because of laziness, bad money management, bad luck, bad decisions, etc. I'm not sure how much more time to allow him to just sit at my house and work 10 days month - it is really starting to piss me off. All that to say, I CAN'T STAND practicing around him - and he stays (when he's not asleep) in my room where my guitars are. So, I have started practicing in another room quietly, or on my back porch or with my headphones - but still, I just don't like people hearing me practice.

I don't have to worry about morning practice because I'm usually the only one awake at that time.

The discouragement doesn't come from him as in anything he would say, but I can play a part over and over for a long time and it never occurs to me how fast the time goes by - but when I know he is there, I am hyper-aware of my practicing and repetitions.

So now, just going home after work and seeing him in my room watching TV and playing on his computer, making no strides towards a more steady job situation to where he can support himself, I get filled with resentment, and that going on inside is not constructive with or without a guitar.

Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi May 8 2014, 02:16 PM

Thanks for sharing your story Monica. It's very inspiring. There are sad moments there but after all you have been brave and nowadays you are pursuing your dreams, nobody and nothing stops you. You are a great example for everybody here. Once again, congratulations friend.



I'm sorry about this mate. I think that the time to talk is coming. You have to be honest with this guys and start talking about how you feel. He definitely needs your help, but it's not just "stay here, there is no problem", that doesn't help him. He seems to be needing to wake up!

Don't let the time goes by, try to talk with him the sooner possible.

Posted by: Spock May 8 2014, 02:20 PM

I sure am Gab, I guess on Sunday.

Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi May 8 2014, 02:31 PM

Perfect mate.

Posted by: Cosmin Lupu May 9 2014, 10:04 AM

As Gabi says - you are not helping him and especially not yourself You know the old saying: 'Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. teach him how to use a fishing rod and you will feed him for the rest of his life'. I think that choosing who to help and know how to, is a very important thing. People are usually lazy and will profit all the can if they can - but hell, man, when you are a grown up, you should be responsible AT LEAST for yourself. It's dishonorable of him to do this to a friend.

Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi May 9 2014, 06:29 PM

Can't agree more. He said that they were going to talk this Saturday, let's see what happens. I know that it must be a difficult situation to Spock...

Posted by: Cosmin Lupu May 10 2014, 01:07 PM

Sometimes, ignoring a situation feels like an easy getaway, but in fact by ignoring and postponing an action which can be unpleasant (only because we see it as such) will make things even worse or harder to fix.

I also know that having the guts to do some things is not as easy as talking about them

Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi May 10 2014, 04:38 PM

yeah, sometimes it even takes us some time to realize the reason why we aren't comfortable. In this case Spock could really notice the real problem and he seems to be ready to act.

Posted by: Cosmin Lupu May 11 2014, 01:56 PM

I'm pretty curious about how things turned up - some folks aren't that eager to hear the truth told to their faces, ya know...

Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi May 11 2014, 11:12 PM

me too.. let's see if Spock comes here with some news.

Posted by: Spock May 15 2014, 09:30 AM

I just now saw this.

Well, I had "The Talk" with him Monday.

I told him that it's not that I mind him being here, but that it's because I want to see him self-sufficient, and I felt that he was too comfortable in the current situation. That I didn't see him making strides forward.

I said I hoped that he found a place close by so that I could still help him if he needed a lift somewhere until he got a car, and my wife even got him an application to be the warehouse manager where she works (which he is way over-qualified for) to my knowledge he has still not filled that out.

Anyway, I said that I did not want to kick him out and make him homeless, but that I did think 3 months was plenty of time to have found a different, more stable living situation even if that was with a room mate - at least a room mate that actually wanted a room mate.

So he said that he felt he could find a place within the next 2 weeks; which I said was okay, but my plan was to charge him $100/week to stay for each upcoming week. After that for the next 4 weeks it would be $125/week, and if he still hasn't found a place in then it goes up to $150/week - which would be $600/month.

So, everything was fine, the talk was good and I'm glad I got it off my chest. I'll just wait and see what happens now. I figure that if the unfortunate time comes where he has been here for 6 months, I may have to tell him his time has come, and I am sorry, but he can not stay here another night - I will be glad to help him pack and take him to another friends that may let him stay for a week or so, but he can no longer buy time here with me and my wife - I hope it does not boil down to that.

I will continually remind him by asking if what is available and also looking myself and flooding his email with potential places for him, but I also know that if my rent goes up to $150/week, it would be less expensive for him to stay in local extended stay hotel.

Posted by: Gabriel Leopardi May 15 2014, 03:32 PM

Well done Spock. I think that your talk and plan sounds very reasonable. I hope that this really wakes up your friend and make him start to do something with his life. I also think that you must feel much more relieved now...

Posted by: Cosmin Lupu May 16 2014, 02:25 PM

You definitely had the correct approach Was there any other situation in which you had to handle a difficult discussion and managed to lead things to a great resolve?