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> Gmc Songwriting Collaboration (!), Let's write a song together!
Gabriel Leopardi
post Oct 18 2014, 06:15 PM
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Wou! I'm amazed of how great this one is evolving! The last sample is sounding killer!! It has a very interesting and heavy vibe but at the same time it has a very unique style. Keep the great ideas coming guys and girls! smile.gif


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Kristofer Dahl
post Oct 18 2014, 09:29 PM
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QUOTE (Amir Razmara @ Oct 18 2014, 05:51 PM) *
Here is an up date. I have added a measure before bleez's part and a scratch riff for the chorus and some variations for the riff at the end.


I really liked the break before Bleez' riff, and actually I am really excited about testing something like that without any drums. Watch this space! And you are so right in thinking we need some kind of transition there.

The chorus riff sounds cool, but I am not sure it's a the kind of chorus riff I'd like to hear. The reason being that I like to hear strong chordal movements (don't get me wrong - it can definitely be a single note riff - but I still want to hear some kind of classic chord changes in there). I think this is a necessity to get a strong vocal chorus melody going (well at least if I am to try and write/sing vocals - I am sure people like Chris Cornell don't have these kinds of limitations...)

Btw I want to say it's really great to get your contributions. Not only are we creating a really cool song together - but we also have the exact discussions I was hoping for! smile.gif

If you want to give it another shot you are more than welcome! Or maybe your chorus idea just needs some drums to shine? You never know. Or perhaps you should get back to your idea of doubling the tempo, maybe that is combination with some strong chord movements will create a bombastic chorus recipe for this tune?


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Amir Razmara
post Oct 18 2014, 11:18 PM
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I will try...I'll stretch my head to see what may be more fitting for the chorus. Do you have any suggestion regarding the key for the chorus?
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Kristofer Dahl
post Oct 19 2014, 11:21 AM
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QUOTE (Amir Razmara @ Oct 19 2014, 12:18 AM) *
I will try...I'll stretch my head to see what may be more fitting for the chorus. Do you have any suggestion regarding the key for the chorus?

Some brainstorming:

* Maybe the 'Enter Sandman' trick is worth testing, ie going up to F#. However since Bleez' riff feels like Gm to me, I am not sure F# will be as effective. But its definitely worth testing.

* Another option is to stick to Em for the chorus as well, I find that its fully possible to get a powerful chorus without changing key (also it can be cool to save that modulation for the end of the song)

* I had an idea of maybe trying G major key (which is the parallel major key to E minor) - that would also give us a chance to turn the theme of the song into something positive (perhaps how one can move on after experiencing hard times, or something like that).

I have some spare time now and will do some experimenting as well.


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bingefeller
post Oct 19 2014, 11:38 AM
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Sounds great already! I love when the distorted riffs kick in.
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Kristofer Dahl
post Oct 19 2014, 12:54 PM
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QUOTE (bingefeller @ Oct 19 2014, 12:38 PM) *
Sounds great already! I love when the distorted riffs kick in.

Awesome to hear you like the current direction, and yes that old trick of distortion kicking in after a clean section is somehow timeless. It always gives you that 'kick in chest' feeling.


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Amir Razmara
post Oct 19 2014, 05:28 PM
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Hi Kris

I thought perhaps the first verse should be extended...it felt like it was too early to go to bleez's so I inserted a bridge riff that leads to an extended verse...you may need more lyrics if like this idea...it's just a suggestion as we are brainstorming right now, I also added some optional clean guitar at the end encase there is need for more...as for the chorus I'm still not sure about the right idea.



This post has been edited by Amir Razmara: Oct 19 2014, 05:28 PM
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Attached File  Songwriting_collab_draft_3.gpx ( 47.15K ) Number of downloads: 85
 
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Kristofer Dahl
post Oct 20 2014, 03:24 PM
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Thanks Amir - I like the new bridge riff. It's fun to play as well.

I am a little stuck right now. If only we can find a chorus section which excels what we have so far - then we should en up with something really cool.

Here are the options I see:

1 Come up with a completely new chorus section. I have tested some different stuff - but whatever I come up with it just sounds like we're adding too many sections. At this point in the song I feel something must repeat - unless we want to go into some experimental progressive genre.

2 Use Bleez' riff as chorus. It is a cool riff and this could work, however ideally we would keep it where it is now and come up with a cool chorus (more is more!?)

3 Completely skip Bleez' riff and come up with a new chorus section. This is probably the easiest option - if we remove Bleez' riff we can get away with introducing a new element/section. However I like Bleez' riff and if we can keep it and come up with a strong chorus - I think the solution will be cool with a lot of character.

4 Keep the sections we have so far (mix), and use a variation of the intro idea as chorus, this is what I am experimenting with now. The listener is already familiar with the intro - so if we can make it more rhythmic and bombastic with some cool harmonies we should be home.

I hope that made sense.


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bleez
post Oct 20 2014, 08:00 PM
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a couple of ideas......

if it repeated what we have after the intro twice, you could add on a chordy tail part to the end as a possible chorus?
[attachment=39433:riff1.mp3]

or maybe put that chordy part before my riff came in the second time
[attachment=39434:riff2.mp3]



*try to imagine it played less sloppy cool.gif


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Amir Razmara
post Oct 20 2014, 08:04 PM
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QUOTE (Kristofer Dahl @ Oct 20 2014, 02:24 PM) *
Thanks Amir - I like the new bridge riff. It's fun to play as well.

I am a little stuck right now. If only we can find a chorus section which excels what we have so far - then we should en up with something really cool.

Here are the options I see:

1 Come up with a completely new chorus section. I have tested some different stuff - but whatever I come up with it just sounds like we're adding too many sections. At this point in the song I feel something must repeat - unless we want to go into some experimental progressive genre.

2 Use Bleez' riff as chorus. It is a cool riff and this could work, however ideally we would keep it where it is now and come up with a cool chorus (more is more!?)

3 Completely skip Bleez' riff and come up with a new chorus section. This is probably the easiest option - if we remove Bleez' riff we can get away with introducing a new element/section. However I like Bleez' riff and if we can keep it and come up with a strong chorus - I think the solution will be cool with a lot of character.

4 Keep the sections we have so far (mix), and use a variation of the intro idea as chorus, this is what I am experimenting with now. The listener is already familiar with the intro - so if we can make it more rhythmic and bombastic with some cool harmonies we should be home.

I hope that made sense.


Good points here Kris. I am experimenting with ideas as well. Using a variation of the intro idea as chorus makes sense. That is a beautiful intro I must say smile.gif I am sure we will overcome the challenges of writing this song by doing the one thing which we have been doing from the beginning which is allow time for things to develop wink.gif

This post has been edited by Amir Razmara: Oct 20 2014, 08:06 PM
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Amir Razmara
post Oct 21 2014, 08:32 AM
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Here is another draft of this song. I tried repeating the 3rd intro for the chorus....I still think it's not good enough because it sounds typical. It doesn't quite do justice to the intro. But it's Verse, bridge, chorus idea. The Ideas I came up with for the bridge, chorus can be altered if you think that format will work for the song or we can abandon the bridge idea and try to come up with a chorus that would sound a bit more unique and exciting.
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Kristofer Dahl
post Oct 21 2014, 09:19 PM
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Thanks for your ideas Amir and Bleez, you both have very cool variations going on which I hope we will get to use later in the song. I would like to try Amir's bridge possibly on the second verse (after 1st chorus). Also it would be cool to have an extended solo section that goes through a lot of riffs (it might allow us to squeeze in some which we haven't used yet).

I might I have figured out a possible solution for the chorus, it is reminiscent of Amir's latest guitar pro. Because it's so simplistic I need to work out the arrangement a bit more throughly for it to make sense. And I have started recording draft bass and plan to edit some drums tomorrow.


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Kristofer Dahl
post Oct 22 2014, 11:41 AM
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Here is my idea for the chorus section (starting around 2 minutes - and wow as I write this it strikes me that it's a long wait for the chorus!) It uses the same chords as the intro but with two different "turnarounds" and almost has a punky vibe. But it will hopefully be heavier as the mix gets better/tighter and when vocals are added.

I have also added a (sloppy!) draft bass and added a short break before Bleez' section (01:18) as suggested by Amir. At that specific place in the song I am bit worried about adding new sections though - and I felt silence was kinda effective there.

What does everyone think?

Attached File  intro_to_chorus.mp3 ( 4.11MB ) Number of downloads: 89


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bleez
post Oct 22 2014, 12:51 PM
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sounding good to me smile.gif I dont think 2 mins is too long for that chorus, it sounds about right.
after the chorus it would drop back down into the slower sounding riffs? that would be pretty cool cool.gif


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Kristofer Dahl
post Oct 22 2014, 12:57 PM
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QUOTE (bleez @ Oct 22 2014, 01:51 PM) *
sounding good to me smile.gif I dont think 2 mins is too long for that chorus, it sounds about right.
after the chorus it would drop back down into the slower sounding riffs? that would be pretty cool cool.gif

Exactly - that's the plan. Cool to hear you think it will work!


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Amir Razmara
post Oct 22 2014, 06:52 PM
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QUOTE (Kristofer Dahl @ Oct 22 2014, 10:41 AM) *
Here is my idea for the chorus section (starting around 2 minutes - and wow as I write this it strikes me that it's a long wait for the chorus!) It uses the same chords as the intro but with two different "turnarounds" and almost has a punky vibe. But it will hopefully be heavier as the mix gets better/tighter and when vocals are added.

I have also added a (sloppy!) draft bass and added a short break before Bleez' section (01:18) as suggested by Amir. At that specific place in the song I am bit worried about adding new sections though - and I felt silence was kinda effective there.

What does everyone think?

Attached File  intro_to_chorus.mp3 ( 4.11MB ) Number of downloads: 89


Awesome wink.gif sounding good guys...I'm pleased with what we got so far. The song maintains a good feel and solid groove throughout. It can only get better from this point smile.gif

This post has been edited by Amir Razmara: Oct 22 2014, 06:53 PM
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Kristofer Dahl
post Oct 26 2014, 03:46 PM
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Here is an update, I have re-recorded most of the guitars and bass, started adding some layers and dubs, and started editing drums a bit - and some mixing.

Attached File  song_collab_oct26.mp3 ( 4MB ) Number of downloads: 202


edit - see this thread for lead takes.


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Kristofer Dahl
post Nov 1 2014, 04:19 PM
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Ok I have recorded a short vocal line (starting at 00:50) to try to get a feel for what... feel we should go for!

Attached File  song_collab_vocal_test_nov1.mp3 ( 2.04MB ) Number of downloads: 150


Lyrics:
Yesterday I heard you say
Be my man and make love to me

But the problem is this, it wasn't to me!
But to an old and long time friend of ours

What do you do, and what do you say
When your life is about to sway away


Thanks to Amir for pointing out starting with “yesterday” makes more sense than “today”.

Any input is welcome!


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Gabriel Leopardi
post Nov 1 2014, 05:47 PM
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Wou! It's awesome how this song is evolving! I love the powerful vocals added to the first verse, and the lyrics are hard as well. I?m also checking the longer instrumental demo and there are killer sections there.

Do you already have the whole structure in mind? What parts are lacking?


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Kristofer Dahl
post Nov 1 2014, 10:19 PM
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QUOTE (Gabriel Leopardi @ Nov 1 2014, 06:47 PM) *
Wou! It's awesome how this song is evolving! I love the powerful vocals added to the first verse, and the lyrics are hard as well. I?m also checking the longer instrumental demo and there are killer sections there.

Do you already have the whole structure in mind? What parts are lacking?


Thanks for commenting Gab!

Most of the riffs are there (although we will have to try them with vocals - but my gut feeling tells me it should work). I will try adding Amir's bridge riff (see his guitar pro file) in the second verse - and when we come to the long solo section we might add new section(s)/riffs. I am not really sure of the structure though.

For now I think the priority is to get some vocals down. This will also open up for some first solo spots, and hopefully we'll be able to involve some more people.

I also need to tweak the intro some more (it's a bit drafty). And when we have recorded vocals for the chorus, maybe return to the intro add some background choir there as it currently feels a little 'long'.


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