2 Pages V   1 2 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Guitar Practicing Problem..., from an unlikely source.
fatb0t
post Oct 17 2008, 06:02 PM
Post #1


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1.202
Joined: 25-November 07
Member No.: 3.373



So I'm 22, work full time and I have a girlfriend. Now just about every second I get to myself I like to play guitar.

Now I make time for the girlfriend of course, and I talk to her throughout the day; while I'm going to work, at work, on lunch, when I get off work hahah . She comes out and stays at my house during the weekends and stuff. I feel I talk to her an adaquate amount...

Anyways, lately I've been having a lot of problems with her, here is why... Whenever I play guitar and she's over my house she thinks I'm not "paying attention" to her. She lives far away so I only see her maybe twice a week. So I usually won't play if she's around to avoid this conflict.

However when I'm home and jamming (and she isn't with me) - if she calls me I'll usually pick up while noodling around on my guitar. It actually pisses her off that I'm on the phone with her while playing guitar. She says I should just pay attention to her.
She's usually just bantering on about inane things like how bad her day was because she was getting tail gated or something in that vein for like 15 minutes. So I can usually just get away with saying "Uh huh, Yes, I do agree with you, NO WAY" but she finally caught on to the fact that I rarely listen to her when I'm playing guitar. I would say normally I should just put the guitar down and listen but I like to practice 2 or 3 hours a day MINIMUM - once im in the flow I don't like to stop. She says this is selfish!!


Ugh advice please on this practicing problem. Any one else with a similar situation past or present?

Is it me or is she @#$!ING demanding?

Seems to me a lot of women talk about really boring matters and to them these matters seem EPIC but to me they're trivial. I've noticed this a lot...(is it just me?) I must say I've encountered a few truely amazing conversationalist chicks that drive me batty; They're usually taken.

Female GMCers this isn't meant to be offensive in anyway, infact your advice would be paramount in my decision about this matter.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Andrew Cockburn
post Oct 17 2008, 06:29 PM
Post #2


Moderation Policy Director
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 10.459
Joined: 6-February 07
From: CT, USA
Member No.: 1.167



I understand totally what you're saying - lets just call it a difference between men & women to avoid causing offence. In my experience communication itself is important to Women, and the subject less so - its a kind of bonding thing for them.

By practicing while you are talking to her you are robbing her of something she considers important even though you do not - there is no fault here, this is just an example of men & women wanting slightly different things out of life and relationships.

Bottom line is that if she thinks you are neglecting her, and you value the relationship you will have to change your behavior a little. If the guitar is more important to you, then that's also a choice ...

* DISCLAIMER * I don't pretend to understand women, but I have managed to stay married for 7 years so I am not an absolute beginner wink.gif

How about a female perspective on this?


--------------------
Check out my Instructor profile
Live long and prosper ...

My Stuff:

Electric Guitars : Ibanez Jem7v, Line6 Variax 700, Fender Plus Strat with 57/62 Pickups, Line6 Variax 705 Bass
Acoustic Guitars : Taylor 816ce, Martin D-15, Line6 Variax Acoustic 300 Nylon
Effects : Line6 Helix, Keeley Modded Boss DS1, Keeley Modded Boss BD2, Keeley 4 knob compressor, Keeley OxBlood
Amps : Epiphone Valve Jnr & Head, Cockburn A.C.1, Cockburn A.C.2, Blackstar Club 50 Head & 4x12 Cab
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Koopid
post Oct 17 2008, 06:39 PM
Post #3


Learning Roadie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 321
Joined: 22-May 08
From: Söderhamn Sweden
Member No.: 5.153



QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 07:02 PM) *
So I'm 22, work full time and I have a girlfriend. Now just about every second I get to myself I like to play guitar.

Now I make time for the girlfriend of course, and I talk to her throughout the day; while I'm going to work, at work, on lunch, when I get off work hahah . She comes out and stays at my house during the weekends and stuff. I feel I talk to her an adaquate amount...

Anyways, lately I've been having a lot of problems with her, here is why... Whenever I play guitar and she's over my house she thinks I'm not "paying attention" to her. She lives far away so I only see her maybe twice a week. So I usually won't play if she's around to avoid this conflict.

However when I'm home and jamming (and she isn't with me) - if she calls me I'll usually pick up while noodling around on my guitar. It actually pisses her off that I'm on the phone with her while playing guitar. She says I should just pay attention to her.
She's usually just bantering on about inane things like how bad her day was because she was getting tail gated or something in that vein for like 15 minutes. So I can usually just get away with saying "Uh huh, Yes, I do agree with you, NO WAY" but she finally caught on to the fact that I rarely listen to her when I'm playing guitar. I would say normally I should just put the guitar down and listen but I like to practice 2 or 3 hours a day MINIMUM - once im in the flow I don't like to stop. She says this is selfish!!


Ugh advice please on this practicing problem. Any one else with a similar situation past or present?

Is it me or is she @#$!ING demanding?

Seems to me a lot of women talk about really boring matters and to them these matters seem EPIC but to me they're trivial. I've noticed this a lot...(is it just me?) I must say I've encountered a few truely amazing conversationalist chicks that drive me batty; They're usually taken.

Female GMCers this isn't meant to be offensive in anyway, infact your advice would be paramount in my decision about this matter.


It's you smile.gif

I have experience myself but not guitar. Computer games was the problem for me, we also only met a couple of times a week for a period of time (almost 2 years) and I must admit that I made excuses to play while she was there. We have been together now for 11 years, married for 4 of those and have 2 kids. I know now that I was really really close to loosing her that 2 year period..

It actually is kinda selfish not beeing able to put your guitar down (i have the same problem actually, but I realize I am beeing selfish, hehe) for a couple of minutes while on the phone, even if it is trivial things you talk about. If you like (love?) this girl then you should be able to make room for some dedicated time for her, or make a deal with her to call her back once you are done practicing so that you can pay her full attention.

Then about the other matter, women and phones. I totally agree with you there, I have no idea why women seem to be able to talk so long about nothing on the phone.. What is that? I live with my wife, we meet eachother every day, have done so for 11 years with a few exceptions. She *still* calls me every day at work talkin about things that not only can wait until we get home, but often can be dismissed entirelly.. We been together so long now that I can tell her to stop calling me but I imagine that beeing quite hard at the age of 22 smile.gif

Anyway, If you like her, make some time for her. Maybe you can agree that between hour X and hour Y you are practicing, dont call then unless it is important (unplug your phone! smile.gif). If you don't like her.. well.

My 2c


--------------------
Gear
Amp
Mesa Boogie Dual Rectifier
Marshall 1960A cab
Guitars
ESP Eclipse I CTM Snow White
Jackson SLSMG
Takamine EG320C
Bass
Epiphone Thunderbird Goth Bass
Effects/Stomps
Boss SD1
Boss MT2 Metalzone
Dunlop Zack Wylde Wah
Behringer BEQ700 Equalizer
Harley Benton PT-100 stagetuner
Studio EQ
PodXT Live
Edirol FA 66 soundcard
Yamaha HS50M monitors
Macbook pro
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Jesse
post Oct 17 2008, 06:42 PM
Post #4


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 2.348
Joined: 5-July 08
From: Enschede/overijssel/Nederland
Member No.: 5.426



QUOTE (Andrew Cockburn @ Oct 17 2008, 07:29 PM) *
I understand totally what you're saying - lets just call it a difference between men & women to avoid causing offence. In my experience communication itself is important to Women, and the subject less so - its a kind of bonding thing for them.

By practicing while you are talking to her you are robbing her of something she considers important even though you do not - there is no fault here, this is just an example of men & women wanting slightly different things out of life and relationships.

Bottom line is that if she thinks you are neglecting her, and you value the relationship you will have to change your behavior a little. If the guitar is more important to you, then that's also a choice ...

* DISCLAIMER * I don't pretend to understand women, but I have managed to stay married for 7 years so I am not an absolute beginner wink.gif

How about a female perspective on this?

7...? grats:) Me parents for 25+ now

QUOTE (Andrew Cockburn @ Oct 17 2008, 07:29 PM) *
I understand totally what you're saying - lets just call it a difference between men & women to avoid causing offence. In my experience communication itself is important to Women, and the subject less so - its a kind of bonding thing for them.

By practicing while you are talking to her you are robbing her of something she considers important even though you do not - there is no fault here, this is just an example of men & women wanting slightly different things out of life and relationships.

Bottom line is that if she thinks you are neglecting her, and you value the relationship you will have to change your behavior a little. If the guitar is more important to you, then that's also a choice ...

* DISCLAIMER * I don't pretend to understand women, but I have managed to stay married for 7 years so I am not an absolute beginner wink.gif

How about a female perspective on this?

7...? grats:) Me parents for 25+ now


--------------------
Don't just play it. Feel it!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Muris Varajic
post Oct 17 2008, 06:43 PM
Post #5


Instructor
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 15.459
Joined: 22-June 07
From: Sarajevo,Bosnia
Member No.: 2.159



I hope you could eventually solve the thing
by talking with her about the issue.
Explain that she cannot fight the battle against the guitar,
guitar is not human being and comparing herself with it
just ain't working.
I fully understand what are you saying,
in 99% of cases I play guitar while I'm talking
to my girlfriend on the phone,if I'm at home of course.
Good thing is,long ago she understood that it's stronger then me
and she always gives me a time to play,if I'm playing atm.
Perhaps she realizes that on my priorities list
guitar is probably on the 1st place,
but once again it's nonsense to look at it that way.

It's about understanding,music very often takes us away
and we can't do much about it,she will have to understand that. smile.gif



--------------------
Youtube
MySpace
Website



Album "Let It Out" on
iTunes
and CD Baby

Check out my video lessons and instructor board!

The Pianist
tune is progress,check it out!

"ok.. it is great.. :P

have you myspace? Can i to personalize this for you guy?"
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
fatb0t
post Oct 17 2008, 06:57 PM
Post #6


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1.202
Joined: 25-November 07
Member No.: 3.373



Uhm, I reallllllly like Muris's answer.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Koopid
post Oct 17 2008, 07:01 PM
Post #7


Learning Roadie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 321
Joined: 22-May 08
From: Söderhamn Sweden
Member No.: 5.153



QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 07:57 PM) *
Uhm, I reallllllly like Muris's answer.


Ofcourse you do smile.gif

there has to be a balance though. Your girlfriend needs to understand, and accept, how you are as a person and that music is important to you (and your practicing), but you will also have to understand, and accept, that she wants to talk to you uninterrupted..

If my wife during those 2 years had said: "no more computergames or I leave" I would have told her to leave. I am a gamer, that is a big part of who I am and if she can't accept it we wont make it, same with your guitar, if she can't accept that you love guitar then you wont make it. BUT it goes two ways smile.gif


--------------------
Gear
Amp
Mesa Boogie Dual Rectifier
Marshall 1960A cab
Guitars
ESP Eclipse I CTM Snow White
Jackson SLSMG
Takamine EG320C
Bass
Epiphone Thunderbird Goth Bass
Effects/Stomps
Boss SD1
Boss MT2 Metalzone
Dunlop Zack Wylde Wah
Behringer BEQ700 Equalizer
Harley Benton PT-100 stagetuner
Studio EQ
PodXT Live
Edirol FA 66 soundcard
Yamaha HS50M monitors
Macbook pro
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
fatb0t
post Oct 17 2008, 07:04 PM
Post #8


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1.202
Joined: 25-November 07
Member No.: 3.373



Oh man, I freakin' love GMC. Everyone gets it here!

Yeah, this is really good advice guys.

I will tell her I will definitely be playing from x to y and I will NOT be available. As soon as I can talk I will give her my undivided attention. If I so happen to be playing guitar at z time (not on the schedule) well she'll just have to understand.

hahah
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Bogdan Radovic
post Oct 17 2008, 07:16 PM
Post #9


Bass & Beginner Instructor
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 15.612
Joined: 30-November 07
From: Belgrade, Serbia
Member No.: 3.410



Not to prologue the story, I would suggest just telling her when you will be practicing so you can turn off the phone at that time...Once you finish the session you will call her back (if you have missed calls)...Talking and playing guitar doesn't work for no one.Because you aren't really talking and aren't really practicing smile.gif I'm sure she will understand , one more tip comes to my mind..Why don't YOU call her some time BEFORE the planned practice session..Do the phone call thing and than you'll be free to do your stuff...I don't think she will have the need to call you in the next couple of hours smile.gif

This post has been edited by Bogdan Radovic: Oct 17 2008, 07:17 PM


--------------------
For GMC support please email support (at) guitarmasterclass.net
Check out my lessons and my instructor board.
Check out my beginner guitar lessons course! ; Take a bass course now!
My solo and band songs : Keep Going On, Night Vibe, Kad Te Vidim, Susret, Plava Silueta
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
fatb0t
post Oct 17 2008, 07:21 PM
Post #10


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1.202
Joined: 25-November 07
Member No.: 3.373



I dunno, she like constantly wants contact. I would like to destroy my cell phone sometimes.

The notion that I'm not really talking and not really practicing is really true. But for whatever reason, whenever I'm home I just LIKE to have the guitar in my lap and in my hands. Just even holding it... Even if I'm watching a movie, or watching TV, or reading on the computer... I like to have it plugged into an amp and in my hands at all times. (I think I have a sickness)

Oh one more thing... I'm getting a thrash metal band together and she told me if I don't have enough time for her she will leave me. I'm curious to see what will happen this weekend when we have our second rehersal...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Andrew Cockburn
post Oct 17 2008, 07:26 PM
Post #11


Moderation Policy Director
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 10.459
Joined: 6-February 07
From: CT, USA
Member No.: 1.167



QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 02:21 PM) *
(I think I have a sickness)


We all have the same sickness my friend - we understand!

QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 02:21 PM) *
Oh one more thing... I'm getting a thrash metal band together and she told me if I don't have enough time for her she will leave me. I'm curious to see what will happen this weekend when we have our second rehersal...


What will probably happen is that it will all come to a head, and you will both move forward one way or the other - decide what you want most so you are ready for it would be my final advice wink.gif


--------------------
Check out my Instructor profile
Live long and prosper ...

My Stuff:

Electric Guitars : Ibanez Jem7v, Line6 Variax 700, Fender Plus Strat with 57/62 Pickups, Line6 Variax 705 Bass
Acoustic Guitars : Taylor 816ce, Martin D-15, Line6 Variax Acoustic 300 Nylon
Effects : Line6 Helix, Keeley Modded Boss DS1, Keeley Modded Boss BD2, Keeley 4 knob compressor, Keeley OxBlood
Amps : Epiphone Valve Jnr & Head, Cockburn A.C.1, Cockburn A.C.2, Blackstar Club 50 Head & 4x12 Cab
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Lian Gerbino
post Oct 17 2008, 07:29 PM
Post #12


Instructor
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 4.426
Joined: 14-April 08
From: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Member No.: 4.895



yes, great advices here.

I think talking is the more important thing in a relationship (besides sex of course) -kidding- rolleyes.gif rolleyes.gif
if she loves you, with some time and patience she´ll understand that guitar or music are a part of you, not a separated thing or hobbie.
I think that if I don´t play guitar when my girl is at home, or when I want, I think I´be sad. or angry sometimes, and that´s not good for her or for me.

I wrote my first songs while I was in love, and I played them to her so, we felt connected by music. I cannot imagine myself repressing my feelings.

just sharing my life, maybe it helps you.


--------------------
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Sentenced
post Oct 17 2008, 07:30 PM
Post #13


Learning Roadie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 151
Joined: 16-November 07
From: Germany
Member No.: 3.308



My girlfriend likes to hear me play, but if she is there i try to play songs and interesting stuf, but i cant practice something with metronome, you know what i mean. I just cant practice if there is someone in my room.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Jose Mena
post Oct 17 2008, 07:40 PM
Post #14


Instructor
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 1.359
Joined: 28-July 08
From: Miami FL
Member No.: 5.593



I kind of have the same issues, I've been married for 6 years and my wife always felt she was second, and like Muris said, I try to make her feel that it is not a competition.

Most times she understands that I am working on a career as a musician and it is not a simple hobby, so she is supportive and comes up with advice and things of that sort. But when its too much lets me know that I've neglected her and my daughter for too long, and demands more attention. I argue but I know she is right, but I guess discipline is the key.


--------------------
Check out my Video Lessons
Visit my Instructor Board
Visit MySpace
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Bogdan Radovic
post Oct 17 2008, 07:43 PM
Post #15


Bass & Beginner Instructor
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 15.612
Joined: 30-November 07
From: Belgrade, Serbia
Member No.: 3.410



QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 08:21 PM) *
Oh one more thing... I'm getting a thrash metal band together and she told me if I don't have enough time for her she will leave me. I'm curious to see what will happen this weekend when we have our second rehersal...


Well I'm sure she will understand or you two will find time for being together...I mean she is with you ,and you didn't start playing guitar yesterday, so its part of you and who you are...I'm sure you do lots of stuff besides guitar , they all take up free time...She can't blame playing with a band or just playing guitar as the primary reason for you two not having enough time alone...Find a solution - pocket of time in which you are going to see each other..I'm sure its not that bad.


--------------------
For GMC support please email support (at) guitarmasterclass.net
Check out my lessons and my instructor board.
Check out my beginner guitar lessons course! ; Take a bass course now!
My solo and band songs : Keep Going On, Night Vibe, Kad Te Vidim, Susret, Plava Silueta
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Pedja Simovic
post Oct 17 2008, 08:00 PM
Post #16


Instructor
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 8.109
Joined: 13-September 08
From: Nis, Serbia
Member No.: 5.892



My advice
Either find a new girlfriend that gets you for who you are and what Guitar and music mean to you , or if you really love this one and don't want to loose her - talk to her and try to work it out.


Sometimes you have to loose in order to win...
Somebody very smart said this I can't recall who - its probably from a movie also wink.gif


--------------------
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Marek Rojewski
post Oct 17 2008, 08:27 PM
Post #17


Experienced Guitar Hero
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1.656
Joined: 26-May 08
From: Lodz, Poland
Member No.: 5.185



In my opinion, there is a "compatibility" problem. Some girls are very demanding if it comes to attention, and won't accept what You are doing. I don't think that regulating fixed hours when she shouldn't phone because you are practicing is a good idea. It is all about understanding and acceptance. If she can accept Your behavior, fixed hours won't be necessary. If not, it won't solve anything ( especially that phones aren't the only problem ). Of course if she is very important to You, than You may change your ways, and the problem will be over, but I think that "giving up ground" is a bad idea - sooner or later it will lead to tension..

PS: sorry, if the post is to chaotic...


--------------------
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
fatb0t
post Oct 17 2008, 08:56 PM
Post #18


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1.202
Joined: 25-November 07
Member No.: 3.373



haha I'm only 22 - I ain't looking to get married. In fact, I'm looking to be a ripping guitarist more than anything else... so I suppose that kinda makes the decision for me haha...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Scott Gentzen
post Oct 17 2008, 09:20 PM
Post #19


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 683
Joined: 16-January 07
From: Centreville, VA, USA
Member No.: 1.080



QUOTE (Andrew Cockburn @ Oct 17 2008, 01:29 PM) *
* DISCLAIMER * I don't pretend to understand women, but I have managed to stay married for 7 years so I am not an absolute beginner wink.gif

How about a female perspective on this?


Problem here is that of the audience. Females on the site here will tend to be more guitar-friendly than most.

I've been married for 8 years and we've been together for over 12 now. I've only been learning guitar for almost two years. My wife's been supportive of my playing so far. The only time I tend to get complaints is when I'm playin in the basement plugged in and she has to crank the TV to hear it over me. smile.gif

The other replies tend to already say it...life's full of choices. What we get out of it tends to come from the choices we make and how we pick our priorities.


--------------------
Guitars: ESP Semi-Hollow Eclipse, 1984 Ibanez Roadstar RS440, Peavey T-60, Daisy Rock Rock Candy Custom
Amps: Peavey Transformer 112, Epiphone Valve Jr head with custom 2x12 cab
Pedals: Boss TU-2, Budda Bud-Wah, Chuck Collins Harmonic Percolator clone
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Ivan Milenkovic
post Oct 17 2008, 09:22 PM
Post #20


Instructor
Group Icon

Group: GMC Instructor
Posts: 25.396
Joined: 20-November 07
From: Belgrade, Serbia
Member No.: 3.341



Girls don't need that much to feel special, as they don't need much to feel neglected either. Straightforward honest conversation is important to girls, so you could at least show some respect about things she have to say to you. That's how I look at things anyway. I don't think your girl would like to listen to all of your stories as well, but she does, she doesn't sit in front of a TV or monitor screen, and saying yeah..mhm...right.. That is not a way to talk to any person, male or female. So just listen to what she has to say, and cheer up, girls are great. smile.gif


--------------------
- Ivan's Video Chat Lesson Notes HERE
- Check out my GMC Profile and Lessons
- (Please subscribe to my) YouTube Official Channel
- Let's be connected through ! Facebook! :)
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

2 Pages V   1 2 >
Fast ReplyReply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 


RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 17th January 2017 - 05:51 AM