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> Mental Unsoundness
showyourfist
post Apr 26 2009, 10:41 PM
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Mental unsoundness

There is a mind that's always pleading
Suffering thoughts of inhumane punishment
Nightmares rendering logic useless
A maniac meltdown of intellectual evil.

The nerves begin to rip and tear
A shadow of doubt takes control
Nucleas diseased, a puppet to mania
Mental unsoundess, strange behaviour.

Creep around the corners of night
Words forced out that don't seem right
Memories forgotten, treasures buried
pressure's building, past awakening.

The nerves begin to rip and tear
A shadow of doubt takes control
Nucleas diseased, a puppet to mania
Mental unsoundess, strange behaviour.

And as I lay here in my head
Trapped inside my brain that's dead
I think of all who have survived
The selfish mind that is deprived
Of all the feelings good to them
Of all the temptations bad and cruel
Never knowing of who is hexed
The human mind is always next.


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I've had three wives and three guitars. I still play the guitars-Andres Segovia
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Rated Htr
post Apr 26 2009, 11:02 PM
Post #2


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QUOTE (showyourfist @ Apr 26 2009, 10:41 PM) *
Mental unsoundness

There is a mind that's always pleading
Suffering thoughts of inhumane punishment
Nightmares rendering logic useless
A maniac meltdown of intellectual evil.

"inhuman" typo there my friend wink.gif. Welcome to the lyrics board btw. I like the way how you add adjectives to almost everything. I get the idea in the third verse but I don't feel it stands good...I think it still would be better to have useless logic, which goes in a different way, but it fits better IMO.

The nerves begin to rip and tear
A shadow of doubt takes control
Nucleas diseased, a puppet to mania
Mental unsoundess, strange behaviour.

Again, the terrorific atmosphere astounds me but the third verse seems different. A puppet to mania seems something out of the context to the reader's eyes in my opinion.

Creep around the corners of night
Words forced out that don't seem right
Memories forgotten, treasures buried
pressure's building, past awakening.

Love this one! well done wink.gif


The nerves begin to rip and tear
A shadow of doubt takes control
Nucleas diseased, a puppet to mania
Mental unsoundess, strange behaviour.

And as I lay here in my head
Trapped inside my brain that's dead
I think of all who have survived
The selfish mind that is deprived
Of all the feelings good to them
Of all the temptations bad and cruel
Never knowing of who is hexed
The human mind is always next.

the first two verses seemed forced to rhyme (heard that before with the same words wink.gif ). The next two however, worked wonderfully. In conclusion, this is the first time I was actually paying attention to the structure itself rather than saying what I feel about reading the words. It sounds like it's a deep analisation of the human mind acording to a painful situation.


C&C man? wink.gif

https://www.guitarmasterclass.net/guitar_fo...showtopic=26869


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Legato: Ben's Land Of Legato
Alternate Picking: Alternate Picking Workout #5
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showyourfist
post Apr 26 2009, 11:22 PM
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thankyou very much for the review, although welcome is not needed, I've posted several songs here on the lyrics board now tongue.gif still it was warming of you!

There is no typo, inhumane is the opposite of humane, they're different words entirely to human.

I'm glad for the input, but there is nothing on this song I'm going to change, but I do like hearing what everyone has to say! go check out the other ones I've submitted before!


One other thing important, is to note it's an analyzation of my own mind, a puppet to mania is important, because in situations like these, it seems like another force controls you

This post has been edited by showyourfist: Apr 26 2009, 11:26 PM


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I've had three wives and three guitars. I still play the guitars-Andres Segovia
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Rated Htr
post Apr 28 2009, 12:58 AM
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Ok my friend, sorry for my error than wink.gif.

I will give a look when I have tim smile.gif


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Currently Practicing

Rhythm: Finnish Power Metal III: Nightwish
Legato: Ben's Land Of Legato
Alternate Picking: Alternate Picking Workout #5
Chords: Chord Melody Technique

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