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> Need Opinions And Suggestions, Especially from parents
Pavel
post Dec 19 2007, 11:11 AM
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Hey my dear shredders!

There is the thing that keeps interfering with my life-plan which i need help with, so here is the short story:

You all know i study at university, 3rd year of Informatics. I love informatics and computers and all that goes with them but i hate my teachers for loads of reasons and one of them is being unprofessional. I have 2 exams left from my 2nd year so now after New Year i am getting into a period of time when i have to finish off all my exams, around 6-7 of them and after that goes the diploma and 2 more years to get a higher degree (just to mention -> the exams are not easy at all and require loads of homework to be done besides just studying).

Second part of my life is guitar, playing, practicing, music, GMC and everything related to it. I don't need to tell you about my passion for guitar and music - you all know it from my lessons.

Here comes the hard part: my mom wants me to finish off the university and start working a full-time job so i and she don't have to worry about my income, money and my overall life. I agree with her about "not worrying" but i don't agree about the office job from 8 to 16 each day.

Now here are the thoughts: maybe i should really quit this whole dream of becoming big guitar player and leave the guitar as my hobby and maybe in the future release a hobby CD, and pursue the IT career? Because these wars with my mom will never end and i am sick of trying to prove her wrong. My dad supports me in my guitar goals but he doesn't live with us and my parents are almost divorced.

So i would like to hear some opinions from those who are parents and have their own kids, that would help.

If you ask me - i don't know - i doubt about everything right now. Maybe it would be correct to let guitar go for a while, finish off the university, start working and let it flow like that?

Please approach this as a "parents to kids" point of view and not like "student -> instructor" point of view.
Thanks a bunch!

P.S. I respect and love my mom enough to quit playing and let her live in peace and happiness.


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muntahunta
post Dec 19 2007, 11:20 AM
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im going to be in the same position as you in a years time so i wouldnt mind seeing some comments here too... although an 8 hour office job isnt too bad, theres still 16 hours left in the day and the human body only needs 6 hours of sleep. so theres 10 hours to go tongue.gif.


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Davide
post Dec 19 2007, 11:24 AM
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Hi Pavel, I can imagine how you feel......... and suggestion are okay...... but I think you have to listen to your heart it´s not an easy decision but the right decision if you make a wise one.
I wish you anyhow the best....


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Pavel
post Dec 19 2007, 11:29 AM
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QUOTE (Davide @ Dec 19 2007, 11:24 AM) *
Hi Pavel, I can imagine how you feel......... and suggestion are okay...... but I think you have to listen to your heart it´s not an easy decision but the right decision if you make a wise one.
I wish you anyhow the best....


It's not easy to hear what my heart is saying because of my mom saying her opinion even louder....


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DeepRoots
post Dec 19 2007, 11:32 AM
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decisions like that are hard, but always worth it as they are so character building. Look at your choices and make a long hard decision for YOURSELF, not what anyone else wants you to do. There are obvious Pros and Cons to both, Good luck choosing though!
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mattacuk
post Dec 19 2007, 11:36 AM
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This is a real toughy I know man ! sad.gif Of course you want to follow your dreams, and why not! especially as you have acheived so much already. And your mom of course loves you and wants the best for you also, so your stuck at a cross roads !!

Is there no way you can work dureing the day and carry on your music studys in the evenings when you get home? You dont have to give you music careers goals up just because your working. If you decided to go to work you still can acheive your musical career if you keep up the hard work, im sure of it ! smile.gif


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Pavel
post Dec 19 2007, 11:43 AM
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There is something i have to quit...either guitar playing or GMC sad.gif University is tough, requires a lot of studying and it's impossible to practice that much, study and make lessons and record for GMC - impossible.

There are at least 3 more years before i start working - so my problem are these 3 years - i can't keep up with everything. If i want to get a degree this year (i mean summer 2008) i have to just study study and study right now.


There is one thing that drives me to more thinking: Rusty Cooley was born in a family of motocross bikers. His dad wanted him to be biker but Rusty sold his bike and bought a guitar. His dad hated him from that day on. But today he's BIG man. Why does it sound so familiar to my case....i'm at the beginning of his story and it already sucks sad.gif

This post has been edited by Pavel: Dec 19 2007, 11:44 AM


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David.C.Bond
post Dec 19 2007, 11:45 AM
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This is definately a tough decision. In your position I would personally go ahead with the IT career, but keep doing music in your free time, and keep pursuing the dream of music as a living. Because one day, if the oppurtunity arises to be able to make a living solely from music, then you can take it, but if it doesn't then you still have the IT to fall back on and you can carry on with the music as a hobby!

I had to make the same decision when I decided to study orchestration and composition over performance. Granted they are both music options, but I decided there was much greater career options as a composer than a performer, and I can still use all my free time for performance related activities.

Hope that helps, and I'm sure you'll make the right decision

David

This post has been edited by David.C.Bond: Dec 19 2007, 11:46 AM


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Muris Varajic
post Dec 19 2007, 12:21 PM
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Hard one unsure.gif
Main problem today is that we have too choose between more or less "wrong" things,
good thing mostly isn't the option,everything is so unsure these days...
Which means that we all have to risk here and there.
As you said Pavel,keeping your mom happy will make you a bit unhappy,and opposite.
Good thing here is that you love IT and computers,
tho fax usually "kills" with unnecessary and unneeded things,taking too much of your time.
Hard decision indeed,try to follow your heart while going for higher degree,
wish you all luck here!! smile.gif


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Dejan Farkas
post Dec 19 2007, 12:22 PM
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You have reached a crossroads and have to decide wich way to proceed, welcome to the adult world smile.gif

It's great that you respect your mother, but the wrong thing would be if you do something to satisfy her, instead of yourself wink.gif

So, to avoid of giving any advice I will tell you my situation

When I was in secondary school, I was playing guitar in some bands and even thinking of leaving school (didn't like to study things that I find not interesting), but my mother didn't let me, she said that I will finish the secondary school and after that I can do whatever I want. I am thankfull to her for that smile.gif

Now, many years after, I have a 9-5 job to pay my bills, managed to buy some equipment to build a small home studio, and basically the rest of my time I spend mainly around music, sport and pets (I wish a day lasts longer) but if you love something you will find a way and time to work on that.
So I don't see that you have to give up your musical career, just to sacrifice some time to finish the studies smile.gif

Especially I don't see a reason to give-up GMC, no one is forcing you to prepare lessons, if you are able to produce even one lesson a month it would be great and someone will benefit from that smile.gif

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide smile.gif

p.s. we usually ask for advice when we know the solution, but we don't like it wink.gif


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Pavel
post Dec 19 2007, 12:36 PM
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The solution we know usually sucks so it's like not a solution sad.gif I was also thinking that way, i mean like: "If i have a job i will be able to build a studio and spend some money on gear and musical stuff..." sad.gif Will see, will see...


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mattacuk
post Dec 19 2007, 12:54 PM
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Well 3 years is a long way off Pavel, who knows what you can acheive by then ! wink.gif

Life usually has a way of sorting itself out I find ! smile.gif


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Chris Evans
post Dec 19 2007, 01:05 PM
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For me mate I would definatly finish your Uni course, after then, I would be more than willing (if I where your parents) to support you while you tried to get a musical career off the ground, your too good to be a "bedroom hero" so its well worth giving it a shot, as your parent I`d help you as much as I possibly could.

At the end of the day, you will have your qualifications to fall back on, there is of course the hard fact of reality that you didnt manage to make it pay, but hey if you`ve given it your best shot and done all you can then I would certainly not class that as failure in any way shape or form.

And what if you do make it pay, thats a win win and I`d be as proud as hell of my kid.

That my two pennies worthfinish Uni then go for it! smile.gif

This post has been edited by Smells: Dec 19 2007, 01:06 PM


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Andrew Cockburn
post Dec 19 2007, 01:47 PM
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Look at it this way - concentrating on Uni is not the death of your music ... it will for sure slow everything down as you will spend less time on it, but it is a kind of insurance. If you get your degree, you can still become a full time musician the day after, or you have the option to make music a hobby for a while whilst earning some good money - its all about options, and you do have options - you are already proving to the world that you can make money out of music (look at GMC!) - a lot of aspiring musicians never get to that stage, and you are way above the norm in the skill level that you have.

From my (admittedly much older) perspective, I don't see that you have any problem other than getting through the next couple of years (I'm not minimizing it, but I don't see it as life altering either). In 2 years time you will have a degree, AND you will be a better musician. At that point you have many, many options smile.gif


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Tank
post Dec 19 2007, 02:09 PM
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As a parent, I'm kind of with your mom on this (sorry).

If I was working it out, to become a working guitarist, you'll either have to:
A: Write something so spectacular, that everyone hails you as the next genius
B: Get out there, and do as many gigs as possible, graft at it, and show the venues that you are a solid, dependable, decent performer.

A is a slim chance bet. B is very doable, BUT, you've got to spend time at it. You may have to be prepared to move to another country, and start up new, playing in bars and clubs 3 nights a week. It may take 2 years of hard graft, to get into the venues that have national press reviews, and to move up into the national music scene. Maybe another year or so to get into the international circuit. And in these first two years, the likelyhood is that the money you make from gigging won't pay the rent. It would be useful to be able to walk into a local company and say "I've got a degree in IT". A daytime job will pay the bills, while the band working in the evening would keep the music going. And then if the music takes off and you are making money, quit your dayjob.

Remember that not every musician who was working (and perhaps famous) 10 years ago, is doing it now. I was gigging as a guitarist full time, I'm not now. At times like that, you have to fall back on any education you've got. You don't want to be job hunting as a 30 something year old, with no qualifications behind you other than "I can play a mean guitar". smile.gif

And I know that three years can feel like a loooonnnggg time. But trust me, it isn't smile.gif No-ones going to look at you on stage in a couple of years and say "Look at that guitarist, what age is he 22?? He's past it!"

I'd say, get your degree over and done with, then pour the next 3 years of your life into serious guitar. Gig like a demon, work hard, and if you make it work good stuff. And if you don't make it work, you're not all the way back at square one.

BTW, I didn't do it the way I've just described. I just strapped a guitar to my back, and got on the first boat away from Ireland when I was around 19. laugh.gif
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Twibeard
post Dec 19 2007, 02:18 PM
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QUOTE (Andrew Cockburn @ Dec 19 2007, 01:47 PM) *
Look at it this way - concentrating on Uni is not the death of your music ... it will for sure slow everything down as you will spend less time on it, but it is a kind of insurance. If you get your degree, you can still become a full time musician the day after, or you have the option to make music a hobby for a while whilst earning some good money - its all about options, and you do have options - you are already proving to the world that you can make money out of music (look at GMC!) - a lot of aspiring musicians never get to that stage, and you are way above the norm in the skill level that you have.
From my (admittedly much older) perspective, I don't see that you have any problem other than getting through the next couple of years (I'm not minimizing it, but I don't see it as life altering either). In 2 years time you will have a degree, AND you will be a better musician. At that point you have many, many options smile.gif

I agree with Andrew.
And as a parent and with a comment from the "peace and Love" generation I have to add:
Studying and education can be fun - it was to me (espesially the partying on the University friday night laugh.gif ). Do what you love, what would you love to do? Maybe you dont love your teachers but if you love studying informatics , and you love the oppotunity of where it will get you, well then study informatics. No matter what you do, everything in life can change in a glimpse, se that as a part of our reality before you make a choise.

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lefty01
post Dec 19 2007, 02:26 PM
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Finish your degree. You'll always have that to fall back on, if you need it. Ya know something? It is not written in stone, that you'll be working in the office for the rest of your life. Having a degree to fall back on, that is never a bad thing. I'm just speaking from experience. I am 39, and in the middle of seeking a degree myself...something I should have done a long, long time ago. Get all the education you can while you are young, without kids, and a wife. Once that happens, EVERYTHING else is put to the side.
You are a wonderul talent. The sad fact is, so many great musicians never "make it", and the few that do...well, sometimes that does not last long. I sincerely wish you all the best in your education and work, as I do with your musical career. You are a huge talent, and a smart guy. How could you not do well in anything you attempt.
Keep us informed on how things are going. We are family..ya know? biggrin.gif
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MickeM
post Dec 19 2007, 02:32 PM
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Being able to live from guitar playing I belive is only for a few out of every skilled musician with that dream. It's easier of course if you have your family on your side since without an income you have to rely on them. Even if you would succeed your dream I bet the first years would be very hard on the economy.

However, my stance with my own kids is that I will let them make their choices in life and I will not interfear but I will do everything to make them succeed. I've learned my lesson from being "tactical" myself and heading for an IT career, mostly to get a well payed job. That's where I am today but frankly... I'm so bored with IT I'm counting the years to retirement... little less than 30 to go.
If I would have thought less tactical in planning my future I still don't know which way I would have gone but how I have felt for the past years it's definitly about music of some sort, more space for it.

So if my kids want to go their ways I will of course tell them that fulfilling their dreams may come at a high cost but never the less if they are happy doing whatever they decide that's more important than a large income. Rather feeding the soul than the wallet is better for yourself, for your happiness. But sadly a steady income is an important fact of life. I can see it from your moms point of view, she sees music business as difficult - which is is - and not a place where to earn money (true for most)


My suggestion to you would be to finish your education, it's only a couple of more years. At that point you either go for an IT job or full out musician. If you fail, you always have your education to fall back to.
If that would get you off on the wrong foot with your mom think about that it's YOUR life and YOUR choises. When you're 65 and look back on your career I hope you'll find that at least your tried your hardest to do what's best for your own happiness. Because if you go from 25-65 always regretting that second choice that will be hard on you.


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Ivan Milenkovic
post Dec 19 2007, 02:42 PM
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QUOTE (Pavel @ Dec 19 2007, 11:11 AM) *
Hey my dear shredders!

There is the thing that keeps interfering with my life-plan which i need help with, so here is the short story:

You all know i study at university, 3rd year of Informatics. I love informatics and computers and all that goes with them but i hate my teachers for loads of reasons and one of them is being unprofessional. I have 2 exams left from my 2nd year so now after New Year i am getting into a period of time when i have to finish off all my exams, around 6-7 of them and after that goes the diploma and 2 more years to get a higher degree (just to mention -> the exams are not easy at all and require loads of homework to be done besides just studying).

Second part of my life is guitar, playing, practicing, music, GMC and everything related to it. I don't need to tell you about my passion for guitar and music - you all know it from my lessons.

Here comes the hard part: my mom wants me to finish off the university and start working a full-time job so i and she don't have to worry about my income, money and my overall life. I agree with her about "not worrying" but i don't agree about the office job from 8 to 16 each day.

Now here are the thoughts: maybe i should really quit this whole dream of becoming big guitar player and leave the guitar as my hobby and maybe in the future release a hobby CD, and pursue the IT career? Because these wars with my mom will never end and i am sick of trying to prove her wrong. My dad supports me in my guitar goals but he doesn't live with us and my parents are almost divorced.

So i would like to hear some opinions from those who are parents and have their own kids, that would help.

If you ask me - i don't know - i doubt about everything right now. Maybe it would be correct to let guitar go for a while, finish off the university, start working and let it flow like that?

Please approach this as a "parents to kids" point of view and not like "student -> instructor" point of view.
Thanks a bunch!

P.S. I respect and love my mom enough to quit playing and let her live in peace and happiness.


Man let me ask you a question. Are you aware that the time that has passed from the moment when you initialised this thread and the point in time where we are now will NEVER come back? DOes that tell you something man? THink about it. Life is too short, you shouldn`t be worried so much about things. Everything is realtive. If you do pursue you IT careed (btw I am pursuing that carrer also and understand you fully) you will slowly get better and better in it and guitar will become "second best". AFter a while you wil see that that isn`t such a bad thing like you are thinking today. I must say that your mom is right. Havnig a steady job is a must, excpecially in IT industry. But you can work other things besides job, when you find the time. Off course you can`t do them very good but hey, you can`t be good at everything in life if know what I mean smile.gif It is not so big deal, so don`t worry so much. Go on classes, do your exams, play your guitar WHEN you have the time, and it will all roll well. It always does. Just don`t worry cause it is not worth it.Worrying does NOT make you a better IT expert OR a better player.

Oh, and you can always do some gigging, playing and recording even when you get a job. My singer is doing his job, and manges to go on gigs, practise, see girls and everything wink.gif PLAN THINGS! wink.gif

This post has been edited by Milenkovic Ivan: Dec 19 2007, 02:43 PM


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Pavel
post Dec 19 2007, 03:04 PM
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Alright, lots of things to think about here...thanks for your posts! Really appreciate it smile.gif


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