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> I Feel Dead And Empty.
Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Jun 5 2010, 06:38 AM
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There was always one person that was helping me in my life and being my first and most vivid love. I told this girl some of my deepest darkest secrets and I loved her with all that I was. I wrote almost all my lyrics for her in one way or another. She was my inspiration . Life took its turns and we got in a fight and she picked another guy over me.

Months passed by and we shared a simple friendship, harldly ever talked. Pretty bad considering I shared everything there was to share with her about who I was.

Out of the blue the other I get a text from here and she wanted to hang out. We shared a true bond that night.
I finally thought this was going to be it, with the girl of my dreams.

I find out today that she has stage 3 angiosarcom Cancer of the spine and brain.
I'm lost for words. I don't know what to do or how to do it. Thanks for listening, It feels good to vent.


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jafomatic
post Jun 5 2010, 07:06 AM
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Well. It sounds like she has a lot of living to get done in a very short time. It also sounds like you truly care for her.

Those two items add up to this: the best thing you can do --for both of you-- is to help her do all that living and/or to help her keep fighting if that's what she wants to do.


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kiendop
post Jun 5 2010, 07:49 AM
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Sorry to hear this sad news about your friend.

Life isn't fair.

Wish you all the strength.
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Adrian Figallo
post Jun 5 2010, 07:55 AM
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oh man...
sometimes life is just wrong...

but i also think that sometimes we just can't understand..

be strong dude..


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Gitarrero
post Jun 5 2010, 09:06 AM
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Oh man, this is terrible news...
Try to be strong, support her and if we at GMC can do anything for you, just let us know.


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Todd Simpson
post Jun 5 2010, 09:37 AM
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Very sad news. I'm very sorry to hear this. A family member I was really close to recently passed away so the wound is still fresh and I feel your pain. I did take solace in my music. I hope you are able to do the same.

Best Wishes
Todd


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Saoirse O'Shea
post Jun 5 2010, 10:36 AM
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Very sorry to hear this ES&J. My thoughts are with you both.


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Staffy
post Jun 5 2010, 11:58 AM
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Oh, sorry to hear about that, buddy. My father passed away bout a year ago, and he was truly my best friend. He was very sick before he died, and I think I know what You're going through. Anyway, I think the best You can do is to support her the best You can and dont leave anything unspoken. Some tought time awaits You, even if she might get well. But there's some relief in the fact that things like this, seems to make us stronger and appreciate the small things in life a lot more. And as the other guy's already said, we're here for You !!!

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Ivan Milenkovic
post Jun 5 2010, 01:23 PM
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Very sorry to hear that man. Darkness came to her and your life. Important thing is not to let yourself get swallowed by that darkness. Be strong, be patient, be positive as much as possible. More importantly always be sincere and have a clear - real view of your life and situation around you. It will help dealing with hard problems that life always brings us when we least expect it. That's life..


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Fran
post Jun 5 2010, 01:29 PM
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I'm out of words mate... just want to let you know I'm really sorry to hear that sad.gif


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Karl-ss
post Jun 5 2010, 01:57 PM
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That must be horrible! I am so sorry for you both. I hope she has a good life during the time she has left, stay strong man.. I personally had this friend pass away on me. I still blame myself and those that made me who I am in a way. I don't know what else to say but I can only agree with Staffy that you mustn't leave anything unsaid. And we are here for you. =/


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Ben Higgins
post Jun 5 2010, 03:16 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear that.... I can only echo the other guys' thoughts and wish you and your friend all the strength in the world right now. Illness can happen to any one of us and is a reminder to make each moment count with those we care for. Our support and thoughts are with you.


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stratman79
post Jun 5 2010, 03:18 PM
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man thats really rough, my dad passed away a year a go on wednesday, after battling cancer.
it was without a doubt the hardest time of my life... take each day one at a time stay strong and you will come through it.

Staffy is 110 percent right... don't let anything be unsaid, its so important.
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maharzan
post Jun 5 2010, 04:06 PM
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Sorry to hear that.. Keep strong and give your best to her. smile.gif


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Praetorian
post Jun 5 2010, 04:06 PM
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Sorry to hear that bro. My mother and uncle are both battling cancer as we speak. It can be a rough road. Hang in there for her...she is going to need you now more than ever!


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thefireball
post Jun 5 2010, 04:12 PM
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God knows your situation. We will be praying.


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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Jun 5 2010, 04:23 PM
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Thank you everyone for all the support. I am taking this time to write an entire albums worth of material based on her and her life. I know people don't live forever but I want to create something that will...in her honor.




QUOTE (VictorUK @ Jun 5 2010, 08:00 AM) *
Dude theres still hope, it doesnt mean she's dead....



Your very right, and im keeping the same optimism. That being said, I don't know much about Angiosarcoma
but this is what one site tells me. "Angiosarcoma is one of the most devastating and lethal types of cancer. It begins as a growth within blood vessels, but can quickly become cancerous and spread to many other systems. Like most forms of cancer, Angiosarcoma is uncontrolled cell replication, but its relation to the circulatory system pose unique threats to the health of any individual.

Any malignant condition that affects the blood is extremely dangerous, for it is quite easy for the cancerous cells to “mestastize,” or spread cancer to other, healthy systems. Because angiosarcoma affects blood vessels, this type of cancer often proves to be aggressive, difficult to treat, and recurs often. It has the potential to occur in any part of the body, often without warning, and is frequently without symptoms until there is a serious medical emergency.
"

She is debating whether or not to keep using the pills, and to go through kimo again because its so long and painful and her dad died unexpectedly 5 years ago and she basically told me, if she had to choose between staying here and pain, and seeing her father. She would rather see her father.


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MickeM
post Jun 5 2010, 05:53 PM
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Sorry to hear.

Be strong!
Be there for her!


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Fusar
post Jun 5 2010, 08:15 PM
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Oh I'm so sorry for you man... I lived for years with my grand-mother, she was the only person who always listened to my stories (and she gave me the opportunity to make music!). Four years ago she felt ill (no cancer, but so much problems and hospital I don‘t want to think about it again) and passed away last year. I‘m almost crying now when I have to think back that I lost the man I loved the most...but it is not only sadness. We knew that we would have some time to spend together, so I did take her at a lots of places, for example Paris, the city she loved the most...I was talking with her about everything I wanted to. I wasn‘t going much out with my friends at that time, but they did understand me. Her death wasn‘t as bad as I expected, because the week before she died, she told me that her life was full of happiness and nice people and that she never had thought that she would receive all the love she‘d given to me...

This is my biggest and saddest experience with death, don‘t know if that helps you to be strong. 
I also have a friend with sarcom...he is not a close friend, but I sometimes hear news about him...he had a very difficult time the two past years, but now he‘s feeling strong again and he is able to pass so much nice times with his friends. He even has started to work again (no 40 hours per week, but as long as he feels ok).

I hope you can imagine how important good friends are for ill people. I wish you all the best to keep strong. I‘m very touched by your story, and maybe I could give you a quote by Vaclav Havel, which helped me a lo and of whom I think is so true...“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.“



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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post Jun 5 2010, 11:48 PM
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QUOTE (Fusar @ Jun 5 2010, 12:15 PM) *
Oh I'm so sorry for you man... I lived for years with my grand-mother, she was the only person who always listened to my stories (and she gave me the opportunity to make music!). Four years ago she felt ill (no cancer, but so much problems and hospital I don‘t want to think about it again) and passed away last year. I‘m almost crying now when I have to think back that I lost the man I loved the most...but it is not only sadness. We knew that we would have some time to spend together, so I did take her at a lots of places, for example Paris, the city she loved the most...I was talking with her about everything I wanted to. I wasn‘t going much out with my friends at that time, but they did understand me. Her death wasn‘t as bad as I expected, because the week before she died, she told me that her life was full of happiness and nice people and that she never had thought that she would receive all the love she‘d given to me...

This is my biggest and saddest experience with death, don‘t know if that helps you to be strong. 
I also have a friend with sarcom...he is not a close friend, but I sometimes hear news about him...he had a very difficult time the two past years, but now he‘s feeling strong again and he is able to pass so much nice times with his friends. He even has started to work again (no 40 hours per week, but as long as he feels ok).

I hope you can imagine how important good friends are for ill people. I wish you all the best to keep strong. I‘m very touched by your story, and maybe I could give you a quote by Vaclav Havel, which helped me a lo and of whom I think is so true...“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.“




Thank you so much man. Your post really spoke to me. I can feel the emotion in words . I am just going to continue to make her laugh and be there. This is the girl that was the reason I basically started writing lyrics and wrote my first songs about. I feel all of this so deeply and it gives me strength when I read a story like yours and I find courage in the words you spoke. Thank you.


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...And live for it"
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