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> Cry Of The Angel
Rated Htr
post Dec 20 2008, 05:22 AM
Post #1


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| Haven't written in a long time...Guess my life just reached a point where it's allways the same feeling, also feel I don't know how to write anymore, not that I used to know but still here it goes |




Fire doors are opening for me
Demons wait
The pain is stronger than me

Hatred is growing within
Tears have fallen
Summon the beauty in me

I can’t allow, this feeling should have died
I must not bow, I should not give up the fight
I know hope is nothing but a lost page
From the book of the living, filled with rage
Will I ever find, the missing piece
Or should I just die?

Dragged away from my world
Happy sight, endless night
Forced to wake up and to grow
Loosing all, leaving all behind

I need the smile you all bear
Raise the gates before it’s late
Heaven let me inside you
Or fear the demon you left behind

You are the curse, beyond my despair dreams
Where I break the walls of your happy lives
You always tell I’m the greatest one
But what you all speak, it’s nothing but a spell

I cannot live, knowing that the garden is poison to me
Every rose I pick, I’ll cut myself with it
And die of innocence, no more suffering
Wish I could live forever in ignorance


This post has been edited by Rated Htr: Dec 20 2008, 05:23 AM


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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Dec 21 2008, 12:36 AM
Post #2


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Wow. Nice this was a nice read.
I guess I will Critque it seeing that I enjoyed it . biggrin.gif

QUOTE
Fire doors are opening for me
Demons wait
The pain is stronger than me
This is a nice way to open the piece, you might set the mood even stronger if you added one more line explaining a why exactly the pain is stronger then you.


Hatred is growing within
Tears have fallen
Summon the beauty in me
This was a nice verse.

I can’t allow, this feeling should have died
I must not bow, I should not give up the fight
I know hope is nothing but a lost page
From the book of the living, filled with rage
Will I ever find, the missing piece
Or should I just die?
Now this part is intersting. The rhyme in the first two lines seems very forced. It almost takes away the emotion that you were trying to put into the verse, just from the rhyming Allow and Bow. However, it feels like you quickly make up for it with the next two lines. So overall I liked this verse alot.

Dragged away from my world
Happy sight, endless night
Forced to wake up and to grow
Loosing all, leaving all behind


This is good. ^


I need the smile you all bear
Raise the gates before it’s late
Heaven let me inside you
Or fear the demon you left behind.
This is ok. It doesnt fully make sense to me. At first your talking about your personal emotions and then Heaven, and then Letting yourself inside someone else? It feels to jumpy. Feels a little too confusing

You are the curse, beyond my despair dreams
Where I break the walls of your happy lives
You always tell I’m the greatest one
But what you all speak, it’s nothing but a spell

That was ok ^ .

I cannot live, knowing that the garden is poison to me
Every rose I pick, I’ll cut myself with it
And die of innocence, no more suffering
Wish I could live forever in ignorance
That was a nice way to end it. I like the reference to roses.


Overall this was pretty good. I thought It deserved to be Crit'd. Cya biggrin.gif


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Rated Htr
post Dec 21 2008, 12:49 AM
Post #3


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Thanks man, means alot...Haven't written in english for centuries, but seeing that people still think I can do something decent, makes me wanna write again smile.gif
Thanks


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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Dec 22 2008, 01:04 PM
Post #4


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QUOTE (Rated Htr @ Dec 20 2008, 03:49 PM) *
Thanks man, means alot...Haven't written in english for centuries, but seeing that people still think I can do something decent, makes me wanna write again smile.gif
Thanks



No problem, and you can write biggrin.gif
You def. have it in you cool.gif

Cya.


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"Find something worth dying for...



...And live for it"
-The Uncreator
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