Rock Around The World

It still amazes me how one type of music can end up on every corner of the world and come out in so many different forms (don’t ask me why I’m so astounded by this very basic thing, I just am haha).

I was just thinking about whether anyone thought that certain areas of the world do certain types of rock better, or whether any of the popular rock stereotypes actually had any substance to them. I know there’s a lot of Scandinavians on here and I know you guys are pretty avid rock fans as rock fans go (as a generalisation) – not to mention all the pop songs you’ve contributed to English-speaking music. Check this article on just what the Swedes have done for American pop.

One stereotype of Scandinavians though is that you’re obsessed (and also pretty decent) at the heavier side of the rock spectrum: Death metal etc.

Another one (I guess) is that North Americans (US & Canada) are stadium rockers. Which I think is unfair and is largely because we tend to think of them as big, grand, expensive, flashy rock n’ rollers when compared to the rest of the world and our comparatively humbler origins. Which is complete tripe.

UK and Ireland? I don’t really know what the stereotypes are or what the outside thoughts on this area is since I’m from this part of the world. I also don’t feel particularly comfortable throwing together the UK and Ireland into one package either -- but if I’m uncomfortable doing that I should feel uncomfortable throwing together other areas so I’ll shut up haha! Ireland isn’t all U2 and The Boomtown Rats, obviously. Personally I love it when Irish artists sing in their own accents and bring in some of that traditional Celtic sound. I’ve been hearing that a lot recently and I’m beginning to associate that more and more with Ireland.

Latin America seems to be chucking rock around all over the place, which I love. Over the years they seem to have thrown up some really popular bands in their part of the world that have incorporated things like Afro-beats and stereotypical “Latin” sounds and mixed those with the “traditional” way of doing rock.

When it comes to Asia (I know Asia is HUGE but forgive me) the prevailing theme in articles I’ve read about the more affluent parts of China and India is that bands do tend to work largely along American/European formulas. Also replicating a lot of Western youth subcultures too. Admittedly I haven’t given much time to these sounds but it’d be interesting to hear if anyone has any other experiences.

As with other areas like the Carribbean, other parts of Asia, The Middle East, Africa (I know it’s huge and I’ve entirely missed it out but I have zilch knowledge in this area) and places like Australia and New Zealand: I don’t know much. It would be interesting if anyone had any thoughts on what stereotypes people had of rock music from these places. And what regional sounds/subgenres they might associate with them.

Posers In Rock Music

I found something really interesting on urbandictionary.com while I was scouring the internet for old words I used a few years back that remind me of being a young teenager. One of them was calling other people posers (or what the equivalent word was in my neck of the woods: wannabe).

Poser Rocker: someone who doesn't know the difference between alternative rock, classic rock, heavy metal, death metal, pop punk, nu metal and possibly even indie. however, this poser will buy a guitar and take up lessons, in a way that will make you cringe seen as 90% of guys have alrealdy jumped on this bandwagon already. they act like they're really 'kwl' and go around proclaiming how good 'rock' is and telling everyone to listen to some 'decent' music, when they dont even know what theyre talking about. their music taste will probably change in a year anyway!! http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=poser-rocker

For some reason I cringe at the use of the word now. When I was a teenager and a pretty prolific rock fan (much more so than I am now, my taste has varied) I could “see” posers left, right and centre. People who had only just picked up the guitar and apparently overnight had developed a life-consuming interest in Metal (or whatever), with their schoolbags and uniform all of a sudden covered in band merch. I’d never seen a reason to advertise my music taste in such a way, and it probably p****d me off a bit to see people walking around in costume, representing an interest they’d only had for five minutes.

To me at least, when I picked out ‘wannabes’ from ‘real rock fans’ (please don’t judge me, I was young) I would usually notice a sudden change in personality or shift in friend group. I know of one guy who was the bubbliest, funniest and most spontaneous guy you’d ever met but all of a sudden he started becoming sad and withdrawn. The change was so dramatic and so cliché. The first sign was when he would doodle band names, broken hearts and checkered patterns across his pencil case. A week later he was suddenly emo. And a proud longstanding one too, apparently. I quizzed him about some of the bands he’d recently taken an interest in and it turned out he couldn’t name a song off of any album bar one.

Now had he admitted to me that he was “getting in” to said band, I wouldn't of taken a blind bit of notice. But the fact he’d so suddenly embraced this persona of ‘the emo’ in a matter of days (to me) was evidence that he preferred the lifestyle and the idea of being an emo more than he did the music. And that somehow the lifestyle had driven him toward the music, rather than the other way round. Worst of all, two months or so down the line he’d evolved into this pop music hating, hip hop hating idiot who suddenly was the world’s authority on anybody that wore black and played the guitar. I knew otherwise though.

Although, the Urban Dictionary definition is something that would totally apply to me at the time that I was secretly denouncing recent converts to Guitar music as ‘wannabes’ in my head. I might have been a pretty avid rock fan but if you’d of sat me down and tried to quiz me on the differences between Alt. Rock, Classic Rock and Indie – I’d of fallen to pieces.

What’s your criteria for a Poser (Wannabe, whatever)? Or are you like me and have grown out of such things because you've left your childish, crowd-following, judgmental self behind? That’s a joke by the way. I’m still a judgmental idiot only now it’s my little secret
Well, and yours. Just promise not to tell anyone.

Worst Guitar Tricks To Pull At A Gig

Guido's 'The Worst Mistakes You Can Do In A Solo' got me thinking about what make a bad guitarist in general. One thing that can make or break the deal (for me) is Guitar tricks live. It's not hugely common that people crack out musical acrobatics on stage but still.

I went to a small gig the other day whilst I was in another UK city visiting a friend, I didn’t necessarily fancy a trip out – as much as I like a good concert, even in really small venues -- I just fancied curling up to with some Doritos and some cuddles. Yay for friends!

But I went and unfortunately came away wishing I hadn’t. It wasn’t as if the music was particularly ear destroying – the band were pretty kick ass in all fairness – it was just the egotistical ass of a front man who just wouldn’t stop flinging his guitar (and body) around the place.

My friend disagreed and came back thinking he’d witnessed the second coming of Christ and that this front man was ab-sol-utely certain to be signed in mere seconds. Nevertheless, he wasn’t, at least not when I was there. He then went on to say “I hate it when all guitar players do is just stand there, it’s so boring.”

Needless to say this blew my mind. I couldn’t disagree more. I’m not saying I want motionless robots playing music to me for an hour or so, but there’s a fair distance between “standing still” and throwing yourself round like you own the joint. And clumsily too. This was not stage acrobatics by any means.

Some of my favourite guitar players are those that just “stand there” and (cliché alert, cliché alert) let the music do the talking – sorry I couldn’t help it! For me there’s something really captivating about seeing a man/woman work the strings in such a simple way and still have an audience hooked. I understand live music is special (in part) because of the spectacle and showmanship, but what this guy was doing was just animal, and annoying.

Obviously taste differs between genres: Heavy Metalers will be more inclined towards a big show whereas Shoegazers (for example) would think you’re a pompous idiot (maybe).

Basically, got me thinking. What are the worst guitar tricks to pull at a gig do you think? Might be a contentious topic because - like I said - I know each guitar player/fan has their own special sacred list of things that they think make a great guitar player. Everyone’s going to disagree but it’ll be interesting. Here are some of mine.

Duck walk/Chuck Berry thing

The dude at the show was doing this absolutely non-stop. Half the time I wasn’t sure whether I was at a small-time rock gig or at an army base on “Dress Like a Metalhead Day”. It literally looked like he was marching to and from either side of the stage in front of the commanding officer of rock n’ roll. My friend reliably informed me after the show that Chuck Berry invented this – I now as of that day don’t like Chuck Berry. Sorry Chuck, your reputation has been tainted, that’s probably so judgemental of me!

Spinning around on the floor OR “The Angus Young”

This one is something I have only seen in person once but even that was enough to convince me I shouldn’t have to endure it again. In all fairness, the guy doing it had decided that getting completely trolleyed would be a preferable state to do an hour and a half show in. Fair enough, but think about the fact that if you’re going to be throwing yourself on the floor please ensure you have a wireless guitar. The poor bloke pulled his amp over and smashed the thing to pieces in front of a crowd of about 30 people. The embarrassment he so obviously suffered is something I wouldn’t put my worst enemy through. Most people left not long after, thank god it was basically the end anyway.

Guitar solos over 2 minutes

Once again, completely my own taste and I’m not picking a fight with anyone who feels otherwise. But stop using your guitar as an extension of your own over inflated ego. Whenever I see this I’m transported back to when I was 11 and watching School of Rock with Jack Black and thinking 10 minute guitar solos were God’s gift to mankind! I was wrong, so so wrong. I’m not even sure if this can counted as a trick (finger stamina anyone?) but it’s show-offy and I don’t like it. Moan over haha.

Power Slide

This one is a particular favourite of Tenacious D and Jack Black fans for some reason (my dislike for Jack Black is not hiding well here). Known more widely as “sliding across the floor on your knees” this is something I’m actually quite proficient at myself, as I used to do it at school discos as a child. That doesn’t mean that it looks good in guitar shows though. Like anything, it can be good in fair measurements, but the guy at the show I complained about would use this as some kind of audience pick me up whenever the show’s momentum seemed to dip. What he meant to achieve by throwing himself across the floor – and how he thought he’d take the show to the next level by doing it I’ll never know. I do think performers should be responsive, him doing this constantly proved he was anything but!

Smashing your kit

I’m not sure if this is really a guitar trick (again!) but I saw a compilation of this trick on television recently and it left me completely baffled. I can understand the seasoned moneyed pros taking their kit to town once in a blue moon but rookies and part-timers? Is that not a lot of money? I’ve always wanted to see this in full stadium glory at the end of a show for some reason, but even though it’s not technically a trick I still think it takes some level of *skill* -- if that is the right word? For example, on one occasion in this compilation the frontman went to smash up guitar for it only to break halfway down the neck and the body fall to the floor. Not that dramatic. If you’re going to be making a spectacle of your guitar’s destruction at least make it long and gruesome for us all to freak out at!

My view (largely) is that I feel all too often guitar tricks are used by people who have a very cartoon view of what rock music is. Acoustic people out there are largely spared from experiencing a lot of these dramatic disasters. But if you’ve any stories of – I don’t know – players trying to use their guitar like a chello or something, it’d be funny to hear!