At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I too had some trouble listening to detail due to the vid being recorded with whatever was used (web cam/phone cam/etc). It's enough to get the general idea of what you are doing though which is all we really need and if this is all you have then it's much better than nothing!!! So use whatever you have and we will work around it
If you do get an audio interface in the future, I'm sure you can get help on setting it up from all of us!!!
As for your take, I see some good work here!! There are some challenging bits and you do a very good job of working through them. I can't hear every single note being played, as mentioned, but what I can hear sounds like you have a very good handle on this REC!!! Technique is solid as is your pacing. Muting is good as well. The technical bits are there. Also, you don't rush or drag which is key. You turn in a solid performance here and you get a 7 from me!!!
I hope to see you in QUICK LICKS and BOOTCAMP as well!!
Todd