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Guitar Practicing Problem..., from an unlikely source.
fatb0t
Oct 17 2008, 06:02 PM
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So I'm 22, work full time and I have a girlfriend. Now just about every second I get to myself I like to play guitar.

Now I make time for the girlfriend of course, and I talk to her throughout the day; while I'm going to work, at work, on lunch, when I get off work hahah . She comes out and stays at my house during the weekends and stuff. I feel I talk to her an adaquate amount...

Anyways, lately I've been having a lot of problems with her, here is why... Whenever I play guitar and she's over my house she thinks I'm not "paying attention" to her. She lives far away so I only see her maybe twice a week. So I usually won't play if she's around to avoid this conflict.

However when I'm home and jamming (and she isn't with me) - if she calls me I'll usually pick up while noodling around on my guitar. It actually pisses her off that I'm on the phone with her while playing guitar. She says I should just pay attention to her.
She's usually just bantering on about inane things like how bad her day was because she was getting tail gated or something in that vein for like 15 minutes. So I can usually just get away with saying "Uh huh, Yes, I do agree with you, NO WAY" but she finally caught on to the fact that I rarely listen to her when I'm playing guitar. I would say normally I should just put the guitar down and listen but I like to practice 2 or 3 hours a day MINIMUM - once im in the flow I don't like to stop. She says this is selfish!!


Ugh advice please on this practicing problem. Any one else with a similar situation past or present?

Is it me or is she @#$!ING demanding?

Seems to me a lot of women talk about really boring matters and to them these matters seem EPIC but to me they're trivial. I've noticed this a lot...(is it just me?) I must say I've encountered a few truely amazing conversationalist chicks that drive me batty; They're usually taken.

Female GMCers this isn't meant to be offensive in anyway, infact your advice would be paramount in my decision about this matter.

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Andrew Cockburn
Oct 17 2008, 06:29 PM
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I understand totally what you're saying - lets just call it a difference between men & women to avoid causing offence. In my experience communication itself is important to Women, and the subject less so - its a kind of bonding thing for them.

By practicing while you are talking to her you are robbing her of something she considers important even though you do not - there is no fault here, this is just an example of men & women wanting slightly different things out of life and relationships.

Bottom line is that if she thinks you are neglecting her, and you value the relationship you will have to change your behavior a little. If the guitar is more important to you, then that's also a choice ...

* DISCLAIMER * I don't pretend to understand women, but I have managed to stay married for 7 years so I am not an absolute beginner wink.gif

How about a female perspective on this?

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Koopid
Oct 17 2008, 06:39 PM
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QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 07:02 PM) *
So I'm 22, work full time and I have a girlfriend. Now just about every second I get to myself I like to play guitar.

Now I make time for the girlfriend of course, and I talk to her throughout the day; while I'm going to work, at work, on lunch, when I get off work hahah . She comes out and stays at my house during the weekends and stuff. I feel I talk to her an adaquate amount...

Anyways, lately I've been having a lot of problems with her, here is why... Whenever I play guitar and she's over my house she thinks I'm not "paying attention" to her. She lives far away so I only see her maybe twice a week. So I usually won't play if she's around to avoid this conflict.

However when I'm home and jamming (and she isn't with me) - if she calls me I'll usually pick up while noodling around on my guitar. It actually pisses her off that I'm on the phone with her while playing guitar. She says I should just pay attention to her.
She's usually just bantering on about inane things like how bad her day was because she was getting tail gated or something in that vein for like 15 minutes. So I can usually just get away with saying "Uh huh, Yes, I do agree with you, NO WAY" but she finally caught on to the fact that I rarely listen to her when I'm playing guitar. I would say normally I should just put the guitar down and listen but I like to practice 2 or 3 hours a day MINIMUM - once im in the flow I don't like to stop. She says this is selfish!!


Ugh advice please on this practicing problem. Any one else with a similar situation past or present?

Is it me or is she @#$!ING demanding?

Seems to me a lot of women talk about really boring matters and to them these matters seem EPIC but to me they're trivial. I've noticed this a lot...(is it just me?) I must say I've encountered a few truely amazing conversationalist chicks that drive me batty; They're usually taken.

Female GMCers this isn't meant to be offensive in anyway, infact your advice would be paramount in my decision about this matter.


It's you smile.gif

I have experience myself but not guitar. Computer games was the problem for me, we also only met a couple of times a week for a period of time (almost 2 years) and I must admit that I made excuses to play while she was there. We have been together now for 11 years, married for 4 of those and have 2 kids. I know now that I was really really close to loosing her that 2 year period..

It actually is kinda selfish not beeing able to put your guitar down (i have the same problem actually, but I realize I am beeing selfish, hehe) for a couple of minutes while on the phone, even if it is trivial things you talk about. If you like (love?) this girl then you should be able to make room for some dedicated time for her, or make a deal with her to call her back once you are done practicing so that you can pay her full attention.

Then about the other matter, women and phones. I totally agree with you there, I have no idea why women seem to be able to talk so long about nothing on the phone.. What is that? I live with my wife, we meet eachother every day, have done so for 11 years with a few exceptions. She *still* calls me every day at work talkin about things that not only can wait until we get home, but often can be dismissed entirelly.. We been together so long now that I can tell her to stop calling me but I imagine that beeing quite hard at the age of 22 smile.gif

Anyway, If you like her, make some time for her. Maybe you can agree that between hour X and hour Y you are practicing, dont call then unless it is important (unplug your phone! smile.gif). If you don't like her.. well.

My 2c

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Jesse
Oct 17 2008, 06:42 PM
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QUOTE (Andrew Cockburn @ Oct 17 2008, 07:29 PM) *
I understand totally what you're saying - lets just call it a difference between men & women to avoid causing offence. In my experience communication itself is important to Women, and the subject less so - its a kind of bonding thing for them.

By practicing while you are talking to her you are robbing her of something she considers important even though you do not - there is no fault here, this is just an example of men & women wanting slightly different things out of life and relationships.

Bottom line is that if she thinks you are neglecting her, and you value the relationship you will have to change your behavior a little. If the guitar is more important to you, then that's also a choice ...

* DISCLAIMER * I don't pretend to understand women, but I have managed to stay married for 7 years so I am not an absolute beginner wink.gif

How about a female perspective on this?

7...? grats:) Me parents for 25+ now

QUOTE (Andrew Cockburn @ Oct 17 2008, 07:29 PM) *
I understand totally what you're saying - lets just call it a difference between men & women to avoid causing offence. In my experience communication itself is important to Women, and the subject less so - its a kind of bonding thing for them.

By practicing while you are talking to her you are robbing her of something she considers important even though you do not - there is no fault here, this is just an example of men & women wanting slightly different things out of life and relationships.

Bottom line is that if she thinks you are neglecting her, and you value the relationship you will have to change your behavior a little. If the guitar is more important to you, then that's also a choice ...

* DISCLAIMER * I don't pretend to understand women, but I have managed to stay married for 7 years so I am not an absolute beginner wink.gif

How about a female perspective on this?

7...? grats:) Me parents for 25+ now

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Muris Varajic
Oct 17 2008, 06:43 PM
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I hope you could eventually solve the thing
by talking with her about the issue.
Explain that she cannot fight the battle against the guitar,
guitar is not human being and comparing herself with it
just ain't working.
I fully understand what are you saying,
in 99% of cases I play guitar while I'm talking
to my girlfriend on the phone,if I'm at home of course.
Good thing is,long ago she understood that it's stronger then me
and she always gives me a time to play,if I'm playing atm.
Perhaps she realizes that on my priorities list
guitar is probably on the 1st place,
but once again it's nonsense to look at it that way.

It's about understanding,music very often takes us away
and we can't do much about it,she will have to understand that. smile.gif

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fatb0t
Oct 17 2008, 06:57 PM
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Uhm, I reallllllly like Muris's answer.

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Koopid
Oct 17 2008, 07:01 PM
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QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 07:57 PM) *
Uhm, I reallllllly like Muris's answer.


Ofcourse you do smile.gif

there has to be a balance though. Your girlfriend needs to understand, and accept, how you are as a person and that music is important to you (and your practicing), but you will also have to understand, and accept, that she wants to talk to you uninterrupted..

If my wife during those 2 years had said: "no more computergames or I leave" I would have told her to leave. I am a gamer, that is a big part of who I am and if she can't accept it we wont make it, same with your guitar, if she can't accept that you love guitar then you wont make it. BUT it goes two ways smile.gif

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fatb0t
Oct 17 2008, 07:04 PM
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Oh man, I freakin' love GMC. Everyone gets it here!

Yeah, this is really good advice guys.

I will tell her I will definitely be playing from x to y and I will NOT be available. As soon as I can talk I will give her my undivided attention. If I so happen to be playing guitar at z time (not on the schedule) well she'll just have to understand.

hahah

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Bogdan Radovic
Oct 17 2008, 07:16 PM
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Not to prologue the story, I would suggest just telling her when you will be practicing so you can turn off the phone at that time...Once you finish the session you will call her back (if you have missed calls)...Talking and playing guitar doesn't work for no one.Because you aren't really talking and aren't really practicing smile.gif I'm sure she will understand , one more tip comes to my mind..Why don't YOU call her some time BEFORE the planned practice session..Do the phone call thing and than you'll be free to do your stuff...I don't think she will have the need to call you in the next couple of hours smile.gif

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This post has been edited by Bogdan Radovic: Oct 17 2008, 07:17 PM


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fatb0t
Oct 17 2008, 07:21 PM
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I dunno, she like constantly wants contact. I would like to destroy my cell phone sometimes.

The notion that I'm not really talking and not really practicing is really true. But for whatever reason, whenever I'm home I just LIKE to have the guitar in my lap and in my hands. Just even holding it... Even if I'm watching a movie, or watching TV, or reading on the computer... I like to have it plugged into an amp and in my hands at all times. (I think I have a sickness)

Oh one more thing... I'm getting a thrash metal band together and she told me if I don't have enough time for her she will leave me. I'm curious to see what will happen this weekend when we have our second rehersal...

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Andrew Cockburn
Oct 17 2008, 07:26 PM
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QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 02:21 PM) *
(I think I have a sickness)


We all have the same sickness my friend - we understand!

QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 02:21 PM) *
Oh one more thing... I'm getting a thrash metal band together and she told me if I don't have enough time for her she will leave me. I'm curious to see what will happen this weekend when we have our second rehersal...


What will probably happen is that it will all come to a head, and you will both move forward one way or the other - decide what you want most so you are ready for it would be my final advice wink.gif

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Lian Gerbino
Oct 17 2008, 07:29 PM
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yes, great advices here.

I think talking is the more important thing in a relationship (besides sex of course) -kidding- rolleyes.gif rolleyes.gif
if she loves you, with some time and patience she´ll understand that guitar or music are a part of you, not a separated thing or hobbie.
I think that if I don´t play guitar when my girl is at home, or when I want, I think I´be sad. or angry sometimes, and that´s not good for her or for me.

I wrote my first songs while I was in love, and I played them to her so, we felt connected by music. I cannot imagine myself repressing my feelings.

just sharing my life, maybe it helps you.

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Sentenced
Oct 17 2008, 07:30 PM
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My girlfriend likes to hear me play, but if she is there i try to play songs and interesting stuf, but i cant practice something with metronome, you know what i mean. I just cant practice if there is someone in my room.

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Jose Mena
Oct 17 2008, 07:40 PM
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I kind of have the same issues, I've been married for 6 years and my wife always felt she was second, and like Muris said, I try to make her feel that it is not a competition.

Most times she understands that I am working on a career as a musician and it is not a simple hobby, so she is supportive and comes up with advice and things of that sort. But when its too much lets me know that I've neglected her and my daughter for too long, and demands more attention. I argue but I know she is right, but I guess discipline is the key.

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Bogdan Radovic
Oct 17 2008, 07:43 PM
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QUOTE (fatb0t @ Oct 17 2008, 08:21 PM) *
Oh one more thing... I'm getting a thrash metal band together and she told me if I don't have enough time for her she will leave me. I'm curious to see what will happen this weekend when we have our second rehersal...


Well I'm sure she will understand or you two will find time for being together...I mean she is with you ,and you didn't start playing guitar yesterday, so its part of you and who you are...I'm sure you do lots of stuff besides guitar , they all take up free time...She can't blame playing with a band or just playing guitar as the primary reason for you two not having enough time alone...Find a solution - pocket of time in which you are going to see each other..I'm sure its not that bad.

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Pedja Simovic
Oct 17 2008, 08:00 PM
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My advice
Either find a new girlfriend that gets you for who you are and what Guitar and music mean to you , or if you really love this one and don't want to loose her - talk to her and try to work it out.


Sometimes you have to loose in order to win...
Somebody very smart said this I can't recall who - its probably from a movie also wink.gif

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Marek Rojewski
Oct 17 2008, 08:27 PM
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In my opinion, there is a "compatibility" problem. Some girls are very demanding if it comes to attention, and won't accept what You are doing. I don't think that regulating fixed hours when she shouldn't phone because you are practicing is a good idea. It is all about understanding and acceptance. If she can accept Your behavior, fixed hours won't be necessary. If not, it won't solve anything ( especially that phones aren't the only problem ). Of course if she is very important to You, than You may change your ways, and the problem will be over, but I think that "giving up ground" is a bad idea - sooner or later it will lead to tension..

PS: sorry, if the post is to chaotic...

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fatb0t
Oct 17 2008, 08:56 PM
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haha I'm only 22 - I ain't looking to get married. In fact, I'm looking to be a ripping guitarist more than anything else... so I suppose that kinda makes the decision for me haha...

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Scott Gentzen
Oct 17 2008, 09:20 PM
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QUOTE (Andrew Cockburn @ Oct 17 2008, 01:29 PM) *
* DISCLAIMER * I don't pretend to understand women, but I have managed to stay married for 7 years so I am not an absolute beginner wink.gif

How about a female perspective on this?


Problem here is that of the audience. Females on the site here will tend to be more guitar-friendly than most.

I've been married for 8 years and we've been together for over 12 now. I've only been learning guitar for almost two years. My wife's been supportive of my playing so far. The only time I tend to get complaints is when I'm playin in the basement plugged in and she has to crank the TV to hear it over me. smile.gif

The other replies tend to already say it...life's full of choices. What we get out of it tends to come from the choices we make and how we pick our priorities.

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Ivan Milenkovic
Oct 17 2008, 09:22 PM
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Girls don't need that much to feel special, as they don't need much to feel neglected either. Straightforward honest conversation is important to girls, so you could at least show some respect about things she have to say to you. That's how I look at things anyway. I don't think your girl would like to listen to all of your stories as well, but she does, she doesn't sit in front of a TV or monitor screen, and saying yeah..mhm...right.. That is not a way to talk to any person, male or female. So just listen to what she has to say, and cheer up, girls are great. smile.gif

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