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> I Really Need Some Advice, Please Help !!!
Jeff0803
post Apr 25 2008, 08:04 PM
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I need some advice from the instructors or anyone else whos ever worked in a band, I dont know what to do. Ive been in a band for two years or so. We play Progressive Metal and I really love the music we make. We just got a new drummer. In my opinion are drummer is extremely talented even though hes really eccentric, tattoos every where, facial peircings, dreadlocks, etc. But lately Ive been so frustrated with the attitudes of the members it makes me want to pull my hair out. They act like the drummer is holding us back but Ive talked to him probably every day for the past two months and hes the only person in the band who actually gets excited about trying to make progress and hes the only person who acts like he wants to get our music heard as much as I do. Hes had the hardest time being in the band because of the [poo] hes going through and yet he still acts like he cares more about it then the people who are accusing him. The rest of the guys are quick to point fingers and complain but they do nothing to try and make the best out of the situation and move forward. They dont talk to him so they dont know how much he cares and their soo selfish they wont cut him any slack even when hes in the middle of a devorce and hasnt seen his kid in 8 weeks. I feel like the only thing holding us back is their bad attitudes. Last week we practiced and the singer didnt show up and never even called anyone even though I had just talked to him about practice the night before. Then he calls me an hour after were done and says he didnt show up because the drummer sucks and he doesnt want to waste his time playing with him. This is coming from a guy who sings flat alot of the time and barely knows his lyrics. Then I called everyone and said I think it would be a good idea to get together and talk about whats been bothering us. Everyones down, but then 2 days later the singer calls me and says hes not coming because hes just going to get pissed off and its not worth his time. I mean wtf ?!? I know this band has alot of potential and were all really talented but I just dont know how to get everyone on the same page. Everyone is soooooo damn stubborn. Should I just leave and count it as a loss? Im sorry this is so long but its a huge decision for me so I wanted to give as much info as possible. Thanks for any responses.

Edited for language - Andrew


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Hisham Al-Sanea
post Apr 25 2008, 08:11 PM
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man you can leave and try with another band you music carreer will not stoped at one band you have to play with many bands to get more experiances thats my suggestion. and i am sure finally you will find your self .


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MickeM
post Apr 25 2008, 08:13 PM
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I think your call for a band meeting was the way to do it. But I have to say very bad attitude from the singer to not show. Question is why? If the drummer is good it's possible he feels he has to improve to meet the level of the other members and he's a bit scared that he'll get sacked in the end.

I think you should try with a band meeting again, if the vocalist doesn't show, discuss without him how to proceed.

Mind some alternatives if things don't work out. Foremost it should be fun to be in a band.
- Cure the ill part
or if nothing works
- Drop out, try to bring a few others that you think will work out and form a new band. Maybe the drummer?

Good luck, hope it works out!


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Nemanja Filipovi...
post Apr 26 2008, 09:06 AM
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It is a tricky situation for shore.As MickeM sad,band should be fun,and if it don't work out after the band meeting,and the situation isn't getting better,the leave(I would).you can always join another band(or start one for that matter)


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Daniel Robinson
post Apr 26 2008, 09:10 AM
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Being in the middle of a drama like that is always a tough thing. The only way to cure it is to talk about it. If nobody is willing to talk about it, or if a couple of people are not willing to talk about it maybe you would be better off without those people.


Sometimes its just that the puzzle pieces don't fit properly, you have to find those that have common ground in what your trying to accomplish if its always a tugging match then something has to give.

Sometimes those tugging matches are less in your face and you don't realize it. Case in point about 8 months ago my bassist and I were looking for a second guitar player to round us out and allow us the freedom to do some more intricate compositions. We found someone who was dedicated to playing, was a decent guitarist and a really nice guy.

We started working on things with him and at first it seemed like a good fit, but after awhile the bassist and i started realizing that he was twisting what he had in mind to accomplish, and somehow it was affecting us as players and our composistions started taking on this darker quality which is a road we didnt want to go down. We got together with him and told him that we were just not happy with how things were going and that he should go on an do his own thing.

For a couple months after he left there was this wake of really weird musical ideas that my writing partner and i just couldnt shake. Gradually and finally we found our creativity back to where it was before.

Just be sure that if you want to keep everyone together that its really what you need to do. Who knows maybe its in your cards to break away with this drummer and find the missing pieces to your puzzle. Everyone has to have a place and if you or your bandmates are not allowing that to happen then something is almost surely not right and needs to be fixed.

Daniel


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Bogdan Radovic
post Apr 26 2008, 12:17 PM
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I suggest doing a band meeting with the members that show up.And I recommend doing a bend meeting WITHOUT the drummer.I can see in this story that the singer is making the biggest problems..You should anyway try to talk with all of them to reason them..(of course if they are not right in their opinion about the drummer - and they may be who knows its 3 of them with a same opinion).Being talented and positive "thinking" about a band is a great thing, but he need to be good in his skills as well to be part of a band..How was situation before ? You played for 2 years before , thats a pretty long time...I don't recommend quiting if these problems arise from a new drummer being in a band, and situation was cool before...

This post has been edited by Bogdan Radovic: Apr 26 2008, 12:18 PM


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fkalich
post Apr 26 2008, 12:40 PM
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QUOTE (Jeff0803 @ Apr 25 2008, 02:04 PM) *
a band for two years or so. We play Progressive Metal and I really love the music we make. We just got a new drummer. In my opinion are drummer is extremely talented even though hes really eccentric, tattoos every where, facial peircings, dreadlocks, etc. But lately Ive been so frustrated with the attitudes of the members it makes me want to pull


nothing wrong with that look. remember the character in Moby Dick, the one from the cannibal tribe, the one who built the coffin, he had that look. What was his name? Ah, right, Queequeg. He had body covered with tatoos and all kinds of piercings. If that was good enough for the crew that went out after the Great White Whale, it should be good enough for the others in your band. Maybe he will build you guys all coffins.
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Marcus Siepen
post Apr 26 2008, 12:53 PM
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I would also suggest the band meeting, I would include the drummer though, if the others have a problem with him then they should at least have the guts to face him, tell him what is disturbing them and then listen to what he has to say about it. And about the singer... well, obviously he is not really interested in solving this. I would for sure invite him to that meeting, but if he again doesn't show up I would seriously consider to rather look for a new singer instead of a new drummer, after all the drummer seems to be willing to work on all this while the singer isn't, and sorry, with this attitude you won't get far.


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RIP Dime
post Apr 26 2008, 01:19 PM
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That's rough man, but honestly if your band is having problems it's not gonna work, if I were you I'd concentrate on finding musicians with the right attitude. That, I believe is the hardest part of getting a band going, good players are a dime a dozen, but finding players who have the mental ability to commit fully to a band is very hard to find in my expirience. People with more expirience can correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm also having a really hard time finding musicians that
A) Have a passion for music
cool.gif Want to play the kind of music I want to play
C) Are focused
D) Have music as their top priority

I have met many good musicians, but I haven't met one yet with the right mentality. Many have too much on thier plate. Many don't hold music as thier high priority. Many want to be musicians, but lack the balls to do anything about it, they just want to dream about it and never act. Having the right mentality and sharing the same vision musically is what I think would keep a band together.

I would drop that band if I were you, you seem to really like your drummer's attitude, maybe start a band with him? Just find other good musicians with good attitudes.


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Ivan Milenkovic
post Apr 26 2008, 05:52 PM
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It's a hard one for you I imagine, but don't worry everything can be worked out. Unfortunately I don't have enough info on your bands members so I can't judge, but it seems to me that the singer does not want to continue with the band at all. If you get along with the drummer and the singer is not good anyway I say dump the singer and try to work your way out of the bad situation. Get a band meeting, get the drummer to explain his hard situation to everyone, and let everyone says their opinion on the matter. It is better to keep it honest and hard on that one meeting than to avoid the confrontation and wonder in circles.

This post has been edited by Ivan Milenkovic: Apr 26 2008, 05:53 PM


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Jeff0803
post Apr 26 2008, 07:30 PM
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Thanks for all the advice everyone, I really appreciate it. Were getting together tomorrow morning and I got the worst butterflys in my stomach. These guys arnt only my bandmates, theyve also been my best friends. Its gonna be really hard to face them all and tell them how badly I feel about the way theyve been acting. Im trying to get together what I want to say and write it all out so I can organize my thoughts a little better. I dont think Im going to mention Im going to leave the band if it doesnt get fixed, that seems like it would be blackmailing them to cooperate and theyd resent me for it. Im just going to present how I feel and if that doesnt change anything Ill step aside. Ill let you guys know how it goes.


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Ivan Milenkovic
post Apr 26 2008, 08:40 PM
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Be brave man, bare in mind that after the meeting everything will go much smoother - even if you break up. The burden will be gone at least. But do everything you can that it doesn't escalate further, and be honest.


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Niko Fran
post Apr 26 2008, 09:01 PM
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That your bandmates are some of your best friends really complicates this situation. We've all tried to have fights and disagreements with our friends, but my advice is that your singer and the other people in the band begin to talk to the drummer. He seems like a good guy, and they are judgeing him wrong. If they start talk to him - and understands his situation - this could work out. Another reason why they have a trouble with the drummer could be that your old drummer was a friend of theirs which causes them to not focus on his potential and his situation.

My advice is make them talk and try to make them understand, and tell us how it went in the morning smile.gif

Good luck
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Jeff0803
post Apr 28 2008, 04:26 PM
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We had the meeting and it went really well, surprisingly everyone cooperated. I wrote out a sheet with the 4 aspects that I think we should be focusing on, The Music, Promotion, Professionalism, and Teamwork. I wrote why I thought each one of these was important and said that each one of these was the corner of a square and the most successful bands come closest to having a perfect square. They all have to be even. Then we went through each one and told why we felt like some of the other members were holding us back from doing the best that we can in each category and what goals we could make to improve them and move forward in the next 3 months. We wrote out a list of our goals on a chalkboard and put dates next to them so we knew when we needed to get them done by. Then I had another sheet called "Ways We Can Achieve Our Goals." On that sheet I just had a few pointers on how everyone can get more accomplished and work more as a team. Overall the meeting went really well and Im glad we did it. I think it was an important step in the future of the band. Thanks for everyones support !


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Niko Fran
post May 8 2008, 04:26 PM
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Great, I knew you would work it out wink.gif
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Marcus Siepen
post May 8 2008, 05:00 PM
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sounds good, all the best for the future smile.gif


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Vinod Saranga
post May 8 2008, 05:12 PM
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You have really worked it out well smile.gif
Good Luck


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Ivan Milenkovic
post May 8 2008, 08:35 PM
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THat's great man. Future plans involving time deadlines are always important when progressing. I'm glad everything turned out well. smile.gif


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