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TreyDeschamp
post Mar 26 2009, 05:02 PM
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How do you deal with someone telling you that your girlfriend is cheating on you? I love this person to death but people always tell me she is hitting on other guys. I caught her and my best friend private messaging each other in a way that she used to do with me. She also admitted to liking my best friend for a time but I try to find the best in people and move on. People constantly tell me that she is a "slut"(excuse my language) and all. Today some guy came up and told me that he felt her up yesterday and I noticed that she didnt come to my school after school. (we have two schools all guys and girls across one street) I try to make myself believe that people are just messing with me but now its getting to my head and I dont know what to do.... mellow.gif


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Ivan Milenkovic
post Mar 26 2009, 05:21 PM
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Did you talk with her about it? I guess you two will work your way out of this problem through an honest conversation. Don't be afraid to talk sincere with her, and have patience it shes afraid to talk. You don't have to be with that girl if she's giving you a hard time, try to find a way out of it. If you feel that she is not too into your relationship just ask her what she feels about it. If you approach her with an honest way of thinking and tell her the truth, and she doesn't approve that, or tries to talk her way out of it, without giving you the sincere answer, then my friend, perhaps it is time to find another (more honest) girl.

This post has been edited by Ivan Milenkovic: Mar 26 2009, 05:21 PM


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MickeM
post Mar 26 2009, 05:23 PM
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Talk to the subject of all gossip - Her.

Usually there's no smoke without a fire ohmy.gif Demand some honesty and get it over with once and for all.


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Ryan
post Mar 26 2009, 05:28 PM
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Dude, go up to her and talk to her. Don't beat around the bush or just try to slowly bring stuff in. Be straight out and front with her. That's the best you can do, and don't be a push over about it either, but don't be rude!

This post has been edited by Ryan: Mar 26 2009, 05:30 PM


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TreyDeschamp
post Mar 26 2009, 06:54 PM
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The thing is everytime I talk to her about it she gets mad at me and is all like "Why do you choose to believe them" it really annoys me too because I never do believe the people but when I'm straight up about it like she always tells me she wants me to be she gets extremly upset and I'm just confused on what to do so yeah.....


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MickeM
post Mar 26 2009, 07:49 PM
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QUOTE (TreyDeschamp @ Mar 26 2009, 06:54 PM) *
The thing is everytime I talk to her about it she gets mad at me and is all like "Why do you choose to believe them" it really annoys me too because I never do believe the people but when I'm straight up about it like she always tells me she wants me to be she gets extremly upset and I'm just confused on what to do so yeah.....

If she knows getting upset is an easy way to get you to back off she'll use that to avoid a discussion.
Why would she want to avoid a discussion? Find out why and you've come quite a bit closer.

It's not like "you choose to belive your friends", like she says, since you ask her - you want to hear the truth from her.

A good meter is to look back at how her character was before she met you. Like, if she had a boyfriend and had you on the side before you got together - it's not impossible she hasn't grown passed that yet. For example.


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Marcus Lavendell
post Mar 26 2009, 08:24 PM
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I'm really sorry for you man. Nothing can mess up the mind as much as a girl dry.gif

You already got some good advice here. But I must say communication is an extremely big part of a relationship, and if she just gets mad when you're asking about a serious matter like this, well... that just doesn't look good.


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Fran
post Mar 26 2009, 08:35 PM
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As everyone already stated, communication is the key... Also think about the reasons why people are telling you all those stories... are they people that want to help you? Are they different people or the same group? Do they have something against her/you?

Man, why does the world have tobe so complex. I hope you solve it soon.
By the way your story somehow reminds me of this vid, not exactly the same, but somehow this wonderful song came to my mind.



This post has been edited by Fran: Mar 26 2009, 08:36 PM


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opeth.db
post Mar 26 2009, 08:42 PM
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Women mess you up bad though some really good tunes that have been made because of "them".

If your still in your teens then go get 3 girlfriends and go write some music. laugh.gif

This post has been edited by opeth.db: Mar 26 2009, 08:42 PM


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TreyDeschamp
post Mar 26 2009, 09:15 PM
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QUOTE (opeth.db @ Mar 26 2009, 02:42 PM) *
Women mess you up bad though some really good tunes that have been made because of "them".

If your still in your teens then go get 3 girlfriends and go write some music. laugh.gif


I like that idea hahaha


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Ramiro Delforte
post Mar 27 2009, 04:36 AM
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Mmmmm, really hard issue.
I think that if you trust the people that told you what's doing maybe you should be aware not to trust her. Always you can try to appear in places where she cannot expect that you'll be and maybe you can "caught her in the act".
Or you can wait, I think most of these kind of things get discovered. Here we have a saying "the lie has short legs", so, eventually she won't be able to keep that lie if it's the case.

I hope all this turn to be the way you want/need mate!


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VinceG
post Mar 27 2009, 05:15 AM
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When you talk to her, does she sound kind of defensive about it? I think the best way is to really have a heart to heart talk about it. Hell, if she keeps ignoring (by that I mean manipulating you into choosing to "believe" her or the people) the subject, then I think something is up. Once you can believe her truly after the talk, then you will know yourself what to do. Don't do the sneaking around thing man, your just looking for things. Just be straight up with her.


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Evil_Invader
post Mar 27 2009, 06:00 AM
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As everyone said, try talking with her again about it..

You could also propose her an ''open relation''. Then you can stay with her and date other girls.



Moderated. Edited cause of bad choice of word. /Micke


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Marcus Lavendell
post Mar 27 2009, 07:29 AM
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QUOTE (Evil_Invader @ Mar 27 2009, 06:00 AM) *
You could also propose her an ''open relation''. Then you can stay with her and date other girls.

Oh... I don't like that idea. Call me old-fashioned but I've never understood that thing. I do know some people prefer it that way though huh.gif but I would never agree to that myself.


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Saoirse O'Shea
post Mar 27 2009, 11:11 AM
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I agree with Marcus here. It's also not good advice to give to a teenager.

Topic moved to Chill Out Room - Tony, on behalf of the moderating team

This post has been edited by tonymiro: Mar 27 2009, 12:24 PM


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David Wallimann
post Mar 27 2009, 12:31 PM
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I agree completely...
Don't try open relationships. They don't teach you how relationships are supposed to work at all.
Talk to her.. Don't assume she's cheating, but talk about the fact that everyone tells you so and together try to understand why that is so...


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Farmer Joe
post Mar 27 2009, 01:18 PM
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I agree with what most everybody else has said, talk to her. Be firm and stand your ground when you talk too, don't be cruel or rude, but show that you got some self respect and won't put up with her if the rumors are true. Now true, some of the rumors may be stretched or fabricated, but those wouldn't have been made up if there wasn't some truth or commonly known fact. I mean, man, you caught her yourself with the questionable messages to your best friend.

And when you talk to her, don't let her getting angry stop you from getting answers. You seem to be at a crossroad where you should either get answers, or get out of the relationship. When people get defensive about a subject, its usually because they have something to hide. I was always taught that if you have nothing to hide, then you just explain your position and it'll show that you are clean. Just think about it, getting defensive basically means you are "defending" something from being exposed.

Now I know what I'm about to say may be difficult to actually do, and most likely won't be done, but you're young man, no need to get caught up in a faulty relationship now anyway. There's a good many years ahead of you and many more honest, beautiful women to come along, so no need to be involved in a relationship where both parties aren't happy. So what I suggest you do is have a true heart to heart talk to her and make it clear that you either want honest answers or the relationship should end. Also, make it clear that you are not accusing her of anything, you definitely got to make that clear, just tell her that you're hearing so much and that its messing up your head. Don't take the "you should believe me only, don't listen to other people" response, if you're met with that answer, then she obviously doesn't care that you said that you're mind is taking a toll from all these rumors. Watch body language and the eyes while you speak with her as well, if something doesn't look right, then it might just not be right. I say this is a good thing to do because either you get answers and take it from there, or you can end this relationship, where you seem to be the only one that cares. You deserve better than that my brother.
Hope that helps you a little.

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MickeM
post Mar 27 2009, 01:42 PM
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justa small addition but very important. Come prepared!!!!

Go through every scenario and prepare your answers and especially your actions to different outcomes. If you get some overwhelming news you wouldn't want to make your desicion at that point while thought might be swirling around your head. Instead - Have all the answers and actions made up!

If you come to the crossroad Farmer Joe talks about, you don't want to stand open mouthed unable to speak, you would want to be prepared on what to say and what to do.


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Ivan Mihaljevic
post Mar 27 2009, 01:46 PM
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You got some really good answers here already, so I'm just gonna say that I hope you'll resolve this quickly and without too much pain!


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Emir Hot
post Mar 27 2009, 01:59 PM
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People say that all the wars are because of women smile.gif hahah

I had a relationship for over 6 years and I loved that person so much. When similar thing happened to yours then I wasn't feeling well for about 1 year but I did break up. Everything later showed who deserves the (engineer's prize*).

Rock on man and believe me there is a whole world of nice ladies. My advice is to break up now because later you can suffer much more.


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