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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 9 2009, 04:04 PM
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It's safe to say my life is going and has been going down the pan for the last 5 years and it's building to it's conclusion it seems right now. Here are the many things that haven't gone in my favour and it's safe to say I need help drastically.

1. My job is terrible. I get paid really well but it's the most depressing work I could possibly imagine and the manager complains at me daily and never tries to help out and he has had a general dislike of me from the start. I HAVE to find a new job. I can't carry on living with this job as every day makes me feel suicidal. I have to change this.

2. My money isn't good as it is and if I lose my job I'm screwed. This next payday in 2 weeks I have finally got into the plus for the first time in 6 years which should be a great moment for me but worrying about losing a job I don't want is overpowering this feeling as I know I'll be thrown back into this awful living and I have so much outgoing each month that I can't cancel and the biggest one doesn't end for good until October time sad.gif

3. I have lost my love for guitar and more shockingly music. I never listen to music anymore. When people around me play it I get annoyed and tell them to turn it off. I hate the music I play in the band I'm in and I hate that we are now predominantly a covers band. This is dragging me down and the fact I'm useless on guitar after playing for near 7 years is demoralising also as I used to play for very large periods of time each day and I seem to have gone backwards.

4. I have like 1 friend that I care about and that is it and this means most weekends I just sit infront of the TV playing games for 2 days straight with about 4 hours for sleep in between.

5. I haven't had a girlfriend in like 5 years and I am getting older and older quickly but unfortunately I am an ugly loser with nothing to offer to anyone.

I have just lost everything over the last 5 or 6 years. I feel I did a degree that is useless even though it is a great degree to have I just don't feel I am good enough at it and I don't think it offers me many opportunities where I am now. And also I hate the UK and want to move badly anywhere else.

I just feel that over my whole life I have made wrong decision after wrong decision and I wonder whether things will ever be good for me.

If anybody can help me then I'd be very grateful as I am terrible currently. sad.gif


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Iluha
post Feb 9 2009, 04:17 PM
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QUOTE (OrganisedConfusion @ Feb 9 2009, 05:04 PM) *
It's safe to say my life is going and has been going down the pan for the last 5 years and it's building to it's conclusion it seems right now. Here are the many things that haven't gone in my favour and it's safe to say I need help drastically.

1. My job is terrible. I get paid really well but it's the most depressing work I could possibly imagine and the manager complains at me daily and never tries to help out and he has had a general dislike of me from the start. I HAVE to find a new job. I can't carry on living with this job as every day makes me feel suicidal. I have to change this.

2. My money isn't good as it is and if I lose my job I'm screwed. This next payday in 2 weeks I have finally got into the plus for the first time in 6 years which should be a great moment for me but worrying about losing a job I don't want is overpowering this feeling as I know I'll be thrown back into this awful living and I have so much outgoing each month that I can't cancel and the biggest one doesn't end for good until October time sad.gif

3. I have lost my love for guitar and more shockingly music. I never listen to music anymore. When people around me play it I get annoyed and tell them to turn it off. I hate the music I play in the band I'm in and I hate that we are now predominantly a covers band. This is dragging me down and the fact I'm useless on guitar after playing for near 7 years is demoralising also as I used to play for very large periods of time each day and I seem to have gone backwards.

4. I have like 1 friend that I care about and that is it and this means most weekends I just sit infront of the TV playing games for 2 days straight with about 4 hours for sleep in between.

5. I haven't had a girlfriend in like 5 years and I am getting older and older quickly but unfortunately I am an ugly loser with nothing to offer to anyone.

I have just lost everything over the last 5 or 6 years. I feel I did a degree that is useless even though it is a great degree to have I just don't feel I am good enough at it and I don't think it offers me many opportunities where I am now. And also I hate the UK and want to move badly anywhere else.

I just feel that over my whole life I have made wrong decision after wrong decision and I wonder whether things will ever be good for me.

If anybody can help me then I'd be very grateful as I am terrible currently. sad.gif


1) It's never too late to get a new job... hold out those 2 weeks remaining and than quit, I'm sure you can find something better.

2) Money isn't everything in life.. and as I said, I'm sure you'll find another job and things will be fine.

3) Maybe the fact you have been practicing music so hard for 7 years got you a bit fed up with it... give it some time, maybe you'r love for it will return. about the band, if you'r unhappy about the direction the band is going, I think you can leave them, the UK is a large country, I'm sure you can find a band more suiting you.

4) Some people don't have any friends they care about, so consider yourself lucky having even just that one great friend.

5) The reason you don't have a girlfriend, is probably BECAUSE you think you'r an ugly loser, I don't know what to say to make you feel better on this subject, but maybe you should talk to a proffesional about this.

Basiclly, what you described, are problems most of the people on the world have in some way, really nothing special.. and you'r just bloating it all up into one huge rain cloud, best thing I could tell you to lift your spirits up is that everyone got down points in their life, sometimes it's a period of years, but most of the times, people get out of it and step into a good point in their life, so instead of focusing on the low points of you'r life, try finding the high points, the things that make you happy, and work on those.


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Darfuria
post Feb 9 2009, 04:23 PM
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Hello mate. Sometimes problems don't seem so bad once you feel as if you've told someone about them, or once you've got them out of your head and in/on to a place where you can look at them, and actually see what's going on. So I hope that you feel at least a little more crystal about what is going on now that you have typed that.

Jobs tend to be terrible, that's the unfortunate truth. I'm not sure if you are aware, but the UK has had a pretty harsh snow attack recently. I say pretty harsh, I mean pretty harsh compared to what we are used to. It was actually a relatively feeble attempt on nature's part - but there were days when more than 7 million people called into their workplace saying that they would be unable to make it in to work because of the snow. Now how many of those 7 million do you think were just using the snow as an excuse to not have to work?

I don't know who you are or what you do, but you're in a job at the moment, and that's a great starting point for finding another one. People are often a bit iffy to employ those who are unemployed, so if you do find any jobs that you want to go for, the new employer will certainly have 1 point down on you for already being in a job. That's a good thing. If you were also a little happier/nicer/more enthusiastic in your current job, you might find that you enjoy it more, and perhaps the manager is a little nicer too. The world works like that. Try to stick it out, because you've already experienced what financial issues are like.

You probably aren't listening to music anymore because you're so drained. If you're not enjoying work, and you're not doing much at home besides playing video games and not sleeping properly, then you'll have a combination of depression and cabin fever. It's a long dull road that I am venturing down myself, and trust me when I say sleeping pills and anti-depressants aren't fun things to deal with. You need to try and sort your working life out so that during the day, you don't feel so worthless and unfulfilled, and you need to find things to do during your spare time. Set yourself some things to accomplish. Partake in an enjoyable activity. It doesn't matter what it is. You could start a martial art or something. The feeling of accomplishment often makes you feel much better, regardless of what it is. Even if it was something like "get to the next mission/chapter/level in this game, learn how to play 3 Am pentatonic licks and tidy the kitchen". It doesn't sound much, but the fact you set yourself those tasks and completed them will make you feel better about yourself.

Meet some more people as well. I can vouch that practically everyone on GMC would like to meet up with you, so you have a lot more than one friend. We all know that there are loads of people out there waiting to be met, so you have nobody to blame for yourself for your lack of socialising. You could walk out of your door right now and say hello to 10 people, and if you play it right you might get their number or have a drink with them.

The way you look rarely has anything to do with whether or not you have a girlfriend. You need a personality. Some confidence, a bit of a sense of humour, and something interesting to say. Even guys who are famous for being good looking would be pretty tiresome if they were depressed and drained. The way you act will say so much more about yourself than the way you look, so if you can pull yourself together to a point where you're not feeling so terrible, getting a girlfriend won't be difficult. I mean, come on, girls dig musicians. It's just biochemistry.


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Marek Rojewski
post Feb 9 2009, 04:31 PM
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Well I am not a big authority in judging mens appearances, but I watched one of Your videos some time ago ( maybe the MTP entry was it? ) and I don't think You are ugly, most guys are know looks worse:P Besides You play the guitar, and You are not bad at singing, so finding a girl should be a piece of cake! wink.gif After breaking with my girlfriend recently, I was quite surprised how many girls are lonely and quite desperate in finding a boyfriend...

When it comes to job and money I can't really help, I don't understand the UK way of living when it comes to that... Credits and debts all the time, and paying them forever.. But hey I have 1 electric guitar, and You have 5..

As for friends, well if You have more than just a few friends, You don't have them at all... Of course as long as we are talking about real friendship, a close bond between people. But most people just hand on with their colleges, spend time with people they don't know that good, but can enjoy their time with. Maybe You expect bit to much? ( well, I also spend not enough time with people, but that is an effect of spending 5 last years with my girlfriend exclusively.. )


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Pedja Simovic
post Feb 9 2009, 04:32 PM
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Iluha already gave you great advice man.


Job wise - hang in there and look for other options. You like video games right ? Is there some sort of video game tester job that pays well ? If thats what makes you happy then go for it man !

Money problem - I am in debt right now around 3000$ smile.gif I know how it feels to be in debt as in different periods of life I had to sacrifice a lot to get things I wanted. Consider yourself lucky that you will be debt free soon and look at it from positive side.

Music problem - Its ok to get "sick" of music but don't stress too much about it man. I think steady practice routine that you can stick to for a week will change your mind towards music. I get the band problem, but you feeling bad about your improvement well there is only one way to deal with that - practice practice practice.

Friendship problem - I also have 1 friend that I can share everything with in life. I don't count my family as they are family of course and I can always share everything with them. You have to choose life you lead ... I feel good having 1 real friend then 20-30 people who are just wasting my time dragging me down - if you get my idea wink.gif From time to time I do like to socialize with new people, go out with people I used to know from early age, but I would rather be family oriented, play music teach, hang out with people that I really care and have a girl I can share emotions with.


Girlfriend problem - The only problem here is you feeling bad about your outlook. If you go out with the idea to hook up with girl, you will do it - if you believe you will. Even if that means that you get rejected 3 times , the ending result is still there - you hooked up and found new gf. I hope you are not nervous around women and have fear of rejection because if you are you need to start talking and flirting with women every day to overcome that.


Speaking of schools and degrees, things aren't always in life as they seem. In reality it is very hard to find job thats related to something you studied and love.

My advice is get back into music and practicing asap, look for new (game tester) job and go out frequently talk to women and hook up.
I also think that sooner you find new gf, sooner your confidence will boost and all the problems you see now will diminish drastically.

Hope that helps OC smile.gif


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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 9 2009, 04:48 PM
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I'd love a games testing or quality assurance job but it'd probably mean having to relocate and I don't particularly want to move away from where I am now unless it's to a new country. The nearest to me is Rockstar who make the Grand Theft Auto series of games.

Thanks for the advice everybody and Darfuria the snow has been annoying to say the least here in Nottingham. I missed 3 days of work last week as we were snowed in. The car wouldn't start and I live 20 miles from work so it isn't easy for me.

I never even go out Pedja unfortunately. I occasionally go out to see my friends bands but that is it and I only talk to my best mate when I go out anyway. I know it sounds weird but I don't think I actually want a girlfriend anymore or a guy friend lol before anyone says anything biggrin.gif I think I actually prefer being alone and the job situation is what is really making me down. sad.gif


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Caelumamittendum
post Feb 9 2009, 04:55 PM
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I read through most of your post, but unfortunately I cannot really help, as I'm basically the same, except for the fact that I do have a girlfriend, and however happy that makes me, it stills makes me sad when she ain't around, and I'm actually still sad and depressed when she is around.

I went to the doctor today though, who said I was definately depressed, judging from what I described. He gave me some pills, but also gave me some papers so I could go see a psychologist. He said the latter would be a lot more expensive, but I do feel like talking this one out rather than just taking some pills.


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jer
post Feb 9 2009, 04:59 PM
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Get some help man.

Soon.

You need to work through this stuff.

Take responsibility for making your life better TODAY. Pick up the phone. Call a doctor. And get in there. TODAY.

Its been spiraling downward for 5 years? Why will the next week be any different. What you are doing isnt working. Time to get some help.





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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 9 2009, 05:01 PM
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What makes things worse is that I really want to help out on here and I haven't done much at all for my wiki thing as I'm just so ill right now and I really am not doing well at all. I can do the wiki articles well I think but I can't do anything at the minute with the state I'm in. I feel sick every day and stress levels are through the roof. I need to see somebody but I don't want to take pills sad.gif


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Fran
post Feb 9 2009, 05:05 PM
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QUOTE (OrganisedConfusion @ Feb 9 2009, 04:04 PM) *
It's safe to say my life is going and has been going down the pan for the last 5 years and it's building to it's conclusion it seems right now. Here are the many things that haven't gone in my favour and it's safe to say I need help drastically.

1. My job is terrible. I get paid really well but it's the most depressing work I could possibly imagine and the manager complains at me daily and never tries to help out and he has had a general dislike of me from the start. I HAVE to find a new job. I can't carry on living with this job as every day makes me feel suicidal. I have to change this.

2. My money isn't good as it is and if I lose my job I'm screwed. This next payday in 2 weeks I have finally got into the plus for the first time in 6 years which should be a great moment for me but worrying about losing a job I don't want is overpowering this feeling as I know I'll be thrown back into this awful living and I have so much outgoing each month that I can't cancel and the biggest one doesn't end for good until October time sad.gif

3. I have lost my love for guitar and more shockingly music. I never listen to music anymore. When people around me play it I get annoyed and tell them to turn it off. I hate the music I play in the band I'm in and I hate that we are now predominantly a covers band. This is dragging me down and the fact I'm useless on guitar after playing for near 7 years is demoralising also as I used to play for very large periods of time each day and I seem to have gone backwards.

4. I have like 1 friend that I care about and that is it and this means most weekends I just sit infront of the TV playing games for 2 days straight with about 4 hours for sleep in between.

5. I haven't had a girlfriend in like 5 years and I am getting older and older quickly but unfortunately I am an ugly loser with nothing to offer to anyone.

I have just lost everything over the last 5 or 6 years. I feel I did a degree that is useless even though it is a great degree to have I just don't feel I am good enough at it and I don't think it offers me many opportunities where I am now. And also I hate the UK and want to move badly anywhere else.

I just feel that over my whole life I have made wrong decision after wrong decision and I wonder whether things will ever be good for me.

If anybody can help me then I'd be very grateful as I am terrible currently. sad.gif


Sorry to hear O.C., you sound quite depressed, and if you've been like that too long (and I believe you have), you need help from the outside.

Having said that, and I bet you've heard this a zillion times already, you need to focus on the good things. Focus on the good. Remember that. Every time you focus on bad things with a destructive point of view you are one moe step away from happiness.

You obviously know the things you don't like about your life, ok., take a constructive approach, find real solutions, step by step. I know it's hard to do, but it's the only way out of the whole problem.

Believe it or not, of all the things you said, the one that scared me the most is that you say you don't like music anymore. Probably the least of your problems though, but I just can't imagine my life without listening to music, no matter how happy or down I may feel, music just has to be there, it's sacred. Again, I guess everyone is different...

To sum up: you have a job that plays well, a friend, and a band... not everyone can say that, believe me.


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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 9 2009, 05:05 PM
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I'm scared to see a doctor as well sad.gif I've spent most of the last 12 months in hospital and at the doctors. I don't want to have to see them every week again.


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Marek Rojewski
post Feb 9 2009, 05:08 PM
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OC maybe a psychologist will help. There are different types of depression, some of them can be cured only by pills, and some only by talking with the psychologist + "doing the homework he gives You". So first check with one You have, maybe no pills will be needed.


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Fran
post Feb 9 2009, 05:08 PM
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QUOTE (OrganisedConfusion @ Feb 9 2009, 05:01 PM) *
What makes things worse is that I really want to help out on here and I haven't done much at all for my wiki thing as I'm just so ill right now and I really am not doing well at all. I can do the wiki articles well I think but I can't do anything at the minute with the state I'm in. I feel sick every day and stress levels are through the roof. I need to see somebody but I don't want to take pills sad.gif


Don't worry about that mate, we talked about it in private messages, you know health goes first. Get better, see a psych/doctor, talk about it with friends, look for new jobs... smile.gif


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superize
post Feb 9 2009, 05:09 PM
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I was also feeling really bad not more then 6 months ago...... I dident have a job i was studying on a distance course, i had a hockey coaching job that was really stressfull and i feelt really bad

What i did was i dropped out on the school thing and tried to think of how i can make my life better.....

The tips i can give you is

If you hate your job you cant stay there i mena your job takes up almost 1/3 of your life and you cant be misserable 1
/3 of your life......

Try to find a new hobby, something you think is really fun to do. Anythnig that can cheer you up......

Hang in there buddy there is hope


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Pedja Simovic
post Feb 9 2009, 05:09 PM
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I wouldn't advise you to go to doctors for depression. I had roommate in Boston who was suffering from depression for long time. He was in cult as younger guy, his guitar teacher messed his head apparently. He went to every treatment there is and even nowdays goes to those shocks that they tie to his brain.
He has bipolar depression, sometimes he is ok most times he is useless for anything.

I have to tell you - don't take any medicine as it wont help.

You need gf, need to go out, find hobbies and meaning to life. Be happy and creative , choose not to feel down man. And make everything happen cause you are the only one that has control in your life - no doctor pills or anything can help you with that!


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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 9 2009, 05:19 PM
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You know you always look forwards to things that you think are the cause. I looked forward to getting my degree and I didn't even go to collect my degree at the graduation ceremony. I just got it sent to me. I thought I'd be happy to finish 5 years of university and Pedja including my loan I am £18000 in debt sad.gif I'm just in the positive on my debit and credit cards come next month. Getting out of uni didn't make me happy.

I have literally had one moment when I have been happy in the last 5 years and that was playing an outdoor gig in my home town and playing loud back when I was the lead guitarist and I used to enjoy it on stage. Unfortunately that enthusiasm has gone. I think sorting a new job will get me some happiness. But the one thing I miss more than anything else is playing my hometown with my hometown friends in a band where we practiced hard and played well. I just don't have that anymore.

I'm going to see Judas Priest, Megadeth and Testament this Friday. 3 of my favourite bands ever and I'm not even looking forward to it. My friend said to me today about it and I was like oh that is this Friday. Best buy a coach ticket I guess.

Things like that show to me something is wrong as 5 years ago I would have died to see those 3 play together.

QUOTE (Fran @ Feb 9 2009, 04:08 PM) *
Don't worry about that mate, we talked about it in private messages, you know health goes first. Get better, see a psych/doctor, talk about it with friends, look for new jobs... smile.gif

It's difficult as I do feel down about it. I really want to help out and I know I can do it well but I just can't concentrate on anything at all. It's why I've had to pull out of everything I was involved with. I'm sorry to Pedja and Ivan as well as I really wanted to take part in their collabs and I feel like I've let them down sad.gif I seem to let everybody down.


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jer
post Feb 9 2009, 05:26 PM
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QUOTE
no doctor pills or anything can help you with that!


I'm not suggesting better living thru chemistry. More or less talking to a professional. Getting it out on the table. I think it would help.

QUOTE
I'm going to see Judas Priest, Megadeth and Testament this Friday. 3 of my favourite bands ever and I'm not even looking forward to it.


Wha????? Priest is one of the greatest bands to ever take the stage. GO CRANK UP PAINKILLER RIGHT NOW!

smile.gif


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Digitech GSP-1101 Preamp/Effects Processor
Behringer FCB1010 Midi Controlled Floorboard
Behringer Dualfex EX2200
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Line 6 Floor Board
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Nady UHF Wireless


"Who will eat the decay, when the worms have lost their sight?"
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sted
post Feb 9 2009, 05:29 PM
Post #18


Learning Rock Star
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From: Merseyside, UK
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Hey pal,

Things arent as bad as you think, trust me! Ive been through some pretty rough times in the last 10 years but you have got to just keep trying to make things better for yourself, sympathy and advice is one thing but you have to want to change your life, I had a major turning point in my life at the age of about 23 when i was basically heading for some serious jail time (Where most of my friends were!) but I turned my back on all that and started working to being a better person for myself, but i wanted to do it!!

If you want a sympathetic ear then i would try these guys http://www.samaritans.org/ they are totally anonymous and wont judge you on the size of your problems.

As has been said mate you have degree (i dont) a job (You hate but at least you have one!) a good friend and a hobby, just get out in the world and make it happen, take a rash step and just join in with your local community, whats the worse that can happen? Above all take a good look at what is the root cause and change it, nobody else can make it happen, tust me it can be done!
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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 9 2009, 05:43 PM
Post #19


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From: Nottingham, UK
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I'm glad you turned things around. I'm 25 so I like to think I've still got time to turn things around for the better. But I know all too well that I need to sort it now before I miss what are supposed to be the best years of your life.


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Gear
Guitars:- Caparison Horus Snowcloud, Parker Nitefly M, Parker Nitefly SA, Gibson SG, Parker P10e, 40 Year Old Spanish Acoustic
Amps:- Framus Ruby Riot 2x12" stack
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Mrblomme
post Feb 9 2009, 05:51 PM
Post #20


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From: Adegem - Belgium
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Sorry to hear this OC. You're such a nice guy to talk with, I never thought you'll had so many problems.

For the job, really try to find something else and in that time just keep your job for the money.
Do you often go out? If not you would try this to meet some new friends who can get you back motivated and maybe a girlfriend. Remember: there's a partner for everyone!

And the guitar thing, I'm sorry to hear you dont like to listen music anymore. Maybe you could stop for a couple of weeks with the whole guitar/music stuff and maybe you'll be back motivated again by listening to your favorite guitarist after that periode... I got this also a couple of years ago.

This post has been edited by Mrblomme: Feb 9 2009, 05:52 PM


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Homer J. Simpson: Rockstars is there anything they dont know?

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