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> My First Song Ive Posted, Be nice
Guitarman700
post Dec 15 2008, 10:06 PM
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Heres i song i wrote A while back, A shorter one, but im pretty happy with it! smile.gif

Your Suicide

Tuning: B-F#-B-E-G#-C#

Verse #1:
Your Suicide
You’ve Been Denied
A Terrible thing to waste
Before The Fall
You had it all
You let it go to waste
You didn’t listen to the warnings
Until it was too late

Chorus:
Our Arrogance Consumes Us
We think we know it all
We are so blind, we cannot see
The Writing on the wall

VERSE #2:
We murder for money,
Power and fame,
Ignore the sick and cull the lame
Is this the world we envisioned?
For which we sacrificed?
Our fathers died to give us this?
Something isn’t right.

SOLO [Guitar 1]

SOLO [Harmony]

SOLO [Guitar 2]

OUTRO:
We’ve come so far
From our roots
Can’t turn back time it seems
Looking back on the past
We clearly see our mistakes
And looking to the future
We see our final fate…
[Piano Outro]


All Lyrics Copyright Colin Kauffman 2008

A bit short, yes, But its not really meant to be a "Fast" song.

The first verse is someone Lamenting Human Foolishness after weve destroyed ourselves.

The others are from a present day perspective.

Enjoy!
Colin

This post has been edited by Guitarman700: Dec 15 2008, 10:20 PM


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sigma7
post Dec 15 2008, 10:11 PM
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im no lyracist but man that is good. i especially see something epic if in the last chorus, you had a choir come in and the lead singer would just improvise at that part...so of like Youth of the Nation by P.O.D. at the end. Very dark but epic lyrics. If i was an english teacher, id give you an A+

one critique:

OUTRO:
We’ve come so far
From our roots
Can’t turn back time it seems
Looking back on the past
We see clearly our mistakes
And looking to the future
We see our final fate…

the bolded line sounds like i can see clearfly now the rain is gone
maybe changed to we clearly see

thats about it man awesome song!


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Guitarman700
post Dec 15 2008, 10:17 PM
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QUOTE (sigma7 @ Dec 15 2008, 04:11 PM) *
im no lyracist but man that is good. i especially see something epic if in the last chorus, you had a choir come in and the lead singer would just improvise at that part...so of like Youth of the Nation by P.O.D. at the end. Very dark but epic lyrics. If i was an english teacher, id give you an A+

one critique:

OUTRO:
We’ve come so far
From our roots
Can’t turn back time it seems
Looking back on the past
We see clearly our mistakes
And looking to the future
We see our final fate…

the bolded line sounds like i can see clearfly now the rain is gone
maybe changed to we clearly see

thats about it man awesome song!

fixed!
thanks, im Really glad you like it, and yes, i did write it with a choir and orchestra in mind, like a Heavier version of Nightwish or Symphony X.
Agian, thanks alot, this is the first song ive been happy with.


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My Gear:
Guitars:
Fender Standard Stratocaster HSS
Jackson Dinky Custom
Washburn WG-587 7-String
LTD EX-50
Kramer Focus 6000
Amps:
Peavey Vypyr 30
Marshall MG10KK Kerry King 10 Watt
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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Dec 15 2008, 11:40 PM
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That was * INSERT [AN UNDISCLOSED EXPLETIVE]* GREAT !

laugh.gif


Im not usually as excited after reading various things but this got me PUMPED UP !
Can easily be a metal song.

You should keep writing, and I mean it.

Only Critque is Length, but if its a fast song its fine.

Job Well Done.

cool.gif

Almost edited for almost language - Andrew


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Guitarman700
post Dec 15 2008, 11:53 PM
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QUOTE (Eat-Sleep-andJam @ Dec 15 2008, 05:40 PM) *
That was * INSERT THE F WORD* GREAT !

laugh.gif


Im not usually as excited after reading various things but this got me PUMPED UP !
Can easily be a metal song.

You should keep writing, and I mean it.

Only Critque is Length, but if its a fast song its fine.

Job Well Done.

cool.gif

WOW. Thanks alot! i mean it, Thats high praise coming from you, you and The uncreator are probably GMC's best lyricists. I tried to avoid the Standard Verse chorus verse chorusr stichk, and im planning on adding another verse tommorow.
Thanks again!


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My Gear:
Guitars:
Fender Standard Stratocaster HSS
Jackson Dinky Custom
Washburn WG-587 7-String
LTD EX-50
Kramer Focus 6000
Amps:
Peavey Vypyr 30
Marshall MG10KK Kerry King 10 Watt
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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Dec 16 2008, 01:18 AM
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QUOTE (Guitarman700 @ Dec 15 2008, 02:53 PM) *
WOW. Thanks alot! i mean it, Thats high praise coming from you, you and The uncreator are probably GMC's best lyricists. I tried to avoid the Standard Verse chorus verse chorusr stichk, and im planning on adding another verse tommorow.
Thanks again!


No problem, this deserved a Thumbs Up cool.gif

Do you have more Lyrics ?

This post has been edited by Eat-Sleep-andJam: Dec 16 2008, 01:19 AM


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Guitarman700
post Dec 16 2008, 01:34 AM
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QUOTE (Eat-Sleep-andJam @ Dec 15 2008, 07:18 PM) *
No problem, this deserved a Thumbs Up cool.gif

Do you have more Lyrics ?

Give me a couple days, ive got about 2 more songs in my head, just need to arrange them! smile.gif


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My Gear:
Guitars:
Fender Standard Stratocaster HSS
Jackson Dinky Custom
Washburn WG-587 7-String
LTD EX-50
Kramer Focus 6000
Amps:
Peavey Vypyr 30
Marshall MG10KK Kerry King 10 Watt
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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Dec 16 2008, 01:40 AM
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QUOTE (Guitarman700 @ Dec 15 2008, 04:34 PM) *
Give me a couple days, ive got about 2 more songs in my head, just need to arrange them! smile.gif


Godspeed laugh.gif . Take your time though. I have homework tonight anyway biggrin.gif


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Marek Rojewski
post Dec 16 2008, 03:22 PM
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I like the way You wrote it, can imagine a rocking melody and these lyrics sang:)


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The Uncreator
post Dec 16 2008, 03:33 PM
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QUOTE (Eat-Sleep-andJam @ Dec 15 2008, 02:40 PM) *
Almost edited for almost language - Andrew

Lulz


Anyway, I agree with pretty much every one here (I like the tuning too, Im sure with music it would sound even better).
I like the shortness of it, You keep alot of ideas contained in a short structure, without making it seem like you were trying to tell us too much in too little of time. Flowed great, the solo placements seem perfect for how the lyrics that preceded it ended. The rhyme strucutre doesn't seem forced (Which to me, Is a great thing. Makes them feel a lot more natural), And all in all I think this song is just plaing awesome. I don't see anything really wrong with it....at all. Great job.
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Guitarman700
post Dec 16 2008, 03:54 PM
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QUOTE (The Uncreator @ Dec 16 2008, 09:33 AM) *
Lulz


Anyway, I agree with pretty much every one here (I like the tuning too, Im sure with music it would sound even better).
I like the shortness of it, You keep alot of ideas contained in a short structure, without making it seem like you were trying to tell us too much in too little of time. Flowed great, the solo placements seem perfect for how the lyrics that preceded it ended. The rhyme strucutre doesn't seem forced (Which to me, Is a great thing. Makes them feel a lot more natural), And all in all I think this song is just plaing awesome. I don't see anything really wrong with it....at all. Great job.

Again, WOW. thanks so much everyone, your comments really make me fell inspired!


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My Gear:
Guitars:
Fender Standard Stratocaster HSS
Jackson Dinky Custom
Washburn WG-587 7-String
LTD EX-50
Kramer Focus 6000
Amps:
Peavey Vypyr 30
Marshall MG10KK Kerry King 10 Watt
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Guitarman700
post Dec 17 2008, 04:01 PM
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UPDATE: Drums are done, Main riff written, Anyone wanna sing on this one in the near future?


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My Gear:
Guitars:
Fender Standard Stratocaster HSS
Jackson Dinky Custom
Washburn WG-587 7-String
LTD EX-50
Kramer Focus 6000
Amps:
Peavey Vypyr 30
Marshall MG10KK Kerry King 10 Watt
Go to the top of the page
 
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