Well mate, your problems are because your ear is not trainned yet.
The hard way to do this is to get millions of songs by ear so when you have a melody you'll listen the chords beneath that melody and viceversa, when you have a progression you can hear many possible melodies.
I think the easy way is to study ear training with some method.
There are many, Zoltan Kodaly, David Lucas Burge, I think Berklee has one of their own...
Those methods train your ear in a way you'll recognice the melody and the harmony below that melody.
I hope this helps...
Oh, I almost forgot, obviously that you can get tabs and play songs and be really really aware of the melody and the harmony in that way you also will help your ear to develop
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