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> Joke Thread, add your own
Captain Insaino
post Sep 21 2010, 04:51 PM
Post #1


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How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat......

She can fit in your wife's cloths. biggrin.gif

If you cant say something nice, dont say anything at all
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post Sep 21 2010, 04:58 PM
Post #2

Learning Rock Star

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Man walks into WH Smiths and says
"Do you have that new self-help book for men with a small penis?"
Girl says "I don't think it's in yet."
He says " Yeah - that's the one!"

ps sorry if this is sailing too close to the wind!!!
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post Sep 21 2010, 05:54 PM
Post #3

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I dont know if its funny but its the only english one I know biggrin.gif

Bush goes to the doctor for a checkup..After the doctor finishes his diagnosis he says...

-Mr. Bush, as you may know the brain consists of two brains..The left one and the right one..

The problem with you is that on your left brain there is nothing right and on your right brain there is nothing left biggrin.gif:D:D
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post Sep 21 2010, 06:00 PM
Post #4

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QUOTE (Captain Insaino @ Sep 21 2010, 05:51 PM) *
How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat......

She can fit in your wife's cloths. biggrin.gif

muahahaha, thats great! have to shoe that to my wife! ^^

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post Sep 21 2010, 07:37 PM
Post #5

Accomplished Rock Star
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Damn, I only jokes.
But here are two Blonde jokes:

What does a Blonde say at the YMCA?
"Look, they spelled Macy's wrong!"

Why does a Blonde have lipstick on her forehead?
Cause somebody told her to make up her mind!

Check my band project with fellow GMCer VilleFIN

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post Sep 21 2010, 08:10 PM
Post #6


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How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

Call spouse in from the garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.

Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.

Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.

Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.


Play Games Arcade
Take a break, Play Games! Play the best free online flash games at Aaron's Game Zone like Bloons Tower Defense 4!
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post Sep 21 2010, 08:42 PM
Post #7

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Great joke/story Azzaboi!! tongue.gif
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Zsolt Galambos
post Sep 22 2010, 10:43 AM
Post #8

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Cool, Azzaboi! biggrin.gif

Check out my Instructor Profile

Check out my Personal Board
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Bogdan Radovic
post Sep 22 2010, 05:12 PM
Post #9

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hahahahah this is a good one! smile.gif Now I'm really glad I'm dog owner. You can wrap the pill in anything especially sweets smile.gif

For GMC support please email support (at)
Check out my lessons and my instructor board.
Check out my beginner guitar lessons course! ; Take a bass course now!
My solo and band songs : Keep Going On, Night Vibe, Kad Te Vidim, Susret, Plava Silueta
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Vasilije Vukmiro...
post Sep 29 2010, 12:51 PM
Post #10

Jazz Instructor
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Wow, good jokes here.

George Bernard Shaw is in bed with his mistress, and his wife opens the door:

wife: I am surprised!

Shaw: No, I am surprised, you're AMAZED!


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Ben Higgins
post Sep 30 2010, 12:53 PM
Post #11

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A police man pulls up a motorist and said "Did you know your wife fell out of your car a mile down the road ?"
"Thank god for that." The man replied. "I thought I'd gone deaf."

A women came up to me and said "There's a rumour going round that you have got a 12 inch penis".
"Yes I know", I replied. "I started it."

Little boy says to his Mum "Is it ok to have a willy ?"
Mum says "Yes.. why ?"
Little boy says "Because Dads in the bathroom, sweating like mad, trying to pull his off."

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