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> Joke Thread?, Clean ones only (GP13 max)
Smikey2006
post Feb 16 2008, 09:36 PM
Post #101


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An old man is living all alone on a farm. His one and only son has been sent to prision and the father misses him very much. One day the father writes a letter to his son.

" Son i am trying to run this farm all alone but it is very hard work. I cannot support a stable crop so this year i have to dig up the garden to plant potatos. Now that i am old it is very hard and i am sad to not have your help with planting like i usually do. I miss you very much and i hope to see you soon. "

The son who is in prision recieves the letter and instantly replies.

" NOOOOOO.. FATHER WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT DIG UP THE GARDEN. PLEASE DON"T DIG IT UP"

The FBI arrives at the old mans home and hastily dig up the garden and much of the surrounding area.
The son soon sends a second letter..

" I am sorry Father but that is all i can do to help from here "


smile.gif... im not very good at telling the joke.. but when i heard it i found it funny smile.gif



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Stevie-Ray-Vaugh...
post Feb 16 2008, 09:38 PM
Post #102


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Haha what a smart kid smile.gif


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But still I want answers, what's the point, what does all this mean?
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The Uncreator
post Feb 17 2008, 03:11 AM
Post #103


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QUOTE (FretDancer69 @ Feb 16 2008, 12:27 PM) *
i dont get it... sort of... blink.gif


Are you a drummer?!?! laugh.gif


Sorry i had to laugh.gif
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Stevie-Ray-Vaugh...
post Feb 17 2008, 06:02 AM
Post #104


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I can sweep so fast that people occasionally die! ph34r.gif






















































...But thats usually only when I hit them with the broom biggrin.gif

This post has been edited by Stevie·Ray·Vaughn: Feb 17 2008, 06:08 AM


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But still I want answers, what's the point, what does all this mean?
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The Uncreator
post Feb 17 2008, 06:10 AM
Post #105


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^Haha, Why do i find that so funny?

Pwnt cool.gif
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edgecrusher
post Feb 17 2008, 05:32 PM
Post #106


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shortest musician joke ever:

two musicians pass by a bar.
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The Uncreator
post Feb 17 2008, 07:14 PM
Post #107


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Hahaha

that is great cool.gif
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Duncan
post Feb 18 2008, 12:35 AM
Post #108


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A homeless man runs into a pub and asks for a cocktail stick. The barmaid, slightly confused hands one over and the homeless man runs out. Five minutes later another homeless man runs in and asks for a cocktail stick. The barmaid hands one over and the homeless man runs out. Then a third homeless man runs in and asks for a straw. The barmaid confused asks:

"Why do homeless people keep coming in here and asking for cocktail sticks and straws?"

The homeless man replies:

"Someone has been sick outside, and the other two homeless guys have got the best bits."
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Smikey2006
post Feb 18 2008, 02:03 AM
Post #109


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QUOTE (Duncan @ Feb 17 2008, 06:35 PM) *
A homeless man runs into a pub and asks for a cocktail stick. The barmaid, slightly confused hands one over and the homeless man runs out. Five minutes later another homeless man runs in and asks for a cocktail stick. The barmaid hands one over and the homeless man runs out. Then a third homeless man runs in and asks for a straw. The barmaid confused asks:

"Why do homeless people keep coming in here and asking for cocktail sticks and straws?"

The homeless man replies:

"Someone has been sick outside, and the other two homeless guys have got the best bits."


....


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Schecter Exotic Star+ Peavey VK
Ibanez Xiphos 707 + Krank Revolution 100
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Schecter 2008 Blackjack
Damage Control Timeline Delay Pedal/Distortion
a laptop that runs protools :'(
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Tuubsu
post Feb 18 2008, 08:06 AM
Post #110


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uuuu... Duncan thats harsh!

a Man just singed his insurance papers on a old crappy cabin he had by the lake...
"What if my cabin burns down next night... how much will I get?"
"About 4-5 years at most"


Man goes to a doctor...
"Doctor, I have strawberry stuck in my bum!"
"Don't worry, I've got a cream for that!"

A dog goes to a telegram office and takes a blank form and writes
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog:
"There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price."
The dog replies "But... That would make no sense!"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!”


--------------------
Anyone can learn to play fast, like anyone can learn to type quickly. But not everyone can write a book.
- Yngwie J. Malmsteen


Idols:

Jason Becker (ex-Cacophony, ex-David Lee Roth, Solo)
Marty Friedman (ex-Cacophony, ex-Megadeth, Solo)
Niccolo Paganini (Solo)
Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen....Duh!)
Frederic Chopin (Solo)

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Outlaw2112
post Apr 19 2008, 04:05 AM
Post #111


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A man gets up one morning to find his wife in the kitchen
cooking, he looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one
of his socks in frying pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came
to bed very drunk," she replied.

Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself,
"I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did the cute little koala fall out of the tree?

Because a hunter shot it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A married man once asked his wife what she would like to have as an anniversary present.

"I'd like something shiny that goes from zero to 200 in less than 6 seconds!" she says.

The man bought her a bathroom scale. His funeral is this Saturday at 2.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK


I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee, and

A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
Standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single." I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I
was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single.

I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual
about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital
status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know
what,
you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

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Did you here that UPS is being bought out by FED EX making a merge together? Their new name is going to be FEDUP

----------------------------------------------
luke skywalker and obi wann are eating out at a chinese restuarant. luke starts throwing a fit and complaining about how hard it is to eat the food.

obi scratches is mustache and goes "luke.... use the forks!"

This post has been edited by Outlaw2112: Apr 19 2008, 03:29 AM


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drummingguitaris...
post Apr 21 2008, 12:15 AM
Post #112


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GRR ALL OF YOU WITH YOUR FASCIST DRUMMER JOKES! tongue.gif tongue.gif

I've been drumming for a lot longer than guitar lol. tongue.gif

So now, it's my turn to get even. biggrin.gif




Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?

A - One matures.



Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?

A - Evidently all of them.



Q - What is the definition of a minor second?

A - Two lead guitarists playing in unison.



Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?

A - Put sheet music in front of him.

Q - How do you make him stop?

A - Put notes on it.



Two guys were walking down the street, One was destitute, The other was a guitarist as well.



Q - What's worse than telling jokes about guitarists?

A - Laughing at 'em.


Q - What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

A - He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.


Q - Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?

A - Neither have I.


Three guitarists collaborated on a book of scales. Each contributed the one he knew.


Q - What are the two most frequent heavy metal guitarist lies?

A - 1. I am not too loud! 2. I have already turned down!


Q - What is a stripper's favorite instrument?

A - A guitar -- the G string is thinner.



There, I have now gotten my payback for all the drummer jokes. biggrin.gif


--------------------
-->Chris D.<--

My Gear:
Fender DG-xxx Acoustic/Electric
Crate GX-15 series
Ibanez GRG170DX Electric w/ FR Trem
My heart, imagination, hopes, and dreams.

My top 5 influences:
Stevie Ray Vaughan
Carlos Augusto Alves Santana
Saul Hudson (Slash)
Eric Patrick Clapton
Kirk Lee Hammett

QUOTE
thedarkblues06 wrote:

jpast wrote:

He wishes he was in the minority. Nothing like making out with guys to stick it to the man. (Pun intended)
(Off-hand comment made about Pete Wentz wishing he was gay.)
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