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#1
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![]() Learning Rock Star ![]() Group: MVC Posts: 1.088 Joined: 16-October 10 From: Bursa,Turkey Member No.: 11.399 ![]() |
Lyrics i have written for our second song of our vb project. Hope you like it. Waiting your comments
![]() A world with full of miracles Beyond his imaginations So many doubts abouts it's existance Time to break this paradoxes Told within the ancient prophecies A ritual has been made Once he's controlled his inner consciousness The spiritual cycle has been complete The new day is dawning The doorways bettween the worlds are opening As the ascended stepping through it His body's transcending beyond it's limit As he lives as an ascended master He explored this hole new universe Once he realized the perfection He lived forever with concordance The new day is dawning The doorways bettween the worlds are opening As the ascended stepping through it His body's transcending beyond it's limit © Dogukan Ozturk This post has been edited by quadrium: May 17 2011, 11:23 PM -------------------- |
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#2
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![]() GMC:er ![]() Group: Members Posts: 2.685 Joined: 28-October 10 From: Portugal; Bombarral Member No.: 11.477 ![]() |
Lyrics i have written for our second song of our vb project. Hope you like it. Waiting your comments ![]() A world with full of miracles Beyond his imaginations So many doubts abouts it's existance Time to break this paradoxes Told within the ancient prophecies A ritual has been made Once he's controlled his inner consciousness The spiritual cycle has been complete The new day is dawning The doorways bettween the worlds are opening As the ascended stepping through it His body's transcending beyond it's limit As he lives as an ascended master He explored this hole new universe Once he realized the perfection He lived forever with concordance The new day is dawning The doorways bettween the worlds are opening As the ascended stepping through it His body's transcending beyond it's limit © Dogukan Ozturk remind me of iron maiden ![]() -------------------- QUOTE It's a proven fact that guitar faces have a bigger impact on tone than wood does. ![]() ![]() |
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#3
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![]() Learning Rock Star ![]() Group: MVC Posts: 1.088 Joined: 16-October 10 From: Bursa,Turkey Member No.: 11.399 ![]() |
Thanks man!
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#4
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![]() Fire Up The Blades, Moderator ![]() Group: GMC Senior Posts: 8.933 Joined: 6-March 07 From: St. Petersburg, Florida Member No.: 1.304 ![]() |
A world with full of miracles Beyond his imaginations So many doubts about it's existence Time to break this paradoxes First line, I think the word "with" should come out (seems like a typo) - And the last line I think Paradox should be singular, "-es". Otherwise a solid start Told within the ancient prophecies A ritual has been made Once he's controlled his inner consciousness The spiritual cycle has been complete Last line, seems like it should be "...can be complete" or "...will be complete" - the has been complete contradicts the previous lines implication of the completion still needing to "finished". The new day is dawning The doorways between the worlds are opening As the ascended are stepping through His body's transcending beyond it's limit I like this verse and/or chorus, brings in the atmosphere and sets a nice tone. I might actually think of starting off with it to set the mood sooner. And maybe add "are" and subtract "it". Purely for rhythmical purposes, I am just imagining it being sung. As he lives as an ascended master He explored this hole new universe Once he realized the perfection He lived forever with concordance Make "explored" explores, present tense, and I think it will read much smoother and sing even better. Otherwise I like this piece probably the most. The new day is dawning The doorways between the worlds are opening As the ascended stepping through it His body's transcending beyond it's limit © Dogukan Ozturk Nicely done, I would mainly suggest starting off with what seems to be the chorus, to better set the mood. And maybe in the last repetition of it, switch up the lyrics to make it more interesting. These are just some my critiques, all in all a solid job! |
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#5
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![]() Learning Rock Star ![]() Group: MVC Posts: 1.088 Joined: 16-October 10 From: Bursa,Turkey Member No.: 11.399 ![]() |
Thanks man! Glad you liked it. And thanks for the advices
![]() Dogukan, -------------------- |
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 25th April 2018 - 10:01 AM |