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> Serious Stuff Happened, I Need Help, :( im not trying to sound like a little girl :(
Ryan
post May 12 2007, 08:43 AM
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Well lets see here, let me begin by saying THIS IS THE BEST SITE IN THE WORLD biggrin.gif, and well im having some tragic things happen in my life right now, and i didnt want to go on to google, and find forums so i can talk to people about my problems, and hopefully get an answer, so i decided maybe ill get some good things comming from this forum biggrin.gif

Well let me begin my Tragic life story, that started SUNDAY MAY 7TH, 2007..it all began when we were having some terrible weather and i mean terrible tornados and everything, this town jsut got wiped by a tornado (an F5, it was 1 1/2 miles wide and the town GREENSBURG was only 1 mile wide THINK ABOUT IT), and well that day my g/f stopped by and the tornado sirens sounded off in Hutchinson, so what she did (shes only 16, and im only 17 by the way), was that she called her mom and told her that she stopped at my house because the sirens went off, well she got grounded for a month, not because i guess she stopped by my house her mom says she got grounded because she took the wrong way home (wtf theres like 3 different ways to nickerson and she chose the wrong 1 and got grounded for a month for that), but i think its because her parents hate me, and they wanted her to go out when we were having tornados and drive home..adn she would ahve been killed but her parents didnt care cus there just peices of shit and dont care (sorry kris for my language), but well she got grounded for a month for taking the wrong way home ok well that was bad enough, but then the next day MONDAY MAY 8YH, 2007, my mom made my brother break into my dads little house (its kinda like a shed but made out of wood it is you know not a big house but a little house), and well she went in there and was searching because she suspected my dad of doing drugs, her suspiciions were right, and she found all different kidns of things, light bulbs, burnt spoons, lighters, and tons of meth...well now they are going to get a divource sad.gif, and well my g/f came over WEDENSDAY MAY 10TH, 2007 to see how i was doing, and well yea know im not doing to well, and she ended up skipping her first hour of class to be with me, well her parents followed her to my house, and then had some1 follow her to her school, and she got caught...well that day also this kid levi (WHO DOESNT EVEN KNOW ME) told her parents (levi is my g/f's 2nd cousin) THAT I WAS THE BIGGEST DRUGGIE IN SCHOOL what the heck, i know i did drugs a while back, like a long itme ago, but he doesnt know me and told her parents that sad.gif, well now they really really hate me, and shes banned from seeing me (NOTE: shes the love of my life sad.gif and i cant live without her) I cant talk to her, or nothing and she is suppose to break up with me, but shes not going to because were gonna be together FOREVER, and well now she is gettting treated like shit..while im sitting at home not being able to do nothing, and playing guitar, and now FRIDAY MAY 11TH, 2007, my mom left, and my brother left, and my sister left..and i dont know where they all went, but im left here all alone with my dad, and he asked me tonight, after i got off work, about where they were and where they went, and then asked me "are you going to leave me 2", and i told him no, and my dad he is very suicidal, and has tried a few times before because things went bad sad.gif, and see i turn 18 next month, and ive been planning on leaveing..but i dont know, i have to leave this house because it realy sucks here, but i cant leave because i dont want my dad to commit suicide. WHAT DO I DO..this really sucks guys, what i really want right now is to jsut be with my g/f, and stay with her, but i cant cus of her damn parents, thats what im longing for is just her ill give up guitar to be with her (WHICH IS SAYING ALOT BECAUSE ITS HARD CATCH ME WITHOUT 1 IN MY HANDS), and well guys i hate to bother people with my problems, and i needed to get it out, but i was wondering if anybody had any ideas, on what I could do, to be able to see my g/f again, and get out of this house without my dad killing himself????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


sad.gif once again the longest post in the world, but this is worse, because its about me complaining. (IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND LIKE A LITTLE GIRL)

Well since we can post anything on here, i figured i would post it on here instead of some other forum where i dont know anybody, and have them tell me bullshit excuse of why i cant do this or why i cant do that yea know what i mean

and im sorry to post this, and bother you people with my problems, BUT ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED ON THIS, and please no negative, or stupid, or joking comments please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Edited for language: Micke on behalf of the moderating team

This post has been edited by MickeM: Jan 27 2009, 06:38 PM


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Pavel
post May 12 2007, 09:17 AM
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OK man, now THAT sucks! I am sorry about you! I can say that my parents are divourced (correct the spelling) and it is hard to decide wether you want to be with father or mother - i had loads of parent's fights over 2 years so in the end it was the same to me i just wanted the fights to stop!

Ok - now - the g/f:
- i am not a big expert but i believe if we give you some ground for thinking you'll finally get to decision, right? so here we go:
To solve a problem you need to talk and have advice from someone - so - i know this is easy to say BUT you have to go to her parents and face them, talk to them, explain them you are not a junkie - if they want, prove it with drug-tests.

Your parents:
- divources are something that happens to millions of people each day - and you can't do anything here. You have a specific problem - your dad!! Again - talk to him - help him to understand the situation. When you and your dad are alone in the house just sit down with him and ask him simple things: "Why did you do it?", "What are your ideas of future life?", "Suicide is not a solution - you only live 1 life, you have 2 sons - so your life is pretty successful. But there are things you have to change and i will help you to change them!", "If you need me - i'll move to another house with you to help you!" - These are kind of things you should talk about! YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THEM! 1 on 1

Ok, if i think of anything else i'll add a post. Btw. at this moment - screw guitar - family is the most important thing! Let the guitar go until you solve atleast 1 of the problems.

I really hope this is gonna help atleast 0.5% !!! Good luck m8!


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Ryan
post May 12 2007, 09:29 AM
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Thanx for the reply and ive been thinking all about that..but see i cant screw the guitar, and i cant give it up..its all i really have righ tnow...thats how i think..i play guitar..and see i dont htink about what if i screw up and press the wrong fret..or what if i dont play this fast enough...guitar is my thinking tool..i play and dont think about what im playing, but more or less about whats going on around me..and thats why i play so much..and also guitar is life, adn tahts what i want to do..but i lvoe the advice pavel thanx alot, and hopefully all of this sitting down and talking will get through their hard heads tongue.gif

This post has been edited by Ryan: May 12 2007, 09:29 AM


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MickeM
post May 12 2007, 12:34 PM
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EDIT: Deleted and sent as PM instead

This post has been edited by MickeM: May 12 2007, 02:01 PM


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Igorrr
post May 12 2007, 04:05 PM
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Hey Ryan,

sorry to hear this and yes you are in deep #$#@... Actually the good part is that from your side and your g/f side everything is 'fine'. You'd be worse of if your g/f parents loved you but she prefers another guy.... Now that's devastating!!

That her parents have people follow her is extremely imature. As responsible parents they should confront you. I agree with Pavel that confrontation with the parents is IMO the best way. At least you know where you are at.
The worse that can happen is that your fears are going to be confirmed, but with that knowledge you'll know what your consequences are going to be (e.g. run off with your g/f).

Your dad sounds like he has serious depressions, which is not a bad mood anymore but a serious illness. Does he get professional help? The way your describing it his depressions are so strong that he'll never just snap out of it and will also not be able to lissen to reason.
I dealt with some people before who were suicidal and suffered from great depressions (For 2 years instead of doing military service I worked as a paramedic). This is not related to the depressions everybody gets when life sucks (g/f left you, job is overtaxing etc...) and you usually get over it by time, but a real illness which also most propably needs to be treated with medication (I am NOT talking about heavy sedatives that would turn your father into a zombie).
Anyway you as his son have a difficult role to play. On the one side you have to show love and support, but on the other also reality. He is your dad, you are supposed to be dependent of him and not the other way around. Now becoming a young adult your lives are bound to take different paths. In NO WAY does that mean he is going to be losing you, but the relationship is going to change. But you'll still be there for him. You help him understand in a way that he is responsible for his life and able as well to get back on track.
The sad thing is if you really play along as he wants you to, you are only supporting his depression. It's extremely hard to find the fine line of how hard you can push him back to life/reality without overdoing it and again worsening his depressions.
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Ryan
post May 12 2007, 05:04 PM
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Yea, i guess that would suck her parents like me and not her, but well its the other way around,, and now i cant even see her or talk to her sad.gif, so i really dotn know which is worse sad.gif, and my dad, im gonan tryt to push him back into reality, but idk, and i just need 1 hour wtih my g/f...alone..just so we can talk about what we can do, or just ateast 10 mins..and i could fix evertyhing, but i cant even get that ;(, but i really dont know, but i really hope everythign works out, and i really appreciate your guys advice, its very helpful smile.gif


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Rock
post May 14 2007, 04:38 AM
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QUOTE (Ryan @ May 12 2007, 05:04 PM) *
Yea, i guess that would suck her parents like me and not her, but well its the other way around,, and now i cant even see her or talk to her sad.gif, so i really dotn know which is worse sad.gif, and my dad, im gonan tryt to push him back into reality, but idk, and i just need 1 hour wtih my g/f...alone..just so we can talk about what we can do, or just ateast 10 mins..and i could fix evertyhing, but i cant even get that ;(, but i really dont know, but i really hope everythign works out, and i really appreciate your guys advice, its very helpful smile.gif


Ryan,

I don't have all the answers, but I can understand where you are coming from and can let you know what I think about this situation you are in. I'm not so sure confronting your g/f parents will help, but if you think it will not blow up I guess it can't hurt. I expect their minds are made up and seeing that she is only 16 makes it extremely difficult to do anything about seeing her right away. I know you need to see her, but it sounds like you will need to be patient and let that situation calm down a bit until her parents loosen up some.

Your dad's situation is much more serious and you need to understand that you can not fix this issue. Definitely sit with him and discuss. You are certainly old enough to have a heart to heart talk with your father. If you end up moving on and he god forbid does commit suicide, you can't put yourself in the position that it was your fault because you left. He is a grown adult who needs help. A good idea is for you to talk to your dad about getting some help. There are plenty of organizations that can help him with his problem. Maybe you could both do it together so he feels he has the support from his family. He feels alone and worthless, everybody is leaving, so it is very likely that his problems will get worse not better if he does not get it under control.

As far as guitar, well if it makes you feel better then that is what you should do. Keep playing!

Rock
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fkalich
post May 14 2007, 07:39 AM
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Graduate hs. Get a student loan, make sure you apply and get whatever grant money you can get. Make sure you find out. Enroll at K-State or KU or some other state college, and get away from that situation. I would not do any drugs for anything, ever, under any circumstances. you now see how much good drug use does anybody. I could show you my college transcripts, where I quit smoking grass, and started again, and quit. and that was just grass. You can see that clearly in my grades. Seriously, adults take care of their children, forget that other way around bit, up to your old man to pull himself out. He is an adult, does not need for you to be shouldering this. This was pure selfishness on his part. self-destructive selfishness, but selfishness. Your life is long. While you may think that gf was the one, the odds of that being so are maybe 1/1000, statistically. Very few that I knew at that age stayed together, very very uncommon. People just don't settle down that quickly, such is life. Nothing wrong with that. Sure you love her. It changes 999 out of 1000 times, such is planet earth. Are you going to win the lottery? Could happen. Not sensible to think it is likely. Don't let this screw up your life guy, you have to pull yourself out of this mess, and you are going to have to make the effort. You have no choice. If anyone around you wants to be a screw up, well that is their call. You have to take care of yourself first, that is the only way you will be any good for anybody else. don't ever let yourself be dependent on anyone, and that includes a girlfriend. nothing good can come out of it. You take care of yourself, and the rest will take care of itself. You don't take care of yourself, and nothing is going to work out worth a darn. Such is life.

Get out of that crazy situation in a sensible fashion, and don't look back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_M5Yh9Vl-PQ

This post has been edited by fkalich: May 14 2007, 08:09 AM
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Ryan
post May 14 2007, 08:29 AM
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well fkalich, i see where your coming from with the 1/1000 thing but guess what...............me adn her are that 1....no doubts about it..and id really appreciate it if you dont tell me what i think...because guess what again...I "KNOW" SHES THE 1...and i would put my life on it, because if she left me..or i left her...there would be no life for either of us..we would just die..literally..im never gonna leave her..and honestly..were the best couple in the world..and were alrdy pretty much married..its just not on paper!!!!!...and the thing with my dad...thats getting better..im not so worried aobu that now..but now i have found a way to see my g/f...every night now...(she lives in another tonw..about 10 mins away) im gonna drive to her house aroudn 11pm..and stay there outside her window for a longgg time...EVERY SINGLE NIGHT TILL SHE TUNRS 18...just so i can see her and talk to her...


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MickeM
post May 14 2007, 08:53 AM
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QUOTE (Ryan @ May 14 2007, 09:29 AM) *
well fkalich, i see where your coming from with the 1/1000 thing but guess what...............me adn her are that 1....no doubts about it..and id really appreciate it if you dont tell me what i think...because guess what again...I "KNOW" SHES THE 1...and i would put my life on it, because if she left me..or i left her...there would be no life for either of us..we would just die..literally..im never gonna leave her..and honestly..were the best couple in the world..and were alrdy pretty much married..its just not on paper!!!!!...and the thing with my dad...thats getting better..im not so worried aobu that now..but now i have found a way to see my g/f...every night now...(she lives in another tonw..about 10 mins away) im gonna drive to her house aroudn 11pm..and stay there outside her window for a longgg time...EVERY SINGLE NIGHT TILL SHE TUNRS 18...just so i can see her and talk to her...

Sure bud, stick to your girlfriend, you shouldn't give love up because of statistics. Just make sure that sitting outside her window don't go against her perants wishes, they will find out and that will put you guys in an even worse spot.
May be they are afraid to let their girl be around your dad if they know he does drugs. Bad environment for her, for any kid for that matter.
Mark my words when I say your dad needs help. If drugs got him stuck he will sacrifice anything and anyone to do them, just if he knows you will put him in rehab or if he ses it hurt you he will find ways to do it even more secretly.
It's a lot of responsibility for a yourng man like yourself to deal with, but make sure the help he gets is professional and do what you can to support him. But if things go wrong, it's never ever your fault.


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Ryan
post May 15 2007, 02:11 AM
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Yea thanx Mickem, my dads problem is getting better now..my parents arent fighting as much..but the g/f thing..yea well im not gonna run away from it and go off to college..just because im not SUPPOSE to see her..i dont run away from my problems..and your right...dont give something up because of statistics..because then you wont get no where in life..i hate statistics, because it makes me feel like my life is worth nothing, and that im just a number!!!!!


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Eat-Sleep-andJam
post May 15 2007, 03:10 AM
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Well first off im sorry. Of course that had no effect on you what so ever because truth is I have no idea what your going through. Choosing a parent, well keep in mind it is a big choice but your still going to see both of them. But people have told me this so many times and well " Shit happens , just got to clean it up. I mean I know a kid whos parents both died in a fire. Be thankful eventhough it may seem like a pile of shit way to big to clean up, youll get through it. Times like these inspire great music to be written. Keep that in mind. And do what you have to do to get through it.

"A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune."- - Unknown Author


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P.s- If it makes you feel better me and my g.f are having major problems so im kinda in the same boat as you


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Ryan
post May 15 2007, 05:37 AM
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yea, and i like that quote and its very true, and im gonna remeber that forever!!!! and yea i know my parents situation could be LOTS AND LOTS worse, yes, and im glad its not, but still its a problem, 1 of the biggest i might ever have to face in my life, and this g/f problem well thats the worst in the world, just htink of it this way...having the love of your life tooken away from you, adn you being told you can never see her again, no matter what you do...........thats pretty much has just ahppend to me..and yes..i have found ways around things..to see her..but its only like 10 mins...once a week.....thats better than nothing..but this not seeing her lots..is really f***ing killing me!!!!

edit: and well i guess this is GREAT GREAT writing material for music, but right now...i dont care, just until its over, and well ill use it, but never be glad, or nothing, because i have it, and knowing what i had to go through........it sux sad.gif

This post has been edited by Ryan: May 15 2007, 05:40 AM


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