Organised Confusion - Psychotic Manipulation Options

[OrganisedConfusi...]

A song I wrote. Hear it on Uploads (Members Forum)

Over time its clear, I can see it all too well
How weak inside you are, and easily controlled
The secrets you keep, your darkest thoughts
I can delve into your dreams, and make you kill

That controlled existence that you lead
wouldn't it be nice to be free
Even time can deny you the freedom that you seek

The sea rushes the sands like a warrior storming the gates
The walls of the fort may be strong but even the greatest cities fall
and the strongest emperors are slain

Psychotic manipulation, I feel no remorse
The suffering I cause, is deeper than you thought
Ripping flesh from bone, let the poison seap through your body
Come on over its torture time and now your mine

Escape the corners of your mind
Where they are likely to hide
That it fails for you to notice
The bleakness in your life

The bells ring in the night, summoning the ghosts that fell by your side
The actions of man may be wrong but are you really gonna be the one
To show the failings of man

The sea rushes the sands like a warrior storming the gates
The walls of the fort may be strong but even the greatest cities fall

Here is the song thread
https://www.guitarmasterclass.net/guitar_fo...?showtopic=9049

© Paul Butcher 2007

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This post has been edited by OrganisedConfusion: Dec 5 2007, 12:33 AM

[Owen]

I'm going to point out what I think's good and bad about this piece, please dont be offended, I welcome you to do this same for any of mine that I post in the future

The sea rushes the sands like a warrior storming the gates
The walls of the fort may be strong but even the greatest cities fall

Simply love these two lines, great metaphor!

The bells ring in the night, summoning the ghosts that fell by your side
The actions of man may be wrong but are you really gonna be the one
To show the failings of man

Good start on the first line here, dont like how it lapses into informality with the "you really gonna", I feel that could be strengthened as it looses some of the initial power of the first statement.

Overall, very good piece, could have a bit more flow if you spent a bit longer on it. I like the title, its strong and really relates to the subject matter.

I'm away off to listen to the song now!

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This post has been edited by Owen: Dec 3 2007, 06:34 PM

[Kristofer Dahl]

Awesome! I like it - but I also agree with Owen!

I think you should post direct link to your song from this topic so it's easier for everyone to listen to it!

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[OrganisedConfusi...]

Let me know what you think. Cheers for comments on lyrics. I love metaphors. Obviously comparing a warrior storming the gates to somebody trying to get into somebodies head and the next bit the walls of the fort may be strong but even the greatest cities fall means no matter how much defenses somebody puts up they can still be broken in some way however hard the task.

I don't like manipulating people obviously but I like writing about things like that. Things I think are wrong.

Awesome! I like it - but I also agree with Owen!

I think you should post direct link to your song from this topic so it's easier for everyone to listen to it!

I've now added a link to the song in the other thread. Good idea.

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[Owen]

I also like to do things like that, I began to cut down on it because It's hard to see that lyrics are extremely facetious and ridiculing of what they are pretending to be or just bigotry.

I'm not good at indicating either really

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