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> Painful Freedom
Rated Htr
post Jan 13 2009, 11:21 PM
Post #1


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Illusion Soil

All the rain in my face would be full of beauty visions
Your eyes of truth could no longer be lies in my lyrics
The true owner of heart scars, back narrow stories
Keeper of my angel of music, all its past and its glory
I tried to catch the unicorn, travel far away from real world
I never did understand the magic of a toad seed
Planted on freedom dust, growing from my own tears
Left alone to be killed, if my dreams disappear

Like a daring wolf, dashing into distant lands
Like a simple devil, filled of dazing fire sands
Burning eager of rage and empty despair
Like a lost boy whose broken heart needs repair
No Merlin wonders can fix such tragedy sights
No Black tainted wand can cure such wounded marks

Still I fought believing you would never be like snow
So cold in the winter, yet it will still grow
Come to me heated fest that gives white cheer
Illusions of my heart, I found it out crystal clear

Place of Heartless Bounds

After millions of fallen drops
The sand leaks sorrow and absence
The hands with the veins turning black
Darkness reaching our inner land
Our inner home still has an open candle
For every warm hand of pure kindness
Receive eternal value for breaking my blindness
I learned the way of the poet
Feather written magic tales
Every word of passion failed
Written in a thousand words to unveil
The first thought of my mind crossing your face
The first time I gave birth to murder
The first kiss you never gave in my dream
Not even a hopeless move in my place
Of Heartless Bounds and Mind Fighters

Last talk of the eternal

First day of talk, after silent
Mumble words, eco listeners
Unbelievable your remarks
Was I alive to feel your smile in my eyes?
Trembling shoulders, touched by gentle red nails
Turned around, what should I gaze
Feeling again, all my half past emotions
The running was in vain

Love is the feeling of darkness inside of you
I’ve lived in darkness all my life

@ FILIPE ROCHA 2009

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Old One I found... smile.gif...This one is dedicated to Eat-Sleep-Jam because it has some ideas that he's passing smile.gif


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Legato: Ben's Land Of Legato
Alternate Picking: Alternate Picking Workout #5
Chords: Chord Melody Technique

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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Jan 16 2009, 09:16 PM
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Wow. ohmy.gif Thanks man. I cant crit this. It reminds me of my situation so much. Some things, that even I didnt know how to describe.
I love the last 2 lines. Really a great metaphor.

You write very well. Keep doing what your doing and thanks for the dedication.


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The Uncreator
post Jan 20 2009, 10:33 PM
Post #3


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QUOTE (Rated Htr @ Jan 13 2009, 02:21 PM) *
Illusion Soil

All the rain in my face would be full of beauty visions
Your eyes of truth could no longer be lies in my lyrics
The true owner of heart scars, back narrow stories
Keeper of my angel of music, all its past and its glory
I tried to catch the unicorn, travel far away from real world
I never did understand the magic of a toad seed
Planted on freedom dust, growing from my own tears
Left alone to be killed, if my dreams disappear
Great verse, very 'mystic' if I do say so myself. I would think the last line would sound good if it ended with "Happened to dissapear". Just personal preference though, Seems like if the melody was extended a bit it would give it a more accented and profound effect coming from the singer (I imagine a female voice for some reason)

Like a daring wolf, dashing into distant lands
Like a simple devil, filled of dazing fire sands
Burning eager of rage and empty despair
Like a lost boy whose broken heart needs repair
No Merlin wonders can fix such tragedy sights
No Black tainted wand can cure such wounded marks
Another good verse with some very intriguing metaphors, The sudden switch to a rhyme scheme though seems a bit unnatural. The first verse had some rhyhmes, but all lines ended with it. the "AA BB CD" Scheme seems a bit out of the blue.

Still I fought believing you would never be like snow
So cold in the winter, yet it will still grow
Come to me heated fest that gives white cheer
Illusions of my heart, I found it out crystal clear
Once again I love the metaphors and the verse itself, but the rhyme seems unnatural again. "Snow, grow, cheer, clear" seems a bit obvious to me, maybe oversimplistic compared to how the song started.

Place of Heartless Bounds

After millions of fallen drops
The sand leaks sorrow and absence
The hands with the veins turning black
Darkness reaching our inner land
Our inner home still has an open candle
For every warm hand of pure kindness
Receive eternal value for breaking my blindness
I learned the way of the poet
Feather written magic tales
Every word of passion failed
Written in a thousand words to unveil
The first thought of my mind crossing your face
The first time I gave birth to murder
The first kiss you never gave in my dream
Not even a hopeless move in my place
Of Heartless Bounds and Mind Fighters
Another interesting verse, or stanza as im gonna call them now. I'm not sure [i]entirely
what it is about, But I have a vague idea, Which is good. Sometimes a mystery is more intriguing than knowing the story completely.

Last talk of the eternal

First day of talk, after silent
Mumble words, eco listeners
Unbelievable your remarks
Was I alive to feel your smile in my eyes?
Trembling shoulders, touched by gentle red nails
Turned around, what should I gaze
Feeling again, all my half past emotions
The running was in vain
The way the 1st and 2nd lines connect seems out of place, maybe a typo. I am expecting "First day of talk, after silence." then "Mumbled words, eco listeners". or if silence is supposed to be silent, then still have "Mumbled words, eco listeners". The past tense fits more nicely than the present tense I think.

Love is the feeling of darkness inside of you
I’ve lived in darkness all my life
Great way to end it, Very dark and haunting. A fantastic 15 words. smile.gif

@ FILIPE ROCHA 2009

------------------------------------------------------------------

Old One I found... smile.gif...This one is dedicated to Eat-Sleep-Jam because it has some ideas that he's passing smile.gif[/i]

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Rated Htr
post Jan 21 2009, 09:52 AM
Post #4


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yay, I've been away for some time now I can comment on your own lyrics and comments. Yes, you're right, I meant silence instead of silent. Long time ago, I wrote what camed to my mind and didn't worry about how it sounded or if it was unatural, just wrote it by feeling.


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Currently Practicing

Rhythm: Finnish Power Metal III: Nightwish
Legato: Ben's Land Of Legato
Alternate Picking: Alternate Picking Workout #5
Chords: Chord Melody Technique

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