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> Shun, New song done!
Trond Vold
post Oct 29 2009, 10:43 PM
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QUOTE (Kristofer Dahl @ Oct 29 2009, 09:47 PM) *
I actually did it like that first - I had yet a line where there now is silence (so in total four lines where there now is two). But I felt there wasn't any breathing room - there was too much Kris all over the place. In the version below I have thrown in a subtle choir thing in between these [pre chorus] lines - it should probably be mixed higher but would then need some eq work and maybe a cool reverb/delay effect to make it sound like a "scream on a cliff" or similar. ( blink.gif )

I have improved the vocal takes in the version below - at least enough for us to decide if my vocal ideas fit the tune. If you guys think they do - I'll continue to work on the next verse.

When we are finished with the tune and still think that there are some takes that need to be improved - I have higher odds of nailing them (because I have had more practicing time by then).

[attachment=18780:shun_rough_draft1.mp3]
(Lyrics are the same)
Your image burns my heart
Your image has burnt a hole in my heart

No more I taste the seed
No more I feel the need
No more I ache to heal
No more I can conceal

I live just like you preach
My sight would raise the dead

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you have burned my heart


The subtle choir thing worked like a charm! smile.gif
It filled the void perfectly. Simple and effective.

I also liked the way you delivered the first two lines over the first version.
First verse sounds better too allaround. And i especially like the delivery of the conceal line!

Right now I'm just annoyed that the mp3 ends right before verse 2 starts smile.gif I want to hear more, but then it just starts from the beginning. So yes, please continue biggrin.gif

This post has been edited by Trond Vold: Oct 29 2009, 10:43 PM


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Praetorian
post Nov 4 2009, 02:32 AM
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OH MY GOD!!!! Guys - that was AMAZING!!!! I can't believe how good that sounded!

You guys blow me away! Man...and I am struggling to finish Trond's Slow Soloing lesson! tongue.gif


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Clare
post Nov 4 2009, 02:41 AM
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MAN!!!!!..i,m BLOWN away!!!! that was friggin AWESOME guys...i would buy that tomorrow, it sounded that good! wink.gif
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Kristofer Dahl
post Nov 4 2009, 03:54 PM
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Thanks for the awesome comments guys - Trond's composition/arrangemt is killer! biggrin.gif

I was hoping to have advanced more on the song by now - but I have got a healthy dose of reality lately! wink.gif
New section marked in red:
---------------
Attached File  shun_rough_draft2.mp3 ( 4.2MB ) Number of downloads: 297

Your image burns my heart
Your image has burnt a hole in my heart

No more I taste the seed
No more I feel the need
No more I ache to heal
No more I can conceal

I live just like you preach
My sight would raise the dead

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you have burned my heart

A thousand days from now
I leave you where you stand
A fortress built for me
Burnt down by bloody hands

You gave me emptiness
I give you nothingness


Save me from my hell...
'Cause you burned my heart


---------------

A few comments -

I had some problems coming up with a good vocal part for 2:35 - 2:42 if you still think we need something more there we could try making the drum beat more steady there. This could result in a further increase of intensity/climax, which might work well since the part before is like a build-up (to me).

I absolutely love the part which starts at 3:11 - it's really cool and if you agree I suggest we keep it instrumental. In that case maybe it should be shortened down a little? (to keep a good flow)

I just copy an pasted the chorus - my plan is to practice it some more and then try to re-record it (the first chorus as well).


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Trond Vold
post Nov 4 2009, 03:56 PM
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Thanks guys for the comments! biggrin.gif

Too bad i'm stuck at work now for a few more hours sad.gif sad.gif Cant wait to hear the new version!

This post has been edited by Trond Vold: Nov 4 2009, 03:57 PM


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Fran
post Nov 4 2009, 04:52 PM
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Excellent track Trond. Your style is unique, and I love it smile.gif

QUOTE (Kristofer Dahl @ Nov 4 2009, 03:54 PM) *
Thanks for the awesome comments guys - Trond's composition/arrangemt is killer! biggrin.gif

I was hoping to have advanced more on the song by now - but I have got a healthy dose of reality lately! wink.gif
New section marked in red:
---------------
Attached File  shun_rough_draft2.mp3 ( 4.2MB ) Number of downloads: 297

Your image burns my heart
Your image has burnt a hole in my heart

No more I taste the seed
No more I feel the need
No more I ache to heal
No more I can conceal

I live just like you preach
My sight would raise the dead

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you have burned my heart

A thousand days from now
I leave you where you stand
A fortress built for me
Burnt down by bloody hands

You gave me emptiness
I give you nothingness


Save me from my hell...
'Cause you burned my heart


---------------

A few comments -

I had some problems coming up with a good vocal part for 2:35 - 2:42 if you still think we need something more there we could try making the drum beat more steady there. This could result in a further increase of intensity/climax, which might work well since the part before is like a build-up (to me).

I absolutely love the part which starts at 3:11 - it's really cool and if you agree I suggest we keep it instrumental. In that case maybe it should be shortened down a little? (to keep a good flow)

I just copy an pasted the chorus - my plan is to practice it some more and then try to re-record it (the first chorus as well).


Wow.

That sounds so great. Everytime I hear your voice it reminds me so much of Metallica.
The chorus is stunning.

I'd like to hear the vocals a bit louder though, they are a bit hidden in the mix for my taste.


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Fran
post Nov 4 2009, 05:27 PM
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This is so great I decided to feature it on our Journal cool.gif
https://www.guitarmasterclass.net/wiki/index.php/Portal:GMC

It's also on the main page. This is one of the best tracks I've heard in a long time!


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playaxeman
post Nov 4 2009, 06:30 PM
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This is a great piece of music.

Just add good vocals to it and it will be a masterpiece, well done Trond.

edit: I am listing to the first post without vocals

This post has been edited by playaxeman: Nov 4 2009, 06:32 PM


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Kristofer Dahl
post Nov 4 2009, 07:24 PM
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QUOTE (Fran @ Nov 4 2009, 05:27 PM) *
This is so great I decided to feature it on our Journal cool.gif
https://www.guitarmasterclass.net/wiki/index.php/Portal:GMC

It's also on the main page. This is one of the best tracks I've heard in a long time!


Hehe awesome Fran! biggrin.gif

QUOTE (playaxeman @ Nov 4 2009, 06:30 PM) *
edit: I am listing to the first post without vocals

hehe that comment saved me from crying


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kaznie_NL
post Nov 4 2009, 07:38 PM
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Wow... Kris, the first chorus was explosively cool biggrin.gif This is already a lot better then draft 1, can't wait for draft 500 xD laugh.gif Really cool work!

I do think your voice sounds a lot better a bit opened up, like in the chorus, then closed like some parts of the verses!

Awesome guys, one of the best GMC songs tongue.gif if not the best ><


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Trond Vold
post Nov 5 2009, 06:09 PM
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QUOTE (Kristofer Dahl @ Nov 4 2009, 03:54 PM) *
Thanks for the awesome comments guys - Trond's composition/arrangemt is killer! biggrin.gif

I was hoping to have advanced more on the song by now - but I have got a healthy dose of reality lately! wink.gif
New section marked in red:
---------------
Attached File  shun_rough_draft2.mp3 ( 4.2MB ) Number of downloads: 297

Your image burns my heart
Your image has burnt a hole in my heart

No more I taste the seed
No more I feel the need
No more I ache to heal
No more I can conceal

I live just like you preach
My sight would raise the dead

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you have burned my heart

A thousand days from now
I leave you where you stand
A fortress built for me
Burnt down by bloody hands

You gave me emptiness
I give you nothingness


Save me from my hell...
'Cause you burned my heart


---------------

A few comments -

I had some problems coming up with a good vocal part for 2:35 - 2:42 if you still think we need something more there we could try making the drum beat more steady there. This could result in a further increase of intensity/climax, which might work well since the part before is like a build-up (to me).

I absolutely love the part which starts at 3:11 - it's really cool and if you agree I suggest we keep it instrumental. In that case maybe it should be shortened down a little? (to keep a good flow)

I just copy an pasted the chorus - my plan is to practice it some more and then try to re-record it (the first chorus as well).


That was just too cool!
The lyrics on the 2nd verse was awesome, and i especially liked the delivery of the 1st line.
With a different timing on the 2nd line, and maybe adding a word or two (if thats possible), i think it would fit perfectly.

How abuot some vocals on the synthpart before verse 2?

I had an idea for some melodic vocal-harmonies on the 3.11 section, but might work just as good keeping it instrumental. I'll see if i can trim it down smile.gif


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Guitars: Schecter Stiletto Classic, Jackson SLSMG, Ibanez RG-380 Japan, Gibson Les Paul Studio

Amp: Marshall JMP-1 -> Rocktron Velocity 100 -> Marshall JCM-900 Lead 4x12

FX and stomps: T.C Electronics G-Sharp, Korg SDD-1200, Emma Transmorgrifier, BYOC Tribooster, GGG Green Ringer, Dinosaur Overdrive, Voodoo Lab SuperFuzz, Sovtek Bassballs, Line6 Tap Tremolo, EHX Screaming Bird.


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Kristofer Dahl
post Nov 5 2009, 08:03 PM
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QUOTE (Trond Vold @ Nov 5 2009, 06:09 PM) *
That was just too cool!
The lyrics on the 2nd verse was awesome, and i especially liked the delivery of the 1st line.
With a different timing on the 2nd line, and maybe adding a word or two (if thats possible), i think it would fit perfectly.

How abuot some vocals on the synthpart before verse 2?

I had an idea for some melodic vocal-harmonies on the 3.11 section, but might work just as good keeping it instrumental. I'll see if i can trim it down smile.gif


Awesome! biggrin.gif

>>How abuot some vocals on the synthpart before verse 2?
I am definitely up for that - it might steel some "breathing room" as it's really close to the chorus - but on the other hand I'll try something soft (probably half spoken) so it could work!

>>With a different timing on the 2nd line, and maybe adding a word or two (if thats possible), i think it would fit perfectly.

Great Input - verse 2 is still quite "drafty" so I will experiment some more and try this as well!


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Vasilije Vukmiro...
post Nov 5 2009, 09:42 PM
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This is cool. I like the sound of guitar, very smooth, also intro-melody is super!


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Sollesnes
post Nov 6 2009, 01:38 PM
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Wow, this is sounding really cool. Love those guitars smile.gif
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Kristofer Dahl
post Nov 12 2009, 11:29 PM
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Ok I have added some more stuff ( in red ) and tweaked verse 2 a little.

------------------------------------
Attached File  shun_rough_draft4.mp3 ( 5.47MB ) Number of downloads: 459

Your image burns my heart
Your image has burnt a hole in my heart

No more I taste the seed
No more I feel the need
No more I ache to heal
No more I can conceal

I live just like you preach
My sight would raise the dead

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you have burned my heart

Your image has turned into stone
Your image turns my heart into stone

A thousand days from now
I will leave you where you stand
A fortress built for me
Burnt down by bloody hands

You gave me emptiness
I give you nothingness

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you burned my heart

Forever shall the wounds of my soul
incarcerate the image of my burning heart


I live just like you preach
My sight would raise the dead

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you have burned my heart

Heartburner

------------------------------------

All takes are unfortunately not keepers yet - but I would suggest we try mixing my vocals seriously now, to get an impression of how the end product will sound. Also this will inspire me to keep practicing/recording takes to fix the places we feel need improvement. (also we'll think a little more about the ending)

If you agree - I would like to send you the files I have got so far!

By the way I have had a chance to listen more to your solo now - and everybody should check it out as it features an awesome motive development, very well done! biggrin.gif


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Trond Vold
post Nov 13 2009, 02:04 AM
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QUOTE (Kristofer Dahl @ Nov 12 2009, 11:29 PM) *
Ok I have added some more stuff ( in red ) and tweaked verse 2 a little.

------------------------------------
Attached File  shun_rough_draft4.mp3 ( 5.47MB ) Number of downloads: 459

Your image burns my heart
Your image has burnt a hole in my heart

No more I taste the seed
No more I feel the need
No more I ache to heal
No more I can conceal

I live just like you preach
My sight would raise the dead

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you have burned my heart

Your image has turned into stone
Your image turns my heart into stone

A thousand days from now
I will leave you where you stand
A fortress built for me
Burnt down by bloody hands

You gave me emptiness
I give you nothingness

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you burned my heart

Forever shall the wounds of my soul
incarcerate the image of my burning heart


I live just like you preach
My sight would raise the dead

Save me from my hell...
'Cause you have burned my heart

Heartburner

------------------------------------

All takes are unfortunately not keepers yet - but I would suggest we try mixing my vocals seriously now, to get an impression of how the end product will sound. Also this will inspire me to keep practicing/recording takes to fix the places we feel need improvement. (also we'll think a little more about the ending)

If you agree - I would like to send you the files I have got so far!

By the way I have had a chance to listen more to your solo now - and everybody should check it out as it features an awesome motive development, very well done! biggrin.gif


ohmy.gif ohmy.gif I love it! There's! Your improving drastically for each draft!

The 2nd verse had a much better flow to it now. Only thing that sounded a bit off was the change after the fortress line.
And also, the 3rd chorus sounded so much more powerfull and clearer than the other 2. It also had impeccable timing!

I'm eagerly awaiting the files for some mixing! smile.gif


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skennington
post Nov 13 2009, 03:14 AM
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My God how did I miss this.. ohmy.gif This tune is off the the chain guys, love it! smile.gif And Trond, do I hear you with some whammy dives in that solo... cool.gif

I think with a little more "Fattening UP" of Kris' vocals in the mix, it will sound even better. Great work guys, I'd buy it!


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Adrian Figallo
post Nov 13 2009, 04:03 AM
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very very good!, i love your voice in this one kris, very good!


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Santiago Diaz Ga...
post Nov 13 2009, 05:15 AM
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Great done guys!!. Awesome work!


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Kristofer Dahl
post Nov 14 2009, 12:35 AM
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Awesome to hear you guys are digging it! biggrin.gif

Trond - files are on their way!


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