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> First Lyrics I've Ever Written
TreyDeschamp
post May 27 2008, 01:21 AM
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So I wrote these lyrics in religion class after readung revelations or whatever the section is about the apocolypse. Me and my friend started a band and he told me to write some lyrics so I did. I need some posotive and negative critisim
so heres the song

The Second Beast

With horns like a dragons
come out of the ground
everyone screams in a little town
wide awake i sit at night
sitting in horrifyed fright

Chorus:

The Second Beast has risen and has come
we saw it rise from the grave but will gods hand save

The bodies are lying in the streets
we need this one who we hear can difeat
this beast that may be over there
his smell lingers in the air

Chorus:

The Second Beast has risen and has come
we saw it rise from the grave but will gods hand save
________________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading my lyrics


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Canis
post May 27 2008, 09:25 AM
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Makes me think of pink, fluffy bunnies smile.gif


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Hisham Al-Sanea
post May 27 2008, 10:16 AM
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good start TreyDiscahmp i like to read but i havent a talent to write as i can to compose the music


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Ivan Milenkovic
post May 27 2008, 11:45 AM
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Nice horror lyrics man. I like the gothic feel in it smile.gif


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OrganisedConfusi...
post May 27 2008, 11:52 AM
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great lyrics for a first time writing smile.gif My first ever lyrics were really bad although I was 8 smile.gif. I have ran out of ideas for lyrics lately so just keep writing instrumentals lol smile.gif And they suck biggrin.gif

Keep writing lyrics and you will find each time they will get better until you get to the point where everything you write will be good


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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post May 27 2008, 12:28 PM
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Wasnt bad Trey biggrin.gif

Upload more of your future lyrics !

Sometimes it seems as if you were trying to force rhymes in your lyrics, and as you can see you dont need to rhyme at all in lyrics if you dont want to ! The Uncreator is a prime example of someone that writes great lyrics but doesnt always rhyme.

smile.gif Hope to see you on here more


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TreyDeschamp
post May 27 2008, 01:08 PM
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QUOTE (Eat-Sleep-andJam @ May 27 2008, 06:28 AM) *
Wasnt bad Trey biggrin.gif

Upload more of your future lyrics !

Sometimes it seems as if you were trying to force rhymes in your lyrics, and as you can see you dont need to rhyme at all in lyrics if you dont want to ! The Uncreator is a prime example of someone that writes great lyrics but doesnt always rhyme.

smile.gif Hope to see you on here more


Your very right on that one I would sorta run out of ideas and then try to make something up that rhymed but latly I have been noticing that while I'm listening to music the singer isn't rhyming at all so I'm gonna take a look at that and try to write some lyrics that dont rhyme at all just to see what come up.

Thanks everyone for your nice words and to Canis-----haha the pink fluffy bunnies were eaten by the beast haha


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Bogdan Radovic
post May 27 2008, 02:33 PM
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Very good start on writing lyrics..Keep it up! smile.gif


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Mark.
post May 27 2008, 03:52 PM
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You should write a book laugh.gif

And join my band "The Beast", this would be a good song for it tongue.gif
If you join then I've got 2 members tongue.gif
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TreyDeschamp
post May 27 2008, 08:34 PM
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QUOTE (Mark. @ May 27 2008, 09:52 AM) *
You should write a book laugh.gif

And join my band "The Beast", this would be a good song for it tongue.gif
If you join then I've got 2 members tongue.gif


Haha if you were serious thanks for the offer but I have a band at home.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. laugh.gif


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Pi38
post May 27 2008, 08:36 PM
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Nice job, man!
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TreyDeschamp
post May 27 2008, 08:40 PM
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QUOTE (Pi38 @ May 27 2008, 02:36 PM) *
Nice job, man!


Thank you man I appreciate that! laugh.gif


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Praetorian
post May 29 2008, 02:11 PM
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Great start...keep at it!


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