Reply to this topicStart new topic
> I Dont Deserve To Have Angels
Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Jan 8 2009, 05:11 AM
Post #1


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 2.412
Joined: 23-February 07
From: New york
Member No.: 1.243





c4c

________________________________________________________________________________
__________________
Dedicated to You: This is my final song for you. You couldnt make up your mind between me and him, so I made up your mind for you, I said goodbye to an "Angel". And I did love you.
________________________________________________________________________________
__________________



Excuse me if I've been unclear.
If been searching for awhile,
But your still not here.


And she went,
To a place shes never been.
With a little wooden sign,
That read the "Town of Bethlehem"




Chorus: Where did my angel go?

Heaven was right next door,

But I just didnt know.


Where did my angel go?


I let her fly away,
Because she,
Just doesnt belong with me.

She just doesnt belong with me.


And he,
Followed her into that lonely town.
Walkling on his toes,
So he didnt make sound.

And he stopped,
And watched her burn down that little town.
With a little wooden sign,
Laying on the ground.



Chorus: Where did my angel go?

Heaven was right next door,

But I just didnt know.


Where did my angel go?


Heaven's just a dream,
One I wasnt meant to have,
One I dont deserve to have.



And there,
Was only ash on the ground.
Burnt memories,
Of an angel that isnt found.

I left my angel,
For the greater good.
And I promised myself I wouldnt go back.
Even If I could.

Chorus:
Where is my angel?

Is it my fault ,
For doing what was right.
For leaving her tonight ?

I dont deserve to angels.

I guess I dont deserve to have angels.







© John Minoia 2008


--------------------
Join Me On the Lyrics Board !


"Find something worth dying for...



...And live for it"
-The Uncreator
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Rated Htr
post Jan 8 2009, 08:25 AM
Post #2


Experienced Rock Star
*

Group: Members
Posts: 2.111
Joined: 15-October 07
From: Leiria, Portugal
Member No.: 3.056



QUOTE (Eat-Sleep-andJam @ Jan 8 2009, 04:11 AM) *


c4c

________________________________________________________________________________
__________________
Dedicated to You: This is my final song for you. You couldnt make up your mind between me and him, so I made up your mind for you, I said goodbye to an "Angel". And I did love you.
________________________________________________________________________________
__________________



Excuse me if I've been unclear.
If been searching for awhile,
But your still not here.


And she went,
To a place shes never been.
With a little wooden sign,
That read the "Town of Bethlehem"

I feel you became a little more abstract since your last poem. I don't understand your reference to the town of bethlehem, probably a religious relation maybe but, I can't extract nothing from there. Although I understand that, she's not near you.


Chorus: Where did my angel go?

Heaven was right next door,

But I just didnt know.


Where did my angel go?


I let her fly away,
Because she,
Just doesnt belong with me.

She just doesnt belong with me.


AH! Now it makes some sense. You wanted to talk about angels smile.gif. I must say, your compositions are marked with some simplicity but the feeling is all here. Didn't really like the connection between the 2nd and 3rd verse. You didn't know what? that heaven was right next door?...That's the idea I got from reading it, although I know you meant other things.

And he,
Followed her into that lonely town.
Walkling on his toes,
So he didnt make sound.

And he stopped,
And watched her burn down that little town.
With a little wooden sign,
Laying on the ground.


Hmm...I'm beginning to think that you refered to the town as "your own hope". The hope she destroyed...


Chorus: Where did my angel go?

Heaven was right next door,

But I just didnt know.


Where did my angel go?


Heaven's just a dream,
One I wasnt meant to have,
One I dont deserve to have.



And there,
Was only ash on the ground.
Burnt memories,
Of an angel that isnt found.

I left my angel,
For the greater good.
And I promised myself I wouldnt go back.
Even If I could.

All that's left now is the memory...You walked away because you couldn't stand it anymore...The town burning, the sight of the ash of something that was holy.

Chorus:
Where is my angel?

Is it my fault ,
For doing what was right.
For leaving her tonight ?

I dont deserve to angels.

I guess I dont deserve to have angels.







© John Minoia 2008


Would also like to say I'm sorry you had to pass a situation like the one you describe...But, here's my thought for you. Nobody is an angel unless they are good for us, a refreshing sight to us. Someone that burns a town, could never be no angel, so never say you don't deserve angels wink.gif, because everyone does smile.gif


--------------------
Currently Practicing

Rhythm: Finnish Power Metal III: Nightwish
Legato: Ben's Land Of Legato
Alternate Picking: Alternate Picking Workout #5
Chords: Chord Melody Technique

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
The Uncreator
post Jan 8 2009, 12:18 PM
Post #3


Fire Up The Blades, Moderator
Group Icon

Group: GMC Senior
Posts: 8.933
Joined: 6-March 07
From: St. Petersburg, Florida
Member No.: 1.304



Just to pop in for a sec, I will say that this is a good one, And when I get back from work I will provide further crit.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Jan 8 2009, 01:17 PM
Post #4


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 2.412
Joined: 23-February 07
From: New york
Member No.: 1.243



QUOTE (Rated Htr @ Jan 7 2009, 11:25 PM) *
Would also like to say I'm sorry you had to pass a situation like the one you describe...But, here's my thought for you. Nobody is an angel unless they are good for us, a refreshing sight to us. Someone that burns a town, could never be no angel, so never say you don't deserve angels wink.gif, because everyone does smile.gif



Thanks for the crit man. You hit everything head on.
The Bethlehem reference is simply to create an image.
Burning down the town, was almost like her destroying my hope.

As for the Chorus, I might aswell explain myself a bit. Heaven was literally right next door. The girl I love lives right next door, and I didnt know until it was too late. The reference of "him" following her into that town, refers to me letting myself be vulnerable, and falling in love with someone who didnt want a relationship yet. It was great seeing your train of thought as you were reading it.

The town was my hope.
She burned that to the ground.
I let her fly away, because thats all I could do.

Thanks smile.gif


--------------------
Join Me On the Lyrics Board !


"Find something worth dying for...



...And live for it"
-The Uncreator
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
The Uncreator
post Jan 8 2009, 10:44 PM
Post #5


Fire Up The Blades, Moderator
Group Icon

Group: GMC Senior
Posts: 8.933
Joined: 6-March 07
From: St. Petersburg, Florida
Member No.: 1.304



QUOTE (Eat-Sleep-andJam @ Jan 7 2009, 08:11 PM) *


c4c

________________________________________________________________________________
__________________
Dedicated to You: This is my final song for you. You couldnt make up your mind between me and him, so I made up your mind for you, I said goodbye to an "Angel". And I did love you.
________________________________________________________________________________
__________________



Excuse me if I've been unclear.
If been searching for awhile,
But your still not here.


And she went,
To a place shes never been.
With a little wooden sign,
That read the "Town of Bethlehem"

Like Rated htr said, The reference to bethlehem is a bit abstract, and comes out of the blue and doesnt ring a bell with the listener yet, So I like it. It catches you off guard and doesn't promise to explain why, I like that.




Chorus: Where did my angel go?

Heaven was right next door,

But I just didnt know.


Where did my angel go?

Although short, The chorus actually makes sense to me. It seems as if the reference to where the angel went, and heaven being right next door, Is alot like "Where did she go, She was just right here with me, what happened?" kind of feeling, Which if im not mistaken, I think is the point you are trying to get across, And point taken if so.


I let her fly away,
Because she,
Just doesnt belong with me.
She just doesnt belong with me.


And he,
Followed her into that lonely town.
Walkling on his toes,
So he didnt make sound.

And he stopped,
And watched her burn down that little town.
With a little wooden sign,
Laying on the ground.

A dark and ambiguous few verses, The only suggestion here was changing "Laying on the ground" at the end to fit the burning metaphor, First thing I thought of as I read was, "Razed to the ground". It has a stronger gravity to it that makes it feel more urgent and dire.

PS

I use "Ambiguous" in a good way






Chorus: Where did my angel go?

Heaven was right next door,

But I just didnt know.


Where did my angel go?


Heaven's just a dream,
One I wasnt meant to have,
One I dont deserve to have.



And there,
Was only ash on the ground.
Burnt memories,
Of an angel that isnt found.

I left my angel,
For the greater good.
And I promised myself I wouldnt go back.
Even If I could.

Chorus:
Where is my angel?

Is it my fault ,
For doing what was right.
For leaving her tonight ?

I dont deserve to angels.

I guess I dont deserve to have angels.




Good ending to a very personal story, Although the last chorus doesn't seem to fit with the syllable pattern of the previous ones, Unless it is sung slightly different? Im not sure, And maybe thats a good thing, you make me think then. Either way I like this one, Good effort and good job, Your getting better everytime






© John Minoia 2008

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Jan 9 2009, 04:42 AM
Post #6


GMC:er
*

Group: Members
Posts: 2.412
Joined: 23-February 07
From: New york
Member No.: 1.243



I appreciate it Brett. I really do.

The last chorus is sung differently.

And the whole stating back to the sign part after the angel burnt down the town is quite important.

Its meant to remind us, where we have been, where we came from. And how we ended up where we are.


I do have music for this song. Once I get a laptop I will record everything for all my finished songs with vocals.

Stay in Touch smile.gif

This post has been edited by Eat-Sleep-andJam: Jan 9 2009, 04:43 AM


--------------------
Join Me On the Lyrics Board !


"Find something worth dying for...



...And live for it"
-The Uncreator
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Fast ReplyReply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 


RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 26th September 2017 - 03:46 PM