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> Not Allowed To Play...
El Marto
post May 21 2011, 03:01 PM
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Today I went to a 13-year old kid's house. I had to do some intelligence tests on him for one of my courses at university. And as we did the tests, we started talking about music (I was reading a catalog from a music shop while he was filling in some papers) and he said he really wanted to learn how to play the drums. Every time he has a table in front of him (for example in school) he taps some rhythms with his fingers. Then his mam entered the room and heard us talking. I said: why don't you learn it? But the mam replied: Why would he learn how to drum?
A little later, when his mam was upstairs, I asked him why he wasn't allowed to drum. Apparently, his mam thinks he hasn't got enough time to practice and it's too expensive.

I feel sorry for the kid, that he can't do what he would like to do. What do you think? And did your mam (some people might change this into "your wife" tongue.gif) ever held you back from doing something you'd like to, like playing the guitar?
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quadrium
post May 21 2011, 03:28 PM
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Years ago i quit tennis because of my mom. She said that i can't study enough if i continue to play tennis. I regret it because i was very good at it sad.gif



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MonkeyDAthos
post May 21 2011, 03:47 PM
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although my well not so good grades, my parents always support me on guitar, i am a lucky guy i think.


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thefireball
post May 21 2011, 04:41 PM
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I've been blessed with good christian parents who support me no matter what. I have had privileges taken away from me before for a time, but I've always been able to do what I want to do. smile.gif If I told them I wanted to ditch guitar and play the tuba, they would be disappointed, but would support me. (But why would I want to do that?) laugh.gif

You know what? I'm going thank them right now. wink.gif


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Todd Simpson
post May 21 2011, 06:30 PM
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Wow. That's really sad. Music actually helps the brain and aids in all forms of learning. Any time spend "drumming" etc., would actually probably help his other studies. But I"ve run in to this type of thing before with students of my own in the past. I've had some students parents only want them to play for 30 min a day max while the student wanted to play non stop. I can understand the parents concerns of course but as was mentioned in another recent forum post. It's all about BALANCE.

A young mind has enough room studies and music. One feeds the other. To kill off a childs ability to play an instrument is actually an very cruel thing. It robs the child of a method of learning that he/she is motivated for. It can actually retard the child's mental growth. Sounds like a recipe for early teenage rebellion. smile.gif



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Daniel Realpe
post May 21 2011, 06:41 PM
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QUOTE (Todd Simpson @ May 21 2011, 06:30 PM) *
Wow. That's really sad. Music actually helps the brain and aids in all forms of learning. Any time spend "drumming" etc., would actually probably help his other studies. But I"ve run in to this type of thing before with students of my own in the past. I've had some students parents only want them to play for 30 min a day max while the student wanted to play non stop. I can understand the parents concerns of course but as was mentioned in another recent forum post. It's all about BALANCE.

A young mind has enough room studies and music. One feeds the other. To kill off a childs ability to play an instrument is actually an very cruel thing. It robs the child of a method of learning that he/she is motivated for. It can actually retard the child's mental growth. Sounds like a recipe for early teenage rebellion. smile.gif

I agree. Music in the end helps you think better in different situations.


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Ivan Milenkovic
post May 21 2011, 11:14 PM
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Sorry to hear that. Although I understand that a drum set may be something that this family cannot afford, and that he wouldn't have a place to practice, there are drum workshops in studios, where you need only pair of drumsticks and a pad. This is how drums are learned in the beginning anyway, one must first learn proper technique of hitting with a stick and finding correct balance, which is VERY tricky. So, it sounds more like a prejudice to me.

My mom was supportive when I was playing guitar always, so I think that this is normal. In fact, come to think of it, she showed me first two chords, Am and C major, Am was "sad", and C major was "happy", I'll never forget smile.gif


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El Marto
post May 22 2011, 08:24 AM
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My parents kind of supported me. I could play the guitar, if I wanted to, but I had to start with something small to see if it was something I enjoyed, something I realy wanted. But I understand that.
But when it comes to practice, they don't ask how it's going or something like that, or they are not pushing me to play. But I'm ok with that. I'm glad I can play and I was allowed to make "noise" at home.
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Azzaboi
post May 22 2011, 09:34 AM
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My parents where the same when I was younger. dry.gif

I can read minds...

Kid: Listen to loud music, cool I want a guitar and drum set!

Parents: Dang kids and their toys, it will just be loud racket, just a expensive faze he'll get bored of a week later.

Kid: Ahh man, ummm, find something louder and more annoying then to do. Get's out the pots and pans.

p.s. Parent's should learn to support their kids... else we will just annoy you more!


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Ben Higgins
post May 23 2011, 09:14 AM
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I'm so grateful and thankful that my parents supported me in playing the guitar, I can't imagine what it would have been like if they hadn't. I've seen first hand with previous bandmates etc, where parents really don't care or support what their kids do.. I couldn't handle that. dry.gif

That's really sad about this kid. I'm sure someone (Kris, I think) posted a video in the forum somewhere where somebody was giving a lecture about schools and parents de-valuing the artistic side of learning. Basically, science, maths etc is all seen as 'proper' subjects and 'sensible' wheras anything artistic is seen as non serious.. parents also believe that the idea of being successful as an artist/musician is a 'fairytale' that only happens to other people.. well, if it happens for real, it's not a fairytale is it ?! wink.gif

There was a story the guy told at the lecture about a young girl who was hyperactive and wouldn't sit still, couldn't concentrate etc.. parents took her to the doctor. Doctor said just leave her with me a minute.. so he put on the radio and she began to dance. He called parents back in and said 'There's nothing wrong with your daughter.. she's a dancer. Take her to dance school' They did and she become an ultra successful dance choreographer and multi millionaire. If that happened nowadays, the doctor would put the kid on drugs and say that she had a 'hyperactivity disorder' or something equally preporsterous.

People express themselves in different ways.. some in numbers, some in language, some in sound, some in movement and some in picutres and it's shameful that the world won't accept this. If everybody were allowed to explore their natural desires instead of being forced to believe there's something wrong with them, imagine how many more inspiring people the world would have.. and how many less kids on drugs with 'ADHD' there would be.

I hope I can find the video, if I can I'll post it here.

P.S. Sorry about the long rant, I just can't stand it when parents quash kid's dreams.. it's not easy having to satisfy kids ideas all the time, of course.. but if you find it too much of a problem, then don't have kids !

This post has been edited by Ben Higgins: May 23 2011, 09:16 AM


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Kristofer Dahl
post May 23 2011, 09:23 AM
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QUOTE (Ben Higgins @ May 23 2011, 10:14 AM) *
I hope I can find the video, if I can I'll post it here.


Here it is - everyone should watch it:
http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says...creativity.html


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Cosmin Lupu
post May 23 2011, 09:28 AM
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I wouldn't be even 15% of what I am today (dunno if I'm too much smile.gif), if my mom and dad hadn't supported me.

They knew that I need a way of expressing myself, and they gave me a lot of choices (music being one of them).

I remember the glorious day, back in 96' when my mom entered my room, holding 2 'Best of..' Cds - one with Metallica, one with Guns n Roses.
That's where it all began biggrin.gif

thank you mom and dad! tongue.gif (hope I am not being cheesy)

Cosmin


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Sean_1234
post May 23 2011, 10:14 AM
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QUOTE (Kristofer Dahl @ May 23 2011, 10:23 AM) *
Here it is - everyone should watch it:
http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says...creativity.html

watched, and it's awesome!
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Chris Evans
post May 23 2011, 10:25 AM
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I do feel for drummers, I know and appreciate the problems relating to the kit itself and somewhere to practice that doesnt disturb anyone, but I`m sure with some poking around they could find drum workshops as someone mentioned previously, it is sad when someone is not properly supported sad.gif


In my youth my parents supported me pretty well more or less, at age 11 I wanted to learn the drums, they paid for lesssons and bought me a drum kit (even though they also thought it would probably be a "phase"), I was very lucky where we lived at the time so I was able to practice and I carried on with the drums till the age of 16 still taking lessons, by this time I was a pretty decent drummer, then we moved ... due to closer neighbours who wouldnt tolerate my practicing and complained constantly about the noise, I slowly drifted away from the drums towards the guitar because it was something I could "turn down" and not disturb anyone with, eventually I wasnt playing the drums at all and playing the guitar full time, my Dad went mad!, kind of understandable, they had paid a lot of money through the years on my drumming, I`d got to a decent standard, and now I was dropping it!!
I`ll never forget what he said at that time when he sold my drum kit, "If you want to stop playing the drums for guitar then fine, but I will never help you with lessons, guitars or gear" and he never did, and I think to this day (although its never mentioned) he still feels that I was and would have made a better drummer than guitarist, he may have been right, but I proved him wrong that 24 years later I`m still playing and it wasnt a five minute wonder!! tongue.gif



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Kristofer Dahl
post May 23 2011, 11:45 AM
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QUOTE (Cosmin Lupu @ May 23 2011, 10:28 AM) *
I wouldn't be even 15% of what I am today (dunno if I'm too much smile.gif), if my mom and dad hadn't supported me.


It's crazy to say but for me it's probably the opposite - although I can't be sure (you only live once):

Had I got good support maybe I wouldn't be where I am today. I had to learn to do things on my own.

To be fair - I still have to say that my parents did buy me both amp and guitar - it's just that they didn't like when I played them. And they certainly didn't think that making a living of music was a good idea!

This triggered me - and still today I function the same way. If someone says I suck then I practice hard to prove that I don't.


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Fran
post May 23 2011, 12:12 PM
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It's sad that they don't support his love for music. But I'm sure that if he really wishes to become a drummer, he will eventually do it, no matter what cool.gif


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Cosmin Lupu
post May 23 2011, 12:40 PM
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QUOTE (Kristofer Dahl @ May 23 2011, 10:45 AM) *
It's crazy to say but for me it's probably the opposite - although I can't be sure (you only live once):

Had I got good support maybe I wouldn't be where I am today. I had to learn to do things on my own.

To be fair - I still have to say that my parents did buy me both amp and guitar - it's just that they didn't like when I played them. And they certainly didn't think that making a living of music was a good idea!

This triggered me - and still today I function the same way. If someone says I suck then I practice hard to prove that I don't.


smile.gif I learned how to do things on my own in time smile.gif I discovered that i was ambitious enough to never let myself put down by any challenge, so, it does work for me also - I practice hard both mind and body to be able to go further! Who knows what would've happened if things went on in a different way from the very beginning?


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