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lcsdds
post Feb 9 2009, 05:54 PM
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Hang in their OC. I think the key to life is to focus on people and relationships. I have learned the hard way that money, and posessions can dissapear in an instant. Money and posessions can't love you back either. My only goal in life now is to love my wife and kids and to live in such a way that they will love me bak. If you can get a better job try to but just remember that the grass is always greener. Hang in there OC. It will get better but get some help if you need to.

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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 9 2009, 05:54 PM
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QUOTE (Mrblomme @ Feb 9 2009, 04:51 PM) *
Sorry to hear this OC. You're such a nice guy to talk with, I never thought you'll had so many problems.

For the job, really try to find something else and in that time just keep your job for the money.
Do you often go out? If not you would try this to meet some new friends who can get you back motivated and maybe a girlfriend. Remember: there's a partner for everyone!

And the guitar thing, I'm sorry to hear you dont like to listen music anymore. Maybe you could stop for a couple of weeks with the whole guitar/music stuff and maybe you'll be back motivated again... I got this also a couple of years ago.

Unfortunately I rarely play guitar or listen to music anymore. I will play a lot for a week and then do nothing for 3 weeks. The music thing really worries me as I own over 2000 albums on CD. I think finding a job that I enjoy would cut out a lot of my unhappiness. Say I have a pie chart of depression tongue.gif Well about 30% at least I'd say is down to my job which is a pretty big chunk of pie. You'd certainly get more overweight munching that much pie laugh.gif

Now I want pie. biggrin.gif But I think I HAVE to get a new job and quickly. I'm going to update my CV and apply for several jobs and graduate schemes smile.gif


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Boson
post Feb 9 2009, 06:02 PM
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Hey OC

I was shocked and saddened to read your post. You always seem so bright and cheerful on GMC.

As the oficial "old git" of GMC and as someone who has been through most of what you describe please allow me to give you just a little advice. The last thing you want to hear are cliches and to feel patronised so please excuse me if what I say comes across the wrong way.

My advice is very simple. First get up off your bum leave the tv and computer games off and get outside and get some exercise. I will allow you to play guitar should you want to. rolleyes.gif

Secondly remember that only you can change your life. Sit down and think about what you want (write it down, it helps, maybe even keep a diary. When you have decided what you want then do it! No one else will do it for you.

Oh and if you will allow me one more you should remember that material things dont matter. The only things that really matter in life are experiences and friendships. And actually you dont need a lot of friends! One or two good ones is all that count.

Im not a social worker but I speak from experience. Feel free to pm me if you want to chat some more and learn how I changed my life around.



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enforcer
post Feb 9 2009, 06:10 PM
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Paul, you are a good guy, you deserve better and I hope you'll get that. But I know from my little experience with your critics about your guitar playing that you have a little tendency to overcriticise yourself. First of all you are not a ugly loser man, you participated too much video collabs for me to say so. And I have eyes I can clearly evaluate that you are a nice guy, and definately not ugly. The fact that you dont have a girlfriend for a zillion of years means either 1: You dont look for a girl and you dont think you can manage having one. 2: You are too busy to criticise yourself to feel confident enought to have one. I have to say that you will be a Ugly Looser as long as you feel like that. Try to make peace with yourself! If you cant by yourself get some help! And not with pills, all you have to do talk. To a friend, to a doc to a member of family...
And all this is the basis for your other problems I believe.

One last advice, dont quit your job until you have a saving of at least 5 x Your montly salary. This will give you a good start for the process of searching a new job.


Hope things get a little better by the way. Take care! And dont forget, we are here if you want to share further.

Can

This post has been edited by enforcer: Feb 9 2009, 06:12 PM


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Jose Mena
post Feb 9 2009, 06:22 PM
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Hey OC

All I can tell you is that you are the one that can change things for yourself, quit the job, move wherever it makes you happy, you are young and smart, so now it is the time to take chances and make changes.

I've been depressed, but fortunately was able to come out of it by changing a few things and going back to doing what I love. You can do the same.


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botoxfox
post Feb 9 2009, 06:24 PM
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Mrblomme
post Feb 9 2009, 06:26 PM
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QUOTE (botoxfox @ Feb 9 2009, 06:24 PM) *

Amen!

This post has been edited by Mrblomme: Feb 9 2009, 06:27 PM


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sted
post Feb 9 2009, 06:37 PM
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QUOTE (OrganisedConfusion @ Feb 9 2009, 04:43 PM) *
I'm glad you turned things around. I'm 25 so I like to think I've still got time to turn things around for the better. But I know all too well that I need to sort it now before I miss what are supposed to be the best years of your life.


Exactly mate, its all a matter of perspective and you just need to take stock of your life and make some key changes (pardon the guitar pun!) just set little goals for yourself, a change of image, change of scene, change of outlook on life, before you know it you will be a whole new person. It does happen because ive seen people turn their whole lives around, but they didnt do it by playing video games, you got to want it to happen!
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wrk
post Feb 9 2009, 07:06 PM
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Sorry to hear that you are not doing so well OC.
Can not really give any useful advice regarding life issues, but just wanted to let you know you have some friends here. Virtual friendships are maybe not that rewarding, but behind that you have real people who care ... and they do smile.gif




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Ajmurrell
post Feb 9 2009, 07:43 PM
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Hey man, I know you know what I know about anxiety and depression and we've talked about it before so won't bore you with that again!

Seems to me you feel a little out of control, as if your life is now being steered in directions you haven't chosen. Maybe what would do you good is start doing things that you can control. Work towards something, start thinking what work CAN do for you. Why not save up some money and go away for a bit? You could even go traveling for as long as you want.

My girlfriend is also feeling rubbish about her job currently and we're in the middle of working out plans for her too. She's been signed off due to stress for a week, so we can try and see what changes we can make to make her life a little less stressed.

You could always do the same, go see your GP and explain what mental effect your living situations are having on you at the moment, and they'll more than likely suggest taking some time off to think about what you want.

My personal advice to all of this is to look at ways in which you can change what you're unhappy about and then, aslong as you've thought it through, IMPLENT them.

For example, you hate that your band is a cover band. Tell them you don't want to play covers, if they say they'er only interested in playing covers - find a new band. I know you've said that you think that it might be hard to find new members, but you'll never know for sure unless you try. Come up with a little flyer type advertisement and stick them up in your favourite pubs, gig venues etc and say what kind of music you want to play and leave an email for people to get in touch. If nobody does, at least you've gone out there and tried.

With the girlfriend issue, this is a more complex one. Normally it would be good to recommend you sorting yourself out before looking for a lady, because you could either get co-dependant or dependant on them for your happiness. Also you want a potential lady friend to see you at your best mentally, so they can really get to know you properly smile.gif

I know they're a bit of a tabo subject and heavily sneered at and joked about, but dating sites are GREAT in my opinion. Be it just for some mindless fun and flirtation online with out any commitment, its good fun. Plus it can help loads with confidence just talking to people. If you want to meet someone for a more serious relationship, well... I met my girlfriend on match.com, we both went on as a joke and ended up meeting each other after clicking so well... We've almost been going out a year and I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with her. So whatever other people say, it can work.

Other things you mention, only really you know the answer to. Just try to think about what you can change or help yourself by doing, then start to make those changes.

Hope this helps mate smile.gif There's always lost to look forward to weekly! biggrin.gif


QUOTE (OrganisedConfusion @ Feb 9 2009, 03:04 PM) *
It's safe to say my life is going and has been going down the pan for the last 5 years and it's building to it's conclusion it seems right now. Here are the many things that haven't gone in my favour and it's safe to say I need help drastically.

1. My job is terrible. I get paid really well but it's the most depressing work I could possibly imagine and the manager complains at me daily and never tries to help out and he has had a general dislike of me from the start. I HAVE to find a new job. I can't carry on living with this job as every day makes me feel suicidal. I have to change this.

2. My money isn't good as it is and if I lose my job I'm screwed. This next payday in 2 weeks I have finally got into the plus for the first time in 6 years which should be a great moment for me but worrying about losing a job I don't want is overpowering this feeling as I know I'll be thrown back into this awful living and I have so much outgoing each month that I can't cancel and the biggest one doesn't end for good until October time sad.gif

3. I have lost my love for guitar and more shockingly music. I never listen to music anymore. When people around me play it I get annoyed and tell them to turn it off. I hate the music I play in the band I'm in and I hate that we are now predominantly a covers band. This is dragging me down and the fact I'm useless on guitar after playing for near 7 years is demoralising also as I used to play for very large periods of time each day and I seem to have gone backwards.

4. I have like 1 friend that I care about and that is it and this means most weekends I just sit infront of the TV playing games for 2 days straight with about 4 hours for sleep in between.

5. I haven't had a girlfriend in like 5 years and I am getting older and older quickly but unfortunately I am an ugly loser with nothing to offer to anyone.

I have just lost everything over the last 5 or 6 years. I feel I did a degree that is useless even though it is a great degree to have I just don't feel I am good enough at it and I don't think it offers me many opportunities where I am now. And also I hate the UK and want to move badly anywhere else.

I just feel that over my whole life I have made wrong decision after wrong decision and I wonder whether things will ever be good for me.

If anybody can help me then I'd be very grateful as I am terrible currently. sad.gif



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jer
post Feb 9 2009, 08:00 PM
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What do you do in your current job now?

Sorry if I missed that already.

It seems important that your employment be a source of happiness for you. Is that true?

I know its not for everyone. Is it for you though?


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Ivan Milenkovic
post Feb 10 2009, 12:44 AM
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Have you ever asked yourself a question about you being responsible for your life, and you being the solely person responsible for your current situation? I believe that you are the only one that can make the change, nobody can help you to do that, you gotta say no to your bad habits, and things that you feel you don't want to do, and gotta say yes to all the things that you think will make you happy. Write all those good things and bad things on a paper, and make a plan about putting them into action. Be hard on yourself, and say that you really need that if you wanna make it through depression. Don't step back, be brave. Life is short and you gotta live it properly man. Try to find a better job, try to hang out more, and try to talk to girls more, and you will slowly overcome the issues. Nothing comes without hard work in life, and you can't deny everything, and quit living your life. You gotta respect yourself, and really try to make your life better for yourself. The easiest thing you can do is sit and do nothing, and then the depression will knock on your door.

IMHO Your depression is nothing else than a sadness because you are subconcously feeling that you are not living the life you want and desire. You cannot explain it but you can feel the depression. It's not a dissorder, just a natural way for your brain to say - enough of this - I want to live!


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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 10 2009, 11:43 AM
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QUOTE (jer @ Feb 9 2009, 07:00 PM) *
What do you do in your current job now?

Sorry if I missed that already.

It seems important that your employment be a source of happiness for you. Is that true?

I know its not for everyone. Is it for you though?

Yeah it's very important to me as I lack motivation otherwise and find it difficult to actually get to work on time otherwise. I do a job involving pilot training and sorting out training regimes and it sends me to sleep it is so dull.

I was an idiot again yesterday. Went to bed on Sunday night at 4am Monday morning after playing games all Saturday and Sunday. Then got up for work at 8.30am on Monday morning and worked till 6pm. Then got home at 7 and played games till 4am again and got up for work at 8am. I feel dreadful and it isn't good sad.gif

I'm going to limit myself to 2am bedtime tonight.

Something good is happening though. On March 22nd we're playing our first originals gig since August 2008 and it's at a venue we have never played.


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Pavlov
post Feb 10 2009, 12:13 PM
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QUOTE (Marek Rojewski @ Feb 9 2009, 05:08 PM) *
OC maybe a psychologist will help. There are different types of depression, some of them can be cured only by pills, and some only by talking with the psychologist + "doing the homework he gives You". So first check with one You have, maybe no pills will be needed.



With all respect, I have to butt into this one. Light to moderate depression can usually be alleviated simply by going to a psychologist or psychiatrist, who will likely give cognitive behavioral therapy which studies show has promising results. Heavier depression is usually treated with a combination of drugs and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Never, ever would a good doctor or psychologist (usually a doctor of clinical psychology) recommend you only take pills.
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OrganisedConfusi...
post Feb 10 2009, 12:14 PM
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I'm afraid they'd hook me up to an electric generator lol and give me shock therapy and turn me into a zombie laugh.gif Many wouldn't notice the difference though tongue.gif


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Pavlov
post Feb 10 2009, 12:21 PM
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QUOTE (OrganisedConfusion @ Feb 10 2009, 12:14 PM) *
I'm afraid they'd hook me up to an electric generator lol and give me shock therapy and turn me into a zombie laugh.gif Many wouldn't notice the difference though tongue.gif


OC, in your case I'd seriously recommend professional help. And don't worry, nobody is going to give you electroshock therapy against your will. In my quasi-not-so-professional opinion from what I've seen, cognitive behavioral therapy will work out great for you. I personally am against pills somewhat (hence the reason I study psychology rather than taking the medical route to psychiatry), but still, I've seen light usage of prescribed drugs work miracles in support of cognitive behavioral therapy. ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) is a radical step you need not be afraid of. smile.gif (Which also doesn't turn you into a zombie, mind, but actually has some spectacular results with very few reported side effects.)
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Canis
post Feb 10 2009, 02:05 PM
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I'm still in my teens and don't have that much experience with life yet, but there's nothing said in this thread that doesen't make sense smile.gif
When life keep givin you apple after apple after apple... You take those apples and make apple-pie for a change!
That comparison sounded better in my head, but my point was: Changes you feel is for the better (as in your job) is almost always good =)

You're a nice guy, and GMC wouldn't have been the same without you!
I've heard you sing as well... Which girl can resist a man who both sings and plays guitar? tongue.gif

This post has been edited by Canis: Feb 10 2009, 02:06 PM


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post Feb 10 2009, 02:21 PM
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QUOTE (Canis @ Feb 10 2009, 01:05 PM) *
I've heard you sing as well... Which girl can resist a man who both sings and plays guitar? tongue.gif

A girl with ears in my case biggrin.gif


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post Feb 11 2009, 03:40 AM
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Dude, not the best person to tell you this, but gonna say it anyways...Imagine not having that friend, imagine not having a job at all, imagine having nothing, failled at everything, imagine that, it might hurt, but than you'll give more value to what you have. I don't wanna insult people who are trying to help, but in my opinion, nothing that is said can help you, it can make you feel better for 5 minutes before you start thinking why did nothing change with what has been said...The only thing I can recommend from my experience is either give up or fight against it...For some time I was like "This will end with me dead or happy..."...Your choice, you can always fight, you can always work...Speaking of my case, I'm just waiting for death to come...


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Les Paul
post Feb 11 2009, 04:16 AM
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Dude, hang in there. Your depression will go away.

I had a depression last autumn, and it lasted about a month before it went away. Having a depression was bit strange for me as I am usually very happy person, even when things were bad. When my depression hit me, I didn’t want to do my usual hobbies that made me happy. I had overwhelming “gray” feeling over me, but went away. I did some research and usually depression lasts about 4 to 6 weeks but goes away eventually.

Everyone will feel depressed sometimes, this is normal, so hang in there.

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