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> World's Hottest Sausage !
Ben Higgins
post May 20 2012, 07:42 PM
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No, I'm not talking about myself.. I'm talking about this

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/sizzler--butcher-...grenades--.html

Made with an ingredient that is used in hand grenades ! laugh.gif


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DeGroot
post May 20 2012, 07:55 PM
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Goodness...

I'm all for hot food but I thin I would avoid something where the chef is wearing a welding shield. biggrin.gif



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Ben Higgins
post May 20 2012, 08:01 PM
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QUOTE (DeGroot @ May 20 2012, 07:55 PM) *
Goodness...

I'm all for hot food but I thin I would avoid something where the chef is wearing a welding shield. biggrin.gif


Yeah... and when hospital is mentioned it doesn't give you a feeling of confidence does it ?? tongue.gif


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Sensible Jones
post May 20 2012, 08:10 PM
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Reminds me of this from a while back:-

Texas Chili Cook Off (Humor - Warning: Rough Language)
Internet | Somewhere in the past | Unknown Texan

Posted on 11 October 2001 04:27:12 by Sen Jack S. Fogbound

Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy Shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! !

CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

FRANK: You could put a #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit, to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

FRANK: - - - - - Mama?- - - (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).


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Ben Higgins
post May 20 2012, 08:21 PM
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QUOTE (Sensible Jones @ May 20 2012, 08:10 PM) *
Reminds me of this from a while back:-


Oh that was priceless !!! laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif


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VilleFIN
post May 21 2012, 01:53 PM
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What's the point doing stuff like this ? huh.gif

QUOTE
I don't know anyone who's managed to eat a whole one yet.


But sensible Jones !! You gave me a lots of laughs with this story. Thanks !! laugh.gif


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Sensible Jones
post May 21 2012, 03:29 PM
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QUOTE (WeePee @ May 21 2012, 01:53 PM) *
But sensible Jones !! You gave me a lots of laughs with this story. Thanks !! laugh.gif

biggrin.gif biggrin.gif


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Ben Higgins
post May 21 2012, 03:31 PM
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QUOTE (WeePee @ May 21 2012, 01:53 PM) *
What's the point doing stuff like this ? huh.gif


Just a publicity stunt I think smile.gif


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carminemarotta
post May 21 2012, 03:32 PM
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Ben
if I eat it will I play faster than Paul Gilbert?

Carmine
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Ben Higgins
post May 21 2012, 03:36 PM
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QUOTE (carminemarotta @ May 21 2012, 03:32 PM) *
Ben
if I eat it will I play faster than Paul Gilbert?

Carmine


No, but you'll run faster to the toilet than Paul Gilbert ! biggrin.gif


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Cosmin Lupu
post May 21 2012, 04:07 PM
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QUOTE (Sensible Jones @ May 21 2012, 02:29 PM) *
biggrin.gif biggrin.gif


JESUS CHRIST MAN! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LITERALLY, I AM ON THE FLOOR =))))))))))))))))))))))))

QUOTE (Sensible Jones @ May 20 2012, 07:10 PM) *
Reminds me of this from a while back:-

Texas Chili Cook Off (Humor - Warning: Rough Language)
Internet | Somewhere in the past | Unknown Texan

Posted on 11 October 2001 04:27:12 by Sen Jack S. Fogbound

Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy Shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! !

CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

FRANK: You could put a #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit, to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

FRANK: - - - - - Mama?- - - (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).


I HAVE TO SHARE THIS!! I haven't had such a good laugh in a LONG LONG time biggrin.gif

This post has been edited by Cosmin Lupu: May 21 2012, 04:08 PM


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Saoirse O'Shea
post May 21 2012, 04:18 PM
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QUOTE (Sensible Jones @ May 20 2012, 08:10 PM) *
...

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came...


Shame on you that you needed directions!




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Sensible Jones
post May 21 2012, 06:02 PM
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QUOTE (Cosmin Lupu @ May 21 2012, 04:07 PM) *
JESUS CHRIST MAN! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LITERALLY, I AM ON THE FLOOR =))))))))))))))))))))))))



I HAVE TO SHARE THIS!! I haven't had such a good laugh in a LONG LONG time biggrin.gif

biggrin.gif biggrin.gif

QUOTE (tonymiro @ May 21 2012, 04:18 PM) *
Shame on you that you needed directions!

Absolutely Tony! It's all about the Priorities!!
biggrin.gif biggrin.gif


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