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opeth.db
post Dec 1 2008, 08:02 PM
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SO I have been jamming with this dude I had met on the internet for about 8 months now. WE are coming up with a lot of original material and its been hella fun. I had bought a lot of new equipment for this. About $1600+ this year.

I just turned 34 this year. I have a daughter and a new son on the way.

I love being in a band. The feeling you get when you create something with people and you are all in sync with each other is a awesome feeling.

LAtely though I feel if my heart isn't there anymore. Second guessing the whole thing. They are younger than me. THe guitar player is 27 and my drummer is 20.

Am I foolish to give up on this? Have I missed the boat on gigging out and actually becoming something?

I can't help but feel that I am being led into a different direction lately. But this is absolutely the funest thing I do these days. Why am I feeling this way?

Ever since I have discovered GMC I feel my priorites as a guitar player has shifted.

I'm confused.
Dan


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coffeeman
post Dec 1 2008, 08:25 PM
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Hi Dan,

You are the only one who has the answer , you just have to make yourself the right questions.

I would ask myself:

How do I feel playing with my bandmates?
Are we playing the kind of music that I like?
Where are we going as a band?
Where am I going as a guitarist playing in the band?

I hope it helps.


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Caelumamittendum
post Dec 1 2008, 08:44 PM
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I think it comes quite natural, as there is a large age difference, though that does not matter entirely.

I know I would be a bit like that, if I was in a band with members in a different age group than me.

Now, I don't suggest you go and quit your band, but an experimental question:

How would you feel if your band were the same age as you and still synced perfectly etc. etc? Would it still feel as having missed the boat?


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skennington
post Dec 1 2008, 08:45 PM
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QUOTE (opeth.db @ Dec 1 2008, 02:02 PM) *
Ever since I have discovered GMC I feel my priorities as a guitar player has shifted.



What do you feel is more important to you and how exactly have they changed? I hope that GMC has not taken the time away from your band but if it has, and you enjoy that more, then you have to follow your heart bro. I have freinds between the ages of 35 and 40 that are still playing gig's but have been for the better part of 10 yrs and their family understands.

I know if I were to get good enough to join a band, start playing live, I would have issues at home. With my kids being young and my wife in retail, it requires more home time for me than most. This is just my situation and my priority would be to stay home and take care of them. I'm content with that. So all in all, your going to have to find what works for you and your situation. Hope some of this makes sense and you can come to terms with the decision you make! smile.gif








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opeth.db
post Dec 1 2008, 08:58 PM
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I appreciate the comments guys. Really!

Its not the age thing thats bothering me. To be honest its the last thing. WE gel very good together.

I think you hit it on the head skenny.. I think I may have kinda out grown the band thing right now. I was so into the band before I had discovered GMC, but now all I think about is to become a better guitar player. I have negelcted some of my band song practices to stay home are run the exercises that Smells have been showing us in the MTP. It seems that shredding on my guitar is more important to me and feel I need every moment I can get to devote to it thus thinking that band practices is more of a hinderance now.

If anything GMC and its members have done more for me than any band I have been in. Is that weird in saying that? I mean I have never met any of you but feel a common bond between everyone. I want to be able to show off my skills here rather than in front of a crowd down at the Cleveland Agora or something. With making it in a band these days seems you have a better chance of hitting the lottery. Im not sure if Im willing to take that chance right now, being a new father, being away from them giging out at places and regret the time I missed growing with my kids.

I have a lot to think about. With my new son being born very shortly, 2 months from now, they are my number one priority. Its weird. All these emotions only have been surfacing these past couple of weeks.

Being human sucks at times. smile.gif





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skennington
post Dec 1 2008, 09:07 PM
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I think you just answered your own questions Dan. smile.gif You obviously can tell what is most important to you and have your priorities in line. So, that being said, enjoy and don't look back on "what ifs"


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opeth.db
post Dec 1 2008, 09:27 PM
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I guess I did. I think it helps if I type it out in front of me. lol wink.gif


I guesss now the more I think about it that Im thinking how my wife feels about all of this. First and foremost.

I called her and stating I might quit the band Im in but she flipped out! lol smile.gif

She said wait til it becomes a problem. So she definately backs me on the whole band thing. Im gonna talk to her about it later.


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jer
post Dec 1 2008, 09:37 PM
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Hmmm... To me I see 2 things.

1. Playing in a band vs GMC - I dont see why it has to be one or the other. Except the time thing like you said. But I think if you WANTED to play in a band you'd make time and it wouldnt be the case.

2.
QUOTE
being a new father, being away from them giging out at places and regret the time I missed growing with my kids.

I have a lot to think about. With my new son being born very shortly, 2 months from now, they are my number one priority.


Like someone else said, it looks like you have your answer. If you feel you cant do both then you gotta prioritize.

Whatever you do make sure its what you want to do. Not what you think someone else wants you to do.

Regardless, you are playing guitar. And that makes you happy.

Right?

If you arent enjoying your band experience, why put in the time?

But, you arent getting any younger. I know that. If you think there is something to be had playing the Agora. Why not go after it? Its a good outlet for what you've been learning at GMC. Show the fans and other bands what you can do!

If thats fun to you.

smile.gif


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opeth.db
post Dec 1 2008, 09:40 PM
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Thanks Jer. Im going through a gamut of emotions right now and I just seem so unsure what tommorow holds. sad.gif

I am emailing my band mates right now about my thoughts rather just saying I quit and see where it goes....

Heres my email to them ..
So here we are in December. To be honest I am gonna be insanely busy from here on out. From my wife having a couple of baby showers, to my kid being in the church recital, to Christmas and new years.

Pretty much every weekend is booked in December with stuff goin on. January, I am essentially on call till Valentines Day until my new kid is born. My wife has a doctor’s appointment every week in January so my time there will be unsure.

I had really debated this week on how this will work out over the Thanksgiving weekend. It maybe very unfair to you both me not being there for a while. I just don’t know what the next day holds until my son is born.

I’ll be honest with ya. I even debated quitting the band I love to play because of this. I love playing with you both but my time at the moment is going to be very limited. I apologize but I knew this was coming.

Thoughts?


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Ivan Milenkovic
post Dec 2 2008, 12:42 AM
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Hmm, can't you get in person with the bandmates and tell them that? It may seem like a better idea to me then to write an email mate.


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Dejan Farkas
post Dec 2 2008, 01:03 AM
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Hi Dan

It's hard to give an advice but let me tell you something smile.gif

When there's a dilemma, the first solution that comes to your mind comes from your heart, and that is the most honest one.. But after some thinking the intellect is changing your mind due to your previous experiences, education, etc.

Your wife told you the best thing, if you don't know what to do it's better to do nothing, and wait to see how the things will go, maybe this could be just a temporary issue smile.gif

Anyway, good luck smile.gif


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-Zion-
post Dec 2 2008, 03:01 PM
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well.. dont let the "age" thing get in your way..

I play in a band, where i am the second youngest guy there (29 here).. the drummer is a wee bit younger than me, but the other two have both passed the big 50..

We have a lot of fun, and the older guys have some experience that the rest of us do not.. while we on the other hand can lighten up the room with the new fancy stuff that we know and can share..

So, if you enjoy the music and the other bandmates.. i would stay.. the experience you get by playing with other people compared to a backing track is awesome.. and gigging.. to me (a soon to be father) would be awesome.. bring your family to them..

I know a lot of people whose lives suddenly "stop" when the kids arrive (i am not saying you are one of those).. i dont know how you are and i am *not* judging or anything else, but i have always had this feeling that people (again, not referring to you) use the kids as an excuse to make themselves feel better for all the things they never got to do.. be it vacations to foreign contries, or whatever..

I have no idea how i am going to be as a father, but i will definately *try* not to use my kid as an excuse to make myself feel better..

guess bottom line is really all about how you feel about the band and the music you create..
i know how i *think* i will do, but i can talk and talk, i wont know for sure until i become a dad for real.. (which could happen RIGHT now until christmas)

I hope you understand what i am trying to say, and i am not trying to insinuate anything about your parenting or your role as a father..

Priorities just change, and if family comes first (well, it always does), then let it be so.. however, you should still be able to have some hobbies and still have your family come first.. you can also try to share your passion with your family.. maybe they will love it as much as you..

anyways, i am starting to babble.. I am sitting tired at work and i still have 3½ hour to go.. gah.. sad.gif
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opeth.db
post Dec 2 2008, 09:28 PM
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I appreciate the comments.

I think Im just going crazy because Im just not sure what to do. I went from never wanting to have kids to having 2.

Its a weird thing. I don't want to stop what Im doing cuz I do enjoy it. I just wonder what the consequneces will be later. If we ever do decide to start playing out it is a very big time commitment. SO all this stuff has been in my head.

I just unsure what the future hold with 2 kids and basically I do not want to punish my other band mates because of my uncertainty.

Thanks again guys...


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skennington
post Dec 2 2008, 10:22 PM
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Kids change everything man, but what a beautiful change it is. smile.gif Your just going to have to find that "happy medium" which I'm sure you will. I think it's more of the emotions with the little one on the way. It'll all work out bro, just try not and stress too much over it. smile.gif


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-Zion-
post Dec 2 2008, 10:28 PM
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i would definately try and bring the kids with me to gigs.. they are going to be your biggest fans in the whole world, and you will be their hero as you play up there in front of all these people who think you rock.. biggrin.gif

anyways.. wait it out a little.. i can definately understand your concerns, but wait it out.. if you choose to stop with the band, then stop.. but i dont think you should stop just because you are having doubts now.. stop when you are really sure that the band is not the future..

it's impossible to please everyone, but just take care of yourself and your dearest.. the band may suffer, but they should not be your main concern although it may hurt to quit them..
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FrankW
post Dec 3 2008, 02:33 AM
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The thing is, you have a family. You must do what is right for your family as they depend on you. But, that doesn't mean you have to give up guitar playing or even playing in a band. You may have to lower your expectations as far as plans for your music is concerned.
In other words, playing locally is much more realistic than going out on the road unless there's big money involved. Invariably, that is not the case. Playing music is good for your head as long as you don't feel guilty about putting in the time away from your family. If you can come up with a reasonable balance where all parties involved are happy, then you're good to go. You already know in your heart that your family must come first, otherwise, you wouldn't have the doubts. Just figure out a compromise. smile.gif
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