It's safe to say my life is going and has been going down the pan for the last 5 years and it's building to it's conclusion it seems right now. Here are the many things that haven't gone in my favour and it's safe to say I need help drastically.

1. My job is terrible. I get paid really well but it's the most depressing work I could possibly imagine and the manager complains at me daily and never tries to help out and he has had a general dislike of me from the start. I HAVE to find a new job. I can't carry on living with this job as every day makes me feel suicidal. I have to change this.

2. My money isn't good as it is and if I lose my job I'm screwed. This next payday in 2 weeks I have finally got into the plus for the first time in 6 years which should be a great moment for me but worrying about losing a job I don't want is overpowering this feeling as I know I'll be thrown back into this awful living and I have so much outgoing each month that I can't cancel and the biggest one doesn't end for good until October time

3. I have lost my love for guitar and more shockingly music. I never listen to music anymore. When people around me play it I get annoyed and tell them to turn it off. I hate the music I play in the band I'm in and I hate that we are now predominantly a covers band. This is dragging me down and the fact I'm useless on guitar after playing for near 7 years is demoralising also as I used to play for very large periods of time each day and I seem to have gone backwards.

4. I have like 1 friend that I care about and that is it and this means most weekends I just sit infront of the TV playing games for 2 days straight with about 4 hours for sleep in between.

5. I haven't had a girlfriend in like 5 years and I am getting older and older quickly but unfortunately I am an ugly loser with nothing to offer to anyone.

I have just lost everything over the last 5 or 6 years. I feel I did a degree that is useless even though it is a great degree to have I just don't feel I am good enough at it and I don't think it offers me many opportunities where I am now. And also I hate the UK and want to move badly anywhere else.

I just feel that over my whole life I have made wrong decision after wrong decision and I wonder whether things will ever be good for me.

If anybody can help me then I'd be very grateful as I am terrible currently.

1) It's never too late to get a new job... hold out those 2 weeks remaining and than quit, I'm sure you can find something better.

2) Money isn't everything in life.. and as I said, I'm sure you'll find another job and things will be fine.

3) Maybe the fact you have been practicing music so hard for 7 years got you a bit fed up with it... give it some time, maybe you'r love for it will return. about the band, if you'r unhappy about the direction the band is going, I think you can leave them, the UK is a large country, I'm sure you can find a band more suiting you.

4) Some people don't have any friends they care about, so consider yourself lucky having even just that one great friend.

5) The reason you don't have a girlfriend, is probably BECAUSE you think you'r an ugly loser, I don't know what to say to make you feel better on this subject, but maybe you should talk to a proffesional about this.

Basiclly, what you described, are problems most of the people on the world have in some way, really nothing special.. and you'r just bloating it all up into one huge rain cloud, best thing I could tell you to lift your spirits up is that everyone got down points in their life, sometimes it's a period of years, but most of the times, people get out of it and step into a good point in their life, so instead of focusing on the low points of you'r life, try finding the high points, the things that make you happy, and work on those.

Hello mate. Sometimes problems don't seem so bad once you feel as if you've told someone about them, or once you've got them out of your head and in/on to a place where you can look at them, and actually see what's going on. So I hope that you feel at least a little more crystal about what is going on now that you have typed that.

Jobs tend to be terrible, that's the unfortunate truth. I'm not sure if you are aware, but the UK has had a pretty harsh snow attack recently. I say pretty harsh, I mean pretty harsh compared to what we are used to. It was actually a relatively feeble attempt on nature's part - but there were days when more than 7 million people called into their workplace saying that they would be unable to make it in to work because of the snow. Now how many of those 7 million do you think were just using the snow as an excuse to not have to work?

I don't know who you are or what you do, but you're in a job at the moment, and that's a great starting point for finding another one. People are often a bit iffy to employ those who are unemployed, so if you do find any jobs that you want to go for, the new employer will certainly have 1 point down on you for already being in a job. That's a good thing. If you were also a little happier/nicer/more enthusiastic in your current job, you might find that you enjoy it more, and perhaps the manager is a little nicer too. The world works like that. Try to stick it out, because you've already experienced what financial issues are like.

You probably aren't listening to music anymore because you're so drained. If you're not enjoying work, and you're not doing much at home besides playing video games and not sleeping properly, then you'll have a combination of depression and cabin fever. It's a long dull road that I am venturing down myself, and trust me when I say sleeping pills and anti-depressants aren't fun things to deal with. You need to try and sort your working life out so that during the day, you don't feel so worthless and unfulfilled, and you need to find things to do during your spare time. Set yourself some things to accomplish. Partake in an enjoyable activity. It doesn't matter what it is. You could start a martial art or something. The feeling of accomplishment often makes you feel much better, regardless of what it is. Even if it was something like "get to the next mission/chapter/level in this game, learn how to play 3 Am pentatonic licks and tidy the kitchen". It doesn't sound much, but the fact you set yourself those tasks and completed them will make you feel better about yourself.

Meet some more people as well. I can vouch that practically everyone on GMC would like to meet up with you, so you have a lot more than one friend. We all know that there are loads of people out there waiting to be met, so you have nobody to blame for yourself for your lack of socialising. You could walk out of your door right now and say hello to 10 people, and if you play it right you might get their number or have a drink with them.

The way you look rarely has anything to do with whether or not you have a girlfriend. You need a personality. Some confidence, a bit of a sense of humour, and something interesting to say. Even guys who are famous for being good looking would be pretty tiresome if they were depressed and drained. The way you act will say so much more about yourself than the way you look, so if you can pull yourself together to a point where you're not feeling so terrible, getting a girlfriend won't be difficult. I mean, come on, girls dig musicians. It's just biochemistry.

Well I am not a big authority in judging mens appearances, but I watched one of Your videos some time ago ( maybe the MTP entry was it? ) and I don't think You are ugly, most guys are know looks worse:P Besides You play the guitar, and You are not bad at singing, so finding a girl should be a piece of cake! After breaking with my girlfriend recently, I was quite surprised how many girls are lonely and quite desperate in finding a boyfriend...

When it comes to job and money I can't really help, I don't understand the UK way of living when it comes to that... Credits and debts all the time, and paying them forever.. But hey I have 1 electric guitar, and You have 5..

As for friends, well if You have more than just a few friends, You don't have them at all... Of course as long as we are talking about real friendship, a close bond between people. But most people just hand on with their colleges, spend time with people they don't know that good, but can enjoy their time with. Maybe You expect bit to much? ( well, I also spend not enough time with people, but that is an effect of spending 5 last years with my girlfriend exclusively.. )

Iluha already gave you great advice man.


Job wise - hang in there and look for other options. You like video games right ? Is there some sort of video game tester job that pays well ? If thats what makes you happy then go for it man !

Money problem - I am in debt right now around 3000$ I know how it feels to be in debt as in different periods of life I had to sacrifice a lot to get things I wanted. Consider yourself lucky that you will be debt free soon and look at it from positive side.

Music problem - Its ok to get "sick" of music but don't stress too much about it man. I think steady practice routine that you can stick to for a week will change your mind towards music. I get the band problem, but you feeling bad about your improvement well there is only one way to deal with that - practice practice practice.

Friendship problem - I also have 1 friend that I can share everything with in life. I don't count my family as they are family of course and I can always share everything with them. You have to choose life you lead ... I feel good having 1 real friend then 20-30 people who are just wasting my time dragging me down - if you get my idea From time to time I do like to socialize with new people, go out with people I used to know from early age, but I would rather be family oriented, play music teach, hang out with people that I really care and have a girl I can share emotions with.


Girlfriend problem - The only problem here is you feeling bad about your outlook. If you go out with the idea to hook up with girl, you will do it - if you believe you will. Even if that means that you get rejected 3 times , the ending result is still there - you hooked up and found new gf. I hope you are not nervous around women and have fear of rejection because if you are you need to start talking and flirting with women every day to overcome that.


Speaking of schools and degrees, things aren't always in life as they seem. In reality it is very hard to find job thats related to something you studied and love.

My advice is get back into music and practicing asap, look for new (game tester) job and go out frequently talk to women and hook up.
I also think that sooner you find new gf, sooner your confidence will boost and all the problems you see now will diminish drastically.

Hope that helps OC

I'd love a games testing or quality assurance job but it'd probably mean having to relocate and I don't particularly want to move away from where I am now unless it's to a new country. The nearest to me is Rockstar who make the Grand Theft Auto series of games.

Thanks for the advice everybody and Darfuria the snow has been annoying to say the least here in Nottingham. I missed 3 days of work last week as we were snowed in. The car wouldn't start and I live 20 miles from work so it isn't easy for me.

I never even go out Pedja unfortunately. I occasionally go out to see my friends bands but that is it and I only talk to my best mate when I go out anyway. I know it sounds weird but I don't think I actually want a girlfriend anymore or a guy friend lol before anyone says anything I think I actually prefer being alone and the job situation is what is really making me down.

I read through most of your post, but unfortunately I cannot really help, as I'm basically the same, except for the fact that I do have a girlfriend, and however happy that makes me, it stills makes me sad when she ain't around, and I'm actually still sad and depressed when she is around.

I went to the doctor today though, who said I was definately depressed, judging from what I described. He gave me some pills, but also gave me some papers so I could go see a psychologist. He said the latter would be a lot more expensive, but I do feel like talking this one out rather than just taking some pills.

Get some help man.

Soon.

You need to work through this stuff.

Take responsibility for making your life better TODAY. Pick up the phone. Call a doctor. And get in there. TODAY.

Its been spiraling downward for 5 years? Why will the next week be any different. What you are doing isnt working. Time to get some help.

What makes things worse is that I really want to help out on here and I haven't done much at all for my wiki thing as I'm just so ill right now and I really am not doing well at all. I can do the wiki articles well I think but I can't do anything at the minute with the state I'm in. I feel sick every day and stress levels are through the roof. I need to see somebody but I don't want to take pills

Sorry to hear O.C., you sound quite depressed, and if you've been like that too long (and I believe you have), you need help from the outside.

Having said that, and I bet you've heard this a zillion times already, you need to focus on the good things. Focus on the good. Remember that. Every time you focus on bad things with a destructive point of view you are one moe step away from happiness.

You obviously know the things you don't like about your life, ok., take a constructive approach, find real solutions, step by step. I know it's hard to do, but it's the only way out of the whole problem.

Believe it or not, of all the things you said, the one that scared me the most is that you say you don't like music anymore. Probably the least of your problems though, but I just can't imagine my life without listening to music, no matter how happy or down I may feel, music just has to be there, it's sacred. Again, I guess everyone is different...

To sum up: you have a job that plays well, a friend, and a band... not everyone can say that, believe me.

I'm scared to see a doctor as well I've spent most of the last 12 months in hospital and at the doctors. I don't want to have to see them every week again.

OC maybe a psychologist will help. There are different types of depression, some of them can be cured only by pills, and some only by talking with the psychologist + "doing the homework he gives You". So first check with one You have, maybe no pills will be needed.

Don't worry about that mate, we talked about it in private messages, you know health goes first. Get better, see a psych/doctor, talk about it with friends, look for new jobs...

I was also feeling really bad not more then 6 months ago...... I dident have a job i was studying on a distance course, i had a hockey coaching job that was really stressfull and i feelt really bad

What i did was i dropped out on the school thing and tried to think of how i can make my life better.....

The tips i can give you is

If you hate your job you cant stay there i mena your job takes up almost 1/3 of your life and you cant be misserable 1
/3 of your life......

Try to find a new hobby, something you think is really fun to do. Anythnig that can cheer you up......

Hang in there buddy there is hope

I wouldn't advise you to go to doctors for depression. I had roommate in Boston who was suffering from depression for long time. He was in cult as younger guy, his guitar teacher messed his head apparently. He went to every treatment there is and even nowdays goes to those shocks that they tie to his brain.
He has bipolar depression, sometimes he is ok most times he is useless for anything.

I have to tell you - don't take any medicine as it wont help.

You need gf, need to go out, find hobbies and meaning to life. Be happy and creative , choose not to feel down man. And make everything happen cause you are the only one that has control in your life - no doctor pills or anything can help you with that!

You know you always look forwards to things that you think are the cause. I looked forward to getting my degree and I didn't even go to collect my degree at the graduation ceremony. I just got it sent to me. I thought I'd be happy to finish 5 years of university and Pedja including my loan I am £18000 in debt I'm just in the positive on my debit and credit cards come next month. Getting out of uni didn't make me happy.

I have literally had one moment when I have been happy in the last 5 years and that was playing an outdoor gig in my home town and playing loud back when I was the lead guitarist and I used to enjoy it on stage. Unfortunately that enthusiasm has gone. I think sorting a new job will get me some happiness. But the one thing I miss more than anything else is playing my hometown with my hometown friends in a band where we practiced hard and played well. I just don't have that anymore.

I'm going to see Judas Priest, Megadeth and Testament this Friday. 3 of my favourite bands ever and I'm not even looking forward to it. My friend said to me today about it and I was like oh that is this Friday. Best buy a coach ticket I guess.

Things like that show to me something is wrong as 5 years ago I would have died to see those 3 play together.


It's difficult as I do feel down about it. I really want to help out and I know I can do it well but I just can't concentrate on anything at all. It's why I've had to pull out of everything I was involved with. I'm sorry to Pedja and Ivan as well as I really wanted to take part in their collabs and I feel like I've let them down I seem to let everybody down.

I'm not suggesting better living thru chemistry. More or less talking to a professional. Getting it out on the table. I think it would help.



Wha????? Priest is one of the greatest bands to ever take the stage. GO CRANK UP PAINKILLER RIGHT NOW!

Hey pal,

Things arent as bad as you think, trust me! Ive been through some pretty rough times in the last 10 years but you have got to just keep trying to make things better for yourself, sympathy and advice is one thing but you have to want to change your life, I had a major turning point in my life at the age of about 23 when i was basically heading for some serious jail time (Where most of my friends were!) but I turned my back on all that and started working to being a better person for myself, but i wanted to do it!!

If you want a sympathetic ear then i would try these guys http://www.samaritans.org/ they are totally anonymous and wont judge you on the size of your problems.

As has been said mate you have degree (i dont) a job (You hate but at least you have one!) a good friend and a hobby, just get out in the world and make it happen, take a rash step and just join in with your local community, whats the worse that can happen? Above all take a good look at what is the root cause and change it, nobody else can make it happen, tust me it can be done!

I'm glad you turned things around. I'm 25 so I like to think I've still got time to turn things around for the better. But I know all too well that I need to sort it now before I miss what are supposed to be the best years of your life.

Sorry to hear this OC. You're such a nice guy to talk with, I never thought you'll had so many problems.

For the job, really try to find something else and in that time just keep your job for the money.
Do you often go out? If not you would try this to meet some new friends who can get you back motivated and maybe a girlfriend. Remember: there's a partner for everyone!

And the guitar thing, I'm sorry to hear you dont like to listen music anymore. Maybe you could stop for a couple of weeks with the whole guitar/music stuff and maybe you'll be back motivated again by listening to your favorite guitarist after that periode... I got this also a couple of years ago.

Hang in their OC. I think the key to life is to focus on people and relationships. I have learned the hard way that money, and posessions can dissapear in an instant. Money and posessions can't love you back either. My only goal in life now is to love my wife and kids and to live in such a way that they will love me bak. If you can get a better job try to but just remember that the grass is always greener. Hang in there OC. It will get better but get some help if you need to.

Monte

Unfortunately I rarely play guitar or listen to music anymore. I will play a lot for a week and then do nothing for 3 weeks. The music thing really worries me as I own over 2000 albums on CD. I think finding a job that I enjoy would cut out a lot of my unhappiness. Say I have a pie chart of depression Well about 30% at least I'd say is down to my job which is a pretty big chunk of pie. You'd certainly get more overweight munching that much pie

Now I want pie. But I think I HAVE to get a new job and quickly. I'm going to update my CV and apply for several jobs and graduate schemes

Hey OC

I was shocked and saddened to read your post. You always seem so bright and cheerful on GMC.

As the oficial "old git" of GMC and as someone who has been through most of what you describe please allow me to give you just a little advice. The last thing you want to hear are cliches and to feel patronised so please excuse me if what I say comes across the wrong way.

My advice is very simple. First get up off your bum leave the tv and computer games off and get outside and get some exercise. I will allow you to play guitar should you want to.

Secondly remember that only you can change your life. Sit down and think about what you want (write it down, it helps, maybe even keep a diary. When you have decided what you want then do it! No one else will do it for you.

Oh and if you will allow me one more you should remember that material things dont matter. The only things that really matter in life are experiences and friendships. And actually you dont need a lot of friends! One or two good ones is all that count.

Im not a social worker but I speak from experience. Feel free to pm me if you want to chat some more and learn how I changed my life around.

Paul, you are a good guy, you deserve better and I hope you'll get that. But I know from my little experience with your critics about your guitar playing that you have a little tendency to overcriticise yourself. First of all you are not a ugly loser man, you participated too much video collabs for me to say so. And I have eyes I can clearly evaluate that you are a nice guy, and definately not ugly. The fact that you dont have a girlfriend for a zillion of years means either 1: You dont look for a girl and you dont think you can manage having one. 2: You are too busy to criticise yourself to feel confident enought to have one. I have to say that you will be a Ugly Looser as long as you feel like that. Try to make peace with yourself! If you cant by yourself get some help! And not with pills, all you have to do talk. To a friend, to a doc to a member of family...
And all this is the basis for your other problems I believe.

One last advice, dont quit your job until you have a saving of at least 5 x Your montly salary. This will give you a good start for the process of searching a new job.


Hope things get a little better by the way. Take care! And dont forget, we are here if you want to share further.

Can

Hey OC

All I can tell you is that you are the one that can change things for yourself, quit the job, move wherever it makes you happy, you are young and smart, so now it is the time to take chances and make changes.

I've been depressed, but fortunately was able to come out of it by changing a few things and going back to doing what I love. You can do the same.

Amen!

Exactly mate, its all a matter of perspective and you just need to take stock of your life and make some key changes (pardon the guitar pun!) just set little goals for yourself, a change of image, change of scene, change of outlook on life, before you know it you will be a whole new person. It does happen because ive seen people turn their whole lives around, but they didnt do it by playing video games, you got to want it to happen!

Sorry to hear that you are not doing so well OC.
Can not really give any useful advice regarding life issues, but just wanted to let you know you have some friends here. Virtual friendships are maybe not that rewarding, but behind that you have real people who care ... and they do

Hey man, I know you know what I know about anxiety and depression and we've talked about it before so won't bore you with that again!

Seems to me you feel a little out of control, as if your life is now being steered in directions you haven't chosen. Maybe what would do you good is start doing things that you can control. Work towards something, start thinking what work CAN do for you. Why not save up some money and go away for a bit? You could even go traveling for as long as you want.

My girlfriend is also feeling rubbish about her job currently and we're in the middle of working out plans for her too. She's been signed off due to stress for a week, so we can try and see what changes we can make to make her life a little less stressed.

You could always do the same, go see your GP and explain what mental effect your living situations are having on you at the moment, and they'll more than likely suggest taking some time off to think about what you want.

My personal advice to all of this is to look at ways in which you can change what you're unhappy about and then, aslong as you've thought it through, IMPLENT them.

For example, you hate that your band is a cover band. Tell them you don't want to play covers, if they say they'er only interested in playing covers - find a new band. I know you've said that you think that it might be hard to find new members, but you'll never know for sure unless you try. Come up with a little flyer type advertisement and stick them up in your favourite pubs, gig venues etc and say what kind of music you want to play and leave an email for people to get in touch. If nobody does, at least you've gone out there and tried.

With the girlfriend issue, this is a more complex one. Normally it would be good to recommend you sorting yourself out before looking for a lady, because you could either get co-dependant or dependant on them for your happiness. Also you want a potential lady friend to see you at your best mentally, so they can really get to know you properly

I know they're a bit of a tabo subject and heavily sneered at and joked about, but dating sites are GREAT in my opinion. Be it just for some mindless fun and flirtation online with out any commitment, its good fun. Plus it can help loads with confidence just talking to people. If you want to meet someone for a more serious relationship, well... I met my girlfriend on match.com, we both went on as a joke and ended up meeting each other after clicking so well... We've almost been going out a year and I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with her. So whatever other people say, it can work.

Other things you mention, only really you know the answer to. Just try to think about what you can change or help yourself by doing, then start to make those changes.

Hope this helps mate There's always lost to look forward to weekly!

What do you do in your current job now?

Sorry if I missed that already.

It seems important that your employment be a source of happiness for you. Is that true?

I know its not for everyone. Is it for you though?

Have you ever asked yourself a question about you being responsible for your life, and you being the solely person responsible for your current situation? I believe that you are the only one that can make the change, nobody can help you to do that, you gotta say no to your bad habits, and things that you feel you don't want to do, and gotta say yes to all the things that you think will make you happy. Write all those good things and bad things on a paper, and make a plan about putting them into action. Be hard on yourself, and say that you really need that if you wanna make it through depression. Don't step back, be brave. Life is short and you gotta live it properly man. Try to find a better job, try to hang out more, and try to talk to girls more, and you will slowly overcome the issues. Nothing comes without hard work in life, and you can't deny everything, and quit living your life. You gotta respect yourself, and really try to make your life better for yourself. The easiest thing you can do is sit and do nothing, and then the depression will knock on your door.

IMHO Your depression is nothing else than a sadness because you are subconcously feeling that you are not living the life you want and desire. You cannot explain it but you can feel the depression. It's not a dissorder, just a natural way for your brain to say - enough of this - I want to live!

Yeah it's very important to me as I lack motivation otherwise and find it difficult to actually get to work on time otherwise. I do a job involving pilot training and sorting out training regimes and it sends me to sleep it is so dull.

I was an idiot again yesterday. Went to bed on Sunday night at 4am Monday morning after playing games all Saturday and Sunday. Then got up for work at 8.30am on Monday morning and worked till 6pm. Then got home at 7 and played games till 4am again and got up for work at 8am. I feel dreadful and it isn't good

I'm going to limit myself to 2am bedtime tonight.

Something good is happening though. On March 22nd we're playing our first originals gig since August 2008 and it's at a venue we have never played.

With all respect, I have to butt into this one. Light to moderate depression can usually be alleviated simply by going to a psychologist or psychiatrist, who will likely give cognitive behavioral therapy which studies show has promising results. Heavier depression is usually treated with a combination of drugs and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Never, ever would a good doctor or psychologist (usually a doctor of clinical psychology) recommend you only take pills.

I'm afraid they'd hook me up to an electric generator lol and give me shock therapy and turn me into a zombie Many wouldn't notice the difference though

OC, in your case I'd seriously recommend professional help. And don't worry, nobody is going to give you electroshock therapy against your will. In my quasi-not-so-professional opinion from what I've seen, cognitive behavioral therapy will work out great for you. I personally am against pills somewhat (hence the reason I study psychology rather than taking the medical route to psychiatry), but still, I've seen light usage of prescribed drugs work miracles in support of cognitive behavioral therapy. ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) is a radical step you need not be afraid of. (Which also doesn't turn you into a zombie, mind, but actually has some spectacular results with very few reported side effects.)

I'm still in my teens and don't have that much experience with life yet, but there's nothing said in this thread that doesen't make sense
When life keep givin you apple after apple after apple... You take those apples and make apple-pie for a change!
That comparison sounded better in my head, but my point was: Changes you feel is for the better (as in your job) is almost always good =)

You're a nice guy, and GMC wouldn't have been the same without you!
I've heard you sing as well... Which girl can resist a man who both sings and plays guitar?

A girl with ears in my case

Dude, not the best person to tell you this, but gonna say it anyways...Imagine not having that friend, imagine not having a job at all, imagine having nothing, failled at everything, imagine that, it might hurt, but than you'll give more value to what you have. I don't wanna insult people who are trying to help, but in my opinion, nothing that is said can help you, it can make you feel better for 5 minutes before you start thinking why did nothing change with what has been said...The only thing I can recommend from my experience is either give up or fight against it...For some time I was like "This will end with me dead or happy..."...Your choice, you can always fight, you can always work...Speaking of my case, I'm just waiting for death to come...

Dude, hang in there. Your depression will go away.

I had a depression last autumn, and it lasted about a month before it went away. Having a depression was bit strange for me as I am usually very happy person, even when things were bad. When my depression hit me, I didn’t want to do my usual hobbies that made me happy. I had overwhelming “gray” feeling over me, but went away. I did some research and usually depression lasts about 4 to 6 weeks but goes away eventually.

Everyone will feel depressed sometimes, this is normal, so hang in there.

Unfortunately mine has been for 4-6 years But I'm still trying my best to get through it.

Thing is OC, that these are the problems almost everyone gets at a certain point in their lives. They are the most common of all issues. The time to get over it depends on how you deal with them. You are still a young guy, and you still have so much ahead of you.

This may sound a bit cliché but that's because it's true. People are always looking for new and better chances. Instead of thinking about the things that bother you, you could try looking through a different perspective. You are healty... Youve got tallent, and from what I noticed on the forum you have a good personallity. Your heart is on the right place.

About the whole girlfriend troubles. We all have them sometime! It's better to wait, and when the time comes you will find someone who is good for you. Don't worry too much about what you have to offer. you are YOU, and it would be wrong to try and be someone else. That would be like lying to yourself. Don't force anything. There is no such thing as "the right age" to get a girlfriend, or get married.

I don't know you that well, and I'm (thankfully) not a psychologist. So I'll make a lot of assumptions here, and I may be completely off (in that case, excuse me), but here goes...



There's a strange paradox in that type of situation, which is: The people who tend to stick to their job even if they hate it, are often also the kind of people who would have a very easy time finding another one. Because that kind of person is exactly the kind many employers want the most. There's a strange sense of commitment -- which trancends the money issue you mention, whether you realize it or not -- and it's in effect no matter if you like the job or not. Which means you really ought to use that commitment on something you like There's no point in staying at a place you don't like -- especially in your case. It's no good for you, your workplace or your colleagues.



Which is why you may need to find a different job before you quit this one. But as others said, the smallest component of "awful living" is the money. Work tends to be half our waking hours -- at least -- so it should be worth it. And complement -- not counteract -- what we do in our spare time.



The backwards part comes with any instrument at some point -- it's the exact point that needs the hardest work to get past. But it's not helping if the rest of your life is dragging you down, and I still see the work issue being the main part, because it will drain your energy for all the other stuff -- the stuff that actually matters.



Many people have 150 "friends" they don't care about at all, some have none at all. You're much better off than both of them.



Here's the lack of energy and depression talking. In my mind, you need to take care of the rest of your issues, and then you'll have lots to offer.

And, as others have said, there's no "right" time to have a girlfriend, get married (if at all), or any of that. And "youth" seems to me to expand with each generation, to the point where the 20's are the new teens, the 30's are the new 20's etc. In other words, at the moment, you have all the time in the world.



I'm almost positive that you feel you're not good enough at it for two reasons:

1. You're not using it -- and you should
2. You're a perfectionist, which goes with the territory of commitment mentioned above. You'll generally want to please -- and impress -- everyone or as many as possible.

Recommendation: Pick up a few job ads, write an application for some of them, and try to get to an interview, even (or especially) if the job is really not for you. Like, your qualifications might match, but they want you to wear a suit and tie to work; you don't like their business style or whatever. But do go even if you think you're "not qualified enough". In short, go to an interview, knowing that you don't want the job. There's no pressure, nothing you can "fail" at. Just present yourself as you are, don't exaggerate anything.

You might get the job (and then you can decline), you might not (and it's no big loss), but I think you'll be surprised how interested most interviewers will be in what you have to offer. And you'll have some valuable experience for the job interview that does matter.



They always will.

There's a concept known as "existential crisis", which generally happens a couple of times in a lifetime. A lot of people know one of those cases as "midlife crisis". It's generally when you reach a point where you start questioning if your priorities in life have been the right ones.

Everyone (except the most shallow ones ) gets -- at the very least -- one. Because life is constant learning. And, to my mind, the earlier you get such a crisis, the better for you. The ones worse off are those who have a streamlined path through their life, only to regret their choices at 70. I had a crisis rather early, and ended up changing my priorities to the point where there's not really much of my "personality" left from my teens -- thankfully. Took a lot of thinking; a lot of new, really bad, choices; quite a bit of collateral damage left behind... but I think I ended up a better person.

As for "living through chemistry" (because, yes, you may also be dealing with depression here)...

Thankfully, I haven't had a real depression in my life -- other than a couple of brief visits in my teens to what Ann Shulgin calls "the valley of the shadow of death", short (30 minutes or so) bursts of complete meaningless, which are very gracious compared to depression in that they passed, very quickly, by themselves (almost).

I do, however, know plenty of people who have had actual depressions, and what I've come to believe is this:

The way the brain works, the more an area is used, the more it gets strengthened and the more it's likely to be used again to the point of exclusion of other parts. If you stop using a part, it will gradually be weakened and less likely to be used again. That's a very layman way of describing how neurons work.

Now, I compare the clinical type of depression to the mind being stuck in a room with locked doors. A depressed person will need to escape that room and explore others. But the more he stays in that room, the thicker the walls get, the more elaborate the lock gets, and at some point the walls will be so thick and the door so hard to unlock, that trying to get out "naturally" just won't work.

What medicine against depression does then, is unlock the door, or break down the walls if you will. It does this indiscriminately, which explains some of the side effects of such medicine. In any event, you still have to actually leave the room and explore other areas, and resist the temptation to stay in that room again for a while, in order to weaken its walls when medicine is no longer used. That way, the medicine isn't something permanent, but only an aid to let you help yourself "naturally".

I really don't think indiscriminate warnings against use of medicine for depression is helping people.

(EDIT: Few clarifications, and bad grammar-corrections)

Thanks for the help Kaneda. You made a lot of good points. I have applied for some jobs today so hopefully I get an interview with some companies. I don't particular mind wearing a shirt and tie but I must admit I do prefer more laid back environments as I always feel quite ill and find it hard to breathe with a tie on

Depression is horrible and I always used to believe that it didn't exist but I am well and truly battling it. And no matter how your brain keeps thinking it's stupid you still carry on feeling very miserable. I even know why the depression started but that doesn't seem to help. I used to have loads of friends I cared about and played football, tennis, and other sports every day with them so I was really fit. Now I have one great friend who I'm too scared to move away from even though I want some new challenges in America and I'm a beer swilling, curry eating freak now I don't do any sport and all my sporty friends have moved away from my home town and I have moved from there.

I used to have a band back in my home town that always made me happy and I loved practice. I dislike most the members now and they don't care about the band. I write 100% of every song and they can't even be bothered to learn and play them a lot of the time. It takes us 2 months to work up a new song which is pathetic.

Then they don't deserve you =)
If they're just hanging around thinking "Ouphfff.... Fine... Let's play some.... Awhhhh.... Ophhfffmmmmaaah.... iiiiiiih...." then there has to be some other people around who might show some more dedication for music?

Also, drink lots of water... Helps me

You just described my situation, though I've not been in it for as long as you. My doctor adviced me to go see a psychologist, so I'm planning on doing that to get out of this mess.

OC-
You have compelled me to write.
I feel for ya. Been on the depression pills (Lexapro), saw a psychiatrist and changed my enviroment.

I just had a son(2nd child) and its weird. My life seems irrelevant anymore. It puts a lot into perspective.
You are kind hearted and super nice Paul. Ill never forget what you said to me about me when I started to question why I was playing guitar in my frustrations thread.

The point is nothing in this thread will help you unless you stand up and take control of your life. Every action you have done since you have gotten to be 25 is a direct result of your decisions.

If you don't like something, change it.
If you hate your job, find a new one.
If you have nothing holding you back where you live, move.
If you stop listening to music/guitar, then quit.
If don't like not having a girlfriend, go get one.
If you hate playing video games and staying up to 4, then quit doin that.

You see the pattern developing? You have no direction at the moment. It seems you can't decide and accept the consequences of your decisions?

What it boils down to is you need to change because the world WILL NOT change for you.

Everyone one made some great points here. I would really listen to them because what really was the point of this thread? Congrats, you have taken the first steps into seeking help.

For me, want to know what helped me? If your interested feel free to PM me.

Take care brother, I hope you get better soon.
Dan

ps. Move to Miami with Jose. It seems to help everyone I know! lol
I wish I was there!

Thanks for the reply mate. I guess what I wanted from this thread is hope. Stories of people turning it around gives you motivation. I'm not a person to give up. I'm a person to fight no matter what. I know what I want to do and I've written a list of 5 doable goals that I think would cheer me up.

1. Change my job asap
2. Learn to Drive
3. Save Money for moving
4. Find job in Connecticut, USA by January 2010
5. Do more socialising and sports and less games playing

I think those are the most important changes I need to make. I always have struggled with who I am and what I want to become and achieve and it isn't too late to turn things round.

And as for helping you out I always want to help people out. I may have strong views on certain areas and maybe be a bit annoying in that respect but I'm always looking for ways to help people and offer advice to cheer them up. The problem is I tend to be good at cheering others up and bad at cheering myself up

"Now, I compare the clinical type of depression to the mind being stuck in a room with locked doors. A depressed person will need to escape that room and explore others. But the more he stays in that room, the thicker the walls get, the more elaborate the lock gets, and at some point the walls will be so thick and the door so hard to unlock, that trying to get out "naturally" just won't work."

That's a pretty awesome analogy Keneda...

Seems like you need a serious change of scenery... Come to the USA for a bit, move someplace warm, it's not as dreary as the UK!

Hit the nail on the head with that quote.